


Happy Endings

by netafaye



Category: The 100
Genre: A little fluffy, F/F, Sexual Situations, eventual clexa
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-11
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2018-04-20 05:58:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 35
Words: 124,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4776224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/netafaye/pseuds/netafaye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke helps Lexa through a break up and they fall in love.</p><p> </p><p>Requested fic from Emilypinecommander based on the song Tell Me That You Love Me by Victoria Justice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

 

June

Clarke could hear the music from the stage as she and her best friend Raven Reyes walked along the sidewalk towards the park. The local gay pride event was always well attended but parking was a nightmare. “Seems like I have to park further and further away every year.”

Raven looked at Clarke over the top of her sunglasses that she pushed down on her nose. “If you weren’t such a slow poke and got out of bed earlier we could have gotten here right away and found a closer spot.”

“Some of us had to work last night and I can’t believe you’re so chipper this afternoon. What time did you get home this morning?”

“2:30 am.” Raven picked up her pace as they were almost to the entrance to the park which was designated by rainbow balloons that had been attached to a large metal arch. “Parking sucked last night too.”

“Any cute guys or girls out last night?” Clarke was a nurse at the Polis nursing home and had to work the night before when Raven had gone to the Pride festivities on Friday night.

“Oh yeah a lot of cute girls.” Raven reached into the pocket of her shorts and pulled out five dollars and handed it to the woman that was sitting at the table in front of the arch.

Clarke smiled at the woman that took her money then they walked through the arch. “Did you go home alone?”

A smile spread across Raven’s face. “Yes, nosey I went home alone though if I wanted company I wouldn’t have had any problems finding it.”

Clarke had no doubt that her very attractive friend would have no problem finding any number of women that would have wanted to go home with her _. You were one of them_.

Raven was a physical therapist who worked in the building across from the nursing home. The building also held her mother’s medical practice as well as a pharmacy. Clarke and Raven had met three years ago when Raven came over to the nursing home to do physical therapy on one of the residents. They only dated for four months before they decided mutually that they didn’t see their relationship going and further but both of them had wanted to remain friends and their friendship had made them much closer than their romantic relationship had.

“Oh I have no doubt about that.” Clarke looked around the park. Dozens of tables were set up throughout the park with vendors selling their merchandise and food as well as tables for local agencies providing information about their services. In the center of it all a large stage had been set up. The grassy area in front of the stage was covered with people in lawn chairs or sitting on blankets lying on the ground. “What would you like to do first?”

“I didn’t get a chance to really see what all the vendors had last night. How about we walk around a bit?”

“Sounds good to me.

 

Lexa Green stood in front of the food truck that belonged to her father’s restaurant. This was the first year that Lexa worked the Pride event for her father’s business. She and her girlfriend Costia lived over an hour away but when Lexa’s dad had called her asking for help for the weekend Costia and Lexa drove into town and were staying at Lexa’s parents. Costia was supposed to be helping her but had announced “I’ll be right back” and she had disappeared. That had been over an hour ago.

Lexa had wondered if she had gone to the bathroom, but it didn’t take that long to go even with the long lines. Perhaps Costia had walked to some local businesses to use the bathroom since she wasn’t a fan of Porta Potties. Either way she should have been back and Lexa had just sent her a text. “Where are you?”

She put her phone down to take an order from a customer. By the time she took the man’s money his order was ready and her father handed her the to go container through the window. “Thank you and have a good day.” She handed the man his food. When he walked away Lexa checked her phone. Still no message from Costia. _Where could she be?_ Lexa didn’t know whether to be mad at Costia for ditching her or worried because something had happened to her.

Lexa sat down in a chair and thought about her missing girlfriend and their relationship. They hadn’t been getting along too well lately but Lexa was hopeful that now that she had graduated from college they would have more time together. There were times though when they were not getting along that she was glad that she had class and then went to work. She worked as a sous chef at one of the nicer restaurants in their city and while her work and school had kept her busy she made as much time available as she could for her girlfriend. The only person she ever did anything with was Costia. Her life had been Costia, work and school. There was no real time for friends and except for the occasional visit to her father and step mother she didn’t go anywhere else.

 _Hopefully now we can get away for some weekends like we keep talking about or get the family started that we always wanted_. Lexa checked her phone _. Going away on vacation would be nice. Maybe then we would finally have time to have sex._ If have been over six months since they made love. Lexa had tried to be intimate with Costia but Costia always told her that she was too tired. One week turned into two, then a month had gone by with no sex. Then before Lexa knew it six months had passed. She had tried to talk to Costia about it but those conversations never went anywhere. That is when they actually did talk _. I was hoping this weekend would help us be more intimate._ Lexa had tried to create a romantic mood. She had lit candles, put on some of the music that they use to make love to when they were teenagers and she tried to reminisce with Costia about those intimate moments. Costia had listened for several minutes and then yawned real big before leaning in and giving Lexa a brief kiss. She had said “Love ya” before lying down and turning to face away from her. Lexa knew something was wrong with their relationship. She still loved Costia and wanted to fix whatever was going on between them but she didn’t know how.

Lexa helped a few more customers before sitting back down in her chair. Her long curly dark hair was pulled back in a ponytail. She could feel the sweat trickle down her body. It was very hot out. If Costia ever came back she would go sit inside the air conditioned truck for a few minutes and cool off. She was starting to get worried about where her girlfriend was.

Lexa got in the cooler that was sitting next to her chair and pulled out a bottle of water. She took the bottle and let it rest against the back of her neck for a few moments before taking off the cap and taking a long drink. The awning on the truck provided her with some shade and the music on the stage sounded great. She was able to do some people watching. All kinds of people were there. Men, women and those that were gender fluid. Many people of different races had walked or stopped by their truck. Some people were dressed like Lexa, some wore bright and colorful costumes and a few women wore very little on the top part of their body except for some body paint and a letter. When they all stood together in correct order they spelled “pride”.

As she was scanning the crowd she saw a familiar face two vendors down from her. _Wow, she hasn’t changed at all._ Clarke Griffin and Lexa had gone to school together. They didn’t run in the same crowd but they had been in a few classes and were on the softball team together. _I had such a huge crush on her in high school._ That was until Costia moved to town and then Lexa only had eyes for her, but that didn’t stop Lexa from being nervous whenever she was around Clarke.

Clarke had always been really nice to Lexa. When Clarke and her friends would come into her dad’s restaurant and Lexa would wait on them Clarke wouldn’t let her friends be jerks to her. One time they made a huge deliberate mess and Clarke made them clean it up before they left. One of Clarke’s boyfriend, Bellamy Blake was particularly nasty to her when Clarke wasn’t around but he acted like the sweetest thing whenever Clarke was present. She was glad that Clarke had dumped him. Then their senior year she started dating Finn Collins. Finn was nicer but he was pretty reckless and always doing wild and crazy things. Clarke and Finn had gone off to college. Lexa had heard he died in a motorcycle accident a year after graduating high school.

Lexa wondered what Clarke was up to these days and she would get a chance to find out as Clarke and the woman that she was with were heading her way.

 

Clarke carried a bag in her hand of all the promotional items the businesses and agencies at the Pride event were handing out.

“Do you think you have enough pens and business cards?” Raven asked as they stopped at a booth to look at some homemade soaps and scented wax cubes.

“You can never have too many pens and as for the business cards they have websites I want to check out.”

“I don’t think websites were the only thing you were checking out.” Raven picked up a bar of soap and brought it closer to her face so she could smell it.

Clarke smiled as she thought of the woman that was giving chair massages at her booth. She was cute and was flirting with Clarke shamelessly as she was telling Clarke about the services her business had and how she was very eager to get her hands on Clarke. Clarke was pretty sure that she meant more than just giving her a massage but Clarke wasn’t so sure till the woman handed Clarke her business card. Her cell phone number was on the back. “I can check some women out and flirt. I don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend right now.” Clarke picked up a candle to smell. “This smells amazing.” She held out the candle for Raven to smell.

“Yeah, I like that.”

Clarke took some money out of her pocket to pay for the candle that she liked and then added her purchase to the bag she was carrying.

“Are you ready to get something to eat?” Clarke asked. There was a food truck up ahead of them and the aroma coming from the truck was making her hungry.

“Yeah, anything in particular that you want? There are a lot of options here.”

“How about there?” Clarke pointed to the food truck. The name on the back and side of it was from a restaurant that she liked and knew the food was going to be good. There was also a few tables and chairs to the side of it and Clarke felt like she wanted to sit down for a bit. She wondered if Mr. and Mrs. Green was here. The last time she had seen them and their daughter Lexa was the night of the end of the season softball banquet. The last time she was at the restaurant was a couple months ago and usually Mrs. Green was at the cash register but she didn’t see her that time.

“Fine by me.” Raven paid for her scented wax cubes and candles and they started walking towards the truck.

As they moved past the vendor before the food truck Clarke made eye contact with familiar green eyes and her own eyes widened in response. “Lexa! Oh my god. How are you?” Clarke smiled at Lexa as she rose from her chair.

“Clarke Griffin.” Lexa smiled back at Clarke. “I’m doing well.” Lexa looked at the woman with Clarke. “Hi, I’m Lexa Green.”

“Raven Reyes. Nice to meet you.” Raven shook her hand and wondered who this pretty woman was that knew Clarke.

Lexa turned back to Clarke. “How are you?” It had been six years since she seen Clarke and the blonde woman still made her nervous

“I’m great, so are you working for your dad’s restaurant again?” Whenever Clarke went to the restaurant she always wanted to sit in Lexa’s section. Originally she thought it was only because she knew the girl and Lexa had been good at her job. She knew different now.

“Costia and I are just helping out for the weekend.”

“You’re still with Costia? What has it been now seven, eight years for you two?” Clarke was impressed. Her longest relationship was with Finn. Almost two years before his death. She sometimes wondered if they would still be together if he had lived.

Lexa nodded. “It is going on eight.”

Clarke couldn’t believe how long it had been. “Wow that is a long time. I can’t believe it has been that long.”

“Yes.” Lexa smiled. _I wonder if Clarke and Raven are together?_ As far as Lexa knew Clarke didn’t date women in high school and she would have known. She and Costia caused enough gossip. She was pretty sure if the head cheerleader and star softball pitcher of the school was into chicks everyone would know. _Of course straight people come to these things to or she could be bi. I shouldn’t be making assumptions._

“We would like to order some food.” Raven looked at the chalk board with the menu on it that was attached to the side of the truck.

“Of course. What can we get you?” Lexa picked up her order pad and waited.

After she took their order she took the ticket and knocked on the window to the truck. When Lexa’s dad came to the window she handed him the ticket.

“Hello Mr. Green.” Clarke smiled at the older man.

“Hello Clarke. How are you?” Paul Green smiled. He hadn’t seen Clarke in a long time but she still looked the same as she did in high school.

“I’m good, and how are you?”

“Can’t complain.” He smiled. “Give me a minute and I will get this ready for you.” He disappeared back into the truck.

Lexa got their drink order ready and handed it to them. “If you want to go ahead and sit down I will bring it over when it’s ready.”

Clarke smiled at Lexa as she took the cup from her hand. Their fingers brushed together as she took the plastic cup from Lexa. “Thanks Lexa.”

Raven and Clarke walked over and sat at one of the tables. Fortunately it was in the shade and it felt a lot nicer to sit there than in the sun. From where she was sitting Clarke could watch Lexa, just like she used to when she was a teenager.

“So what is the story with Lexa? How do you know her?” Raven asked.

“We went to high school together and played softball together. She was my catcher.” She saw Raven raise an eyebrow. “I pitched and she primarily was the one that was catching for me.”

“Oh, okay. So she’s gay?”

“Yes.”

“Did you two date?”

Clarke shook her head and smiled at Lexa as she brought their order over. She waited till the woman walked away before speaking. “We never did but she was the reason that I realized I was bisexual.”

“Oh really?” Raven opened up her to go box. “Do tell.” Raven knew that Clarke had a girlfriend while in college but she never mentioned anyone from high school.

Clarke watched as Lexa helped another customer as she began eating. “We were not great friends really. Not in the sense that we would hang out or go to movies. We had a few classes together. Said hi to each other in the hallway. Most of the contact we would have would be in the spring and summer at practices and games and of course at her parent’s restaurant. My family and friends ate there a lot. She either worked in the kitchen or waitressed.” Clarke took a few bites of her food and gathered her thoughts.

“So how was she responsible for your coming out?” Raven was growing a little impatient as Clarke took a while to speak.

“I would watch her.” Clarke rolled her eyes and looked at Raven. “Similar to what I’m doing now.” Clarke’s eyes dropped to the table. “It was my senior year that I realized I liked her in a more than friend way. It was similar to how I felt about the boyfriend I had at the time, only different.”

“I can’t believe we never talked about this before.” Raven smiled as the band started playing a song she liked. “What happened that made you realize that you liked women too?”

“I saw Lexa and Costia kissing after school one day.” Clarke shrugged. “It looked incredibly slow and tender and I had this though…I wished she was kissing me that way.” Clarke briefly looked over to where Lexa was sitting. Lexa was looking at her but when Clarke met her eyes she looked away. “Well when I had that though I freaked out a little bit and I had to do some thinking. At first I tried to dismiss it. I tried to convince myself that it wasn’t Lexa I wanted to kiss me that way but rather I wanted Finn to kiss me like that. So I tried to kiss him like that and while it was nice, like it always was when we kissed, it didn’t feel the same. When I imagined kissing Lexa I had all these feelings come up.”

“And you had to figure out where these feelings were coming from.”

“Yeah.” Clarke scratched the back of her neck. “So then I tried to chalk it up to really liking her as a person, she is talented and a good person, we worked really well together on the softball field and I admired her. I admired her for coming out and being who she was and being open about it at school.” Clarke sighed. “She is also so damn nice.”

“It was more than admiration though?” Raven didn’t have to guess. She had been there herself with discovering she liked women.

“You know it was.” Clarke smiled. “Once I entertained the possibility I kind of became aware of a few things. I used to look at her lips a lot. I wondered how soft they were and she has incredible green eyes. I know her hands are soft from when we played softball. We high fived a lot.” Clarke laughed. “She smelled nice and I looked forward to seeing her at school. I wanted to talk to her more but we never really got too many opportunities aside from the time we were on the softball team.”

“You figured out you were attracted to her.”

“Yes, I was…or still am. I mean god just look at her.” Clarke chuckled. “She was the only one in high school but I was attracted to several women in college and you know about my ex Melissa.”

“Did Lexa know that you liked her?” Raven asked. _Too bad for Clarke that she has a girlfriend._

“Oh no.” Clarke shook her head. “I didn’t tell anyone till I started dating Melissa.” Clarke looked over Raven’s shoulder and saw Costia walk up to Lexa. She was with three other woman and from the look on Lexa’s face she guessed she wasn’t happy.

“Lexa just chill the fuck out okay.”

Both Raven and Clarke looked over when they heard Costia’s raised voice. They saw Costia look around then lean in real close to Lexa. More words were exchanged then Costia and the three women walked away.

“What the hell was that all about?” Raven asked.

Clarke noticed that Lexa looked like she was about to cry or throw something. Her head was tilted back and she was looking up at the sky with her hands on her hips before looking towards the retreating figures of the four women.

“I don’t know but I’m going to find out.” Clarke rose from her seat and started walking over to Lexa.


	2. Chapter 2

“Lexa, hey are you okay?”

Glassy green eyes turned to Clarke as Lexa made an attempt to smile. “Hey Clarke, yeah I’m okay.” _Liar, you are such a liar. And extremely boring according to Costia. She didn’t have to come help me. She said she wanted to but I guess she found something or someone more fun to do._ Lexa didn’t miss the way that one of the women was looking at Costia. She agreed to help her dad till six. Lexa knew that when her father was done she needed to find Costia and they needed to talk.

Clarke looked at Lexa. She knew that she wasn’t okay. _You forgot I know how to tell when you’re pissed and you try to hide it._ Lexa wasn’t making much eye contact. She noticed Lexa was looking down at the pen in her hand as she tapped it against the table. Lexa’ jaw was clenched. _Just like it would be when you disagreed with a call the umpire would make about one of my pitches._ “I know it’s none of my business…and you can tell me to fuck off, but I heard what Costia said to you and I can tell that you’re not okay.”

Lexa’s lips twitched into a small smile as she put the pen down and looked at Clarke. “I would never say that to you or anyone Clarke. Costia was supposed to help me today and it seems she would rather hang out with some strangers she met and go listen to the band then be here with me.”

“That really sucks that she did that to you. Do you need help? I can stay and help if you need it.” _I can’t believe that bitch blew her off._

“No, Clarke that’s not necessary. Dad and I got this but thank you.” Lexa smiled at Clarke and turned her attention to a group of customers that came up to the truck.

Clarke slowly turned around and went back to where Raven was sitting. She wanted to talk to Lexa more but she was busy. While she was at Pride with Raven she really wanted to stay there and help Lexa.

“So what is going on?” Raven had finished her meal and had been watching Clarke talk to Lexa.

“Costia blew her off to go hang out with some people she just met. She was supposed to be helping with the food truck.”

“That wasn’t a nice thing to do.” Raven stretched her legs out and leaned back in her chair as Clarke worked to finish her meal. “So you went to school with Costia too right?”

“She graduated with us. I think it was senior year that she came to our school. She was in my government class.”

“What was she like?”

“I didn’t get much chance to know her. She was in my class and would pick Lexa up after practice and show up to the softball games but they didn’t hang out too much with the rest of us. We would go out for pizza or something as a team and I don’t recall Lexa coming with us, except for one time.” Clarke remembered because Lexa had sat next to her and she had been aware of how close the other woman was to her.

“So you see her after six years, what is that like for you?”

Clarke watched Lexa as she handed an order to one of the customers. She gave the man a big smile and laughed at something he said. _She has such a great smile_. Clarke shook her head slightly and smiled as she turned her eyes back to Raven. “One look at her and I feel those same feelings as I had back then.”

“Interesting.” Raven raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms.

“What is interesting?”

“We got to know each other pretty well. We have dated and had a pretty good time.”

“Yes, and now you’re my best friend.”

“Still I don’t recall you ever looking at me the way that you’re looking at her now.”

“Oh? How am I looking at her?”

“You’re looking at her with major heart eyes.” Raven gave Clarke a half smile. _She doesn’t even realize it._

“Whatever Raven. I am not.” Clarke’s face began to redden and she looked away from the other woman. _Oh god am I? Stupid crush_.” Clarke looked at Lexa who was talking to her father at the window on the side of the truck. _She has a girlfriend Clarke so get your mind off of her. Nothing happened years ago because you were with Finn and she was with Costia and she is still with Costia so knock it off with the heart eyes or however you’re looking at her and stay out of her business._

“The color of your face says different, unless you think you’re getting too much sun already?”

Clarke rolled her eyes. “You know you’re right but it doesn’t matter Raven. She is off limits.”

“Maybe that will change. Her girlfriend did blow her off and she didn’t seem to be too happy about it.”

“No she wasn’t but I’m not going to get in the middle of that.” If Lexa and Costia were to break up it wasn’t going to be because of Clarke interfering with their relationship. “I’m done eating. How about we go and enjoy the music for a while?”

“Sounds good to me.” Raven gathered up their trash and put it in a nearby trash can.

Clarke took the baskets Lexa’s dad had put their food in and took it back over to Lexa. “Here you go.” She handed the baskets to Lexa. “It was great as always.”

“Thanks Clarke.” Lexa sat the baskets on the table. “It was good to see you again.”

“It was good to see you too. Do you have to work all day?”

“Till six then I was hoping to enjoy some of Pride while I’m here.” _Fat chance of that with Costia off and doing who knows what._ Lexa knew that when she found Costia later that there would be little chance of her enjoying her evening.

“If you have some time later come find us. I would love to catch up with you.” _I’m just being friendly and wanting to talk with a friend I haven’t seen in a long time. I’m not interfering._

“Sure, if I can. If not it was great seeing you and I’m glad you stopped by.” Lexa smiled at two women who came up to her table. “Bye.” Lexa slowly looked away as she turned to take the order of the two women.

“Take care Lexa.” Clarke turned to Raven who was standing next to her. “Want to get closer to the stage?”

“Yeah, I want to get a closer look at the lead singer. She is pretty hot.”

Clarke nodded and with a final look back at Lexa who was still helping a customer Clarke and Raven walked away.

 

“I’m done for the evening where are you?” Lexa hit send on her phone and stood by her father’s truck as he was getting ready to leave.

“That is the last of it.” Paul pulled his keys out of his pocket.

“I will see you at home later dad.” Lexa hugged her father.

“Thank you for helping.” Paul had noticed Costia’s absence but when he had asked Lexa where she was Lexa had shrugged and told him that she had changed her mind about helping them. Paul didn’t want to meddle so he didn’t ask any more questions. “You have your keys in case we go to bed early?”

Lexa knew they would. Her parents would be getting up at 4 am to get ready and open the restaurant by 6 am. “Yes.”

“Okay then have a good time honey.”

“Thanks dad.” Lexa waved as her dad drove away. She checked her phone and didn’t have a reply yet from Costia. There had to be hundreds of people here and it would be difficult to find Costia in the crowd. _She was going to go listen to the band so maybe she and her “friends” are over by the stage_. Lexa headed in that direction.

Lexa looked at some of the booths as she walked by. It would have been nice if Costia was with her. They could have strolled by the booths hand in hand through the crowd. Stopped and looked to see what the vendors were selling. Perhaps they could find something nice for their apartment. Lexa really liked the homemade soaps that people made. Costia used to get them for her as gifts but it had been a long time since she bought her any.

Lexa stopped and scanned the area in front of the stage to see if she could spot Costia. There were many women there who had brunette hair in similar styles to Costia’s and wore a blue shirt, so she also started looking for the women that Costia had been with. She couldn’t see them either.

Lexa took her phone out of her pocket and dialed Costia’s number. The band was on break or in between acts so it wasn’t going to be difficult to hear if Costia answered. On the fourth ring Costia answered the phone. “Hey where are you?”

“Out in the parking lot. Where are you?” Costia giggled. “Stop that.” She said in a low voice.

_She isn’t alone in the parking lot._ “I’m on the sidewalk near where the stage is at. What are you doing in the parking lot and who is with you?”

“I’m with the girls that I was with earlier. They have some adult beverages out here and we are having a little party.”

“So while I’ve been working you’ve been out getting drunk?” _Unbelievable._

“I told you I wanted to have some fun today and I’m old enough so what is your problem?” Costia’s tone became icy.

“My problem is you’re my girlfriend and you’re off doing who knows what with a bunch of strangers. You were supposed to help me today and you blew me off. We were supposed to spend the evening together and you promised you wouldn’t drink anymore.”

“We can still spend the evening together babe. Stay where you are and I will be there in a few minutes.” Costia hung up her phone.

_What in the world is she thinking?_ Costia didn’t drink anymore. _As far as I know she doesn’t._

Three years ago Costia had come home drunk and had screamed at Lexa and threw Lexa’s school books against the wall. Lexa had noticed that when Costia drank she could be mean and Lexa wasn’t going to put up with it. The yelling and throwing of her things was the last straw. _I told her I wasn’t going to stay with her if she acted like that. She promised she never would again._

Costia walked up the sidewalk with her new friends. She grabbed Lexa and gave her a sloppy kiss. Costia’s breath reeked of alcohol.

“I’ve missed you babe. I’m so glad you’re finally done. I don’t know why you agreed to help when we should be here enjoying ourselves.”

“He is my father and he needed my help. It wasn’t going to be for the whole time.” Lexa looked at the other three woman behind Costia. They stood there waiting.

“I know babe, but this is the first time in a long time that we’ve had together. School is over and you have more time to spend with me.” Costia hugged Lexa then whispered in her ear. “I love you.”

“I love you too. I was hoping we could spend some time together just the two of us tonight.” They needed to talk still but not here and not in front of an audience.

“They are cool. We are all just hanging out together. Come on babe the more the merrier right?” Costia took both of Lexa’s hands in hers.

Lexa really didn’t want to hang out with these women. It was nothing personal, she didn’t know them, and like she had told Costia she hoped it would be just them enjoying the events. It had been a long time since they had some one on one time. Lexa didn’t want to fight. “For a little while okay? Then you and I leave. Maybe go take a walk down by the river like we use to do?”

“Anything you want hon.” Costia was relieved that for the moment a fight had been diverted. She knew that Lexa would bring up her drinking later. _You got caught tonight but at least she doesn’t know about the other times and I don’t plan on telling her. Now that she is home more I will have to be more careful._

The band was getting ready to start up again.

“Come on you guys let’s go dance.” Costia grabbed Lexa’s hand and pulled her closer to the stage.

 

Clarke and Raven had found some metal chairs that they sat in to listen to the music and when the band took a break they walked around and met some people that they knew. They stood and talked not far from where Lexa’s food truck had been.

Clarke noticed it was no longer there. _I wonder if Lexa is still here?_ She half listened to Raven who was talking to Jamie and Mary about a 5k race that they were doing the next weekend. Clarke was busy looking through the crowd _. I should have at least given her my phone number. It would have been nice to keep in touch._

“Why won’t you be doing the race Clarke?” Jamie asked.

“I wanted to but I have to work that weekend.” Clarke wouldn’t be able to keep up with Raven, Jamie or Mary anyway. They would be sitting at the bar drinking their second beer by the time Clarke crossed the finish line. The three women ran all the time. Raven was particularly fast. Clarke was more of a moderate pace walker.

The band started up again and they slowly walked through the vendors to get closer to the stage. The seats that they had earlier was taken by some other people so they stayed on the outskirts of the crowd.

Clarke leaned up against a tree and watched the band play. Raven was right. The lead singer was hot and played well. They were a local band that played smaller venues but they were always in demand. They even had a few CDs that they had recorded of their original music.

They stayed in their spot as the band finished their set and a different band took the stage. This one played country music and didn’t seem to bring out the dancer that the prior band did but they were quite good as well. Clarke continued to catch up with Jamie and Mary about what was going on in their lives and every so often she would look through the crowds to see if she could see Lexa.

Clarke spotted Costia and friends a few seconds before she saw Lexa walking in their direction. They were sitting on a park bench passing around a bottle. The country band had left the stage and was taking their break. Lexa was walking fast and looking at the ground. “Hey Raven, I will be back in a minute.”

“Okay Clarke.”

Clarke started walking towards Lexa. “Lexa.” Clarke called out but Lexa kept walking. Clarke was almost right next to her when she called her name again. “Lexa.”

Lexa stopped walking and looked up. Her eyes were hard and cold but once Lexa’s green eyes met Clarke’s blue they softened a little.

“Clarke.”

“Lexa.” Clarke glanced over where Costia and the other women were. One of the women was sitting in Costia’s lap. _Oh shit_.

“Clarke would you be willing to give me a ride to my parent’s house?” Angry tears were ready to fall in Lexa’s eyes.

Clarke moved closer and put her arm around Lexa and walked her over near a large tree. “Of course.” Clarke said softly. “What happened?”

“Costia is drunk and I told her I was ready to leave but she is having too much fun flirting with this other woman.” Lexa looked over her shoulder. The woman’s name was Sherry that Costia had been flirting with and now she was currently handing Costia some bottle.

Clarke followed Lexa’s line of sight. _Least she got off of Costia’s lap. That wouldn’t have been good._

“Anyway Costia has the car keys. When I asked for them she refused to give them to me. She wanted me to stay but she is not being a very nice person. I begged her to come with me. She told me I was being a stuck up bitch.” _Among other things_. “I don’t have to put up with her shit and I really don’t want to be around her right now.”

Clarke reached out and briefly touched Lexa’s shoulder. “Oh sweetie, don’t listen to her. She is wrong for saying that to you. Let me go tell Raven what is going on and I will be right back.”

Clarke walked over to Raven and leaned in close so she could hear her. “Hey somethings happened between Lexa and Costia and I’m going to give her a ride home.”

Raven looked over Clarke’s shoulder at Lexa who was watching something off to the right. “Sure no problem.” She looked to Jamie and Mary. “Can I get a ride home with you two?”

“Sure.” Mary nodded. “That won’t be a problem.”

“Okay, thanks.” Clarke hugged Jamie, Mary and lastly Raven.

“Stay out of trouble.” Raven said to Clarke when their hug ended.

“I’ll do my best.” _I am not interfering with their relationship. She asked for a ride home and that is what I will give her._

Clarke walked back over to Lexa. “Are you ready to go?”

“Yeah.” Lexa looked one more time over to where Costia had been and she was no longer sitting on the bench and she didn’t see the other women either. Lexa looked around the crowd. There was no sign of them. _I really wish I would have gotten the keys from her. I hope she doesn’t get behind the wheel tonight._ She started walking with Clarke towards Clarke’s car.

“I’m sorry this happened to you tonight.” Clarke said.

Lexa nodded. “I don’t know what is going on with her lately, she is not the same person I once knew and I really don’t know how to fix what is happening to us.” Lexa looked up at Clarke. “Sorry I don’t mean to burden you with this. You are really helping me out though with the ride.”

“No problem and if you ever want to talk I promise I will listen.”

“Thanks.”

They walked in silence till they reached Clarke’s car. Clarke held the door for Lexa to get in and then she drove to Lexa’s parent’s house. Clarke had never been inside but had dropped Lexa off the one time that Lexa had joined the team for pizza. Costia had been missing from the game too. Clarke always wondered where she had been.

Lexa had been lost in thought on the way home. She was wondering what she should do. Things were not going well between Costia and her. The problem was she still loved her. “Were you serious about being there to listen?” Lexa asked once Clarke stopped the car in front of the house.

“Yes, I wouldn’t have offered if I wasn’t serious.”

Lexa nodded. Her relationship with Costia was probably over after tonight. Lexa just wanted to get inside and up to her old room where she could and probably would fall apart for a little while and she didn’t want to do that in front of anyone. Still it will be nice to have someone to talk to when she was ready.

“Can I have your phone number?” Lexa held her phone ready in her hand.

“Sure.” Clarke gave her number to Lexa.

Lexa finished entering the numbers in her phone. “Thanks Clarke. I will text you so you have mine and thanks for the ride home.”

“You’re welcome.”

Lexa smiled briefly at Clarke as the interior light of the car came on when Lexa opened the door. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight Lexa.” Clarke watched as Lexa walked up to the house and put the key code in the lock box and got the spare key to the front door. She stayed there and watched till Lexa disappeared inside. Clarke put her car in reverse and backed out of the driveway, then she was heading for home. _Costia you are such a fool._


	3. Chapter 3

 

Lexa’s parents were asleep as she made her way through the house to her old bedroom which was now the spare bedroom for when her parents had overnight guests. The suitcase that held both of their clothes sat on a reclining chair. Since they were only going to be there for a few days they didn’t bother to put their clothes in the dresser.

Lexa took her phone out and sent Clarke a text. “Hey, it’s Lexa and this is my number. Thanks again. I appreciate it.”

There wasn’t any messages from Costia _. She just let me walk away. Hanging out with her new friends was more important than going home with me._ Lexa typed a quick message to Costia. “I’m at my parent’s house.” _Not like you care._ Lexa plugged her phone into the charger and started getting ready for bed. They had planned to go to her parent’s restaurant for breakfast before heading home. Lexa didn’t know if Costia was going to even come back tonight. _If she doesn’t come back where is she going to go?_ Images of Costia and Sherry flashed through her mind and she thought she was going to be physically sick as she pressed her hand to her stomach and willed herself not to throw up. _Why is she acting like this? Is it because she was drinking tonight? How does that explain all the fights and her being nasty to me the last year or so? Maybe she has been drinking and not just tonight? Maybe she broke the promise she made a lot earlier than now?_ All these questions were going through Lexa’s head as she changed into her pajamas. She got underneath the covers but remained sitting up. One pillow behind her back and the other one, the one Costia slept on last night she pulled closer and pressed to her chest.

Tears started to overflow Lexa’s eyes as she angrily wiped them away. “Shit.” She didn’t cry often, even as a little kid she always toughed things out. When she was nine and the neighbor’s dog bit her on the leg she didn’t cry. When she broke her wrist in the seventh grade she hadn’t cried either. The only times she ever remembered crying was at both of her grandmother’s funerals. She never knew her grandfathers. One had passed away before she was born and the other when she was two. Lexa had been close to both of them and their deaths greatly affected her. She had cried then and she was crying now. _Why the hell is this happening?_

Here phone beeped and for a moment she was hopeful that it was Costia. It was a message from Clarke.

“Thanks for the text. Remember if you want to talk I’m here to listen or if you want to hang out sometime let me know.”

Lexa smiled briefly as she put her phone back down. Sniffling and wiping at her eyes she went and looked for a tissue. _At least I ran into Clarke today. That has been the highlight of this really messed up day._ Lexa found some Kleenex in the bathroom and blew her nose and dried her eyes with a different tissue. Looking in the mirror her green eyes were red and they looked a little puffy. _You look like shit now._

Lexa washed her hands and walked back to the bedroom and got back in after checking her phone for messages. _So now what? My girlfriend is off doing who knows what or doing Sherry._ Lexa’s jaw clenched at the thought of Costia possibly cheating. _They way Sherry was looking at Costia I could tell she was interested in her. Is Costia interested in Sherry?_ Lexa had no clue anymore. _Aside from this morning and early afternoon and the few dances we had this evening she has been kind of a bitch to me today. Which seems to be happening more and more lately._ Lexa leaned her head back against the headboard _. I was hoping once I was done with school we would have more time together._ Lexa thought about their plans to go on vacation next month. She had rented a cabin for a week on a lake. They could take a row boat out, go swimming and since it was private, clothing would have been optional. They could sit out underneath the stars and Lexa had hoped that time spend alone together would reawaken their sex life. _I have a feeling we won’t be doing that now_. Lexa sighed as she moved down in the bed and rested her head on the pillow. She stared at a spot on the ceiling. The light from the streetlight in front of their house shown through a part in the curtains and her eyes fixed on the white part of the ceiling. _I feel like that ceiling. All dark except for that one bright spot stretched along the ceiling and that was from spending time with my dad today and seeing Clarke again._

Lexa turned on her side and thought about Clarke. _It was really good to see her today. I wonder what she is doing with her life. I wish I would have asked but all I was thinking about was Costia ditching me._

It wasn’t so much of the fact that Costia went and hung out with some other people and didn’t help when she said she would. It was the way that she did it. _I would have understood if she had told me that she would rather watch the band then work, but to disappear for hours, show up drunk and acting like a jerk. That is too much._

Anger, fear, and anxiety were at war inside of her. She didn’t know which emotion to pay attention to. When she saw Costia again she didn’t know if she should kiss her or kick her ass. Maybe both. She loved Costia, was worried about her but was pissed at this situation. Pissed at her.

Lexa picked up the phone and sent another text to Costia. “If you don’t come to my folks tonight will you please send me a text and let me know you are okay.” Putting her phone back down she moved back onto her back. “Please don’t do anything stupid.” She whispered into the darkened room.

Closing her eyes Lexa tried to sleep. She didn’t know what tomorrow was going to bring. If Costia didn’t show up tomorrow she was going to have to find her way home. They came down in Costia’s car, which she had keys to but she had decided to leave them in her suitcase. _I will figure how to get home tomorrow._ Lexa worked on silencing the chatter in her mind and was soon close to sleep. How good Clarke had looked that day was one of the lasts thoughts she had before she drifted off to sleep.

 

Lexa woke up and looked to the other side of the bed. She was alone. Picking up her phone she saw that it was 4 am and she didn’t have any messages. Getting out of bed she walked to the window. It overlooked the driveway. Costia’s car wasn’t there. Pride ended at ten and even if Costia went to a bar afterwards they close at 2. “Where is she?” Lexa walked out the bedroom and went to check the couch in case Costia had gotten a ride home and she didn’t want to come into the bedroom to disturb her. The couch was empty. “Dammit Costia.”

Walking past her parent’s bedroom she heard their alarm go off. For as long back as she remembered they got up at this time. Thankfully Lexa slept till 6:30 before she needed to get up and get ready for school. In those days her parents took turns getting her breakfast ready, or when she was older showed her how to make breakfast. Then they would drop her off at school and join the other at the restaurant. When her father dropped her off he would always say “Time to make the donuts” before he headed to work. Her parents got her a cheap but reliable car on her sixteenth birthday and had started riding into work together.

Lexa stopped at the bathroom before heading to bed. She didn’t often get up at 6:30 in the morning anymore and knew if she could get back to sleep that she had several more hours till her alarm would go off. Lexa didn’t know how long she tossed and turned but she finally got comfortable on her right side. Pulling the spare pillow to her chest she fell asleep.

 

“So how did it go with Lexa last night?” Raven handed Clarke a cup of coffee and sat down at the table in the coffee house where they had agreed to meet that morning.

“Fine, she really didn’t say too much. I had offered to listen if she wanted to talk about it.” Clarke took a sip of her coffee and sighed. _This is just what I need_. “We did exchange phone numbers and she did say she would call if she needed to talk.”

“Do you think she will actually call?”

Clarke shrugged one shoulder. “I don’t know. I hope so.”

“Why do you hope so?”

Clarke looked at the dark liquid that was in her coffee cup. Searching for the right words to answer Raven’s question. She looked up to see Raven’s dark eyes look at her curiously.

“I like her. I’ve always liked her. She was a teammate and we were taught to always back our teammates up.” Clarke smiled. “I want to be there for her in whatever way she will let me. It’s important to me that she is okay.”

Raven patted Clarke’s hand. “That is the little caregiver in you. Always wanting to make sure everyone is taken care of and comfortable.”

“Everyone except for Costia and that woman that was sitting on her lap last night. I wanted to go over and slap the shit out of the both of them.” Clarke frowned and her hand tightened around the handle of her coffee mug.

“She certainly has you riled up.” _Oh yeah you do like her._

“Lexa is a sweetie I don’t like to see her or anyone treated that way.”

“Hon. It’s been six years.” Raven said gently. “Sometimes people change and you really don’t know what their relationship is like.”

“That is true, and I don’t plan on getting in the middle of it. I’m just saying I hated how Costia was behaving last night and if Lexa calls and wants to talk I will be there for her.”

“I know and you’re a sweetheart for doing that. I just don’t want to see you get hurt.” _You’re going to need to protect that heart of yours._

Raven knew that Clarke had a kind and generous heart. It was what made her a good nurse. Clarke made sure the nursing home residents were well cared for and had what they needed. Most of the residents had close family who would often visit and make sure that they had well-fitting and not worn out clothes. Family that paid for haircuts, perms and little extra treats that their family member might like. However, there were some residents who didn’t have close family, who rarely had visitors. Clarke anonymously paid for haircuts and new shoes for a few of the residents. She found out one day that Mr. Lieberman liked Jelly Belly jelly beans and she would occasionally bring small packages in for him. When he would ask where they came from she told him that it was donated by someone in the community. The only person in the nursing home that knew Clarke did this was the director of nurses.

“Thank you for caring.” Clarke knew Lexa wouldn’t do anything to intentionally hurt her. They may not have been best of friends but she knew Lexa.

“I wasn’t on your softball team but so you know I do have your back.”

Clarke smile. She was grateful for Raven’s friendship. “I know and I appreciate it.”

Raven returned the smile and took a drink of her own coffee. “Speaking of Costia. She left with those three women last night.”

“She did?” _Guess she didn’t come to her senses._ “Did she appear to be with any of them?”

“One of them was all over her but I can’t say for sure if it was because there was something going on or if she was trying to hold Costia up. She appeared to be pretty drunk.”

“Hope one of them was sober enough to drive and while I wouldn’t want to be Costia and have to face Lexa I hope that they took her to Lexa’s folks.”

“I don’t know. As we were leaving last night, or technically this morning at is was 2 am we saw them get into a car. A blue Buick.”

Clarke shook her head from side to side. “You know if I was with Lexa I wouldn’t be treating her like that.”

Raven laughed and then laughed again when Clarke narrowed her eyes at her.

“What is so funny?”

“I think you liked her more than what you are admitting.”

“Why?” Clarke’s voice was wary.

“The way that you talk about her and you wanting to slap some sense into Costia. I’ve never known you to want to hurt anyone.”

Clarke considered it. “It doesn’t matter if I do like her more than what I’m admitting to. Do I think I would treat Lexa better than what Costia is currently, yes. But she has a girlfriend, and even though I don’t like Costia, I know they are together. I also know I can only be her friend and that is what I plan on doing.”

“Okay but if you ever feel the need to beat the crap out of Costia call me. Depending on my mood I will either talk you down or hold her for you.”

Clarke laughed. “Thank Raven I knew I could count on you.”

 

Lexa was awake and after taking a shower she fixed herself something to eat. There still was no word from Costia and it was 10 am. Lexa had sent Costia a few more texts when she woke up. She wouldn’t be able to wait much longer till she had to find a ride home. She thought about who she could call. She got a long with her coworkers but didn’t think she knew them well enough to drive all the way here to pick her up. There was family of course and her mom or dad would make sure she got home but she didn’t want to ask them. Sundays for lunch was always busy due to those who stopped by after church. Lexa wondered if Clarke would be available if she gave her money for gas. _Or I could take a taxi which would be extremely expensive._ She would wait for another hour and then decided what she was going to do.

 

Lexa was finishing washing her dishes when she heard the key turn in the lock at the front door. _Costia?_ Grabbing a kitchen towel she started drying her hands as she headed towards the front door. As she entered the living room Costia was closing the front door.

Lexa stood in the doorway between the dining room and living room. She waited to say something till Costia turned around and was looking at her with blood shot eyes. “Where the hell have you been?”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think this story will be as long as Heart Ranger is but it will be a long story. Clexa will happen but not right away. I know some people move from relationship to relationship more easy than others. This one will need some time to develop. I'm not going to rush putting them together. It won't take forever, :)

 

Costia knew she was in deep shit. She knew last night there would be hell to pay when Lexa wanted to leave and she told her no. She knew when she had called Lexa a couple of names. She had put her down for not wanting to stay and have fun with her new friends and that she would have a hard time fixing it. Last night if you had asked her if she had cared about all of that she would have laughed in your face and told you no. Now she was standing in front of her girlfriend, hung over and feeling like shit, smelling like another woman as her girlfriend glared at her from across the room. _Yep, I fucked up. I should have been more careful._

“So where were you?” Lexa crossed her arms as she asked the question again.

“Babe can we talk about this later. I _really_ don’t feel like getting into this.

“I don’t care if you feel like it or not. You’re the one that made the choice to drink and not come home last night.”

“Yeah, so what I had a few drinks. You don’t hear me nagging at you when you have a few drinks.”

“I…if I do drink I don’t drink any more than two and right now this isn’t about me. It’s about you and where you spent the night.”

“What do you care? You left me last night.” Costia threw her keys on the coffee table.

“We were going to spend the evening together remember. We were going to dance for a little bit then go for a walk.” Lexa came further into the living room. “I had asked you to come with me. More than once in fact and you refused.”

“I don’t know why you have to be such a snob. You could have stayed there and partied with us. But no, you’re just too good for us.” Costia’s tone was mocking.

Lexa took a deep breath. “I wanted some alone time with my girlfriend.” Lexa had been looking forward to spending time with Costia yesterday. She missed her and didn’t understand why things were so strained lately but she would like to try and fix it.

“Since when?” Costia raised her voice.

“Since I met you.” Lexa’s faced momentarily held a pained expression. _How could she not know I want to spend time with her? Be with her._ “I’ve been spending my free time with you whenever I can. I went to school, work then I came home to be with you.”

“Oh yes, you were off to school getting your fucking education.”

Lexa sighed internally. Costia was bringing up an old argument that they had. Costia had quit college during her first year. She had been having problems adjusting and couldn’t keep her grade point average up. Lexa spent many hours with her studying and after a few months Costia’s grades had improved but one afternoon Costia had come home upset and said she quit school. She had wanted Lexa to quit as well so they could go back to doing some traveling like they had before they enrolled in college. Lexa didn’t want to do that. She was committed to finishing her degree and had encouraged Costia to go back to school, to try again but Costia refused. Costia instead go a job as an overnight stock person at Walmart. Occasionally Costia would make some snide comment about accusing Lexa of choosing school over her and Lexa would remind her that she was continuing her education for them. She then would talk to Costia about her returning to school, to take some steps to improve her own life. Those conversations inevitably didn’t go anywhere.

“I was doing it for us. For our future. You know that.” Lexa tried again to find out where Costia was. “Where were you last night Costia?”

_She is persistent so I better tell her something otherwise I will never hear the end of it_. “I got a ride with Sherry, Judy and Suzy. We went back to Judy’s. We had a few more drinks and I passed out.” She did more than pass out but she wasn’t going to tell Lexa that she woke up naked next to and equally naked Sherry on the couch. Her memory was a little fuzzy as to the details but waking up naked with hickeys on her breasts was a good indication that she slept with Sherry. This wasn’t the first time she had woken up with a stranger after drinking but this was the first time she really couldn’t remember what happened. It was also the first time that Costia couldn’t use her normal excuse. When she felt the need to go to the bar she would tell Lexa that she was at work when in reality she had gone to the bar. Occasionally, after many drinks she followed a woman home. “I only woke up thirty minutes ago. Sherry took me back to pick up my car.”

“I sent you several texts.”

“I lost my phone.” That had been the truth. She knew she had it when Lexa sent the text about being at her parent’s house but after that she didn’t remember what happened to it. She just knew she didn’t have it when she woke up and Sherry said she didn’t see it when she asked her to help her look for it.

Costia didn’t feel like standing anymore. She didn’t know what Sherry did to her but she was sore all over. Walking to the couch she sat down. _Maybe I need to cut my drinking down. Stop at least for a while. Let things blow over. That phone was expensive and I really don’t have the money to replace it right now. Shit._ Costia really didn’t like drinking to the point that she couldn’t remember what happened. She would start and then get to a point she couldn’t stop. “Sorry, I didn’t see your texts.”

Lexa took a seat in one of the recliners in the living room. She didn’t feel like sitting next to Costia. She felt very distant from her right now. “Where did you lose it?”

“I don’t know.” Costia raised her hands and shrugged, letting her hands drop down onto her thighs.

“So let me see if I understand last night.” Lexa briefly looked at the floor then her eyes went back to Costia’s. “You blew off helping me with dad to hang out with some people you just met. You wanted to stay and drink at Pride last night to the point where you were a jerk to me.” Lexa’s eyebrows were raised. “Something which you promised me you wouldn’t do again. You didn’t go home with me but went to this stranger’s house instead of calling me to come get you or have them drop you off here. Then you come strolling in this morning without your phone and start blaming me for the choices that you make?”

“I didn’t want to bother you. You were mad when you left. I know…I know I should have come with you.” Costia moved to the edge of the couch. “Lexa…baby I know I messed up. I shouldn’t have drank yesterday. Like before I make some pretty bad choices. I always do when I’ve been drinking. I’m sorry if I hurt you.” Costia really didn’t want to hurt Lexa. She didn’t know why she did some of the things she did. It wasn’t all that fun for her. The sex wasn’t all that fun either because she would often feel some guilt afterwards. Her life felt like it was spiraling out of control. Most of the time she felt numb and she was concerned she was heading in a dark direction. Even the guilt was welcome because at least she was feeling something. If the truth ever came out she knew it would mean the end of their relationship. She didn’t want that. She didn’t have a clue about what was happening to her. Why she was destroying things in her life and risking _the_ best thing in her life. She only knew that she wanted Lexa to stay in it. “I fucked up. I’m sorry. I think I need some help. I’ll do anything you want me to. I’ll go to AA meetings.” Costia clasped her hands together as if she was praying. “I’ll go to counseling.”

Lexa wasn’t sure that Costia was being sincere or not. She appeared to be and she wanted to trust her. She wanted things to be normal with them again.

“Do you want to get counseling and go to AA? Because if you don’t want it for you it won’t help.”

“If it will help me to stop messing up then yes.”

_I wonder how much you have messed up_. “Was this the first time you drank since you promised me you wouldn’t?

“Yes.” Costia lied. “I couldn’t handle it then and I can’t handle it now.” She knew that was the truth.

Lexa nodded then looked directly at Costia. Her heart was pounding as she prepared to ask the next question. “Did you sleep with Sherry?”

“No, of course not.” Costia tried to appear calm and maintain eye contact with Lexa. Hoping that Lexa couldn’t tell that she was lying.

Lexa released the breath that she was holding only to take another deep one before asking her next question. “Have you ever cheated on me?”

“Dammit Lexa, why all of these questions about if I’m cheating on you.” Costia’s anger was fake but she had to do something because Lexa was asking too many questions and Costia didn’t know how long she could lie directly to her face. “Are you fucking cheating on me? Is this some kind of projection on your part?”

“Jesus, no Costia, I have never cheated on you.”

“So you just don’t trust me?”

“I want to. I really do…”

“I told you I was sorry for yesterday and last night. Can’t you just drop it?”

“Costia…” Lexa wasn’t able to finish what she was going to say.

Costia rose quickly to her feet. “You know what I’m not responding to this fucking inquisition anymore. I fucked up. I’m sorry. End of story. I’m not fucking little miss perfect college grad and I’m not working at some great job. Sorry I fucking wanted to cut loose and enjoy myself for once and forget that aside from you my life is shit.” Costia started walking towards the bedroom. “I’m going home. If you want to come I’m leaving in ten minutes.”

Lexa sloughed back down into the chair and began rubbed her temples. “Well shit.” Lexa rested her head on the back of the chair and looked up towards the ceiling. “I will not cry.” She whispered to herself. _That didn’t go well._ Their conversations lately never did. Lexa knew that she was asking some really big questions but she felt she was owed some answers. She got several responses from her questions but she didn’t know if she really trusted the answers or not. Costia had walked away from the conversation for now but Lexa wasn’t done. Things couldn’t stay like this between them but for right now there wasn’t any solutions. They needed to get back home so Costia could take a nap before she had to go to work tonight. They would be stopping by her parent’s restaurant so she could say goodbye.

_Costia will be waiting in the car I’m sure._ Lexa stood up and walked towards the bedroom. She knew that she had a lot of thinking to do and she was looking forward to a quiet ride home.

 

“Hey Clarke, Margaret is asking for something for the pain.”

Clarke looked up from the computer she was making notes in and smiled at the CNA that stood on the other side of the counter at the nurse’s station. “Thanks Harper. I will look and see what she has ordered.”

“Help me…help me.” The voice travelled down the quiet and empty hall.

Harper looked down the West hall. “Grace is awake. I will go and see if she needs anything.”

“She probably doesn’t but we had better check.”

Most nights Grace, whose room was all the way down the West hall would wake up during the night and yell for help. When one of the CNAs or nurses went down to see what she needed she would look at them with sleepy eyes and deny she had been calling for them. She was notorious for turning her call light on when she didn’t need anything as well.

Clarke pulled up Margaret’s file to see what she could give her. The resident had a PRN order for Tylenol. Making the proper notations in the file Clarke got the Tylenol for her and walked down to Margaret’s room.

Clarke turned the lamp on beside the bed. “Hey Margaret what hurts this morning?”

“It’s my legs.” The eighty-eight year old woman responded. “Darn pain woke me up.”

Clarke checked to make sure there was some water in Margaret’s water pitcher. “I have some Tylenol for you. That should help.” She gave Margaret the little paper cup that had the pills in them and then helped her take a drink of water through a straw.

“Thank you.” Margaret laid back down in the bed.

“You’re welcome. Try to get some more sleep.” Clarke patted Margaret on the shoulder before she turned off the lamp and left the room.

Clarke was in charge of the 100 and 200 halls of the nursing home. At night she had two CNAs who worked with her. One was Harper who was young, energetic and always had a smile on her face. The other was Indra, older, wiser and was not quick to smile but the residents loved her and she was very good at her job.

Coming back to the nurses station Harper was standing by the counter making a note on a sheet of paper she had.

“Grace need anything?” Clarke leaned against the counter as she talked to Harper.

“Bed pan actually. She even went.”

“Good.”

“Jacob is up in his chair again and is wondering if he can have a snack.” Indra came up and joined them in front of the nurse’s station.

“Sure, there is some pudding in the kitchen. He can have that otherwise there are some graham crackers.”

Indra knew what snacks were available that night. “He would prefer the pudding and said he hoped we had chocolate.”

“I think there is both chocolate and vanilla in there.” Clarke looked at her watch. “Harper why don’t you go ahead and take your meal break and after rounds you can go on yours Indra.”

Indra nodded as she headed towards the kitchen to get the pudding and Harper headed towards the break room.

Clarke moved to the other side of the nurses’ station. She opened the bag of trail mix she brought in and dumped some of the bag onto a paper towel sitting on the desk. All her notes were done for now and she didn’t have any medications to give till 5 am unless someone needed something before then. Pulling out her phone she clicked on her text messages to read again the conversation she had with Lexa earlier that evening.

“Hi Clarke. I wanted to say it was good to see you yesterday and thanks for helping me out. I really appreciated that. Costia didn’t get back till about 10:30 Sunday morning. I guess she stayed with those women she was hanging out with. I’m glad that she was at least safe and didn’t drive drunk. Anyway I’m going to be back in town this coming week on Thursday and Friday. I wanted to know if we could meet for lunch, coffee or something? My treat for driving me to my parent’s house.”

Clarke had accepted the invitation and they were going to meet for lunch at 11:30 on Friday. Clarke usually was still asleep at that time but she wanted to see Lexa and that was the best time that would work for both of them. Clarke was off Friday so if she needed she could go back home and to sleep.

While texting back and forth Lexa had asked Clarke what she was doing for a living and Clarke let her know that she became a nurse like she said she had planned to be. Clarke found out that Lexa was a chef and got a degree in business instead of going to culinary school. Lexa shared that she thought the business degree would be more valuable in the long run. She wanted her own restaurant and when her parents were ready to retire she could take over the business. Culinary school wouldn’t have been able to teach her anything that she hadn’t learned from her parents already. Experience had been the best teachers and her parent’s had a lot of experience and taught her well.

They messaged back and forth for a little over an hour about how their families were doing. Lexa didn’t mention Costia again till the end of the conversation when she said that she had to go because Costia would be up from her nap soon. They wished each other good night and the conversation ended.

_I’m wondering how they are getting along. Lexa hadn’t given any indication about that_. _Must be doing okay since they are both home together. Maybe I will find out more on Friday that would be okay too. We can do more catching up._

Clarke felt the pager at her side buzz. Unclipping it she looked at the display. It was Grace. “Good, you used the call light instead of yelling.”

“Help me…help me.”

Clarke stood up. “Guess I spoke to soon.” She headed down the hall to see what Grace needed.

 

Lexa looked at the clock on the nightstand. It was two in the morning and she was wide awake. She had gone to bed when Costia left for work at ten fifteen. Costia had only spoken one word to her since announcing she was driving home. Goodbye. Then she walked out the door.

_I’m wondering how long the silent treatment will last this time_. Sometimes it was only for an hour or around half a day. The longest was till the next morning. She knew it was going to be quiet on the ride home. It always was when both of them were angry about something. Lexa would eventually want to fix things but she knew that Costia would clam up and ignore her till she was ready to talk. Most of the time they never did and whatever was the issue never got resolved. Lexa had looked forward to the silence this time. It gave her time to think. Once Costia got home she went straight to bed.

Lexa had made herself and Costia some dinner. She sat at the table while she ate with her ear buds in listening to music on her cell phone. She had left Costia’s dinner in a container in the refrigerator. She didn’t take it with her.

Lexa thought about earlier when she was texting with Clarke. She was glad that Clarke agreed to meet her. She wanted to do something to repay her kindness and they ended up having a nice little conversation before Lexa heard Costia’s alarm go off. It was a good time say goodnight. Clarke had to go into work too.

_I bet she is a really good nurse and I am happy for her for following her dreams._ Clarke had seemed so passionate and determined when they were younger to succeed. Lexa had admired that. Costia use to have that same drive and determination. _I wondered what had happened_.

Lexa tried moving onto her side to see if it would help. _Another night of poor sleep. Great_. Lexa pulled Costia’s pillow over and tried to make herself more comfortable. Lexa knew that Costia was unhappy with working at Walmart _. I told her that if she didn’t like it to find something else. It didn’t matter to me as long as she helped with the bills._

The apartment they shared was actually in Costia’s name, along with the utilities but Lexa was the one who paid the rent while Costia paid the utilities. There had been a few times over the last year that Costia had asked her to cover one of the utility bills. Their finances were separate and Lexa didn’t know where Costia spent her money. Lexa did paid the bill those times. She was fond of having electricity.

Realizing that she wasn’t going to sleep anymore Lexa got up and went out into the living room. She turned on the light and stopped in front of the book shelf. She pulled out their senior yearbook. She sat down on the floor in front of the bookcase and flipped to the back till she found Costia’s name. There was only one page listed and that would be for their senior class picture. Lexa flipped to the page and found the color photo of her girlfriend.

Lexa touched the picture with the tips of her fingers _. God we were so happy back then. We couldn’t get enough of each other. We had so many plans. So many things we wanted to do together_. Lexa’s eyesight became blurry due to the development of tears. _I thought once we graduated we would be getting married and working on having a family. We always talked about that and our hopes and dreams together._ Lexa bit down on her lip. _Now we don’t talk at all._

Lexa flipped back to the list of names in the book and found Clarke’s. There were several pages listed for Clarke that had her picture on it _. Popular girl_. First Lexa went to the page of their senior class. Clarke looked exactly the same. Granted all of them looked pretty much the same. High school hadn’t been that long ago. Lexa kept looking at each page that had Clarke’s picture on it. Finally she stopped at the one they had taken for softball. They stood next to each other. Arms wrapped around their teammate’s waist waiting for their picture to be taken. There was always some type of touching. Girls helping the other girls with their hair, massaging sore muscles and hugging were common. Clarke and Lexa high fived each other after each inning or when Lexa had to go out on the pitcher’s mound. They hugged each other in congratulations when Clarke would strike out three batters in a row or when Lexa got a homerun. Clarke even slapped her on the butt once as they took the field. Costia saw that and didn’t like it very much. Lexa laughed at the memory. _It was surprising but I kind of liked it. I liked the affection I got from Clarke._

Lexa put the book away. Things had been easier for them then. There was high school to complete, college to look forward to and the beginning of career and a family. Lexa’s dreams up to this point were coming true. High school was in the past, she was a college graduate and working in the field that she wanted to be in. Right now the rest of those dreams were in limbo. She thought she and Costia would be together for the rest of their lives. Costia was the first and only person Lexa slept with. She wanted Costia to be her one and only. _Right now I don’t know what is going to happen or if we can even work our problems out like we have before_. Lexa sighed. _It feels different this time._

Lexa got up off the floor. _I’ll need to figure things out and soon. Right now though I need to sleep._ Lexa turned off the living room light and headed to bed. She hoped both Costia and Clarke were having a good night.


	5. Chapter 5

Lexa spotted Clarke sitting at a table in front of Boonies as she pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant. A smile stretched across her face as she observed the blonde woman whose head was down studying a menu. Lexa turned off her car, grabbed her wallet and got out of her car. The noise from the car door being shut caused Clarke to look up. Clarke’s smile was matching Lexa’s.

Clarke rose as Lexa crossed the sidewalk separating the parking lot and restaurant. “Hi.” Clarke wrapped one arm around Lexa and gave her a hug in greeting.

“Hi.” Lexa returned the hug and sat down in the chair opposite Clarke. “How are you?” Lexa reached up and put a strand of hair that had been caught by the breeze and tucked it behind her ear.

“I’m good. How are you?”

Lexa took a deep breath. “Okay.” She hesitated.

“But?”

“It’s been a long week.” Lexa hadn’t talked to Clarke since Sunday night except to confirm that Clarke was still able to make it to lunch.

“Shall we order and then you can tell me about it…that is if you want to?” _No pressure._

Lexa picked up her menu. “That sounds great. I’m really hungry.” Lexa hadn’t felt like eating much lately but the smells coming from the restaurant reawakened her appetite.

Clarke nodded and leaned back in her chair and waited for Lexa to look at the menu. Lexa’s smile had been genuine as she walked up but her eyes appeared to be puffy and tired looking like she wasn’t getting enough sleep.

The waitress came over and took their order. “So how was work last night?” Lexa asked after the waitress left.

“Busy. One of the residents fell last night and broke her hip. We had to call an ambulance and send her to the hospital.”

“That is awful. I hope that she will be okay.”

“She has to have surgery and it will take some recovery time but she will be okay eventually.”

“Thank you.” Lexa said to the waitress as she sat Lexa’s drink on the table. “So what else made last night busy? What do you do at night?”

Clarke let Lexa know the details of a typical shift like getting the previous shifts reports, reviewing charts, assigning duties to the CNAs, dispensing medication and providing treatment when needed. She also participated in rounds three times a shift and answered call lights. Some nights it was quiet and Harper, Indra or whoever happened to be working her halls that night might get some time to sit and visit. Other nights they moved nonstop.

“I didn’t know it could get that busy at night.” Lexa took a drink of her water and then moved her glass out of the way so the waitress could put her burger basket down on the table.

“Some of them go to bed right after dinner and sometimes they get up in the middle of the night for a few hours. Some are confused to time and place. Others maybe be sick, injured or dying and need extra attention.”

“Do you like working in the nursing home as opposed to being in a hospital or clinic?”

Clarke smiled. “I do. I started out as a CNA working part-time while I went to school. I knew what I was getting into. It can be really hard but rewarding and I really enjoy working with the elderly. I wouldn’t say it was like working in a facility with your grandma and grandpa like my CNA class instructor had said but you get close to some of the residents and their families. I like the consistency of caring for the same people every day.”

Lexa ate a french fry. “Kind of like how it was with me working at my parent’s restaurant. You have your regulars that come in and you get to talking to them, know what they want to drink and more than likely order. You find out about their friends and family. They kind of become adopted family.”

“Yes.”

Clarke knew the sons, daughters and grandkids of several of the residents. Most of them had grown up in town and when they couldn’t live on their own or needed additional care their families moved their loved ones into the local nursing home.

Clarke took a bite of her burger. “So you said you had a long week?” Clarke wanted to find out how Lexa was doing really. So far she had been doing most of the talking.

Lexa wiped her hands on a napkin. “I’ve been working a lot this past week. It has been nice being here and visiting with my family.” Lexa had come and stayed with her parents for a few days. It gave her some time to think away from work and away from Costia. She had also gone to her cousin’s fifth birthday party yesterday.

“How did the birthday party go?”

Lexa laughed. “I’ve never seen so many _Frozen_ stuff in my life. Everything my aunt had for Dani had some _Frozen_ character on it.”

“Bet she watches the movie a lot?”

“Over and over again. I think she knows every bit of dialogue there is in the movie. I’m surprised the DVD isn’t ruined yet.”

“Did Costia go with you?” Clarke asked as casually as she could.

Lexa stilled for a moment and gathered her thoughts. _No Costia didn’t go_. She didn’t know how much she should tell Clarke about what was going on. Clarke obviously knew some things and she offered to listen if Lexa had wanted to talk about it. Still Lexa wasn’t the type to rely on others too much and preferred to handle things on her own, in her own way. Would Clarke truly listen or would she start trying to give advice and tell Lexa what she thought she should do? Clarke’s expression was gentle as she looked at her with understanding while waiting for a response.

“No, she didn’t come with me. I imagine she won’t be coming home with me for a while _.” My parents are really pissed off at her and Costia didn’t want to deal with them yet._

“How do you feel about that?”

Lexa glanced down at the table and then back up to Clarke. “I think it’s for the best that she didn’t come.” Lexa picked up a fork that she hadn’t been using and tapped it on the table. “Things haven’t been going well with us. I wanted some time away from her.”

“I truly am sorry.” Clarke really was sorry. She didn’t like to see Lexa upset. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Lexa’s head nodded slightly. She deciding that she did want to talk. She felt comfortable being around Clarke. “I’ve been thinking all week about us. I haven’t been sleeping much lately.” Lexa stopped the tapping and held the fork in both of her hands. “I don’t feel good about where Costia and I are right now. She’s told me last weekend was the first time that she has gotten drunk in three years. I don’t believe her. Clarke I know what she was like before when she was drinking. Things were bad and I gave her an ultimatum and she said she would stop.” Lexa put the fork back down on the table. “Things got better till…like this last year.”

Clarke rested her arms in front of her on the table and leaned slightly forward. “So what is going on?”

“When she was drinking before she could have a bad temper. I’m seeing that temper again.”

“What does she do when she gets mad?”

“Raises her voice, complains a lot about not being happy, and tells me that it’s my fault. Blows me off like last weekend. It hasn’t happened every day. I would say last weekend was the worst with the way she treated me at Pride and then when I tried to talk to her on Sunday.”

Clarke frowned. “Has she ever hit you?”

“No, the only physical thing happened three years ago when she threw my books against the wall. That was when I gave her the ultimatum.

_I’m glad Costia’s not hitting her._ “And last weekend or perhaps before she broke her promise?”

“Yes.” Lexa looked off in the distance. “I think it has happened before Pride. It would explain her attitude lately. She denied it of course. She also denied sleeping with Sherry Saturday night. I’m not sure I believe her there either.”

Clarke didn’t know if Costia had cheated on Lexa but with what she saw at Pride and knowing that Costia and Sherry left together she wouldn’t have been surprised.

Clarke reached out and put her hand on Lexa’s forearm. “I’m sorry that you are going through this. It sucks.”

Lexa looked back at Clarke. “Yes, it does and I don’t think I can continue being with her the way things are going.”

 

“So what do you want to do about it?” Clarke would like to see Lexa kick Costia to the curb but she knew whatever was going to happen was going to be Lexa’s decision. Lexa was looking very sad and it was breaking Clarke’s heart.

“Clarke I love her.” Lexa shrugged. “But I don’t trust her.” Lexa stared down at her hands. “She attended two AA meetings this past week. She has an appointment to see a counselor next week.” Lexa shook her head. “She wants me to give her another chance.”

Costia had come home Monday morning after work and had apologized for her behavior. She had told Lexa that she was an alcoholic. That she knew she was treating Lexa horribly. That the way things were between them was all her fault and that she wanted to get help and she had begged Lexa to stay with her. Costia had been down on her knees and was crying. She was promising that things would get better. That she would get better. Lexa hated seeing her like that.

“Do you want to? It’s okay if you do. It’s also okay if you don’t want to.”

“I don’t know. I don’t know if that trust can be rebuilt. I think what if I do trust her again and she gets better and our relationship improves. Then I think what if I trust her and she shits all over me again.” Lexa rubbed her forehead. “I told her I would have to think about it and that has been pretty much all I’ve been thinking about since Monday.”

“How did she react when you told her that you would think about it?”

“I expected her to be upset but she was calm. She thanked me for considering it and then went to bed. I’m not sure I’m doing the right thing though. I don’t know if I’m giving her hope when maybe there is none.”

“Lexa you love her. You’ve been together for years and you have a lot of history together. If you want to end things it will be hard and I will be here for you if you ever want to talk. If you want to work it out it will take time. I don’t know if you can ever trust her again, only you can determine that but whatever choice you make I will support your decision.”

“Thanks Clarke.”

“Anytime.” Clarke smiled. “Just remember you have to do whatever makes _you_ happy.”

“I’m trying.” Lexa smiled. “I do feel better talking about it. I have all these questions in my head, all the what ifs and whys. I’m just trying to understand it all.”

“If things don’t work out do you know what you’re going to do?”

Lexa took a slow deep breath. “I suppose I will move out. The apartment we share is in Costia’s name as are the utilities. I would have to find my own place.” She placed her elbow on the table and rested her chin on her hand. “God that would be so weird though. Living by myself. I’ve never done that before.” _Sometimes it felt like I was living there all alone_ when _Costia wasn’t speaking to me._

“If it comes to that I’m sure you will be okay. You’re pretty tough.”

Lexa looked disbelieving at Clarke. “I don’t know about that Clarke but thank you.”

“Why don’t you think so?” Clarke always though that Lexa was tough and brave. After all she remaining squatted in the path of Clarke’s fast ball with nothing but a glove to stop it from hitting her. Not to mention she didn’t run away from the runners coming around third intent to slide into near where she stood. There had been more than a few collisions at home plate. And of course there was the dive she took into one of the dug outs to get a fly ball. She had missed the ball but everyone thought it was an amazing attempt.

“I’m just not sure what I’m doing or going to do. The not knowing, not having a clear course of action makes me feel pretty weak.”

“No matter what happens you are not weak. I think you’re pretty amazing actually. If you need me to keep telling you that I will. You can give me a call or we could meet for lunch again. Then I will tell you once again you’re amazing.”

Lexa laughed. “Thanks. I would really like that. I’ve been kind of a downer today with talking about my relationship problems but I would like to meet you again.”

“You haven’t been a downer. I’m glad I could be here for you. I would love to get together again.”

They talked about some possible days that would work for the both of them to have lunch again. Lexa talked more about her cousin’s birthday party. They parted with a hug and both were looking forward to when they could talk again.

 

When Lexa got home that afternoon Costia had met her at the door with a big bouquet of flowers and had dinner ready for them. She had listened intently and asked questions about Dani’s birthday party and left shortly after dinner to go to her meeting.

Lexa was watching TV when there was a knock at the door. Lexa looked through the peephole to see Sherry standing on the other side. _What the hell is she doing here?_ Lexa opened up the door a little ways and peered out at the woman standing there. “Can I help you?” Lexa’s tone was not friendly.

“Oh honey it’s not a matter of you helping me. I’m here to help you.”

Lexa raised her eyebrows. “How exactly?”

Sherry held up Costia’s cell phone. “We found her cell phone.” She handed it to Lexa.

“I’m sure Costia will be glad to have her phone back.” Sherry made no move to leave. “Is there something else?”

“Two things actually.” Sherry held up one finger. “You might want to look at your girlfriend’s phone. Check her video library I’m sure you will find something interesting.” Sherry held up a second finger. “I think you will find something else pretty interesting sitting at Jody’s bar. Bye.” Sherry waved and then turned around and walked away.

“What do you mean interesting?” Lexa asked but Sherry had kept on walking. With a nauseous feeling Lexa closed the door. Still holding Costia’s cell phone she walked back to the couch and sat down. She had never looked through Costia’s phone before. One reason was because she felt Costia should have her privacy. She would ask who had sent a text but she had never looked through the phone to make sure she was told the truth. Another reason was because Costia always had the phone on her.

Bringing up the main screen Lexa scrolled through the icons till she got to the video library. There was one recorded video on it. Lexa hesitantly touched the screen to start the video. Her eyes widened and her mouth dropped open in shock. The phone fell from her loose grip to the floor. She had suspected that Costia was lying about sleeping with Sherry. She had wanted to believe Costia. She really wanted to but here was the proof playing out on the screen of the cell phone. It was one thing to have your suspicions about your girlfriend having an affair. It was a whole other thing having it confirmed.

Lexa reached down and picked up the phone and turned off the video. Her stomach was rolling and she felt like she could throw up. She threw the phone on the couch and reached up to run her fingers through her hair. _She is such a fucking liar. I can’t believe I gave her the benefit of the doubt._ Lexa spotted the flowers that she had been given that morning. Walking over to the vase she picked it up and threw it against the wall. The vase shattered into several smaller pieces as the glass, water and flowers dropped to the floor.

Lexa stood in the living room. Her hands were clenched as several cuss words were voiced in her head. So that was what that damn woman wanted her to see on the phone. She could guess what else was interesting down at Jody’s. Lexa picked up her phone. She knew that Costia had liked going to Jody’s before. _Just another habit she hadn’t changed_. Searching the internet Lexa found Jody’s number and called. “Yes, is Costia there?”

After several seconds Costia came on the line. “Hello this is Costia.”

“Get your ass home.” Lexa all but growled into the phone. She heard a sharp intake of air on the other end and then the line went dead.

With teeth clenched Lexa walked to the closet and got a suitcase down and went to their bedroom to start packing her clothes. Tears were blinding her vision as she angrily wiped them away.

_I’ll get some of my clothes tonight and go to a hotel for a few days. I just can’t believe it. I can’t believe her. Eight fucking years done and over with just like that. She couldn’t even go a week. I wonder if she had actually gone to those AA meetings that she said she went to. Probably not_.” Lexa picked up a framed picture of the two of them together. Taking the back off of the frame she took the picture out and ripped it in two. _There just like my heart_.

Lexa went back out and got another suitcase out of the closet to pack some of the other things that she couldn’t bear to leave behind.

By the time she was done packing the second suitcase she heard the front door shut and watched Costia come running into the bedroom. She stopped dead in her track when she saw the suitcases lying on the bed.

 


	6. Chapter 6

 

 

“What are you doing?” Costia had seen the broken vase out in the living room. She looked at Lexa with wide eyes as she watched her girlfriend zip up a suitcase. She took an involuntary step back when Lexa looked up at her with hard, cold eyes.

“What does it look like I’m doing?” Lexa said through clenched teeth _. I will not cry in front of her._

Costia put her hands in her pocket. “Well it looks like you decided not to give me a second chance.”

Clarke laughed. Shaking her head in disbelief. “You really think you deserved a second chance? You were at a bar when you told me you were going to an AA meeting.”

“The meeting was canceled and I was hungry so I stopped there for something to eat. How did you know I was there anyway?”

“Oh right they cancelled the meeting and you were getting something to eat? Out of all the places you could have stopped and got something to eat you chose where you like to go and drink at or here is an idea…you could have come home and ate.” Lexa pointed to her head. “Do I have the word stupid written on my forehead?”

“I wanted a burger and they had good burgers.” _They have good screwdrivers too and it is harder to detect the alcohol on my breath._

Lexa closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “You are so full of shit.”

“You don’t believe me?” Costia licked her lips waiting to see what Lexa was going to say.

Lexa narrowed her eyes at Costia. “No I don’t fucking believe you. All you have been doing lately is lie to me.”

“About what?” Costia put her hands on her hips as she tried to look indignant.

Lexa picked up her suitcases and started heading towards the bedroom doorway. Costia stood in her way.

“Get out of my way Costia.” Lexa’s voice was tense and she glared at Costia.

Costia held her hands out in front of her. “No, Lexa wait. We have to talk about this.”

“Get…out…of…my…way!” Lexa tightened her grip on the suitcases as she continued walking towards the doorway. Costia was either going to move or Lexa was going to run into her.

Costia saw the look of determination on Lexa face and moved out of her way and followed her into the living room. Lexa put the suitcases by the front door. She walked over and picked up Costia’s cell phone from where she threw it earlier. “Good news. Sherry stopped by. She found your cell phone.” Lexa tossed the phone to Costia.

Costia barely caught the phone. “Sherry was here?” _Oh shit that is why she is pissed and leaving. Sherry must have said something._ “Babe whatever she said wasn’t true. She is just mad at me because she was interested in me and I turned her down. She is trying to come between us.”

Lexa’s smile was humorless. “It wasn’t so much what she had to say but what she had to show.” Lexa crossed her arms across her chest. “There is a video on the phone. Go ahead and watch it and then try and tell me how honest and faithful you are and how I could ever fucking trust you again.”

Costia nervously went to the video. Her heart started beating faster as she played it long enough to see her and Sherry making out on the couch. _Oh fucking hell._ She didn’t remember much about that night but she knew how it ended in the morning. Costia didn’t know who shot the video but she knew Lexa had seen it, she knew Lexa knew she lied and why she was leaving her.

“I don’t remember this at all. I was too drunk.” Costia said sadly. She placed the phone on the table and walked over to the couch and dropped herself down onto it. _This is bad. Sherry must have told Lexa where I was at._ “Lexa I’m sorry…what can I do to make this right?”

Lexa shook her head from side to side. “Not a damn thing.”

“Don’t you love me?” Costia hunched over and rested her arms on her knees. She knew she really fucked up and knew she got caught. She felt the wetness on her cheeks as the tears came.

“It’s not about love. It’s about trust and respect.” Lexa turned away from Costia. She was tired. She didn’t want to be here anymore. Didn’t want to see the sad face and the tears that was on Costia’s face. Costia’s actions destroyed their relationship and she was about to put the final nail in the coffin to end it. “I don’t trust you.” She turned back to look at Costia and she tried to keep her expression hard and unfeeling. “You lied to me. You cheated on me. You disrespected me and our relationship. Eight years you threw away. Our plans for our future. For what?”

“I’m sorry. I was drunk. Those women didn’t mean a thing to me.”

“Women.” Lexa nodded sadly. “So you’ve cheated on me before?”

Costia looked down at the floor. “Yes.” She said hesitantly.

“God Costia what the hell is wrong with you?” Lexa bit her lip and took a deep breath. _There are so many questions that I want to ask. How many women? Was she safe? Was she cheating when we were still having sex? Why wasn’t I enough?_ The answers to those questions would change the facts. Costia lied and cheated. Doesn’t matter if it was one time or five times. One woman was too much.

Costia continued to sit on the couch picking at a fingernail as her gaze stayed down on the floor.

“I’ll be back to get the rest of my stuff in a couple of days. I will call and let you know when. Please don’t be here when I come back.”

Costia’s head snapped up. “You really think that I’m just going to let you come in here and take stuff without me being here?”

“I’m not going to take your stuff or destroy anything Costia. You know me better than that.” She saw Costia nod. “I will leave the key when I’m done.”

_God I don’t want her to leave. I have to do something to convince her to stay_. “You don’t have to do this. We can work this out. I’m going to counseling. We both can go to counseling. Don’t throw away eight years of our life away.”

“I didn’t throw our life away. You did. I can’t do this anymore.” Lexa said quietly. She turned and picked up the suitcase and put them outside the door. “I do love you Costia but I can’t be with you anymore. You need help. Please get some.”

“Yeah sure you do.” Costia said angrily looking away from Lexa as she wiped a tear away. “You know I need help yet you are abandoning me when I need you the most.” Costia turned her eyes back to Lexa. “Just get out…go!” She stood up and came walking towards Lexa.

There really wasn’t anything more to say so Lexa stepped out into the hallway and picked up her suitcases and started down the hall. She jumped as Costia slammed the door behind her. Closing her eyes she tried to calm the pounding in her heart. She took a couple deep breaths before continuing down the hall and down the steps to the apartment building entrances.

Lexa put her suitcases in the back seat of her car and got behind the wheel. She couldn’t keep the emotions at bay anymore and felt the full pain she had in her heart. It was done. Over. Lexa leaned her forehead against the steering wheel of her car as the tears streamed down her face.

_Why…why did this happen? Why did she do this to us? What am I going to do now?_ Lexa slapped the dashboard of her car in frustration causing her hand to sting. “Ouch.” _Okay, beating up my car isn’t going to help._

Lexa sat up and wiped her tears. Turning the rear view mirror towards herself she checked out her appearance. “I look like hell.” Sniffing Lexa reached over to the glove compartment where she kept a small box of Kleenex. Pulling one out of the package she dried her eyes. _First thing I need to do is find a place to stay._ Starting the car Lexa looked back at the apartment building and what used to be her home and sanctuary. Now it was just someplace that she used to love and live at. The curtain was pulled back to the side of a window and Costia stood in what used to be their bedroom. Lexa looked away. Putting the car in drive she drove out of the parking lot.

There were five hotels on Park Avenue that were reasonably priced. She would get a room at one of them for a few days, maybe a week and then go from there. She would need to find a new apartment and get the rest of her stuff out of Costia’s apartment. She had paid for the bed and the chair that sat in the living room but she didn’t care at the moment if she went back for those. _I would have to have help taking the bed and I might as well go get myself a new one_. The old one held too many memories. She just wanted to get her books, the rest of her clothes, her pots and pans as well as her knives _. I paid a lot of money for those. I’m not going to leave my knives._

Lexa drove and stopped at the first hotel she came to. She was able to get a room for a week. It had a small refrigerator and microwave in it. The bed was queen size. A flat screen TV sat on a low dresser. There was also a love seat and a small table with two chairs. The room had the usual style of bathroom. It was your typical hotel room with artwork on the walls that was probably in every room in every hotel. _This will work while I figure out what I’m going to do._

Setting the suitcases next to the love seat Lexa went and locked the door then stretched out on the bed. She had a headache and her stomach was growling but she didn’t feel motivated to do anything about either one right at the moment. Her nose was also stuffy and she felt like crying again.

Lexa’s eyes were closed as she laid on the bed. She could feel wetness at the edges of her eye lids _. I should have brought some Tylenol with me. Maybe they will have some at the front desk._

She knew that she would eventually have to call her parents and let them know what happened. They would have a lot of questions. Questions she didn’t feel like answering right now. She decided she would call them in the morning. She would have to change her mailing address. That she needed to do tomorrow _. Maybe I can have everything sent to my parents for now. At least till I find a place._ There was just so much to do and Lexa wasn’t sure where to start. _I need to make a list._ Sitting up Lexa found the hotel stationary and a pen. Turning on a lamp by the table she sat down and started making a list of things that she needed to do and put numbers next to them by order of importance. _First things first is I need to get rid of this damn headache and eat something._ She was going to take some time off of work so she needed to call her boss Marcus and let him know she wasn’t going to be in for a couple of days. She hated doing it but she needed to get things taken care of. She wrote down several more things and decided that was a start.

Lexa grabbed her wallet and her room key card. There was a fast food restaurant across the road that she could get a sandwich at. She didn’t feel like eating but her stomach growling told her she needed to eat something. She wanted to stop at the hotel front desk and see if they had any pain medication. If not there was a convenience store on the next corner that she could pick some up at. She would then call work after she ate something and see about some time off. Then if she felt up to it she was going to get online and start looking at apartment listings that she could start calling tomorrow. There was a lot that she needed to do and she wanted to keep herself busy. Otherwise she just felt like curling up on the bed and crying.

 

Clarke had the night off and was sitting at home on her couch. A book in one hand and a cup of tea in the other when her phone chimed alerting her to a text message. Putting her cup down she picked up her phone and tapped the screen to see the message. It was from Lexa. Putting the phone down Clarke grabbed her book mark and inserted it in the book to save her page. Picking her phone back up she read the message.

“HI, I don’t know if you’re busy or not. I wanted to tell you that I broke up with Costia today. She did cheat on me with Sherry and it wasn’t the first time. I left and I’m staying at the Travel Inn on Park Avenue for a few days.”

Instead of sending a text back Clarke called Lexa. _Costia you are an idiot._

“Lexa are you okay?” Clarke asked when Lexa answered her phone.

“Hi Clarke. I wasn’t bothering you was I?” Lexa didn’t want to bother Clarke but she had wanted to talk to someone and she didn’t want to disturb her parents. If Clarke was busy she figured then she would have at least told Clarke that she and Costia had broken up.

“No, you’re not bothering me. I’m so sorry Lexa. What happened?”

Lexa told Clarke about Sherry coming to the apartment earlier that day. How Sherry seemed happy to be able to tell her about the video on the cell phone and Costia being at the bar when she was supposed to be at the AA meeting. She also told Clarke about throwing the vase of flowers that Costia had bought her against the wall. How she ripped up one of their photographs and how Costia rushing home to be surprised to see her packing.

“She tried to tell me she was at the bar to eat but I didn’t believe her…and really her lying about the bar is nothing compared to her cheating on me.”

“So what did she say about the video?” _That is weird that someone filmed that._

“”She said she doesn’t remember what happened that night. That she was drunk. Then she tried to tell me that the women that she slept with didn’t mean anything to her which was how I found out there was more than one.” Lexa was lying in bed. She held her cell phone up to her ear with one hand. The other arm was resting across her forehead.

“Oh Lexa.” _Costia may have an illness but that doesn’t excuse her for doing all that._

“I suspected that she had lied and cheated. Knowing that it really did happen though…” Lexa sighed. She hated feeling like this. “I’m so incredibly pissed off right now and sad at the same time.”

“You have every right to be. Whatever emotion or lack of emotion that you may have is normal.”

“I don’t know why she would do this. I don’t understand.” _Where did everything go wrong?_

“I don’t know hon. I wish we could always understand why things happen but I don’t think you will ever get the answers you want in order to understand it.”

“Things haven’t been right with us for a long time but I didn’t want to believe she could really be like that…” Lexa didn’t say anything more at first. She was lost in thought thinking about her and Costia.

Clarke kept quiet and waited for Lexa. She didn’t want to pry too much and she didn’t want to tell Lexa that this was probably for the best. _It really is for the best but when you’re hurting you sometimes don’t want to hear that._ Clarke listened to Lexa’s breathing over the phone and waited for her to continue.

“Clarke I was with her for eight years. I can’t believe it’s over.” Lexa said quietly.

“That is a long time to be with someone. There is a lot of history between you two. I know you love her. You may always do a little bit. She was your first love. But unfortunately things have changed. She changed but not in a way that was good for herself or for you.”

A few tears escaped the corners of Lexa’s eyes. “You’re right. The choices she was making wasn’t good for either of us. For our relationship. She lied, manipulated and cheated on me. I couldn’t stay in that type of relationship.” Lexa wiped the tears away. “She once again tried to get me to stay to get counseling. She asked what she could do to fix it.”

“What did you say?” Clarke asked.

“I told her there was nothing…nothing she could have done to make it right.” _How could I ever trust her again?_

“You know you deserve better than that Lexa. It’s going to be hard but I know you’re going to be okay. I said before you are tough. You’re going to make it through this. It feels awful now but you will be okay. Maybe not right now but you will eventually.”

After Finn died Clarke didn’t think she would be okay ever again but her pain faded. She didn’t think it would every completely end but it hurt a little less every single day. She was ready to love again. It hadn’t happened yet with anyone since Finn but she was hopeful for someday.

Lexa took a deep breath and slowly released it. “I hope your right. I don’t want to feel like this forever.”

“It won’t be. Your heart will mend and you will find someone to love again. Someone who will treat you with the dignity and respect you deserve.”

Lexa smiled briefly. “Someday maybe. I can’t see myself rushing into another relationship.”

“I know and you don’t have to _.” I’m interested in her but I don’t want to be some rebound. Someone she uses to help her get over the pain caused by Costia_. “It will take as long as it takes. Don’t rush yourself.” _She needs to do what is best for her._

“There is so many things going through my mind. Questions I have and things I have to take care of now.” Lexa had added several items to her growing list earlier when she got back from dinner.

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

“You already have by listening to me tonight and you have been supportive. I really do appreciate that.”

“I’m glad that I’m being helpful. I will help you in any way I can. I wish I could take away your pain but I know I can’t. Unfortunately you will have to work through that but I will be here for you to talk to or if you need a hug just ask.”

“Thanks, you’re a sweetie.” Lexa could really use a hug from Clarke right now but it would have to wait till she saw her again. She lifted her head to look at the clock on the night stand. It was getting late. Talking about her feelings regarding Costia was helpful but she was drained. It wouldn’t take her long to fall asleep tonight. “Does Michael’s still have the batting cages?”

Michael’s was a large entertainment center that had activities for all ages. Outside there were two go cart tracks and a mini golf course. In the large building there was an arcade, an extravagant play area for younger kids, a bowling alley and a laser tag arena. In a smaller building there was an area designated for ball players to practice their pitching and there were batting cages for baseball and slow and fast pitch softball. When she was younger Lexa spent a lot of time in the batting cages and getting junk food from the concession stand.

“Yes, they are still there. I spend time every summer in the batting cages keeping my skills up. I’m on a women’s slow pitch softball team.”

“Maybe next time I’m in town we can go do some hitting? I need to work out some frustration and hitting a bunch of softballs should be helpful and fun.”

“That sounds great. Maybe you would like to come to one of my games sometime? I play both summer and fall ball.”

“I would like that.” Lexa stood up and pulled the covers back. “It’s getting late so I will let you go. Thank you for calling me back. I’m glad I got to talk to you a little. It does help.”

“Anytime. Let me know if there is anything I can do.”

“I will. Thanks again Clarke. Good night.”

“Goodnight. Sleep well Lexa. Remember I always have you’re back.”


	7. Chapter 7

Lexa had set her alarm for 4 am. She knew her parents would be getting up at that time and getting ready to go for work. They always showered before heading into work. At the restaurant they would get the coffee going and make breakfast for themselves before they opened for customers. She wanted to try and catch them before they left for the restaurant.

Lexa called her mother’s cell phone and waited for her mom to answer. “Hi mom.”

“Lexa, it’s a quarter after 4 in the morning. What is going on?” Erica asked with concern.

“I wanted to catch you before you went to the restaurant.” Lexa took a deep breath. “I wanted to let you know that Costia and I broke up.”

“Oh sweetie what happened? Wait let me get your father.”

“Mom you don’t have…” Lexa was too late as her mom had put the phone down. Lexa waited as her mother went and got her father.

“Okay I have your father here. What is going on?”

Lexa explained briefly what had happened between her and Costia and that she was moving out of the apartment and staying at a hotel till she could find a new home.

“What a lying no good...I am so pissed off at her.” Erica said angrily. “I’m really happy you left her. She doesn’t deserve you sweetie and you shouldn’t have to put up with all of that. Your father wants to talk to you.”

“Hi baby girl.”

“Hi daddy.”

“Is there anything you need? Money or help getting your things?” Paul asked.

“I don’t need any money and there is not a lot left at the apartment I want but thanks.”

“Do you have someone that can go with you to pick up your things?”

“No, I can get everything.” Lexa said. “It would only be a few boxes really.” Lexa had made a list of exactly what she wanted to get. She would leave the rest.

“I mean more along the lines of being there in case she pulls something. Do you think she will destroy your things or change the locks on you?”

“I honestly don’t know. I wouldn’t think so but I didn’t think she would do some of the things she did.”

“I’m sorry that she did that to you. It sounds like she has some major problems with the drinking.”

“Yes, I think so too. I’m hoping she gets some help.”

“We are not very happy with her right now for the way that she treated you.”

“I know. I’m not happy about it either. But whether I’m happy about it or not doesn’t change what happened.”

“No, it doesn’t.” Paul said. “Just know we are here for you and if you want one of us to go with you just let us know.”

_I don’t think that will be necessary but it’s nice they offered_. “I will, thanks.”

“Okay, we love you honey. Here is your mother again.”

“How are you really?” Erica asked.

“I’m hanging in there. There are a few things I need to figure out. Where to go from here.” Lexa really didn’t want to get into a long conversation about what she was thinking and feeling. The conversation already lasted longer than what she had intended but she was grateful for their support.

“You should come home.” Erica suggested.

Before Lexa could respond to that she could hear her mother and father talking quietly before her mother spoke to her directly again.

“It’s your choice but we would love it if you came back and lived with us. For however long you want or need to.”

“That would be great mom but it would be a long drive to work.” Lexa was grateful for the offer and she might consider it if she couldn’t find an apartment soon. She really didn’t want to live out of a hotel room for long.

“You could come and work at the restaurant if you wanted. It’s not as fancy as the place that you currently work at but you know the business.”

_Should I quit my job and move home? It’s the only thing keeping me here. Costia and I are through. I don’t really have any friends here and I’m done with school so why not?_ “Give me some time to think about it okay mom?”

“Of course honey. No pressure. Whatever you want to do is fine with us. We just want you to be okay.”

“I will be I just need some time.”

“Okay, if you need us call.”

“I will and I will talk to you both soon.”

“Alright honey. Love you.”

“Love you too mom. Have a good day.”

Lexa put her cell phone down when she ended the call with her parents. _Now they know and I can take that off my list._ After breakfast she planned on making some phone calls to see if the apartments she saw online were still available. She was a little concerned about what she found. All the apartments were asking for more rent than what she had been paying before and now she would also be responsible for all the household utilities as well. She made good money at the restaurant and didn’t think that affording an apartment would be a problem. _The problem is I would be all alone here. I could get out and make some new friends. Start over and create a life here. Date someone new when I’m ready. Yeah I could do that but I’m still over an hour away from my family though. If I move back I don’t have to worry about rent and utilities. I could save up some money and I know apartments are cheaper at home then they are here. With me working in the kitchen maybe mom and dad could take some time off. They work so hard maybe they could actually go out on a date or take a vacation._

Lexa got out of bed and went and got a drink of water. She wasn’t quite ready to be up for the day but she was wide awake now and couldn’t shut off her brain in order to sleep.

It would be nice to go back home and work at her parent’s business. She knew the majority of customers that came into the restaurant and lived in town, her parents would be there and a few friends that were still in the area. Clarke lived there…Lexa had wanted to spend more time with her. Go to the batting cages and go see Clarke play softball. Maybe in the fall she could join a team and play too. With work and school she didn’t have time for a lot of extracurricular activities.

_But if I do go home am I running away? I worked hard to get to where I’m at now. Would I be taking a step backwards?_ Lexa refilled the plastic cup again and carried it with her over to the love seat. Sitting down she stretched her legs out and thought more about what she should do.

Is where you are at now your dream job? Wasn’t your ultimate plan owning your own restaurant and eventually taking over your parents? Maybe I need to look at this as more job experience. Regrouping instead of running away. Being around people I love and who loves me while I’m getting over Costia.

Going home seemed to be the best thing for her. She didn’t have to stay at her parent’s place forever and she didn’t have to work at their restaurant forever either. Being around her family now though was just what she needed.

“Okay that decision is made. I will call Marcus later and put in my two weeks.” Lexa looked at the clock. Costia was supposed to work last night. _So if I text her and tell her that I will be coming by later tonight to get my stuff she will have time to go home and sleep. Then hopefully not be there when I stop by._

Lexa decided to call her parents back later and let them know of her decision. She then texted Costia to let her know about her coming by later that day. She would need to get some totes to put some of her stuff in.

_By the time my two weeks are up at work I would have been on vacation anyways. I’ll let mom and dad know I will start after my vacation is done. The cabin is all paid for so I might as well use it. A little alone time might be good._ Lexa stood up and walked over towards the bed. Having a small plan in place helped put her mind to ease and she felt like she might be able to get some sleep _. I wonder if Clarke would be free for a few days that week. Maybe she would like to drive up and spend the weekend. I don’t have to spend the whole week alone._

 

 

Using her key Lexa let herself into her former home. Costia had acknowledged her text earlier that morning about stopping by and getting the rest of her stuff. She also told Lexa not to worry. She wouldn’t be there.

Costia had left some totes in the middle of the living room. Taped to the lid of one was an envelope with her name on it. Lexa reached out hesitantly and picked up the envelope. It wasn’t sealed as she reached inside and took out the single sheet of notebook paper.

“I left some totes for you so you could get your things. I know I don’t have to be there. I trust you. I know that you wouldn’t take things that wasn’t yours or cut holes in my clothes in some act of revenge. You may be pissed off at me but you wouldn’t do something like that. You are a kind and decent person.”

_Too bad lately you were not._

“I’m going to get help. Real help. No bullshit this time. I see the darkness ahead if I stay on the path I’m on. I’m pretty frustrated with life right now. I was jealous of your success and my life didn’t seem to go anywhere. Everything always seem to come easy for you and I felt like I had to scratch and claw for everything…except for your love which I threw away. I know I made some choices that were not good for me and not good for us. I used alcohol to make myself feel better. To cope with my feelings. Feelings that I didn’t want to deal with but know I have to in order to get better. I will get better. I hope when that day comes you still love me and I can prove to you I changed. Maybe then you can forgive me for what I have done. I do love you Lexa despite everything I did. I know that is hard to believe but for once I am being truthful. I know that I can’t do this alone. I need help from professionals and friends and family.

_It is hard to believe Costia but I’m glad you are going to get help._ Lexa continued to read.

“I need your help too. I know we are broken up. I know it is my fault but you know me better than anyone. I know that it won’t be right away but I hope that I will be able to call you sometime…just to talk. Support systems are important to recovery. I know I don’t deserve to count you as someone who would be supportive but I hope that you will. Anyway…I miss you. I wish I would have done things differently…I understand I you don’t want to hear from me ever again. I’m still going to make myself better…for me. Take care Lexa. Text me when you are done packing.”

Lexa folded the sheet of paper and put it back in the envelope. _She may not be here but she still found a way to get to me. I hope she is following through on this and it’s not some bullshit she is trying again. Sad thing is because of behavior I don’t know if this is real or not. I’m not sure how I can help her. She said something about talking. How do I know what she is going to talk about isn’t a bunch more lies? How often would she want to talk and would she use that to try and keep me in her life or try and get back together?_ Taking the envelope Lexa put it in her pocket and grabbed a tote _. I know I can‘t help her right now. The wounds are still too fresh…maybe someday when I’m not so mad or sad. Right now I have to take care of myself._

Lexa went room to room and gathered her things. She half expected Costia to come back while she was there. So much was her trust in Costia’s word that she was going to stay away, but Costia didn’t come back to the apartment. After gathering her things and taking several trips down to her car she was done.

Walking through the apartment Lexa made sure she had what was hers and what she wanted to take. Her car was packed as it was and fortunately she had everything she needed. While she walked through the apartment one last time she mentally said goodbye to her former life. Her hopes and dreams that she once had with Costia.

While sitting in front of the apartment building Lexa texted Costia to let her know she was done. Then she texted her mother’s phone and let her know that she was coming home. She was on her way back to the hotel to get her things and check out. For the next two weeks she would drive the hour to work on the days she was scheduled. Marcus wasn’t happy about her quitting but was grateful that she had given him some time to find a replacement.

Lexa managed to get her suitcases in her car. She was checked out of the hotel and was glad that she didn’t stay the whole week. Stopping at a gas station she filled her car up. Lexa got a Pepsi, paid for her gas then headed for home. Her parents were looking forward to her arrival and was going to have dinner ready for her. Tomorrow she would unpack and go to the post office and change her address. The day after tomorrow she would have to go to work for the next three days, but on her next day off she was hoping to get ahold of Clarke again to see if they could go hit some balls at the batting cages or meet somewhere for lunch.

Lexa sent a quick text to Clarke to find out what she was doing later in the week then putting the car in drive she headed for home.


	8. Chapter 8

8

Lexa turned off the highway and onto the gravel road that would take her out to Clarke’s house. The fields along the road had corn and soybeans planted in them and wild flowers of yellow, white and purple grew in the ditches along the road. Clarke had invited her to come out to her house which was three miles out of town in the country. It was Lexa’s day off but Clarke had to work that night. They were going to have dinner together and watch a movie before Clarke went into work.

As Lexa approached a small farm she slowed down. Two dogs, one a German Shepard and the other one a Beagle came out to the road and started running along her car. They followed for a little bit before stopping and turning around and headed back home.

After driving over a bridge big enough for only one car to cross at a time Lexa turned at the lane to Clarke’s house. She drove past a few trees then parked in front of the two car garage that was attached to Clarke’s house.

Lexa got out of her car and looked at the house. “Wow this is nice.”

Clarke lived in a one story log home on an acre of land half surrounded by timber. The front of the house had a low wooden porch complete with a porch swing. Planters filled with brightly colored flowers sat in each corner of the porch.

Lexa climbed the two steps onto the porch and went to the door and rang the doorbell. By the door was a large picture window that had the curtains wide open. Lexa could see inside the living room and watched as Clarke came from what Lexa assumed was the kitchen to answer the door.

“Hey, you found it.” Clarke smiled as she opened the door to let Lexa in.

“It wasn’t that hard.” Lexa returned the smile as she walked into the house. “Hi.”

“Hi.” Clarke shut the door then noticed the container that Lexa had in her hand. “What do you have there?”

“I know you said I didn’t need to bring anything but I made some brownies for dessert.” Lexa handed the container to Clarke.

“Oh I never turn down brownies. I’m so glad you could come over tonight.”

“I’m glad you were willing to get together even though you have to work tonight.”

“It’s not a problem. I enjoy your company. So are you interested in a little tour? Dinner won’t be done for a few more minutes.”

“Sure.”

Clarke turned and extended a hand out towards the room they were standing in. “As you can tell this is the living room.”

The room was large and had plenty of seating with a full size couch, love seat and two recliners in the room. A lap top computer sat on a small round table which was placed between the two recliners. There was also a big flat screen TV, DVD player and stereo against one wall. Two three shelved bookcase stood next to the couch and the love seat. Both were filled with books.

“I’ll take you down the hall first.” Clarke headed to the left of the living room. “This is the main bathroom. There are three in the house so when I have company no one should have to wait.”

“That is convenient.”

The bathroom had a toilet, walk in shower with built in seat, a large whirlpool tub, and a vanity with a double sink. A large mirror was attached to the wall above the vanity. A door led to a closet and the master bedroom. The bathroom smelled faintly of roses.

“I had the shower and bathtub remodeled when I moved in. I can’t tell you how nice it is to get into that tub after a long night.”

“I can imagine. It’s very nice.” _Oh god I just imagined Clarke in the tub with a bunch of bubbles. That was unexpected._ Lexa tried to keep her expression neutral as she followed Clarke out of the bathroom and through another door.

“This is my bedroom.” Clarke pointed to a door. “As you probably figured out that door leads into the bathroom.”

Clarke had a queen sized bed with a night stand on both sides. Two dressers sat along one wall. An older TV with a DVD/VCR combo sat on one of the dressers. There was also another bookcase in the room and a chair with ottoman. Double doors opened up to reveal a large walk in closet.

“This is the largest closet I have ever seen. It could be a whole other bedroom.”

Clarke smiled as they looked inside. “Yes it could and I’m only using such a small amount of space in there.” Clarke closed the closet doors. “There are two other bedrooms up here.” Clarke walked out into the hall and opened up the other bedroom doors.

The second bedroom was a little smaller than the master bedroom. The third bedroom was about the size of the closet they just looked at. Both rooms had a queen sized bed, one dresser and big closets but not as large as the master bedroom one.

“You said bedrooms up here. Do you mean that there is more bedrooms?”

“There are two rooms downstairs but they don’t have beds in them. We usually have our family gatherings out here and I will have relatives stay over so it’s nice to have these bedrooms and they can sleep in air mattresses or sleeping bags on the floor downstairs. Come on I will show you.”

Clarke led Lexa back to the living room which opened up to the dining room. A large round table sat in front of double sliding glass doors that led out onto a patio. A door to the right led to the garage. An island counter separated the dining area from the kitchen which was large, had nice wooden cabinets, plenty of counter space and newer kitchen appliances. Something that smelled amazing to Lexa was cooking in the oven.

Clarke stopped in front of three doors in the back of the kitchen. Clarke pointed to the door on the left. “This is another bathroom that just a toilet and sink in it. This door leads down into the basement.” Clarke opened the middle door and flipped the light switch on at the top of the stairs. “That one will take us outside.” Clarke was referring to the door on the right as they headed down the stairs.

The stairs opened up into a large room. To the right of the stairs sat a recliner and couch. Along the wall was a fire place. Bolted to the wall off to the side of the fire place was another flat screen TV. The rest of the room was open and empty. One door just to the left of the bottom of the stairs led into another bathroom. This one had a toilet, sink and a shower stall. Two small rooms at the other end of the basement sat empty except for some totes that Clarke had piled into the corner.

“You have a very nice home. How long have you lived here?” Lexa asked as they went up the stairs and back into the kitchen.

“Three years. It was my great aunt’s house. I was her favorite relative so she willed the house to me when she died.”

Lexa’s eyes widened. “It’s sad that she died.” Lexa looked around the kitchen in amazement before looking back at Clarke. “But wow, she gave you a house.”

“I was surprised when I got it that was for sure. Aunt Colleen never got married or had any kids. I was the closest thing to a daughter she had.”

The timer on the oven went off. Clarke turned it off and got an oven mitt to take the pan out.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Lexa asked.

“No thanks, I got this.” Clarke put the pan on the oven and reached up into the cupboard to get two plates and opened a drawer to get some silverware out. “You come on out here and have a seat while I take care of it okay?”

“Okay.” Lexa took a seat at the table and watched Clarke set the table before returning to the kitchen.

“Would you be interested in a glass of lemonade. I have tea and water too?”

“Lemonade would be nice.” Lexa looked out the double doors to the patio. She could see patio furniture and a large grill from where she sat. Clarke had a nice open back yard that ended with a line of pine trees. “I bet it is really quiet out here.”

“It is.” Clarke came over to the table and handed Lexa her lemonade. “I love it. It’s far enough away from town that it’s nice and peaceful. No noisy neighbors to deal with and close enough that an ambulance came make it out here quickly in an emergency.” Clarke returned to the table with the casserole and put it down on two hot pads. “I hope you like it. I don’t cook the fancy stuff that you do.” Clarke sat down in her chair.

Lexa laughed at Clarke’s assumption. “I don’t either most of the time unless I’m at work or if it’s something special. This smells great. I’m sure I will love it.”

“So how is it living back with your parents?” Clarke took the spoon that Lexa held out to her and put some of the casserole on her plate.

Lexa finished the mouth full of food she had before answering. It’s a little weird being back in my old bedroom. I haven’t lived with my parents for a long time but they have been nice and supportive. I’ve missed them a lot. I didn’t get down nearly as much as I would have liked. This is great by the way.” Lexa said before taking another bite of the casserole.

“Thanks.” Clarke smiled at Lexa. She was glad she liked it. “So how are you doing with everything?” She noticed that Lexa had a clear Band-Aid on the index finger of her left hand.

Lexa swallowed then took a drink of her lemonade. “I haven’t been sleeping well. I’ve had a few bad dreams where I have woken up crying and then I can’t get back to sleep. Then I usually start thinking about Costia and everything that happened and wishing that she would have just talked to me about what she was feeling. Maybe I could have helped her before all of this happened.”

“Do you have any idea when she started to have problems?”

Lexa shook her head no. “Things haven’t been going well for at least a year. More disagreements than what we usually have.” Lexa shrugged one shoulder. “We hadn’t been intimate for six months. I would say sometime around then but I don’t really know for sure.”

“With the dreams that you are having. What happens in your dreams that makes you cry?”

Lexa shifted in her seat before answering. “Costia dies in the dreams.” Lexa didn’t want to remember the dreams but pieces of them haunted her. “There have been three dreams that I remember. In one dream she kills herself after I broke up with her. I’m the one that ends up finding her and I’m devastated. The next one she dies in an automobile accident and they call me to identify the body. The other one I kill her.”

Clarke’s eyebrows rose in surprise. “You killed her?”

Lexa nodded. “I stab her in the heart with one of my knives for betraying me.” Lexa looked anxiously at Clarke. “The part that really got to me is how my face looks while I’m doing it. It’s twisted in a look of rage. My teeth are bared, the veins in my neck stand out. I’m snarling and slashing at her with my knife. I’m making her suffer till the final blow which is straight into her heart.” Lexa ran her fingers through her hair. “There was no more sleep for me that night.” That had been a really long day because she couldn’t get that image out of her mind.

“I can see where you would have a hard time sleeping after that. That is pretty scary.”

“I’ve certainly had more pleasant dreams before.” Lexa played with the band on her watch. “I’m not happy with Costia but I don’t want her dead.”

“Has she tried contacting you?” Clarke was curious if Costia had been trying to stay in contact.

“No, and I half expected her to show up at work but so far she hasn’t called or anything which I’m glad for. I know she needs help and wants me to help her but I don’t know that I can right now.”

“Yes she does need help but there is nothing written that says you have to be the person to do it. If you don’t want to help or think that you are unable to help don’t feel pressured to do it. She is the one responsible for this mess, not you.”

Lexa nodded as she picked up her fork and began eating again. She wanted Costia to get help. She wanted her to be happy and healthy but she knew that Costia had to do the work. Lexa didn’t know if Costia was really up for that. Maybe she will surprise me or maybe it’s more promises from someone who can’t keep them.

Lexa brushed a strand of her hair out of her face then spoke. “I think she is hoping that if she gets help that we will get back together.”

_Would you be willing to do that?_ “Is that what you want?”

“I’ve had several days to think about all of this. I’ve been angry, frustrated and I’ve cried over her. The other day I accidentally cut myself at work because I haven’t been paying attention to what I’ve been doing because all I’m doing is thinking about her, what she did and how I feel about it.” Lexa closed her eyes briefly then opened them to gaze into Clarke’s blue ones. “One conclusion I’ve come to is that I can’t ever trust her again. I trusted her three years ago when she said she stopped drinking. Was she cheating back then?” Lexa shrugged. “I don’t know but it’s something that has crossed my mind. Even if she got better and a miracle happened and we got back together I think I would always be expecting her to lie, drink or cheat again and that is no way to have a relationship. So no. I don’t want to get back together.”

Clarke nodded. “I think like you, I would always be waiting for the other shoe to drop.” Clarke looked at Lexa’s hand that was resting on the table. Clarke reached over and picked up Lexa’s hand in her own to get a better look. “So is that what happened to your finger? You were thinking about Costia and tried to cut it off?” One side of Clarke’s face was upturned in a smile as she brushed her thumb over one of Lexa’s knuckles.

Lexa held her breath momentarily and the sensation of Clarke’s hand moving across her knuckle. “I wasn’t paying attention so I took a slice out of it.” _That feels so nice and so very distracting I can’t help but notice how Clarke’s touch makes me feel._

Clarke gently put Lexa’s hand back down on the table before leaning back in her chair and crossing her arms. “You and sharp pointy things may not be a good combination right now.”

“I can assure you that I will be paying more attention to what I’m doing from now on.”

“Please do.” They had both finished eating. “How about you go into the living room and relax while I clean up?”

“How about you let me help you clean up and you can go to the living room with me and relax?”

“Okay, it’s not going to take long to begin with. I was just going to stick everything in the dish washer and turn it on before I left.”

“Let me help you carry this to the kitchen then.”

Lexa and Clarke cleared the table and put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher before they took the container of brownies and went to sit on the couch in the living room.

Clarke turned towards Lexa. “Oh I wanted to tell you I gave your name to Carly and you’re all signed up to play on the team for Fall ball.”

“That is great. I can’t wait.” Lexa was looking forward to playing again.

“She also put you down as a sub for Summer and said if you wanted to you could come to our practices and get some hitting and fielding in.”

“When do you practice?” Lexa finished her brownie and was thinking about eating another one.

“Sunday afternoons. The games are on Thursdays for both Summer and Fall.”

“I should probably go to practice. I haven’t even thrown a softball since our last game in high school.”

“If you decide you want to I can pick you up and we can ride together.

“That would be great. Is there anyone that we know that is playing on any of the teams?”

“You met Raven. She is on our team. I don’t remember anyone from high school playing on any of the teams we play. The teams are mostly older lesbian and bi women and a few younger ones who come here to go to college.

“Is that how you met Raven? On the softball team?”

“No, she is a physical therapist and works across the street from the nursing home. We met through a resident. We dated for a few months a long time ago.”

“You did? How come you’re not together anymore?”

_At least she doesn’t seem to be surprised._ “We decided that we made better friends than lovers. She is my best friend.”

“I’m glad you have a best friend. She seem nice and she is very beautiful.” Lexa said.

“Yes, she is.” _She knows she is too._

“I had wondered since she was with you at Pride if you were together.”

“I’m not with anyone right now.” _But I’d like to be._

“Was she the first woman you dated?”

“No, I had a girlfriend in college. Her name was Melissa.”

“How long were you with her?” _I didn’t even know Clarke was into women. Thought I would have learned that while we were still in high school_.

“A few years.” Clarke took another brownie out of the container. “These are amazing by the way.”

“Thanks I’m glad you like them.” Lexa took one for herself. “So you didn’t date women till college? Is that when you came out?”

“I knew I was Bi in high school.”

Lexa smiled. “I didn’t know that.”

“I didn’t tell anyone till college.”

“So Bellamy and Finn didn’t know?” _If I had known and Clarke would have been single I probably would have asked her out in high school._

Clarke shook her head. “No.”

“I never said anything but I was glad you broke up with Bellamy. He was kind of a jerk.”

“He still is from what I hear.” Clarke shrugged. “I haven’t seen him since high school and I don’t care to. He works with that out there antigay Senator Wallace.”

“He is a horrible man. He has come into the restaurant where I work a couple of times. Always demanding and rude to the staff then doesn’t even tip. He is an entitled self-important ass.”

“You go that right.” Clarke laughed. “Did you ever spit into his food?”

Lexa looked shocked. “No I didn’t but I can’t guarantee that the wait staff didn’t do something like that.”

“Scary how many people there are who like him.”

“I know what you mean.” Lexa held out the container of brownies to Clarke. “One more?”

“I better save some for later if you don’t mind. I could just sit here and talk with you and keep on eating them if I don’t watch it.”

“I could too actually.” Lexa put the lid on the container and set it on the table next to the couch.

Clarke looked at her watch, a gift from her father. “Ready to watch a move?” She had enough time to watch one before she needed to head into work.

“Yes, you pick it out.”

“Okay.” Clarke got up and found a movie for them to watch. After putting it in the DVD she came back to the couch and sat next to Lexa who smiled at her before she turned her attention to the TV. “Have I told you that I’m glad you moved back home?”

Lexa smiled at Clarke. “No, but I’m glad I did too. I liked coming out here today.”

“I liked having you here. We should do this again.” _Please._

“Definitely.”

They smiled at each other then turned towards the TV to watch the movie. Both wondered when they could spend time with the other again.

 


	9. Chapter 9

 

 

Clarke pulled into the driveway at Lexa’s house. A smile stretched across her face as she saw Lexa rise from the porch swing and walked towards her car carrying a gym bag. Lexa’s hair was pulled back in a ponytail. She wore an old t-shirt that had their high school logo on it. The shorts she had on exposed nicely shaped legs that Clarke couldn’t help but admire.

Lexa opened up the passenger door and put her gym bag on the back seat then got in the front passenger seat next to Clarke. “Hi.”

“Hello, how are you?” Clarke asked. Lexa had on sunglasses so Clarke couldn’t see her eyes.

“I’m good and you?” Lexa reached back to grab her seatbelt and put it on.

“I’m okay. So ready to go sweat your ass off?” Clarke backed out of the driveway and headed down the street.

“Yeah it is hot out. I looked up the temperature earlier and it was ninety degrees so I imagine we are going to get all hot and sweaty.”

“I have bottled water in a cooler in the back for everyone. We need to stay hydrated and if you need a break go ahead and take it.”

“I’m sure I will be fine.” Lexa said. “At least we don’t have to run like we use to in high school.”

“No, thankfully we don’t. I really preferred the weight lifting days versus the running days.”

“Me too and it was really annoying how Mr. Bentley would follow us on his motorcycle. He could have used the exercise himself.”

“He did that because some members of the team used to cut across the field next to the nursing home and run up Oveson Drive to 8th Street instead of going down to Maurer and then going to 8th Street.”

Lexa glanced at Clarke. “Oh so they only ran half the route.” _Makes sense why he did that then_. _To try and keep an eye on us._ “Did you ever cut?” Lexa didn’t recall seeing Clarke or anyone do it. She often ran alone ahead of everyone else. She never cut across the field.

“No, but I’ve seen Terri, Marci and Sue do that but I think they got caught because Mr. Bentley seemed to be staying by them most of the time. At least until we ran by that field.” Clarke stopped at a stop sign and smiled at Lexa. “By the time I got to Maurer I knew you would already be back at the high school Ms. Speedy.”

“Then Ms. Huston would always send me up to the field with the keys and get the equipment out so by the time everyone was done running we could start the real practice.”

Clarke turned left onto an old brick road to go to the park that they practiced at. She took another left and pulled into the West View Park’s parking lot.

“We always practice here. We have it reserved every Sunday through October.” Clarke turned her car off and opened the door to get out.

Lexa got her bag and joined Clarke at the back of her car. The hatch was open and Clarke had her own gym bag, the bag that held her bats and was struggling to get the cooler out. “Here let me take one side.”

Clarke grabbed one of the handles and Lexa grabbed the other one and together they got the cooler out of the back of Clarke’s car. Clarke shut the hatch and locked the car and they started walking towards the field.

“Would you like to get some dinner after practice?” Clarke asked.

“Yes, as long as where we are going has air conditioning.” Lexa laughed. They hadn’t been out of Clarke’s car long but Lexa could already feel the heat.

“Absolutely.” Clarke led them over to two other women who were on the ground stretching out.

“Carly I’d like you to meet Lexa. Lexa this is Carly our coach.” Clarke and Lexa put the cooler down as Carly stood and walked over to them.

“Hi, nice to meet you.” Carly shook Lexa’s hand. “This is my wife Lisa.” Carly gestured to the other woman who was down on the ground stretching out her hamstrings. She looked up and waved.

Lexa smiled at them. “Hi, nice to meet you both.”

“So Clarke said she has talked to you about how the rules are different from what you are used to from high school and that you have read the rule book. Do you have any questions?”

“No, I understand the differences.”

“Is there a particular position in the field that you want?” Carly asked.

“No, put me where you need me.”

“She has a lot of speed and a good arm so I would put her in the outfield.” Clarke smiled as she patting Lexa on the shoulder. There were many times that Clarke had to duck as Lexa fired off the ball towards second to throw out a player who was trying to steal a base.

“That okay with you?” Carly asked.

Lexa nodded. “Sure.”

“Why don’t the both of you get stretched out and we will see how many players made it to practice and we will work on some fielding and hitting.”

“Okay. Great.” Lexa sat down on the bench next to Clarke and opened up her bag. She had two gloves. One was her catcher’s mitt from high school and one was a fielder’s glove. Lexa took out her cleats and put them on.

Clarke took out a hair band from her pocked and pulled her hair back into a messy ponytail. She had her cleats on and stood up to begin stretching out her muscles.

“Brings back some memories doesn’t it?” Clarke looked at Lexa over the top of her own sunglasses as she held a stretch for her quadriceps muscles. She then bent over to do a stretch for her hamstrings and calves. The neckline of Clark’s loose shirt hung down. The gap revealing the top of Clarke’s breasts to Lexa’s view.

Lexa stared for a moment before catching what she was doing and looked away. Embarrassed. “Oh yeah it does.” Lexa was glad she had sunglasses on and Clarke didn’t know that she was staring as she stood up and started doing a series of stretches. The brief sight of Clarke’s bra covered breasts reminded Lexa of the game where Clarke, who wasn’t wearing a sports bra but rather a regular bra at the time was rounding second base when her right bra strap broke. Clarke had put her arm across her breast to keep it from bouncing so much. As she stopped at third base a time out was called. Fortunately they had a safety pin in the medical bag and was able to pin her bra back together. It was an embarrassing moment for Clarke and she made sure she wore a sports bra after that.

Lexa watched as more cars pulled into the parking lot as several more members of the team arrived. She recognized Raven but didn’t know any of the other women on the team. They were in all shapes and sizes and various levels of athletic ability which Lexa would soon discover.

“Hey Clarke. Nice to see you again Lexa. Welcome the team.” Raven dropped her glove next to Clarke’s

“Nice to see you again too and thanks.”

“Question is what team does she bat for?” Asked a short, slightly overweight young woman with spiky black hair. Her eyes moved up and down Lexa’s body.

“It doesn’t matter Toni.” _Keep your mitts off Clarke’s woman to be_. Raven wondered how many of her teammates she would have to take aside and tell them to leave Lexa alone.

Toni shrugged and dropped down to the ground to begin changing her shoes.

Clarke held up a green spray bottle. “I have some bug spray here. Let me spray you down. The gnats out in the outfield can be pretty bothersome.”

Lexa stood still and held her arms out while Clarke sprayed her with the bug repellant. “Thanks. This stuff smells pretty good.”

“Works really well too. Can you get me?” Clarke handed Lexa the bottle and held out her arms as Lexa sprayed it on her.

“There you go.” Lexa smiled as she handed the bottle back to Clarke.

Clarke put the bottle into her bag and then picked up her glove and turned to Lexa. “Have you stretched out enough? Ready to do some throwing?”

“Sure.” Lexa grabbed her glove, picked up a ball and followed Clarke out to the field.

Lexa was amazed that her first throw actually made it to Clarke and not end up down at her ankles or flying over Clarke’s head. It had been a while since she had thrown a softball. They started out throwing back and forth to each other at a close distance and then slowly moved back increasing the distance between them. Getting into a familiar rhythm of catching and throwing the ball. In high school they always warmed up together and then Clarke would start doing some warm up pitches. Now wasn’t much different. They moved from throwing the ball over hand to each other to Clarke throwing some pitches at an imaginary home plate. This time though Lexa didn’t need to squat down to catch the pitches but instead let the ball bounce and then get the ball.

Carly came on the field and picked up a bat. “Okay everyone lets line up behind short stop and we will work on fielding. Toni you come here and catch. Anya you go to first base and everyone else line up behind short stop.”

Lexa followed Clarke and lined up behind several of the woman while Toni went behind home plate and a tall, thin woman with long light brown hair went to first base.

“I’ll hit the ball and once you field it throw it to Anya at first base. Anya will send it home.”

Lexa successfully fielded five grounders that came her way and one line drive that was heading for her face before she caught it. Clarke didn’t have any problems stopping the ball. A few members of the team missed and had to go run after the ball. Lexa learned that you really didn’t need a whole lot of experience to play for this team and each woman brought in a different set of skills. Some were seasoned players who had been on the team for fifteen or so years. For some this was their first year and their first time playing softball.

Lexa found herself in the outfield with Carly who was hitting pop flies to the members of the team who were the outfielders. When it wasn’t her turn she watched Clarke and the infielders. Clarke was on the pitcher’s mound. Toni was at home plate and was throwing the ball around the infield alternating with grounders and pop flies. Raven who was on third base had a pretty good arm. Lisa was at short stop. Lexa didn’t know the name of the woman on second base and Anya was on first base.

A woman named Kim was standing next to Carly and caught the balls that they threw back for Carly to hit. Lexa was in the outfield with four other women and so far she was the only one that could get the ball all the way to Kim.

“Alright everyone let’s head on in and take a break.” Carly announced loudly as she and Kim picked up the softballs and headed towards the bench.

Lexa met Clarke at the cooler and smiled her thanks as Clarke handed her a bottle of water. She sat down on the bench next to Clarke and opened the bottle of water and took a drink. The ice cold water felt good as she swallowed. Lexa took off her sunglasses and using the sleeve of her shirt she tried to wipe some of the sweat off her face. She was hot and sweaty but being outside and practicing felt really good.

Anya sat on the other side of Lexa. Straddling the bench. She opened up her own bottle of water. “You’re name is Lexa right? I’m Anya.”

Lexa turned to look Anya. There was a hint of a smile on the other woman’s face as her brown eyes looked at her with curiosity. “Yes, Lexa Green.”

“A last name to go with your beautiful green eyes. Where are you from Lexa?” Anya tilted her bottle of water up and took a drink.

Lexa smiled at the compliment. “I grew up here.”

“You have a really strong arm. You must have played softball before?”

“I did in high school. With Clarke in fact.” Lexa tilted her head towards Clarke.

Clarke was half listening to the conversation going on with Lexa and Anya and trying to listen to what Raven and Carly were discussing. She turned towards Lexa when her name was mentioned.

“I pitched and she was my catcher.” Clarke said.

Anya nodded in understanding. “Oh so that is how you came about joining the team. Clarke brought you in?”

“Yes.”

“You two are friends?” Anya’s eyes looked to Clarke then back to Lexa. Wondering about their relationship.

Lexa smiled at Clarke then turned back to Anya. “Yes, we have known each other for a long time.”

“Interesting. So what do you do for a living Lexa?”

“I will be working at my parent’s restaurant.” Lexa told Anya the name.

“I’m not originally from here but I’ve heard of the place.”

“The food is really good and Lexa’s parents are really nice.” Clarke didn’t know too much about Anya. She had joined the team at the beginning of the season.

“Where are you from Anya?” Lexa asked.

“California originally. I’m here to study at the University. I’m working on my Doctorate in Mathematics.”

“Good for you.” Lexa smiled and looked towards her right when she heard her name being called. “I’m sorry what?

“I was wondering if you would be able to make it to the game on Thursday?” Carly asked.

“Yes, I believe so.” Lexa didn’t have a set schedule at the restaurant yet and she could make sure she had the time off.

“Great. We could use you that night. Several other players are not able to make it that night.” Carly wrote something down in the notebook she had.

“Are you able to make it to the game?” Lexa asked Clarke.

“Yes, would you like a ride?”

Lexa smiled “Yes, please.”

“Okay it’s an early one. The game starts at six. We warm up for an hour so I will be at your place at four forty-five.”

“Thanks.” Lexa made a mental note to remember to write it on the schedule.

“If at any time you need a ride to practice or to a game I can give you one.” Anya offered.

“Thanks Anya.” Lexa said as Carly directed everyone back on the field. “I appreciated the offer.”

“It would be my pleasure.” Anya patted Lexa on the leg before she stood and went to get her glove.

_Looks like Anya is hitting on Lexa or just being really friendly. Who wouldn’t though? Lexa is a beautiful woman_. Clarke picked up her glove and Lexa’s. She held out Lexa’s glove to her.

“Thanks Clarke.” Lexa put her bottle of water down on the bench and took her glove. They both walked out onto the field.

“I would like to work on some batting practice. If the ball is hit in the infield throw it to first. If it goes into the outfield send it to second. Remember to use your cut offs. Lexa I would like you in left field. Everyone else take your positions. Monroe, you bat first. Karla you cover second base till Monroe is done.”

Lexa followed Carly out onto the left side of the field. Monroe was hitting the ball in the infield so Carly and Lexa talked a little. Lexa knew that in slow pitch during the games you could have four people in the outfield. For todays practice there was Lexa, Carly, Kim, Michelle, Kellie and Tara who were out in the outfield, but like Karla was currently doing Carly explained they could be switched for an infield position.

“Is there any other position you would like to play other than outfield?” Carly asked.

“Where ever you need me but I don’t pitch.”

“Since you have a really good arm I was thinking third base. Alternating you and Raven if she needs a break. It’s a hot corner and I need someone who can catch and throw to first base there.”

“That is fine. I can do that.”

“Good. Okay Karla’s up so we had better pay attention. She is a good hitter.” Carly walked away putting some distance between Lexa and herself.

Karla hit the ball in Lexa’s direction twice. She was able to catch it and throw to second base without the assistance of the cut off. Lexa learned that Carly had a good arm on her as well and was able to make the throws to second base.

Tara went in and pitched while it was Clarke’s turn to bat. Clarke was able to hit several balls into right field to give those outfielders some action. When it was Carly’s turn to hit Lexa learned that she needed to move further back in the outfield. The first ball hit by Carly was a rocket that went over Lexa’s head and she had to run after it. The next one of Carly’s that came her way she caught. The rest of the balls went out to center and right field.

Lexa ran towards home plate when it was her turn to bat. She dropped her glove near the fence and took the bat that Toni handed out to her.

Toni smiled. “Almost everyone uses this one.”

“Okay thanks.” Lexa took her position in the batter’s box and looked out to Clarke who was waiting for her to get into position.

“Ready?” Clarke asked.

“Yes.” Lexa tensed waiting for the pitch. When it finally came Lexa waited, what seemed like forever. It was a lot slower from what she was used to. Clarke’s pitches from high school use to fly by and these arced up slowly and came down towards the plate. Lexa readied her swing and put the bat in motion…only to miss the ball completely.

“She swings and she misses.” Toni said as she got the ball and threw it back to Clarke.

“You swung early Lexa. Try and wait a little bit more for it.” Clarke waited till Lexa was ready and pitched the ball towards home plate. Lexa got a piece of it this time but it went foul towards the dugout.

Anya threw the ball to Clarke. Clarke faced home plate and smiled reassuringly at Lexa. _Come on Lexa I know you can do better than that._

“Got a piece of it that time. Try and relax. You’re too tense.” Toni suggested. “Wait till the ball is released before even getting into your stance.”

“Okay I will try that.” Lexa tried to relax her head and neck as she stepped into the batter’s box. She stood straight with the bat on her shoulders.

“This one is yours Lexa.” Clarke pitched the ball and watched as Lexa dropped into a hitting stance. When the bat hit the ball it made a nice solid sound as it went sailing over the short stop’s head and into the outfield. “That is more like it.” Clarke turned and smiled at Lexa. Carly fielded the ball and threw it to Lisa who then threw back to Clarke.

“I think I got this now.” Lexa smiled at Toni. “Thanks for the tip.”

Toni smiled and nodded. “No problem.”

The next five throws Lexa hit out into the outfield, one Carly had to go chase down. _Not bad for not doing this for about six years._

“One more Lexa.” Clarke said as she got ready to pitch the ball.

“Okay.” Lexa was ready for her final pitch. She wanted it to be a really good hit out in the outfield again. So far no one had caught the balls that she hit and that made her feel pretty good. She knew her swing was good as it made contact with the ball.

The hit was a line drive right back at Clarke and it was hit so hard and came at Clarke so fast that she didn’t have time to react before the ball smacked into her right thigh. “Oh shit that smarts.” Clarke bit down on her lip and put her weight on her left leg.

“Clarke!” Lexa dropped the bat and ran up to Clarke. She beat Raven to her. Lexa’s eyes were wide with concern. “I am so sorry.” Lexa dropped down to her knees and placed her hand on the back of Clarke’s thigh to hold it as she got a better look at the area where she hit Clarke. It was obvious where the ball struck. There was a softball size red circle where the ball hit and Lexa could see the indentations of the stitching from the softball.

“There is nothing to be sorry about Lexa. You didn’t mean to do it.” _But keep touching my leg like that. It almost takes the pain away._ “Injuries do happen sometimes.”

“You’re going to have a nice bruise there Griffin.” Raven said after seeing the red mark on Clarke’s leg.

“It’s not my first one.” Lexa was gently stroking the back of Clarke’s thigh trying to offer some comfort and Clarke was enjoying Lexa’s touch but this wasn’t a good time for it with everyone around. “Come on.” Clarke reached down and took Lexa’s hand and helped her to stand. “Help me put some ice on this.”

The rest of the team had come over to them to see if Clarke was alright. Practice was over. Clarke had a slight limp as she walked but Lexa was right next to her at the ready in case she needed help.

Clarke sat on the bench by the cooler as Lexa squatted down and opened up the cooler to get some ice.

“Does anyone have a towel or plastic bag?” Lexa asked looking at the other members of the team. No one did so Lexa stripped off her shirt and began putting what ice was left onto her shirt. She wrapped her shirt around the ice and placed it on Clarke’s leg. “It’s not ideal but it’s a start.” Lexa ignored the stares and appreciative looks that her teammates were giving her. Her focus was on Clarke and making sure she was okay. Reaching into the cooler she pulled out a cold bottle of water and held it out to Clarke. “You should drink this.”

“Thanks.” _Who is the medical professional here?_ Clarke took the water and opened it. She needed a bit of cooling down from the vision of Lexa squatting down next to wearing nothing but a sports bra on her upper body _. She sure has a nice body._

“So Lexa if I get a bruise will you take off your shorts and put some ice in it for me?” Toni asked.

Both Clarke and Raven looked at Toni in annoyance. “Shut up Toni.” Raven said as she sat next to Clarke on the bench. “Do we need to take you to the hospital?”

Clarke shook her head. “No. It’s not broken.” She looked at Lexa and placed her hand over Lexa’s where it still held the ice to her leg. “It will be a nice bruise and it will be sore but I’m okay.”

“Good.” Lexa said quietly.

“Let’s get everything packed up. Remember to be at the field by five so we can warm up on Thursday.” Carly said as she and several other players started gathering the equipment.

“You hold this and I will get our stuff.” Lexa stood and gave anyone who was looking, which included Clarke, Raven, Anya and Toni a good look at her upper body and taut abdomen. She went to gather their gloves and Clarke’s bats.

“If I didn’t know you had a thing for her I would be totally asking her out.” Raven said as she watched Lexa put Clarke’s bats in the bag.

“Seems like Anya and Toni are interested in her too.” Clarke lifted up Lexa’s ice filled shirt to look at her leg.

“Anya too huh? Maybe you should hurry up and ask her out.”

“I don’t think she is ready. She is not over Costia.”

“Maybe she needs a new girl to help her get over the old girl.” Raven suggested.

“It’s only been a couple of weeks.” Clarke stopped talking as Lexa walked back over to them. She stood up and shook out the ice from Lexa’s shirt. “Thanks for the use of your shirt. We can stop at your place on the way out to dinner.”

“You’re still up to going?” Lexa’s eyebrows rose in surprise.

“Of course but if you have some ibuprofen at home that I can take that would be great.”

Lexa smiled in relief. She was looking forward to having dinner with Clarke and she was glad that Clarke still wanted to go. “Yes, of course.” Lexa slung both of their gym bags over her shoulder as well as the bat bag.

“You don’t have to carry all of that.” Clarke said.

“I got it if you want to help carry the cooler?”

“I should be able to get it on my own. Most of the ice is gone as well as the water.” Clarke opened the cooler a crack and dumped some of the water from the ice that had melted. It was light enough to carry on her own.

“How are you doing Clarke?” Carly asked as she and Lisa were getting ready to leave.

“I’m okay.”

“That was some good hitting today Lexa.” Carly smiled encouragingly at Lexa.

“Thanks, I’ll try not to take out our pitcher next time.”

“See you on Thursday.” Carly took Lisa’s hand and they both waved as the started walking towards their car.

Raven walked with Clarke and Lexa to Clarke’s car. “See you two at the game if not before. Have a good night.”

“Goodnight Raven.” Clarke and Lexa waved goodbye before getting into Clarke’s car. “I think you almost gave some of your new teammates heart attacks today.”

“I’m just glad I didn’t hurt you any worse than I did.”

“That is not what I meant.” Clarke started the car and then backed out of the space. Lexa thought she was referring to the last hit. “I meant taking off your shirt. Several of the women were checking you out.”

“Oh…well we needed something to cover the ice and this sports bra covers more than a bikini top does. I was just thinking about doing what I could to make your leg feel better.” Lexa reached over and lightly touched the area on Clarke’s thigh. She noticed it was warm to the touch before pulling her hand back. “Maybe we should just order some pizza and have it delivered and I can get you some ibuprofen and some more ice for your leg.”

“I think that is a good idea. Pizza sounds great.”

Lexa nodded and then looked out the window for the rest of the ride home. She didn’t care that her teammates were checking her body out. She hadn’t noticed their looks and she had been on the beach with less on before. Her main concern at the time had been helping to keep the swelling down on Clarke’s leg. It was an accident but she still felt bad about it. She wondered though. Was Clarke one of those that was checking her out?


	10. Chapter 10

Lexa woke up with a start and with her blankets flying she was half way across the room to turn off her alarm before she fully realized what she was doing. Her heart was pounding from the sudden noise that had made her shoot out of bed. _Must turn the volume of my alarm down_. She went back to her bed and sat on the edge. Her hand came up covering her chest as she felt her heart pound. It was four in the morning and she was going to go into work with her parents and work from six in the morning to two in the afternoon. There were a few new menu items that her father was going to show her for breakfast and lunch. Then they were going to talk about her schedule.

For once Lexa woke up without the immediate thought of Costia. Today her mind was on getting up and getting ready to go to work _. I don’t think I like getting up this early but it will be nice to spend some time with my folks. Plus now I don’t have to drive an hour to work and risk running into Costia somewhere._ Lexa shook her head. _Costia not coming to mind didn’t last long_. _At least I don’t think about her all the time anymore. That is an improvement._ She had to focus on other things in her life now and wondered how the restaurant had changed since she worked there in high school. She would soon find out. Lexa had showered last night and had set out her clothes. She was able to quickly change and grabbed an elastic band and put her hair back into a pony tail.

She heard the shower going as she walked by the upstairs bathroom. Her parents were up getting ready and would be downstairs soon. Lexa headed down the stairs and into the living room. She had left her phone downstairs last night on the coffee table. She saw the blue message light from her phone flash just as she was turning on the lamp next to the couch.

Lexa sat down on the couch and pick up her phone to check her messages. The message was from Clarke. It was sent a few minutes ago.

“I wanted to wish you good luck on your first day back at the restaurant.”

Lexa knew that Clarke was at work that morning. She had some time before her parents would be down so she sent Clarke a response.

“Thank you for the well wishes. Fortunately I know how things work there so there is not much new job jitters and I have it on good authority the owners already love me.” Lexa added a smiley emoticon and hit send.

Lexa leaned back on the couch and closed her eyes _. I will need some coffee this morning_. Lexa had gone to bed early but she was not used to getting up at this time. She didn’t know how her parents did it all these years.

Lexa was about ready to doze off when she heard her phone beep and felt the vibration. She had another message from Clarke.

Clarke had texted a smiley face. “Who wouldn’t love you?”

Lexa smiled at the message as she heard footsteps come down the stairs. She looked over towards the living room entry way to see which one of her parents was coming down.

“I’m surprised you’re up and down here before us.” Erica said as she came into the living room.

“My alarm went off and scared the crap out of me. I’m awake but in desperate need of coffee.”

“We will leave when your father gets down here. It will be a few minutes. Did you get enough sleep?”

“I think I did. Just not use to getting up this early.”

Erica chuckled as she sat in a chair opposite Lexa. “You don’t need to come in this early with us all the time. Just this morning so you can find out about the new menu options which I’m sure you won’t have a single problem doing.”

“I don’t think I will either.” Lexa sat up straight on the couch. “It will be nice to see Susan again.”

“She is excited about you coming back and hopeful that your father and I will take a vacation once you get settled in.”

Susan was a waitress that had worked for Paul and Erica for as long as Lexa could remember. She had been very helpful towards Lexa when she had first started waitressing at the restaurant and along with her parents encouraged her to become a chef. She was like a second mom to her.

Lexa smiled encouragingly at her mother. “You should. You both deserve it.”

“We will soon.” Erica said as she looked at her watch.

“Good.” Lexa picked up her phone. “Clarke sent me a message telling me good luck today.”

“That was nice. How is her leg?”

“I’m about to ask her.” Lexa started typing on her phone.

“Tell her I said with all the years of experience she has she should have learned to move out of the way faster.”

“Mom I will not.” Lexa hit send before looked up sharply at her mother.

Erica laughed as she thought about how her daughter could hit. “She should remember that the pitcher’s mound is a dangerous place to be when you are up to bat. I don’t think your former coach Ms. Huston will ever forget.”

“True, I don’t think she will either.”

Lexa recalled that in her junior year in high school she had sent a line drive right back to their coach who was pitching. Ms. Huston didn’t have much time to react and got her arm in the way. The ball hit her in the right wrist. It had started swelling up right away. She had to leave and go get her wrist x-rayed. When she came to the next practice her wrist was in a caste. It was fractured.

They both looked up as Paul came down the stairs with a big smile on his face. He was dressed in his usual jeans and t-shirt.

“Ready for your first day back Lexa?” Paul was excited to have his daughter back at the restaurant. He knew several of the regulars were going to be in today so they could see Lexa.

“Yes.” Lexa stood up along with her mother. Her phone beeped and she looked at Clarke’s message as she followed her parents out to the kitchen.

“This is what it looked like last night.” The message was accompanied by a picture. The bruise which was once red now was a dark purplish color.

_Ouch_. Lexa typed quickly as her parents were getting ready to leave the house. “That looks like it really hurts. Again I am so sorry for that.” Lexa got into the back seat of her father’s SUV. She held her phone out for her mom to see the picture. “Here is what Clarke’s leg looks like.”

“Yeah you got her good honey.” Erica said as she put on her seat belt.

“You sure did.” Paul said as he glanced at the picture. “I’m really glad you’re playing softball again Lexa. I think it’s good for you to get out.” Paul backed up his vehicle onto the street and headed towards their restaurant. _At least she isn’t staying home and wallowing over Costia_. “Good for you to be around Clarke and the others on the team.”

“I agree dad.” _I especially like hanging around Clarke._

Lexa thought about how yesterday after practice. They had ordered pizza and Lexa got Clarke an ice pack after going and putting a shirt on. They elevated Clarke’s leg with a pillow on a kitchen chair and placed and ice pack with a towel wrapped around it on Clarke’s leg. They talked about softball and the books they were currently reading. They learned they liked the same type of movies and watched a few of the same TV shows. Clarke had let her know that the last game during the summer season that they played against Fro’s Pub was always a dress up game where the players dressed up in costumes. Clarke had shared last year she went as Marilyn Monroe. Her hair had been styled and she wore a white dress. Clarke said she had to draw the line at wearing high heel shoes and instead wore her cleats. _I would have liked to have seen that._ Clarke didn’t know yet what she was going to be this year and had encouraged her to start thinking about a costume now _. I have no idea what to wear but it sounds like fun._ Clarke later had asked if she had heard from Costia and Lexa told her she hadn’t. Lexa hadn’t felt like talking about her and that was the only time Costia’s name had come up.

Paul parked in front of the back door to the restaurant. They all go out and went inside. Lexa walked past the office and into the kitchen. She went straight towards the coffee pots sitting on the counter while her father started turning on the lights and her mother turned on the grill, ovens and fryers. Erica then went back to the office to check paperwork and messages.

“Here is the menu.” Paul handed Lexa their new menu and pointed out the changes. He explained how he had been preparing the new dishes while the coffee brewed.

Lexa handed him a cup of coffee when it was done. “Thanks for letting me know. I got it.” She poured another cup of coffee. “Be right back.” She carried the cup back to the office for her mother who was going over some paperwork.

“Thanks hon.” Erica took the cup that Lexa handed to her. “Your father explain the new things?”

“Yes.” Lexa took a small drink of her coffee. “It’s easy.”

Erica looked at her daughter over the top of her reading glasses. “I knew it would be for you”

Lexa smiled as she took another sip of her coffee. She felt her phone vibrate in her pocket and left the office. She stopped in the hallway to check her message from Clarke.

“It’s okay Lexa. It does hurt but I’m fine. It was an accident. I’m about to get really busy here so I just wanted to say once again good luck. I can’t wait to hear how your first day back went. Talk to you soon.”

Lexa quickly typed a message back then walked back to the kitchen where her father was working on making their breakfast.

 

While they were finishing their breakfast the morning staff was starting to arrive. Susan was the first one there.

Susan had a huge smile on her face as she hugged Lexa and then stepped back to get a good look at her. “You are such a pretty young woman.” Susan looked at Erica. “Isn’t she?”

“We always thought so.” Erica smiled at Lexa. Her daughters face had a tint of red to it from the attention.

“Thanks Susan. It’s good to see you. I’ve really missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too. I can’t tell you how happy I was to hear that you were coming back.”

“I am happy to be back and it will be nice to see everyone.”

They talked for a few minutes more as the other staff members arrived. Lexa greeted those that she knew who had been with her parents for years but there were a few new faces that she would introduce herself to later.

Heading back to the kitchen Lexa put on an apron. One of the waitresses that she hadn’t met before was mixing up some pancake batter at one of the tables. She was petite and had long dark hair pulled back in a barrette.

Lexa walked over to introduce herself. “Hi, I’m Lexa Green.”

Blue eyes looked up at her and the other woman smiled. “Octavia Blake. Nice to meet you.”

Lexa recognized the last name. “Blake, you wouldn’t happen to be related to Bellamy Blake?”

“Older brother and just so you know I’m nothing like him and I don’t agree with the things he does.”

Lexa’s eyebrows rose. “Noted. I guess you get asked about him all the time?”

“Usually the first thing I hear is ‘I didn’t know he had a sister’. But then the conversation ends up about his job and Senator Wallace and his policies.”

“Which you don’t agree with?”

“Hell no.” Octavia’s face twisted in disgust. “I hate the man. He is a vile human being. I’m not surprised my brother is working for him.”

“The holidays must be fun for you.” Lexa said sympathetically.

“I usually don’t go home for the holidays. I go with friends and we either go skiing or head to Florida.” Octavia grinned. “So how do you know my brother?”

“He dated a friend of mine, Clarke Griffin when they were in high school.” Lexa shrugged. “I also remember him quite well because he also wasn’t very nice to me.”

“He is not a very nice person so that sounds about right. Clarke. I remember her. She was nice. Too nice for him I think.” Octavia laughed. “He didn’t like it when she broke up with him and I didn’t blame her for doing it. He would have made her life miserable. He had these big dreams of having the all American family. The sports star and the head cheerleader. High school sweethearts. Having the white picket fence and the two point five kids. He would have wanted her to be a stay at home mom while squeezing out as many kids as they could. I’m glad she got out when she did.”

_Me too. I never liked him and it was obvious Octavia isn’t thrilled about being related to him_. Lexa smiled. “It’s nice to meet you Octavia. I better get to work.”

Octavia nodded. “Me too and it was nice to meet you as well.”

 

 

“How was your first day back?” Clarke asked. She was at home sitting on the couch. She had muted the volume on the TV when Lexa called.

“It went by fast. The restaurant was busy during my shift but with mom and dad also working on the orders it was a pretty easy day. When we had some down time we cleaned up and I visited with the staff that I knew from when I worked there before. There were also a few regular customers that I knew from years ago that came in. I got a chance to go out and sit down at their table to get caught up on what they were doing.”

“That sounds nice. I’m glad it was a good day for you.”

“It was a good day. So how was work last night?” Lexa asked. She was lying down in her bed dressed in shorts and a tank top. She had wanted to talk to Clarke before falling asleep.

“Pretty quiet and uneventful actually. I’ll take those nights when I can get them.”

Lexa laughed. “It’s nice to have those little breaks.”

“Yes, it is.” Clarke brought her legs up onto the cushions next to her and leaned against a large pillow that was lying on the arm of the couch.

“So you will never guess who is working at the restaurant.”

“Who?”

“Do you remember Bellamy’s little sister?”

Clarke nodded even though over the phone Lexa couldn’t see her. “Yes, Octavia. She works with you?”

“Yes she is one of the waitresses. I don’t remember her from school.”

“She is four or five years younger than us.” Clarke said.

“She has nice things to say about you. Not so much about her brother.”

“Aw, that is nice. I always thought she was a good kid. I can imagine she doesn’t like him all that much. He was always bossing her around. Trying to control her every move. He likes doing that with everyone.” Clarke’s voice trailed off.

“Even you?” Lexa asked hesitantly.

“Towards the end of our relationship yes, but mostly towards other people. I think he got off on thinking that he had some power over people. He thought that showing me he was a big shot would impress me and it didn’t. He was just a jerk.” Clarke’s voice became softer. “I really hated how he would treat you when we came into the restaurant. He could have been nicer and I let him know he should have been. He was always telling me that I was taking thing the wrong way or that he was just kidding around. He really wasn’t though.”

“I know.” Lexa said quietly. “He didn’t like that I was gay _.” I think he also thought that I liked Clarke. He was right. I did but she was with him and I wouldn’t interfere with their relationship even though he was an ass._

“I know. He didn’t want me talking to you because of it. I told him he couldn’t tell me who I could be friends with. Bet he would freak out to know that I’m bi.” Clarke laughed. “Dating him was definitely a big mistake. But we all have those relationships right?”

“Yes.” Lexa agreed.

“He was good at hiding how big of a jerk he was till closer to the end of our relationship. I didn’t like what I saw in him. How he acted. How he treated people and you.”

“It’s okay. It’s not your fault that he was an asshole.”

“You were always so nice though.”

_Because of you._ “You know, too bad Costia is only into women. They would be perfect for each other.”

“Oh my god.” Clarke began to laugh. “So true. They really deserve each other.”

Lexa smiled at the sound of Clarke’s laughter. _I really like it when she laughs_. “Well that is something else we have in common. We both dated jerks who hid their bad behavior from us.”

“Well thankfully we have more positive things in common then negative things. We survived those relationships and don’t have anything to do with those people anymore.”

“True and you will be glad to know that Octavia doesn’t have much to do with him anymore as well.”

“Good, that’s good to know. I would like to stop by and say hello sometime. Maybe tomorrow. Mom and I were going to come by for breakfast. Do you know what days she works?”

“I’m not sure what her schedule is but I will look and let you know if she doesn’t work tomorrow.”

“Thanks and I wanted to thank you again for inviting me out to the cabin. I’m looking forward to it.”

“You’re welcome." Lexa yawned. “Sorry. I got up early this morning and tomorrow is another early morning, but I get to sleep two more hours.”

“I should let you go then so you can get some sleep. Thanks for calling and letting me know how your day went. Maybe we will get to chat a little tomorrow.”

“If we are not too busy I will come to your table and say hi. Goodnight Clarke. Have a good night at work.”

“Thanks. Goodnight to you too Lexa. Sweet dreams.”

Lexa pulled the covers back and crawled underneath them. She was glad she got to hear Clarke’s voice before going to bed. She appreciated how the other woman had been there for her. At first because of Costia but now they were there for each other for other reasons. Lexa still hated how things turned out between her and Costia. She still hurt but not all the time. She still cared about Costia but she didn’t constantly think about her anymore. She knew that she was in the process of healing. She wasn’t completely there but she was on her way.

Lexa was going to finish work this week then head out to the cabin on Monday. She kept the reservation that she had originally made for her and Costia and she was going to head out there and think and she needed to relax. It had been a long time since she took any time off. She was exited that Clarke was going to come for the weekend. She had a good friend in Clarke and enjoyed getting to know the slightly older version of the person she knew. They would get a chance to know each other a lot more on her vacation. She also had the opportunity to make some friends from the softball team. _Tomorrow is going to be another good day_.

Lexa turned on her side, pulled the extra pillow to her chest and fell asleep.


	11. Chapter 11

Lexa had just finished her shift at the restaurant and picked up her phone that had been sitting in her parent’s office. She had a voicemail message. Checking the recent calls file she didn’t recognize the number. Dialing her voicemail Lexa waited for the message to begin.

“Hey Lexa. It’s me…Costia. Well that was kind of silly because you know my voice. Anyway the reason I called is because I’m at the New Horizon’s Alcohol Treatment Center. I’ve been here for a couple of weeks. I’m trying to get better. I really am Lexa…so they are going to let me start having visitors here and I would really like it if you came to visit me. I know that I don’t deserve it but I would really appreciate it. I can have visitors starting next week. On Friday from three in the afternoon to seven in the evening. It would be really great to see you so I hope you come. Please.”

Lexa exhaled the breath that she was holding _. I haven’t heard from her in almost three weeks and now she calls out of the blue like this and wants me to come see her_. Lexa brought her hand up and massaged her right temple _. That was the last thing that I expected to hear._

Lexa picked up her keys and went out the back door to her car. She needed to get home. Clarke was going to be at her house in fifteen minutes to take her to their softball game _. I don’t have time for this right now._

 

Lexa was up in her room when she heard the doorbell ring. She had just got home from work and was in the process of changing clothes. She quickly tugged her shirt over her head and grabbing her gym bag off the floor she rushed down the stairs to answer the door.

“Hi Clarke. Come on in.” Lexa stepped back and held the door open. “Sorry I’m running a little late.”

“No problem. I’m a few minutes early.” Clarke held out a red shirt wrapped in plastic. “Here is your uniform shirt.”

“Thanks.” Lexa took the shirt from Clarke. “I’ll go put this on so make yourself at home. I’ll be right back.” Lexa headed down the hall to the bathroom.

Clarke walked further into the living room and stood in front of a wall were pictures of Lexa and her family were on displayed throughout the years. She recognized the ones that they had taken while in school. There were several on the wall from when Lexa was a baby. One picture had her posed sitting in a chair and another one holding a daisy. There were two photos of Lexa posing at her birthday parties. Hovering above her cake and getting ready to blow the candles out. Other pictures were of Lexa with her parents and who Clarke assumed to be other family members or friends. _She was such a cute baby and of course she is gorgeous now_.

Clarke smiled at Lexa when she came back into the room wearing their team shirt. “Looks good on you.”

“It looks good on you too.” Lexa picked up her keys and gym bag. “I’m ready.”

“Let’s go kick some ass.”

 

Clarke parked at the softball diamond. On the way over Lexa had been quiet. She had asked Clarke how her leg was doing but then spent the rest of the ride looking out the window. Lips pressing tightly together in a frown.

Getting out of her car Clarke went to the back hatch and grabbed her gym and bat bag. Lexa stood beside her. Closing the hatch Clarke turned to Lexa.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes.”

“You seemed quiet on the way over.”

“I was thinking. Something did happen today. Just before you came to pick me up I had a message from Costia. She had a request and I have to figure out what or if I’m going to do anything about it.”

“What kind of request?”

“Can I tell you about it later?” Lexa noticed several members of the team arriving.

“Sure. You’re okay though right?”

“Yes, I’m okay.” Lexa smiled at Clarke trying to reassure her.

“Hey you two.” Carly walked up to them with Lisa. “You ready to play some softball?”

“Absolutely.” Clarke said.

“Good. Pierce’s is a tough team.” Lisa walked next to Lexa. “We have only beaten them three times in the ten or so years we have been playing them. The games are always close though.”

“Tonight will be our night. We have our secret weapon.” Clarke put her arm around Lexa.

Lexa’s gaze darted to Clarke. “Who me? Oh thanks a lot.”

Clarke smiled. “Yes you. You, Carly and Karla are our best hitters.”

“No pressure though.” Carly patted Lexa on her arm.

They walked up the sidewalk into the ball diamond. There were two fields on either side of the sidewalk and then a two more fields on the other side of the concession stand.

Carly led them to field number four. A few of the other team members were already there warming up.

“We are in the third base dugout.” Carly said.

Clarke nodded and dropped her bags next to a picnic table and sat down to put her cleats on. Lexa sat down next to her put her cleats on as well.

“Hey guys.” Raven sat the bottle of Gatorade she bought at the concession stand down on the table.

“Hi Raven.” Lexa said.

Clarke moved over on the bench to make room for Raven to sit down. “How are you Raven?”

“I’m good Clarke. Ready to get this game over so we can do some tailgating. Could it be any hotter?”

“A beer after this game is going to be nice.” Clarke stood up and picked up her glove.

Raven picked up her glove. “Anya was supposed to bring the adult beverages tonight right?”

“Yes.” Clarke looked at Lexa. “Ready to warm up?”

“Yeah.” Lexa got into her bag and pulled out her glove.

“Mind if I throw with you two?” Raven asked.

“Fine with me.” Clarke looked to Lexa who nodded.

 

Lexa tried focusing on what she was doing during the game though Costia’s phone call was still in the back of her mind. During the times the phone call creeped into her mind she wondered what to do. She wasn’t sure if visiting Costia was a good idea. They were broken up. She was trying to get over her and get on with her life. Seeing Costia right now would make that difficult to happen _. I need to keep my head in the game and think about this later._

This was their last turn at bat and Lexa was up. Pierce’s was ahead by one run. Raven was on second base hoping that Lexa would be able to hit her in or at least advance her to third. There were two outs.

Lexa could hear her team mates cheering her on. Depending on her to do something. She knew that the ball that was pitched to her was perfect. If she didn’t swing at it the ball would hit directly on the plate and it would be a strike. Lexa waited on it till the ball was in the right spot and she swung at it. The ball hit the sweet spot on the bat and Lexa was off running to first base. Rounding first she saw that the ball went through the gap between right field and center field. She saw the opposite teams players running towards the ball that had gone all the way to the wall. Running past second she kept her eyes on Toni who was standing by third base. Here team mates were cheering and calling her name. Several were out of the dugout waving their hands as they yelled. Toni signaled her to keep going and head home. Lexa rounded third and headed towards home plate. She glanced to the side to see where the ball was. The second base player just caught the throw from the outfield and even if the throw was perfect Lexa would be home before the ball reached the catcher. Her right foot touched home plate as she tried to slow down but ran into the fence.

Lexa heard and saw the crowd cheering as she turned around to first be hugged by Raven.

“Thanks for getting me home.” Raven said.

Then Lexa was engulfed by the rest of her teammates with hugs and pats on the back. They had won and she had scored the winning run with a home run. Everyone was talking excitedly as they lined up. As she walked by the opposite team and touched their hands she told them “Nice game.” When they were don there was another loud cheer as everyone headed back to the dugout and Lexa found herself hugging Clarke again.

“That was a really amazing hit. I knew you could do it.”

Lexa grinned. “I knew it as soon as I hit the ball that it was a good hit.”

Clarke leaned in and whispered. “Secret weapon.” She then laughed. “Let’s get our stuff out of the dugout then we can celebrate.”

Clarke and Lexa went into the dugout to get their things so the next team could come in. They stopped at the picnic table to change their shoes and then with Raven, Kim and Michelle they walked toward the parking lot.

“Anya’s truck is over here.” Michelle led them to where the team was gathering.

The back of Anya’s SUV was open and she and Carly were putting a cooler down on the ground. Several plays brought out lawn chairs, sat on the ground or remain standing.

“Here you go Lexa.” Anya held out an open beer.

Lexa took the beer. “Oh thanks Anya.”

“You’re welcome.” Anya glanced down at Lexa’s legs. “I have to say I’ve never seen anyone on the team fly around those bases as fast as you did tonight. It was fucking awesome.”

“Thanks.” Lexa smiled at Anya before the other woman walked back towards the cooler.

“I’ve seen you do that before and I have to agree with Anya. It was awesome.” Clarke nodded towards the beer in Lexa’s hand. “Did you even want a beer? They bought some Pepsi and water if you prefer something else.”

“No this is fine.” Lexa took a drink. The beer was ice cold and it tasted good as she swallowed. She wasn’t use to running that fast and she was a little tired. She lowered herself to the ground and sat cross legged on the concrete.

Clarke returned with her own beer and sat down next to Lexa. Everyone was broken up into their own little groups as they talked and laughed.

“So we do this after every game?” Lexa asked then took another drink of her beer.

“All but the nine o’clock games. They usually go to a bar afterwards or out to dinner. I can’t play those games because I have to be at work at ten.”

“How has work been?”

“The past couple of days have been busy but it makes the nights go by faster. I work tonight then I have Friday off.”

“Do you have any plans?”

“Staying home and watching Netflix all night.”

“What are you going to watch?”

“Season two of _Castle_. What about you? Any big plans for the weekend?

“Work mostly. I’m scheduled Friday, Saturday and Sunday. My parents are actually going to take some time off. They are going to Wacky Waters and staying at a hotel there.”

“Funny, I really can’t imagine your parents at a water park.”

“Mom says they will probably stay in the room all weekend and sleep.” Lexa laughed. “I really can’t see my dad getting in a swimming suit and going outside. The sun would hit his pale skin and fry him for sure.”

“Then Monday you go to the cabin?”

“Yes.” Lexa nodded as she started to peel the label off the beer bottle. “Then I get to see you on Friday.”

“I’m looking forward to it.”

“Hey Lexa are you ready for another beer?” Anya walked over with another bottle in hand.

“No, I still have some thanks.”

“Okay. So can I talk to you for a minute?” Anya looked down at Clarke. “Privately.”

Lexa glanced at Clarke who was looking at Anya in annoyance and made no effort to move. “Sure.” Lexa got to her feet.

“Here Clarke.” Anya had a cocky smile on her face as she handed Clarke the bottle of beer then followed Lexa a few cars down from the team.

Clarke looked at Raven who saw Anya and Lexa walk off. Raven’s eyebrows were raised and she glanced towards the direction where Anya and Lexa went. When she looked back at Clarke her eyebrows went up higher. Clarke shook her head. She didn’t know exactly what Anya wanted but she could guess. _Dammit Anya is probably going to ask Lexa out._ Clarke took a drink of her beer. _Well Clarke if she does ask Lexa out and she wants to go out with Anya that will be her choice._

 

Lexa turned and faced Anya when they were a few cars away from the rest of the team. She had wondered about Anya only bringing her a beer earlier when it was clear that Clarke was standing next to her. She had originally though it was because she did so well at the game but she had noticed that Anya had been looked at her while she talked to Clarke. Then bringing only her another beer. Lexa was pretty sure she knew why Anya wanted to speak to her.

“Is this private enough?” Lexa asked.

“Yeah, I wanted to ask you something without every one hearing it.”

“What did you want to ask me?”

Anya smiled and reached out to touch Lexa’s arm. “I wanted to see if you wanted to go out with me sometime. On a date?”

_That is what I though_. “I’m sorry Anya. I just got out of a long term relationship and I’m not ready to date anyone.” Lexa gently said.

“Oh? How long has it been?”

“Not that long ago” Lexa’s smile was brief. “Thanks for asking me though.”

Anya shrugged and looked away. “Doesn’t hurt to ask.”

“No, it doesn’t.” Lexa agreed.

“When you are ready look me up. I’m interested in dating you. I think we can have lots of fun together.”

Lexa nodded as Anya walked back towards her teammates. _Anya seemed disappointed but not too bad. She seems nice enough, and pretty but I feel zero chemistry with her._ Lexa started walking back to the group.

 

Clarke watched as Anya came back. She avoided eye contact with Clarke and reached in the cooler for a beer and interjected herself in a conversation between Karla and Michelle. Clarke looked up as Lexa walked over to her and lowered herself back to the ground.

“Hi.”

Lexa smiled slightly. “Hi.”

“Everything okay?”

“Yes.” Lexa leaned closer to Clarke and she spoke quietly. “Anya asked me out.”

“Really?” _I knew it_.

“Yes, but I told her no.”

“Why?”

“I’m not ready to date anyone. I’m trying to move past Costia but it’s hard.” Lexa shook her head and rolled her eyes skyward. “I got a call earlier, from Costia. She wants me to visit her. She is at an alcohol treatment facility. Checked herself in there I guess in order to get better. “

“Is that what was bothering you earlier?”

“Yes. I listened to her message about fifteen minutes before you picked me up.”

Clarke put her hand lightly on Lexa’s knee which was almost touching her own. “Do you want to visit her?”

“I don’t know. Part of me wants to tell her to go to hell. That she isn’t my problem anymore.” Lexa looked around at her teammates. They were all engrossed in other conversations and not paying attention to them. “The part of me that still cares still wants to stay away but…I would like to know that she is okay. I shouldn’t care but I do.”

“Still caring is not a bad thing and just because she asked you to come doesn’t mean you have to. Her being in treatment is a good thing correct?”

Lexa nodded. “Yes.”

“So she is probably doing okay. The question is why does she want you to visit?”

“I’ve wondered that myself I think…”

“We are going to take this party to Flaming Embers. You two are coming right?” Toni looked expectantly at Clarke and Lexa.

“Actually I should probably be heading home.” Clarke had only drank half of her beer and the one that Anya gave her sat untouched. “I have to work tonight.”

“What about you Lexa? I could give you a ride home afterwards.” Toni said.

“I don’t think so. I have to work tomorrow.” Lexa looked to Clarke. “Can you drop me off at home?”

“Of course.”

“Maybe next week?” Toni asked.

Lexa shook her head. “I won’t be at the game next week. Sorry.”

Toni wasn’t going to be deterred. “Sometime after that then. We all usually get together after the game for something.”

“Maybe.” Lexa said as she got to her feet. Toni nodded and smiled at her before going over to Carly and Lisa.

Clarke picked up the full bottle of beer and took it over to Raven. “I have a half a bottle of beer left in here and I haven’t drank out of this one. Do you want them?

“Sure. You heading home?”

“Yes.”

“Okay.” Raven wrapped her arms around Clarke for a hug then whispered into Clarke’s ear. “What did Anya want with Lexa?”

“To ask her out but she said no.” Clarke moved back a step when the hug ended.

“That is good right?” Raven looked past Clarke’s shoulder to watch Lexa take their bags over to Clarke’s car.

“Yes, it’s good. But it’s because she is not ready to date anyone.”

“Someday she will though.”

“Yes, someday.” Clarke looked over her shoulder and saw that Lexa had carried their bags to her car. “I have to go. Be good.”

Raven laughed. “Yes mother.”

Clarke said goodbye to the rest of the team then walked over to her car. Using the remote she hatch went up and she helped Lexa put their bags in the back. Then they got in the car and Clarke headed towards Lexa’s house.

“I hope you have a good night off tomorrow.” Lexa said.

“Thanks, me too. As I said I plan to veg out in front of the TV.” Clarke glanced at Lexa before her eyes returned to the road. “You know you have some time on your vacation to think about whether or not you want to visit Costia. You don’t have to make a decision right away.”

Lexa looked over to Clarke who glanced her way briefly. “True. I plan to do a lot of thinking on my time off, and swimming and horseback riding. Try to figure out what to do with my life.”

“Just live it.” Clarke reached over and took Lexa’s hand. “Whatever you figure out and whatever you decide about visiting Costia I support you one hundred percent. When I get there on Friday I will be looking forward to hearing what you decided.” With a squeeze Clarke let go of Lexa’s hand and returned it to the steering wheel. “You know Toni likes you too?”

Lexa sighed. “Yes, I gathered that. She is cute but I’m not interested.”

Clarke didn’t say anything. She was glad that Lexa didn’t seem to be interested in Anya or Toni. _Of course that doesn’t mean she would be interested in me and who knows what is going to happen with her and Costia. Lexa might visit her, see that she is making improvements and they get back together._ Clarke wasn’t sure that would happen. Lexa said that they were done but sometimes people think they are done but they keep trying. Giving the other person another chance. Sometimes too many chances. Making decisions with your heart and not your head could have some disastrous results in some relationships. Clarke hoped that wasn’t going to happen to Lexa.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can't believe it took this long to do an update but here it is. :)

 

 

Lexa unlocked the cabin door and carried in one of the bags of groceries she had. _Wow it’s hot in here_. Setting the bag on the dining table she looked around the cabin. The full size kitchen and dining table were to the left of the front door and the living room area was to the right. The living room had a large sofa and recliner. A coffee table sat between them. There was a fire place, air conditioning unit, and a flat screen TV with cable. Lexa was also told the cabin had Wi-Fi. She didn’t plan on watching any TV on this trip but it was nice to have available in case she changed her mind. She wanted to unplug as much as possible this week _. I need to get it cooled off in here_. Lexa walked over to the air conditioning unit and turned it on.

Lexa walked into one of the bedrooms. It had one dresser, two wooden chairs and a queen sized bed. A colorful quilt that looked homemade covered the bed. A doorway led into a full size bathroom, with a shower and sunken Jacuzzi tub. A shelf above the toilet held towels and washcloths that looked nice and fluffy. Another doorway led into another bedroom that looked the same as the first one except for the quilt covering the bed and the art work on the walls of nature scenes was different. The cabin could sleep six. Two to a bedroom and the sofa could be pulled out into another bed.

Lexa made several trips out to the car and brought in more groceries, her clothing, a few books and two notebooks. After putting the groceries away she went back outside. The cabin faced the western tip of the lake and was somewhat secluded. There was a patio area that had a large gas grill on it with a table and chairs. A log swing that could fit four people across had been built in front of a fire pit and a small sandy beach led down to the water. Lexa knew that there were several trails that went through the timber around the lake. When she checked in they gave her a map and she planned to do some exploring. The area also had canoe rentals, horse riding tours and a seasonal on site restaurant which she was curious about.

Lexa sat on the swing and looked out into the water. The surface was peaceful and sparkled where the sunshine reflected off it. She could hear the birds chirping all around her and a breeze rustling the leaves of the trees. _It sure is peaceful out here and very pretty. I like it and I think Costia would have too. Too bad everything became so messed up._

Lexa leaned back in the swing and looked up at the branches of the trees that gave the swing some shade. She saw a brown squirrel jump from one tree branch to another. It brought a smile to her face. When she checked in the woman at the office had told her that during the twilight hours if she looked out the big window in the front of the cabin she would more than likely see deer down by the water’s edge. Sightings of squirrels, raccoons, foxes, rabbits, deer and an occasional coyote were common in this area.

_It would have been nice to get up some morning. Have a cup of coffee with Costia and stand in front of the window and watch the deer_. Lexa shook her head. _You need to stop thinking like that. A lot of things would have been nice but that is not the reality of the situation. She lied. She cheated. She lost your trust and respect. You’re here alone because of her. All the plans you made together…gone._

Lexa got up and headed back towards the cabin. The cabin was still pretty hot inside. Grabbing her phone and wallet she decided to drive around the lake _. Think I will drive around and check the area out. I want to try the restaurant and see what their food is like. It’s too hot to cook in the cabin right now. It was nicer sitting out in the shade then it was inside the cabin but it will cool off soon. I really needed this vacation. It didn’t happen how I had planned but I’m glad to be here._ Lexa got in her car and turned the air conditioning on.

For Lexa the last couple of days at work were somewhat trying and she was glad that she had taken some time off. Her parents had a good time when they went away for the weekend, so it was worth it. Her parents deserved time off too, though Lexa had to call them a few times with some questions.

While out exploring she found the canoe rental building, the stables and the restaurant. She had the grilled catfish at the restaurant which was quite good and the server was friendly. While at the restaurant she had messaged her parents and let them know that she had arrived and to check on how things were going after the weekend. After lunch she drove around the lake. There was an area with playground equipment, a tennis court, outdoor mini golf and a place to play horse shoes. Lexa had pulled into the parking lot were the boats were launched into the lake. A deck had been built out over the water and she walked out onto it. The lake was so clear she could see fish swimming in the water below. People were fishing along this side of the lake and a few families were out in canoes and paddle boats. It was nice seeing people enjoy themselves and Lexa wished she had someone to share this with. _At least Clarke is coming on Friday. Maybe when she gets here she would want to go out on a canoe or maybe some swimming._ By the time Lexa got back to the cabin it was nice and cool inside.

 

“So how did you manage an invite out to a cabin with Lexa this coming weekend?” Raven asked. She sat across from Clarke in a booth at their favorite burger restaurant.

“She asked me to come.” Clarke shrugged. “I wasn’t doing anything to try and get an invitation. But I’m glad she asked.”

Raven tilted her head to the side. “Are you going to tell her that you like her?”

“She knows I like her.”

Raven rolled her eyes. “No, not like her but _like_ her.”

Clarke laughed. “I know what you meant.” Clarke popped a french fry into her mouth and chewed. “I don’t have any plans on telling her this weekend.”

“Well if you don’t make a move soon someone else will.”

“I know Anya has already tried and I know Toni is interested. Lexa turned Anya down and she isn’t interested in Toni.”

“You know how persistant Toni can be. Remember how she was with you when she first joined the team?”

“Of course I remember.”

“You told her no too and she kept asking you out. She didn’t even care when you started to date Maggie.”

Clarke slapped her hand down lightly on the table. “That is a good example of why I am waiting to see how things turn out with Costia and Lexa. Remember Maggie wasn’t over her previous girlfriend and after three months she dumps me to get back together with her. I don’t want to go through that again.” _Maggie had been fun. I thought things were going really well for us and I really liked her._

“I know and it was fucked up that she broke up with you through a text message instead of face to face.”

“Yeah that wasn’t the thing that bothered me so much. It was cowardly breaking up with me like that but doing it that way after having sex the prior night and leaving hickeys on me.” _The sex had been amazing and I had no clue something was wrong. “_ Not like I could easily forget about her while I still had those on me and even though we were together for only a short time it still hurt.”

“That is true and I understand. I had no idea what she was thinking doing that to you but you know we don’t have guarantees that relationships work out.”

“Yes, shit happens but I don’t want to have regrets with Lexa. I know sometimes things don’t work out. You and I didn’t, not in a romantic way, and now you’re my best friend.” Clarke smiled, genuinely happy about that. “I already care for Lexa more than what I did for Maggie. I don’t want to get my heart broken or ruin a friendship.”

“I get it. I honestly do. I’m just saying I hope you let her know before someone else catches her interest.”

“Even if I tell her that doesn’t mean she will be interested in me that way. That is something I don’t have control over.”

“I’m sure she has lots of friends that she could have invited out to the cabin with her, yet she invited you. I’ve got to believe for your sake that means something.”

Clarke picked up her glass and took a drink. “I hope so too but until I know that Lexa and Costia are really done I’m not going to ask her out.” _Lexa could really break my heart._

“Well my friend I hope it works out for you.”

 

Lexa had gotten up early the next morning. After making coffee she went out to the patio and sat down. The sky was orange and red as the sun was coming up. The colors shown just above the tops of the trees to the east. Lexa held the cup up close to her lips enjoying the aroma of the coffee as she listened to the early morning chirps of the birds in the trees. _I don’t know how many birds there are up there but you sure are loud._

Lexa had stayed up late writing as she tried to get all of the feelings that she was having down on paper. She had tried to enjoy the peace but the quiet didn’t provide a distraction for her and she became restless. A late night walk didn’t help so she decided to confront everything that she was thinking and feeling. Hoping that if she took the time to be with her feelings and not stuff them down that she could find some answers, figure out what she was going to do. Then she could enjoy the rest of her vacation. She wrote till early morning and then exhausted she went to bed. The written words of how she felt about her life now, what Costia did and what she was going to do covered pages upon pages in the notebook. She was then able to sleep for a few hours before getting up and enjoying her morning.

Late night walks, writing, walking the trails and sitting out in the early mornings and evenings on the patio or in the swing became her habits for the rest of the week. Lexa had made a few phone calls but kept to her plan of being unplugged for the week as she enjoyed what nature and the lake had to offer.

 

The rehab center that Costia called home for now sat upon a hill on the outskirts of the city that Lexa use to live in. When she called to have her visit confirmed they told her what to expect once she walked through the doors. She would have to show her ID. She wasn’t allowed to bring in a purse or a bag of any kind. She would be buzzed into the visitor’s room where the family and friends of the residents visited.

“Hello Lexa.” Costia said.

Costia was waiting for her when she came into the room. When Costia went to hug her Lexa shook her head no and took a step back. “Costia.”

Costia shoved her hands into her pockets. “Thanks for coming.”

Lexa nodded as she crossed her arms in front of her. She stood there looking at her ex-girlfriend. “I’m not sure why you want me to visit.”

“Let’s sit down okay?” Seeing a nod from Lexa Costia led them over to the corner of the room that had several tables and chairs. Costia pulled out one of the chairs and sat down.

Lexa sat down across the table from Costia and rested her arms on the table. “Okay we are sitting down.”

“You look really good.” Costia smiled. “Damn good.”

“Costia, why did you want me to come?”

“Can’t I say that you look good?” She saw Lexa’s eye’s narrow at her in irritation. “Okay... sorry. One of the things that they said for success here is to have a good support system.”

Lexa smiled without humor. “And you though the ex-girlfriend that you screwed over was a good candidate to be part of your support system?”

“I know I did fuck things up between us. It’s all my fault and I don’t deserve your help at all. But the truth of the matter is that I’m closer to you than any of my family or friends. I still love you and I’m hoping that you still give a shit enough about me to help.”

“Help with what exactly?”

“Visit me. Talk to me. Come and participate in the counseling group for family members.”

“To what end?”

“With you there at group there would be no bull shit. You know what I’ve done. You can hold me accountable.”

“Do I really know everything that you’ve done?” Lexa’s eyebrows rose in disbelief.

“No, you don’t.” Costia said honestly. “But you know enough and you know my history. I can’t BS my way out of it.”

“If you don’t want to BS your way out of it then don’t. If I’m there to hold you accountable you’re not taking responsibility.”

“I’m trying.” Costia ran her hands through her hair. “I’m doing everything they tell me to do so I can succeed at this. I didn’t like the way my life was going and I’m trying to do something about it.”

“I was part of your life. You weren’t happy with the way things were between us?”

“No, it’s not that. You were the best part of it. Everything else was fucked up. My attitude, my drinking and the way I was coping with my disappointments made things worse. I’m trying to do something about it. A good support system will go a long way. I’m sorry for what I did to you. I truly am. I fucked up and I’m trying to fix it.”

“Are you doing this for yourself or to get back together with me?”

Costia took a breath and slowly exhaled. “I would very much like to get back together with you if I can fix what is wrong between us”

Lexa looked down and the table and then back up to Costia. “I don’t want to get back together with you.” Lexa said. “So what is your motivation then?”

Costia looked away. Her eyes glistened with tears. “Are you sure?”

“Yes. I’ve done a lot of thinking since we have broken up and I don’t want to be with you anymore.” Lexa hated making Costia cry but she was being truthful and didn’t want Costia to have any hope that they would get back together. “If you are going to get better you need to do it for you.”

Costia’s head was bowed down. “I do want to do it for me. I want to get better so I don’t mess up my next relationship.”

“If you’re worried about you next relationship are you really focusing on what you need to do for you?”

Costia looked up and smiled. “See that is what I need. Someone who is going to give me the honest truth.”

Lexa stood up and walked over to the window _. Do I want to continue to be in her life? Take time to come to these counseling sessions and for what purpose? Are we going to be friends after this?_ “When are these group sessions?”

“Thursday nights.”

Lexa turned around to look at Costia. “I’m busy Thursday nights.”

Costia’s brow furrowed. “Since when?”

“If you must know since I joined a softball team.”

“So that would be more important to you then helping me?”

“Really? You’re going to try and guilt trip me?” Lexa put her hands on her hips and waited for Costia’s answer.

“I’m not trying to guilt trip you but I think helping someone get their life in order is more important than some game.”

Lexa looked up at the ceiling _. It was a mistake to come here_. “I don’t have to defend to you want I do with my life. We are not together anymore and you are not my responsibility.”

“I know...sorry.” Costia visibly swallowed. “Can you at least visit me? There are a lot of people here but it still gets pretty lonely. Please.”

Lexa closed her eyes briefly. “How long are you going to be here?”

“Up to ninety days. Longer if need be.”

_I might regret this_. “I will come visit you again.” Lexa held her hand up in a stopping gesture. “I don’t know when I will visit again but I will come check on you.”

“Can I call you?”

Lexa shook her head. “No, not right now.”

“Okay.” Costia nodded. “If you come visit that is something anyway. Thanks.”

“No problem.” Lexa looked at her watch. “I’m going to go now. I do hope you get better and this works for you.”

“I’m working on it.” Costia smiled. “Till next time then. Have a good day.”

“Goodbye Costia.”

It felt good to get out of the building. The visitor’s room was nice and clean. It had a homey feel to it but Lexa wasn’t comfortable there with her ex _. I really hope she sticks with this. For her sake, but even if she doesn’t I’m out. Costia was a chapter in my life and it’s over now. I’m not sure if we can be friend and I’m not sure I even want that. Time will tell I guess but I do hope she really understands that I don’t want her back._

Getting into her car Lexa headed back to the cabin. Clarke would be coming to stay with her for the weekend in a couple of hours. She was looking forward to the visit. The time alone had helped her put more things into perspective but she was going to be glad for the company. The rest of her vacation was going to be fun.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so long since I updated this story. I did a presentation about LGBT domestic violence and homelessness for my coworkers. I did a lot of research for that. Then, thanks to Alycia Debnam-Carey being on Fear of the Walking Dead and watching it only for her I found out I like The Walking Dead universe. I also got obsessed with catching up on the seasons but now I am back to writing. I even have a Walking Dead story I started.
> 
> November 1st starts the National Novel Writing Month. I plan on doing the sequel for Heart Ranger 2. That will be the primary focus of my writing. However, I plan on trying to update this story, Young Love and Coming to Life (The Walking Dead story) weekly. That is the plan anyway...sometimes things don't go according to plan but I will do my best. :)

Lexa heard the crunch of gravel as Clarke pulled up in front of the cabin. _She’s here_. Putting her book down she got up and went to the door. Clarke was just getting out of her car as Lexa walked out onto the front porch.

“Hey you.” Lexa smiled as Clarke looked her way.

“Hi.” Clarke smiled back at Lexa. Noting the fluttering that had been happening in her stomach every time she saw Lexa lately. Leaning back into the car Clarke grabbed the strap of her bag that had been sitting on the passenger’s seat. After shutting and locking her door she walked up onto the porch with Lexa. “It’s beautiful out here.” _So is the girl in front of me_.

Lexa wrapped one arm around Clarke’s shoulder for a brief hug. “Isn’t it though.” Lexa opened the cabin door and waited till Clarke was inside then shut the door. “Wait till we go hiking this weekend. There are some awesome views along the trails.”

“I can’t wait.” Clarke looked around the cabin. “This is nice.” She smiled. “Reminds me of home.”

“Here let me show you where you can put your bag.” Lexa led Clarke into the other bedroom. “My room looks almost exactly like this. The bathroom is through here. That door leads to my room.” Lexa turned and faced Clarke. “So how have you been?”

Clarke put her bag on top of the dresser. “I’m good. Glad to have some time off and to have a chance to get away and relax. Thanks again for the invite.”

“No problem, I’m glad you are here.” Lexa tilted her head towards the doorway. “Do you want to go out into the living room or rest a little?”

“I’m good. I’m really excited to be here. How about we go do something? Show me around and let’s go see some of these awesome views you mentioned.”

“Alright.” Lexa smiled and walked out of the room. “Do you want a short hike or a long one?”

Clarke followed and then leaned against the kitchen counter. “I want to see as much as possible, so a long one.”

“Okay, so how about I make us some snacks that we can take and eat along the way.”

“Sounds great. Can I help with anything?”

“Sure.” Lexa looked in the refrigerator and began pulling out some vegetables. “How about you start cutting these. The knives are in that drawer.”

Clarke opened the drawer that Lexa indicated and pulled out a large knife while Lexa washed the vegetables quickly and placed them on a cutting board for her. “How has your week been? Have you enjoyed your time out here?”

“It’s been nice. Peaceful. I’ve had a chance to explore the area some and meet some of the people out here. It’s so pretty in this area. The sunrises and sunsets are gorgeous.” Lexa got out a loaf of bread to make some sandwiches. “I’ve done some reading and writing.” She paused to gather her thoughts and focus on what she was doing. “I’m glad I got some time to myself. I got a few things figured out being up here alone, however I’m ready to go back home.” Lexa laughed and turned towards Clarke. “Have I mentioned that I’m glad you are here?”

Clarke smiled. “Yes you have.” She began putting the cut vegetables into the baggies that Lexa handed her. “So you’ve had enough alone time?”

“I enjoyed it don’t get me wrong. Being alone out here has done some good. It’s helped me recharge and figure out what I want to do. There are just some parts of being out here that I would have wanted to share with someone.” Lexa put the sandwiches she made into baggies and then put them into a nylon cooler.

Clarke handed Lexa the vegetables. “Like what?”

“Sitting around the fire at night and talking. Hiking and looking at all the interesting things this area has to offer. I would like to go out on the lake in one of the canoes sometime this weekend if that is okay with you?”

“Anything that you want to do I’m up for it.” Clarke said sincerely. “I’m glad I get to spend the weekend with you.”

Lexa smiled at Clarke. Her gaze briefly settled on Clarke’s lips before she looked away. She liked that Clarke was so enthusiastic about spending time out in nature with her and she was glad for the company. Especially from someone that she really liked spending time with. “Me too.” Lexa reached into the refrigerator and took out a couple bottles of water that she added to the cooler. “Unless you’re comfortable peeing out on the trail you might want to use the bathroom before we go.”

Clarke shook her head and laughed. “Oh no, I think I will pass peeing out in the middle of nowhere. I’ll be right back.”

While Clarke went to the bathroom Lexa brought out the map of the area to look at what trail she wanted to take Clarke on. She wanted to show her one that had the prettiest nature scenes. Lexa hadn’t been on all of the trails, just the ones closest to her cabin. Lexa grabbed her wallet and put some cash in the front pocket of her shorts. The one trail that she decided to take Clarke on went right by the restaurant. _By the time we get there I’m sure we will be ready for a break and maybe a beer or something._ Folding the map she put it in one of her back pockets.

Clarke walked back into the room. “Ready when you are.”

“My turn and then we can get started.” Lexa touched Clarke’s arm briefly as she walked past her.

 

Lexa held onto the straps of the backpack as they continued on the path. They had been walking for about thirty minutes. “I had a little staffing trouble while my parents were away on vacation.” Lexa admitted. They had been talking about Clarke’s work and about how her parents enjoyed their time away.

“What happened?” Clarke asked. Clarke thought Lexa was going to talk about having to work short staffed.

“I ended up having to fire one of our waiters. That was an interesting experience let me tell you.” _And a little scary._

“What happened to cause him to be fired?”

“His name was John. He has been working for my parents for about six month I guess. Kind of a goof off but no real complaints were made about him before. I think that since my parents were away and that I was in charge he thought he could do whatever the hell he wanted. Anyway each wait staff is assigned a section of tables. People get more or less seated alternating sections unless say they want a booth instead of a table. He started only taking tables if they had cute girls sitting at them, even if it wasn’t in his section.”

“Trying to get some dates huh?”

“Yes I think so.” Lexa nodded. “If it was just one table I don’t think it would have been such a big deal but he did it several times both to Octavia and Susan. When they said something to him about it he was being an ass to them. Apparently he was also spending a lot of time with some buddies of his that came in. Sitting at their table, ignoring people that were seated in his section that he didn’t want to wait on. Not doing his damn job. Susan and Octavia came back and let me know what was going on. One couple had left because they were tired of waiting. I let a coworker take over the orders and I went out and watched him discreetly to see what exactly he was doing.” Lexa shook her head in disbelief as she glanced at Clarke. “You will never believe what this guy was doing and then what he said when I confronted him.”

Clarke’s eyes narrowed. “What did he say?”

“He was sitting at a table with three other guys. Eating food off their plates, talking and playing some type of card game. I went up and told him that I needed to see him in the kitchen. He called me sweet ass and said he would come back to the kitchen in a few minutes. I told him he needed to come with me now.” Lexa’s jaw clenched. “Well I guess my choice of words was funny to them because they all laughed like I was making a sexual innuendo.” Lexa rolled her eyes and she stopped walking so they could take a break.

Clarke raked her fingers through her hair. “Of course they did.”

“I don’t know what he was thinking because then he is telling me to get my ass in the kitchen where I belong and leave him alone. That he was on break. I told him his break was over and to get back to work. He told me he didn’t have to do what I said because I didn’t own the restaurant.” Lexa took off her backpack and got out a bottle of water that she handed to Clarke and then opened up one for herself. She took a drink and then put the cap back on. “I told him he didn’t have to worry about me telling him what to do anymore because he was fired.” Lexa put her bottle of water back in the backpack. “John told me I couldn’t fire him. He got pretty pissed and stood up. He ended up knocking the chair back. I told him he had to leave now or I was going to call the police.”

“Did you have to call the police?”

“No, he took off his apron and threw it at me. Called me a fucking dyke and left. His friends got up and followed, they skipped out on the check too. It was just some french fries and fried cheese balls. I have no idea who they were and when I called my parents about it they told me not to worry about it.”

“What an asshole.” Clarke reached out and touched Lexa’s arm briefly. “So what did your parents say about you firing him.”

“That I was in charge while they were gone, that they trusted my decision. I had done the right thing and they would have fired him when they got back if I hadn’t done it.” Lexa’s dad had been livid and he was going to have a word or two with John when and if he showed up to pick up his last paycheck.

“That is a sucky experience. I’m sorry you had to deal with that.”

“Yeah it wasn’t fun. I know if I want to own my own restaurant someday that I would probably have to fire some people at times. I didn’t enjoy doing it but he pissed me off and there was no way that I was going to give him a pass after being so disrespectful.” Lexa put the backpack back over her shoulders. “Unfortunately not everyone is a good person and we have to deal with jerks from time to time.”

“That is true.” Clarke stayed at Lexa’s side as they started walking again.

“How did the team do at their game yesterday?” Lexa asked. She missed not getting to play.

Clarke drew in a long breath. “Well…we didn’t do so well.”

Lexa glanced at Clarke. “How bad?”

“We got our ass kicked.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault so don’t be. They played better than we did that day is all.” Clarke stepped over a large tree root that stretched across the path. Clarke looked at Lexa and grinned. “Toni asked about you.”

“Oh?” Lexa knew that Toni liked her. She had caught her staring several times. She seemed nice enough but Lexa wasn’t interested in her at all. She knew she wasn’t ready to date and even if she was she wouldn’t want to go out with Toni.

“She wanted to know how you were doing, where you were at, what type of food you liked, if you were exclusively into girls and if you were seeing anyone seriously.”

Lexa slowed down and turned to look at Clarke. “What did you tell her?”

“I told her she needed to talk to you and not me to find anything out about you.” Toni had been frustrated with Clarke’s answer but she still wasn’t going to tell her anything.

A small smiled appeared on Lexa’s face. “Thanks.”

Clarke shrugged one shoulder. “I didn’t think it was my place to say anything.” Toni liked Lexa and if she wanted to know any information about her Clarke wasn’t going to give it. She wasn’t going to make it easy for Toni to get closer to Lexa.

“It’s not like my life is a great big secret” They started walking up a steep hill. “I’d rather people ask me directly than go to someone else and talk about me.”

Clarke smiled gently at Lexa as they got to the top of the hill. “I understand that.”

“I know you do. I think you’re an amazing person and I’m really glad we ran into each other at Pride.” Lexa extended her arms out to the sides and turned her head to look all around them. “I’m also glad that I get to share this with you.”

Clarke looked down the other side of the hill. Railroad ties were used as steps down the other side of the hill which led to a bridge crossing a creek. Water flowed over and through some rocks creating a waterfall. Beyond the bridge was a meadow filled with many varieties of wild flowers native to the area and some rocky formations that held caves for people to explore.

“This area is beautiful.” Clarke wished she had a decent camera on her phone so she could take a picture of the scene before her.

“It is.” Lexa gazed at Clarke who was focused on the waterfall. Her eyes traveled down Clarke’s body taking in her profile. _Clarke is too though I always thought so_. “Shall we go down and get a closer look? We can sit at one of the benches on the bridge. Watch the waterfall and eat.”

“Sounds great to me let’s go.”

They started down the steps towards the bridge. The farther down they went the more the trees blocked out the sun around them provided shade and the temperature slightly lowered. Lexa took a step down, her foot landed on some loose rocks and her foot slid off the step and she stumbled. Clarke turned quickly and grabbed Lexa around the waist holding her up.

“Careful. I don’t want you tumbling down the steps and hurting yourself.”

Lexa held onto Clarke’s arms as she steadied herself. “Thanks for keeping me on my feet.”

“No problem.” Clarke let Lexa go and stepped back. “Okay now?”

A smile flashed across Lexa’s face. “Yeah, I’m good.”

They continued down the steps till they got all of the way down to the valley floor and then walked over to the bridge. Taking a step up onto the bridge they walked to the middle and sat down on the bench facing the waterfall that was close to the railing. Lexa took off her backpack and handed Clarke her sandwich and one of the baggies of the cut up vegetables.

Clarke watched as the water flowed down off the rocks as she ate her sandwich. It was peaceful here. The temperature was cooler than it was higher up on the trail. “This is a nice place for a rest.”

“Yes, it’s very nice. “ Lexa replied as she ate her sandwich.

“My legs were getting a little tired, especially my calves which are a little sore.” Clarke was in good shape but she was used to moving along even ground. Not going up and down the numerous hills that they had on the path.

“My legs are fine. Not sore at all. Maybe you should exercise more.” Lexa smiled, teasing.

“I don’t think so.” Clarke nudged Lexa with her elbow. “Not all of have your legs and like to run.”

Lexa continued to smile as she turned back to look at the waterfall. “We can sit here and rest for a little while. Feels good to be in the shade.” Lexa finished eating and put the baggies back in her backpack. She leaned back on the bench and sighed. The cooler air felt good on her skin.

Clarke ran her hand through her hair untangling some of it. Extending her arms along the back of the bench she relax and closed her eyes while she listened as the water fell to the creek below.

Lexa turned her head towards Clarke. The other woman was relaxed and enjoying the tranquility this area provided. Her eyes were closed and her face was relaxed. Lexa took this moment to really look at Clarke. They way her wavy blonde hair fell down to her shoulders, her cute nose. Clarke’s eyes were closed but she knew the exact shade of blue her eyes were. Lexa’s gazed lingered on Clarke’s lips. How many times as a teenager, before she met Costia had she stared at Clarke, trying not to be too obvious, and wondering what it would be like to kiss Clarke. What it would be like to be held by Clarke. To really be held by her. Not just in a hug, though hugging Clarke was nice. But rather curled up next to her, arms wrapped around each other, while watching TV, star gazing or after making love _. Damn stupid crush_.

Lexa shook her head and rolled her eyes as she looked away from Clarke. Before she could think any more about how she was attracted to Clarke she spotted a small deer come out of some trees down by the creek. She slowly leaned forward and watched in walk slowly to the edge of the creek and bent its head down to take a drink. While keeping an eye on the young deer Lexa reached over and tapped Clarke on the arm. When Clarke’s eyes opened she held up a finger to her lips and pointed over to where the deer was drinking from the creek. Clarke followed the direction of Lexa’s finger towards the deer and her eyes widened as she too leaned forward to watch.

Slowly Clarke reached into her pocket to get out her phone to try and take a picture of the deer whose head had come up. Clarke could see its ears and tail twitch as it looked around, listening. Gradually Clarke brought her phone up and waited till the picture was more in focus before she pressed down on the button to capture the picture. She took several off them as the deer seemed to look right at her. Bringing her phone down she looked at Lexa and they shared a small smile.

The deer bend down for another drink and then carefully turned and walked back into the trees, disappearing from sight.

“Oh my god. That was amazing.” Clarke went to her photo gallery on her phone. Scooting closer to Lexa she showed her the pictures of the deer.

“It was a beautiful deer.” Lexa looked up from the phone and at Clarke. “I was told there were deer all over here but this is the first one I’ve seen here.”

Clarke looked over to where the deer had disappeared to and then looked back at Lexa. “It was so cute. That is the closet I’ve ever been to one.”

“Really?” Lexa saw Clarke nod. She smiled. “Well hopefully we see some more while we are here.”

“Yeah, I would like that a lot.” Clarke took a picture of the waterfall before she put her phone back into her pocket and turned back towards Lexa. “My legs are good now if you would like to continue.”

“If you’re ready I’m ready.” Lexa stood and put her backpack on.

Walking to the other side of the bridge they briefly looked down at the water and the area on that side of the bridge before they finished crossing it and headed back down the path.

Clarke heard Lexa chuckle. “What is it?”

“You know since we walked down to this area we will eventually have to go up right? Think your legs can handle it?”

Clarke reached over and wrapped one arm around Lexa’s shoulders as they continued to walk. “Well if I can’t you might have to carry me the rest of the way.”

Lexa tilted her head in consideration. “Maybe…or I just might leave you out here to fend for yourself.”

“No you wouldn’t do that.” Clarke knew that Lexa was kidding as she smiled at her.

“Why wouldn’t I” Lexa slung her arm around Clarke’s shoulder waiting for her answer.

“Because you would do everything you could to save me. Just like I would do everything I could to save you.”

Lexa laughed. “That is true. You don’t ever have to worry about me leaving you behind.”

“Good so when we are halfway up the hill and I’m whining that my legs hurt we can stop then.”

Lexa squeezed Clarke’s shoulder and let her go. “Yes, we can stop and rest. It’s not a competition.”

“Good, so maybe tomorrow we give our legs a break and go out in a canoe. We can then at least work our upper bodies paddling around.”

“I’m up for that.” Lexa stopped and took her time looking around them. They were surrounded by yellow, white, red and purple wildflowers. “That is purple prairie clover. I’m not sure what kind of flowers these others are but they are beautiful.”

Clarke’s attention was on Lexa and had been since they stopped. She took a deep breath. “Yes, everything here is.” When Lexa’s green eyes turned to her she quickly looked away. _Shit_

Lexa wondered about the look that had been on Clarke’s face. _What she was thinking about_. She cleared her throat. “Yes, everything is.” _You are_. Lexa reached over and touched Clarke’s shoulder. “Let’s keep going. There is a beer with my name on it after this hike.”

“That really sounds good.” Clarke hoped that Lexa didn’t catch her staring. The truth about how she felt about her could probably be seen in the look in her eyes. _Definitely only one. Too many and I will tell her everything._


	14. Chapter 14

 

Lexa carried out a coffee mug to Clarke who was sitting out on the swing in front of the fire pit. She handed Clarke the coffee mug.

“Thanks.” Clarke said while accepting the mug.

Lexa sat down cross legged on the seat next to her. “You’re welcome. I see you got the fire going.”

The sun was just starting to set and the fire crackled and produced some light in the immediate area. Similar fires could be seen off in the distance at other cabins around the lake.

“You had some nice dry wood here. Took off right away.” Clarke held the coffee mug with both hands as she watched the flames dance around the fire pit. “I really like it out here. The cabin is really nice, there is a lot of outdoor things to do and their restaurant was really good. Thanks again for lunch.”

“No problem.” Lexa had enjoyed the meal and they had talked about some old classmates they had and who was doing what now. The conversation continued after they were done eating. They had taken their beer and went out onto the back deck of the restaurant that overlooked a pond. They watched the geese and ducks as they floated around the water. Some had come up on the bank and assembled together under a tree. Lexa was in awe of how graceful the ducks and geese were as they flew in and landed in the water. She had been somewhat anxious and tense when she had visited Costia earlier that day but the rest of her day and evening was going well, thanks to the atmosphere and her company. She felt calm and peaceful as she closed her eyes and listened to the sounds of the night.

“I love the smell of campfires. Don’t you?” Clarke asked quietly. Her gaze still riveted to the burning logs.

“Yes, and fireplaces during the winter. I love the heat and the light. I could stare hours into one. I like cooking over and open fire too.”

“I’m afraid I’m not that skilled in that type of cooking.” Clarke took a sip of her coffee. “When I’ve tried it has either been burnt to a crisp or not quite done.”

Lexa’s laugh quietly. “Next time you want to try it give me a call and I will help you out.”

“I just might do that.”

They both sat in silence each lost in thought as they stared at the flames. Clarke could feel some achiness in her body due to the hike earlier that day. She wasn’t in bad shape, she exercised, but the long hike that day had taken a toll on her body and she needed to remember to take some ibuprofen before going to bed.

Lexa turned her head slightly to look over at Clarke. The ponytail that Clarke had in her hair was coming slightly undone. A few strands of hair were getting in the way and Lexa had to fight the urge to brush them out of Clarke’s face and tuck the strands behind her ear. That would be a little more intimate than someone who was just a friend would do. Lexa recognized though that what she felt for Clarke was a little bit more than friendship.

Lexa had to resist the urge to jerk her gaze away when Clarke turned and looked back at her. The light from the fire seemed to make Clarke’s eyes glow as she looked at her questioningly. Lexa glanced down at Clarke’s lips.

“Everything okay?” Clarke asked.

Lexa’s eyes were still on Clarke’s lips but she looked up at Clarke when she heard her speak. She nodded and looked out to the lake before looking back to Clarke. _Busted?_ “Right now, at this very moment everything is great.” Lexa smiled. “Thought I did see Costia earlier today.” Lexa took a big drink of her coffee. “She had wanted me to come to the treatment facility for a visit.”

Clarke put her bent left leg up on the swing and turned to face Lexa. “How did that go?”

“I was really uncomfortable there. I really didn’t want to see her.”

“Why did you go then?” Clarke asked gently.

Lexa opened her mouth to speak and then closed it. She turned around and mirrored Clarke’s position. “Part of me wanted to see if she was really there and that it wasn’t some big lie. Still another part was curious about what she wanted and then there was the small part of me that still cares and wanted to make sure she was alright.”

Clarke rested her left arm up on the back of the swing. She took a drink of coffee before asking her next question. “What did she want?”

“Assuring me that she was really serious this time. That she wanted to fix things because she would like me back.” Lexa gave a dismissive wave of her hand. “That is never going to happen.” Lexa looked up at Clarke who was listening quietly to what she was saying. “She also wanted me to come to some support group with her on Thursday nights. I told her no. She wanted to know why so I told her because of softball. She didn’t like the idea of me choosing softball over her.”

“I don’t know how she could expect you after everything that had happened to want to participate in a support group with her. That is asking a lot considering everything.”

“Even if I didn’t have softball I wouldn’t have gone.” Lexa brought her coffee cup up to her lips and drained the cup. “I let her know that there wasn’t a chance for us to get back together. I let her know that she needed to be in treatment for herself because she wanted to get better, not as a way to get me back.”

Clarke was happy for Lexa for standing up for herself and not be pulled into Costia’s drama again. Lexa deserved better than that. “That is good. How did she take it?”

“She still wanted me to be involved. She said so she could be better at her next relationship. She doesn’t need to be worrying about that right now. She needs to be worrying about getting her shit together first. She wanted me there because I know how she is and if she is being full of it or not. I told her she needed to start taking responsibility for herself. Hold herself accountable.”

“She really does hon.” Clarke’s lips were pressed together in a small, sympathetic smile. “No one can save Costia but Costia.”

Lexa nodded. “She is going to be there for a while. I did agree to go see her again. I didn’t tell her when…I just had a lot of time to think while I was out here alone this week. About things that I want. Things that I don’t want, and where I go from here. I don’t hate her Clarke…”

“I know you don’t.” Clarke reached out and touched Lexa’s knee.

“I want her to be better but…I don’t know if she wants to try and be friends after this…I don’t know if I can go that far.” Lexa exhaled heavily, trying to figure out how to put her thoughts into words. “She has asked for my support. I know having a support system is important. My parents helped me. You’ve helped me so much.” Lexa smiled at Clarke then shrugged one shoulder. “I don’t know exactly what I can do for her to help but I will at least visit her one more time. Try to be encouraging without giving her hope of a reconciliation because there isn’t one.”

“Are you sure there is no hope of you getting back together with her?” Clarke had a personal interest in the answer.

“No, absolutely none and I don’t want to be friends with her. Maybe friendly acquaintances. I don’t want to have our friends fight over us and feel like they have to choose or things be so tense with us that we can’t be around each other at all. We might show up at the same events and I don’t want to have to feel like I need to leave if I see her.”

“You shouldn’t have to leave and hon if that happens that will be on her. I know that you would be civil and respectful around her. You may have to fight the feeling of wanting to kick her ass but I know it won’t be you that will start it. ” Clarke’s eyebrows rose as she looked seriously at Lexa. “If things ever get nasty it’s going to be because she started it _.” I know if that happens you will finish it and that is something that I kind of almost want to see._

“True.” Lexa stood and put two more logs on the fire and came back and sat down on the swing. “So that happened earlier today and I want to thank you for coming out because you have made this day so much better.

“I’m glad I could help and I’m glad that things with you and Costia are less…painful and confusing?”

“Yes, they are and I’m ready to move on with my life. In fact while I’m really grateful for my parent’s help in all of this I really think that it’s time I moved out. They gave me a job and a place to live. I love them but I don’t want to live with my parents forever.”

Clarke laughed. “Yes, I know. I couldn’t wait to be out of my parents’ house too.” A thought was forming in Clarke’s mind and she wondered what Lexa would think about her idea. She took a deep hesitant breath before speaking. “I don’t know how you feel about having a roommate or if you want to be completely on your own. And of course you can say no, and there wouldn’t be any hard feelings, but what about coming to my house and living with me. I have all those bedrooms.”

“Really?” Lexa didn’t expect Clarke to make that offer. _Should I go live with Clarke?_ She had a beautiful home, a gorgeous location and like Clarke said she had all of those bedrooms. It was quite the large space for one person to live in. Plus she really liked being around Clarke and living with her would give her the opportunity to really see what Clarke was like. What weird habits she had. How clean or messy she was and if she would flip out if the toilet paper roll went under instead of over.

“There is two bedrooms you can choose from upstairs. There are two bedrooms downstairs. You could actually have the whole downstairs if you wanted. You would have your own bathroom. We would need to share the kitchen but other than that you could have your own space.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want you to have to go to any trouble…”

“I’m sure. I wouldn’t have offered if I wasn’t. I think we would both benefit from it. You get out of your parent’s house. If you choose to live downstairs it’s like having your own apartment. It’s a nice place, you could live there cheaper than if you got your own apartment. Also you would have the benefit of me being there with my sparkling personality.” Clarke nosed crinkled and she gave Lexa a lopsided grin. “Seriously you would also be helping me out. It does get lonely living there by myself. Not that you have to spend time with me or anything. It would be nice to have company and know someone else is there.” _You’re the only one I can think of right now that I would want there._ This would be a chance for Clarke to spend more time with Lexa and get to know her even more.

Lexa tilted her head to the side as she looked at Clarke. “Of course I would spend time with you.” _That would be the big plus of living there._ “How much would you charge me for rent and my part of the utilities?”

Clarke thought quickly about what her last month’s household bills were. She didn’t have a mortgage but there was the electrical bill, water bill, insurance, garbage pickup and cable and internet. She also paid her property taxes monthly. “Let’s say three hundred dollars a month?”

“Clarke are you sure that would be enough?” _I can’t even find an apartment for rent that low._

“Yes, and well you would buy your own groceries. Maybe we take turns buying staples like coffee and bread. Things we don’t really need two of, unless there is a particular brand that you like that I don’t.”

“I would be really interested in the downstairs but what about when your family comes to visit during the holidays and your other family gatherings?”

“Well…you would be living there too so I guess the first question would be would you mind my family coming to stay for a couple of days throughout the year?”

“No, of course not. I wouldn’t want to disrupt that tradition. It’s your house.”

“There is two bedrooms upstairs. They can crash on the floor as easily upstairs as they would downstairs. If you agree to come live with me the downstairs would be yours. I would let family know that area was off limits.”

“It still seems awfully cheap.” If Clarke was sure that was what she wanted a month it sounded like a good deal to her. It would be cheaper than any apartment she could find. Then on top of rent she would have all of the utilities.

“Okay, you can do all the cooking.” Clarke laughed. “No, you don’t have to and as I said you don’t have to say yes. Think about it and if the answer is yes and if it doesn’t work out for you sharing the house then I won’t be upset if you decide to move out.”

Lexa sat there for several minutes looking at the fire. Lost in though. Then finally a smile stretched across Lexa’s face as she stuck her hand out for Clarke to shake. “I accept.”

“Yeah?” Clarke reached up and took Lexa’s hand.

“Yes.” Lexa released Clarke’s hand and stood up. She moved closer to Clarke and enveloped the other woman in a hug. “Thank you. This is very generous of you and I appreciate it.”

“I’m happy to do it.” Clarke was happy and she was looking forward to living with Lexa. Not telling Lexa how she felt or acting on her feelings was going to be torture but she was in a position to help Lexa out so she offered _. Least I get to spend more time with her._

Lexa ended the hug and went and sat down on the swing. She had really enjoyed the hug. She liked how she felt when she hugged Clarke. Clarke had felt nice and warm, soft and she smelled really good even after sweating today and sitting next to the fire. Lexa was looking forward to being able to spend more time with the woman next to her. The only drawback she could immediately see was being able to keep her crush on Clarke a secret.

Over the course of the week Lexa’s thoughts turned to Clarke. She had written some of her thoughts and feelings in the notebooks that she had brought with her. A few pages were about Clarke. Lexa had a crush on her in high school. She didn’t think so much about it when she was with Costia but now that she wasn’t with Costia anymore she found herself thinking about Clarke a lot. Clarke had become even prettier than and just as nice as what she was in high school and knowing that Clarke liked girls too made the current crush she had on her even more difficult. Because if she ever told Clarke that she liked her and Clarke didn’t like her the same way it wasn’t because Clarke was straight. It was because she didn’t like Lexa that way and Lexa didn’t want to make things awkward with them. It was the main reason why she had to think about moving in with Clarke.

“So when would it be a good time to move in?” Lexa asked.

“Whenever you want to. I can get you a key made and drop it off to your parent’s house or the restaurant. There are a few boxes down in the bedrooms that I will move and I will need to find the other remote door opener for the garage. Do you need help bringing your things?”

“No, I don’t really have a whole lot of things I would need to bring. I will probably buy a new bed and have it delivered though. Maybe a few other things.” The bed at her parent’s house would stay and this way Lexa would be able to get exactly what she wanted.

“I could move one of the beds from the upstairs bedroom downstairs.” Clarke offered.

“That isn’t necessary Clarke but thanks.” Lexa smiled. Clarke was always trying to be helpful and Lexa appreciated that.

“Anytime.” Clarke looked at the fire. “So do we want to throw some more wood on the fire and sit out here longer?”

“Yes, please. Though I think I would like something more to drink. Would you like some more coffee or something else?”

“How about some water?”

“Okay.” Lexa stood up. “Go ahead and throw a couple of logs on the fire and I will be right back.”

Clarke smiled as Lexa walked back to the cabin. She is moving in. She is really fucking moving in! Clarke stood and grabbed a couple more logs and put on the fire. She picked up a longer stick that she had been using to move the logs around to make sure they burned evenly. She stood there and watched the burning embers. With Lexa moving in Clarke had a reason to want to want to come home more. Not that she planned on Lexa being at the house all of the time. She had work and friends but Clarke hoped with this arrangement she would get to spend more time with her. Be able to have dinner with Lexa. Maybe watch some movies in the evenings. Talk, and continue to be a source of support to her. Clarke was happy that Costia was definitely out of the picture. That didn’t mean that she was going to do anything about it. When she had caught Lexa looking at her earlier she had wondered what the look meant that was on Lexa’s face. It was intense and if Clarke didn’t know better she would say that it looked like Lexa wanted to kiss her. Clarke thought maybe her interpretation of that look was wishful thinking or not seeing things clearly because of the beers she had earlier. If Lexa was interested or not Clarke wasn’t going to make the first move. If anything happened it would be Lexa’s move.

“Here you go.” Lexa appeared in the circle of light cause by the fire and handed Clarke a bottle of water. Lexa had refilled her coffee. It usually didn’t keep her awake. Right now knowing Clarke was going to be in the other room and that she had agreed to move in with her was enough to keep her awake.

“Thanks.” Clarke accepted the bottle of water and remained standing by the fire.

Lexa sat back down on the swing. Occasionally she would glance up at Clarke who was staring into the fire. She seemed lost in thought. _I wonder if she is regretting asking me to move in. It was kind of out of the blue._ “Are you absolutely sure you want me to move in with you?” Lexa asked.

Clarke’s eyes moved to look at Lexa. “Yes, I’m absolutely sure.”

“Okay then.” Lexa smiled and looked back at the fire.

Clarke put the stick she had been holding down and move back over to sit on the swing. “If you want to be there I want you there. Okay?”

“I want to.” Lexa nudged Clarke with an elbow. “Roomie.”

They spend another hour sitting by the fire quietly talking till Clarke started to yawn. Clarke separate the logs so the flames would die out more quickly and she used the remaining water in her bottle to help dowse what embers remained.

“I’m going to stay up and read a little bit.” Lexa said to Clarke once they were inside the cabin. “Sleep well.” Lexa had wanted to hug Clarke goodnight. She almost didn’t but gave in to what she wanted to do. “Goodnight.” Lexa said as she pulled Clarke into a hug.

“Goodnight.” Clarke felt her heart beat faster during Lexa’s hug. When the hug ended she got a glass of water and stopped in front of her bedroom door. “Sleep well when you go. I will see you in the morning.” She went inside her room and took some pain meds. She was sure she was going to be really sore in the morning. Clarke stripped down to her panties and grabbed a tank top. Once changed she slipped underneath the covers. Her mind was on the woman sitting out in the living room as she quickly fell asleep.


	15. Chapter 15

 

Lexa slowly opened her eyes. The early morning light shown through the thin curtains of the window. She looked over at the clock to see what time in the morning it was. It was five minutes after six. She had stayed up till midnight reading. That was when the words became blurry on the page and she knew it was time for bed.

Lexa rolled over onto her side and pulled the covers up under her chin. She wasn’t exactly ready to get up yet and had dozed off because the next thing she knew it was seven and she could smell coffee. _Clarke must be up_. Lexa pushed the covers off of her and sat up on the edge of the bed. Lifting her arms up over her head she stretched and then stood up and headed towards the bathroom. Opening the bathroom door she walked in only to walk in on Clarke who was sitting on the toilet.

“Oh shit, sorry.” Lexa hurriedly turned around and headed back into her bedroom _. Oh my god._

Clarke had her panties and shorts down around her ankles. Lexa had noticed the panties were red. Clarke had been leaning forward, her forearms resting on her knees. The tank top she wore had been low cut and with Clarke leaning forward like she was it opened the top even more. Lexa got a quick view down the top of Clarke’s shirt and of a good portion of her breasts.

Lexa heard the toilet being flushed and then water being turned on at the sink. Then there was a soft knock at her door before the door opened and Clarke peeked around the corner.

“I am so sorry for walking in on you like that.” Lexa said before Clarke could say anything.

Clarke smiled. “Don’t worry about it. It’s not a big deal.”

Lexa was clad only in a tank top and panties and Clarke had to keep her eyes from dropping and looking at the creamy expanse of Lexa’s well shaped legs.

“Anyway the bathroom is free now.” Clarke left Lexa’s door open and crossed the bathroom and went through her door. She quietly closed her bathroom door as Lexa entered the bathroom. Going through her bedroom door she went into the kitchen and got two coffee cups down. Pouring herself a cup she walked into the living room and sat on the couch. Noticing the book sitting on the table she picked it up and read the back of it before putting it back where she found it.

Lexa came out of her bedroom dressed in shorts and a t-shirt. Her hair was up in a messy bun. Clarke knew her own hair must be all over the place. She hadn’t bothered brushing it when she got up. She still wore the tank top she had on when she went to bed and had only put on some shorts when she came out to make the coffee earlier.

“Thanks for making coffee.” Lexa sat down on the couch next to Clarke.

“You’re welcome. How did you sleep?”

“Pretty good. What about you?” Lexa took a sip of coffee. It was a little stronger than she was used to but not bad. _Clarke must have to make it this strong to be able to stay awake at night._

“As soon as I got in bed and got comfy I was out.”

“Do you ever have a hard time falling asleep in a new place?” Lexa asked.

“Not usually. I really like my sleep.” Clarke smiled over the rim of her coffee cup.

“Working nights I’m sure you do. I’m not sure I could ever do that.”

“It’s not too bad. The biggest thing is people kept trying to call me during the day. It was disrupting my sleep so much that I decided to keep my phone off till three in the afternoon and I let everyone know not to count on me calling them back or responding till then.”

“I bet it’s hard for you on your days off?”

Clarke nodded. “It can be, especially on the weekends. Like yesterday I got home from work, slept a little bit then came out here. I was up all day then slept like the dead last night. Usually at this time I’m just getting home and getting ready to go to bed. Saturdays I’m usually up all day, sleep at night and then have to take a nap before going into work on Sunday night.”

Lexa understood how Clarke’s schedule went. Costia’s had been similar. “So how about I make us some breakfast and then we can either relax around here till later or go for another hike? Then this afternoon we can see about taking a canoe out on the lake.”

“Breakfast sounds great and I would actually like to sit out on the swing for a little bit this morning. I would like to do some sketching of the lake and the cabin if that is okay?”

“Oh absolutely. I was also thinking about sitting out on the little beach or going for a swim later this morning. Did you bring a swimming suit with you?”

“I did bring one with me.” _Lexa in a swimming suit? Just fucking kill me now._

“Great.” Lexa smiled as she stood up. “How does a western omelet sound to you?”

“Yummy. Would you like any help?” Clarke stood up as well and followed Lexa to the kitchen.

“Make toast and cut up some more veggies for us?”

“I would be more than happy to.” Clarke reached in the drawer and pulled out the knife she used before to cut vegetables.

“Are you always this agreeable in the mornings?” Lexa asked as she got some vegetables out of the refrigerator.

Clarke laughed. “Umm…sometimes. Guess it depends on the amount of sleep I get.” _I’m sure the company has absolutely nothing to do with it. Right?_ “Sometimes I can be grumpy.”

“Can’t we all?” Lexa put a skillet over the burner and then began dicing up a piece of ham. “So are you an ‘I need to talk this out’ kind of a grump or ‘leave me alone till I’m in a better mood’ kind of grump?” Lexa cracked four eggs into a bowl and began whisking them together.

“I think I do both. Sometimes I don’t know why I’m upset and I need some time to figure that out. Then I would want to talk about it.” Clarke finished dicing the vegetables. “What about you?” Clarke set the knife in the sink. “Since we are going to be living together if I sense that you are upset do you want to talk about it or just leave you alone?”

“I usually try to handle it on my own first, but if I’m upset about something it’s okay to ask if I want to talk about it. Just don’t be offended if I tell you not right now.” Lexa poured the vegetables in the pan to soften them up. “It wouldn’t be because of you.” Of course you would probably tell her anything. You trust her, she is a good listener and has always been supportive.

“Okay. Of course as you know anytime you want to talk or need anything I will be there for you.”

“Just not from six in the morning till three in the afternoon.” Lexa mouth turned up at the corners.

“Lexa if you really need me. Wake me up.”

“Are you sure?” Lexa wasn’t so sure about it. Costia would throw such a fit if she was woken up.

Clarke leaned against the counter. “I know you well enough to know that you wouldn’t wake me up unless you really needed me. I also wouldn’t wake you up at night unless I really needed you.”

Lexa nodded. “That is true.”

“So any bad habits? Anything that you would be OCD about?”

“Like what? You mean do I have to have all of my herbs and spices in alphabetic order or my socks folded a certain way?” Lexa laughed.

Clarke smiled back and shrugged. “Yeah, something like that.”

Lexa looked up towards the ceiling and tried to think if there was anything that she had to have a certain way. “I guess I like things to be clean but I’m not the type of person to walk around with a white glove to check to see if there is any dust or anything.” She looked on as Clarke put some bread in the toaster. _She has such nice hands._ “If I was obsessed about anything it would be having a clean kitchen. There is just so many foodborne illnesses a person could pass on.”

“I understand that and if there is a certain way you want the kitchen to be clean just say something. Also if you want to move some things around that is fine with me.”

“Great, thanks.” Lexa finished with the omelets as the toast popped up. “What about you is there anything that you’re OCD about.

“The only thing that comes to mind is I won’t let friends smoke in my car or in my house.” Clarke began buttering the toast. “Otherwise I like things to be clean too, though I don’t mind a little clutter. Well, I also I have to make sure the doors are locked before I lay down. If I’m not sure if I locked them or not I know if I don’t get up and check I will never get to sleep.”

“I’m sure if there are some issues that come up while living together we can talk about it.” Lexa carried her plate to the small table.

Clarke sat down across from her. “Yes I think you and I communicate very well.”

Lexa lifted up her coffee cup and clicked it with Clarke’s. “I agree.”

 

Clarke was already outside in her simple black one piece swim suit when Lexa walked out of the cabin in a blue bikini. Clarke had to keep her mouth from dropping wide open at the sight of Lexa in her swim suit. Her mouth had suddenly felt dry and she had to stop herself from staring. There was so much lovely skin to see and all she wanted to do was look at Lexa. _Not all I want to do_. Clarke wanted to touch, taste and caress her and the need was so strong at that moment that Clarke had dropped her sketching supplies on the swing and quickly walked out into the lake. Hoping that the lake was cold enough to shake her out of the desire. Unfortunately the water wasn’t that cold.

Lexa was a little surprised that Clarke didn’t say anything to her when she came out of the cabin. She had looked over at her as she walked towards Clarke. Lexa had seen how Clarke’s eyes moved down her body before she dropped her things and walked out into the water.

_Was she checking me out? Duh, you’re running around out here almost naked and Clarke is bi and likes women too, so of course she might look at you. Not like you weren’t checking her out either or looking at her the whole weekend._

Lexa sat her towel down on the swing and walked out into the lake. She kept her eyes on Clarke who was out in the water up to breast level. Clarke’s blue eyes gazed back at her. Lexa walked out till the water was to her upper thighs and she dived in. Swimming under water till she reached Clarke she popped up out of the water right in front of her.

“Doesn’t the water feel amazing?” Lexa laughed as she shook the water off her face.

“Yes it feels very nice.” Would be better for me if I was swimming in ice.

“This lake reminds me a lot of when we went to State for softball and after our game on the second day we all went to that water park.”

“Yeah the one with the two big blue slides.” Clarke remembered. “It was quite the trek going up those steps but a lot of fun coming down.”

The park had the two water slides, a wave pool, what was called a lazy river where you sat on large inner tubes and floated along the water. There was a lake with a beach. You could take a paddle boat out onto the lake, swim or ride a zip line out into the lake where you could drop in from twenty feet.

“I will never do a zip line like that again, or at least I hope I would have learned that you have to let go before you come to the end.”

“Why, what happened?” Clarke asked.

“I didn’t let go but the sudden stop at the end made me lose my grip and when I fell into the water I went in stomach first.”

“Ouch. I bet that smarted.”

“Oh it did.” Lexa said. “Stung like crazy.”

A wet strand of hair came lose and fell down in front of Clarke’s eye. Lexa reached out and tucked the strand behind Clarke’s ear. He hand linger just a bit too long before she let her hand drop back down into the water. She gave Clarke a small smile.

“Thanks.” Having Lexa in the water and being so close to her wasn’t helping. All Clarke wanted to do was lean in and capture Lexa’s lips in a kiss and what really didn’t help. What was making the situation so much worse was the way that Lexa was currently looking down at her lips. _Jesus I have to do something here._ “See that pier over there? Race you to it. Last one there cooks or buys lunch.”

Lexa’s eyes moved from Clarke’s lips to her eyes. She knew she had been staring again. She wondered how Clarke would react if she kissed her. _I think she likes me._ _Likes me._ “What?” Lexa knew Clarke had said something to her but she was so focused on wondering about kissing Clarke that she didn’t quite hear her.

“I said let’s race to the pier. Loser cooks or buys lunch.”

“Oh, okay then.” _Good, focusing on something other than Clarke’s lips would be good._ “You’re on.” Lexa swept her leg out and knocked one of Clarke’s legs out from underneath her, making her lose her balance. Laughing, Lexa took off for the pier.

“Hey, that’s not fair.” Clarke yelled as she took off after Lexa. _I’m so going to dunk her when I catch up to her._

Each woman swam as hard and as fast as they could, not because they were worried about losing the bet. Rather it was to provide a distraction to how they felt about the other. The old crushes they had on each other were back stronger than ever. For both of them it was more than a crush yet each one was afraid to make the first move.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warner for perverted jerk.

“Are you shitting me?” Raven’s eyes widened as she looked at Clarke. “Lexa is moving in? Seriously?”

“Yes, on Wednesday.” Clarke replied calmly to her friend’s outburst.

“So how did that happen? Did you two hook up at the cabin and then decide to U-Haul it?”

Clarke put down her fork. “No, it’s not like that and I didn’t ask you to lunch or tell you about Lexa moving in just so you would give me shit about it.”

“Whoa.” Raven reached over and covered Clarke’s hand with her own. _Clarke’s in a mood_.

“We didn’t sleep together. Lexa doesn’t even know I have feelings for her. She is moving on with her life. She is done with Costia and she doesn’t want to be dependent on her parents. I have all that space and decided to help her out. The downstairs is a lot bigger than some of the apartments she could get and for a lot less money too.”

“I was kidding…well kind of.” Raven shrugged. “With her living with you then are you still going to hide how you feel about her? You said Costia is out of the picture?”

“Lexa said she is done with her and is ready to move on.” Clarke looked down at the table and at her half eaten food. Looking up she met Raven’s dark eyes. “When she looks at me, sometimes I swear she has feelings for me too.” Clarke shrugged. “But she has to make the first move, when and if she does. That is of course if she really does like me like that.”

Placing her arms on the table Raven leaned forward. “Tell her how you feel. Then you will know.” Raven rolled her eyes. “Or just kiss her. Whether she kisses you back or you get your face slapped you have the answer.”

“It would be the face slapping answer I would be worried about.” Clarke said. “How could I go back to just being her friend if the answer is no?”

“What’s your alternative? I’m mean really Clarke. Are you going to wait around for a move that she may not make? How long are you going to wait? What about you getting on with your life?”

Clarke’s jaw clenched and unclenched. “Like I said I didn’t ask you to lunch so you could give me a bunch of shit.” In the back of her mind though she thought she was being a little defensive and that maybe Raven had a point.

“Look, I’m not trying to piss you off. I care about you. I want to see you happy. Lexa’s great. I like her, I really do, but how long are you going to wait?”

“I got her to move in. That is a step in the right direction don’t you think?” Clarke ran her fingers through her hair. “I know, I know. There is a few steps missing there. Just trust me on this okay?” Clarke took a bite of her lunch. “Can we talk about something else?”

“Okay, so how about the party. Do you still plan on having it?” Raven asked.

“I need to talk to Lexa about it.” Clarke mentally slapped herself in the forehead. She forgot about agreeing to host the softball team’s barbeque. “I’m sure she will be okay with it, after all she is on the team, but let me make sure. She may not want a bunch of noisy drunken people in her home.”

“If your place doesn’t work out maybe Carly can host.” Raven took a sip of her water. “Or we can rent a shelter house in one of the parks, though knowing some people that are coming it would be best if we didn’t have it so out in public.”

“Just let me talk to Lexa first and then yeah, maybe Carly can host or someone else on the team.” Clarke began to eat again. “So tell me how work is going?”

 

“Are you sure you want to move out honey? You know you can stay here as long as you want.” Erica watched her daughter cut up some onions. “It seems like you just moved back home.”

“I’m sure mom.” Lexa reached for another onion as she blinked her eyes which were starting to tear up. _Strong onions_. “I’m grateful for everything that you and dad have done for me but I can’t live with you forever and you will still see almost every day.”

“I know, my baby is all grown up.” Erica noticed a couple standing at the register wanting to pay their bill. “Be right back.”

Lexa continued cutting up the vegetables. She didn’t want her parents to be sad that she was moving out. It had been nice being there and she was grateful that she had parents and a home to come back to. However, moving out was a step in the right direction. She loved her job, she loved her bosses. What child would say that they wanted to work with their parents? She was making new friends here at work and on the softball team. Lexa also knew that breaking up with Costia, while it hurt, hadn’t turned her off of relationships and the possibility of finding someone new. _Or old_. _As in Clarke_.

It seemed like forever since she had talked to Clarke and it had only been yesterday since they parted. She had beaten Clarke to the pier on Saturday. In retaliation to the leg sweep that she did, Clarke had ended up pushing her into the water. They were standing there talking when Clarke had said, “I owe you this and paybacks a bitch.” She then pushed Lexa into the water. When she came sputtering to the surface Clarke was sitting on the pier laughing. She had reached up and grabbed Clarke’s foot pulling her down into the water. They spent a few minutes splashing water at each other like kids before slowly swimming back to the beach. It had been a nice relaxing morning. It had gotten really hot that afternoon so they had spent time together inside with the air conditioning. Rugged outdoor campers they were not. They sat on the couch together in comfortable silence while Clarke drew and Lexa wrote. That evening they were outside, enjoying slightly cooler temperatures with a fire talking about their childhoods and more memories from school.

Sunday they got up and had breakfast together. She had let Clarke know she would be moving her stuff in on Wednesday. After breakfast Clarke said she needed to go take care of some things and after packing Clarke had given her a hug and a kiss on the cheek and then she had left.

Lexa had briefly held her hand to her cheek where Clarke had kissed it and wished that she had told Clarke how she felt about her. She had realized how much she missed Clarke being there with her. The silence, which was necessary before Clarke got there, was unbearable after Clarke left. With Clarke gone and not much more to figure out she began packing up her own stuff. Lexa then left the cabin early and headed home.

Erica came back over and began wrapping silverware in napkins. “So are you happy that you will be moving in with Clarke? Wouldn’t you prefer your own place?”

“I’ve never lived on my own. I’ve either lived with you or Costia. I’m not saying that I can’t live on my own, but I’m getting just as much space as I would have at any apartment I could find, and I think Clarke is undercharging me. It’s a deal I can’t pass up.” _Plus I get to see more of Clarke but mom doesn’t need to know that._ “I’m not sure how much Clarke and I will actually see of each other. I work during the day time. She works at night. She will be upstairs and I will be downstairs. It’s like I’m living on my own.” Lexa smiled as she thought about Clarke being so close. “Still it will be nice knowing that at least some of the time someone else is there.”

Erica nodded, accepting her daughter’s decision. “We just want you to be happy and if this is what you want to do we will support you as always.”

Lexa wrapped her mom in a one arm hug on her way to the cooler. “Thanks mom, I appreciate that.”

 

“Hey Lexa, Clarke Griffin is here to see you.” Octavia called out as she came and picked up an order. Octavia was happy to see Clarke again after her and her brother broke up. She didn’t have time to chat with her but she got a hug and a promise to catch up later.

“Okay, thanks Octavia.” Lexa turned to her father. “You got this dad?”

“Of course, take your time.” The grill wasn’t that busy anyway. It was after the lunch rush and Paul was mostly cleaning up.

Lexa walked out to the front of the restaurant and she smiled when she saw Clarke standing at the counter waiting for her. “Hello Clarke.”

Clarke returned the other woman’s smile. _She is so hot in that chef’s uniform_. “Hi, I didn’t know if you were going to be busy or not but I wanted to drop off your keys to the house and here is the remote for the garage door.”

Lexa took the keys and the remote from Clarke. “Thanks, and I will have a check for you on Wednesday. Is that okay?”

“Perfect.” Clarke looked around the dining area then back at Lexa. “Do you have a few minutes?”

“Sure.” Lexa nodded towards a table. “Would you like a cup of coffee?”

“Yeah that would be great.”

“Take a seat and I will be out in a minute.” Lexa poured two cups of coffee that she carried them out to the dining room. Sitting one cup down in front of Clarke, she then took a seat at the table. “What’s up?”

“I have a question. Every year the softball team, our team and some women from the other teams get together and have a barbeque. I agreed to host this year but I completely forgot about it till Raven mentioned it earlier which is why I didn’t mention it over the weekend. Anyway, do you have any objections to it being at the house?”

“No of course not. It’s your house Clarke.” Lexa took a sip of her coffee. “When is it?”

“Yes, but you will be living there too and have a say. Of course you’re invited. Other arrangements can be made if you’d rather not have it there.” Clarke said. “It’s not this weekend but the following.”

“That is very sweet of you to ask me if I was okay about the party.” Lexa reached over and squeezed Clarke’s forearm. “I don’t have any problems with it being at the house. Is it a potluck?”

“Yes, there is usually plenty of food and booze. I have a volleyball net that I will set up and other lawn games will be brought in by the other players.” Clarke leaned in closer to Lexa. “Sometimes these parties have gotten…well…let’s just say with the amount of drinking some of the players engage in I wouldn’t be surprised if a few of them were playing naked volleyball by the end of the night.”

“Oh.” Lexa’s eyebrows rose. “Are you among them?” _This could be really interesting._

“Me? Oh no.” Clarke shook her head and smiled. “You couldn’t get me drunk enough to do that. I’m giving you a heads up though that it has happened before.” For some reason every time Clarke went to the local gay bar men and women would be playing sand volleyball and both the men and the women ended up topless. Not that Clarke minded at all.

“Well then, it sounds like it will be one interesting party. Are you going to be the grill master of this event?”

“Yes, and we usually do hamburgers, hotdogs and some chicken. I’ll get those.” Clarke smiled at Octavia as she walked by. “Everyone else brings some type of side or dessert.”

“I can make a few different sides for the party.” Lexa thought about Clarke’s house and the size of the back yard. “What about seating?”

“We will be in the back yard, unless it rains. Joyce, one of the players on the other team works at the community center and will let us borrow some tables and chairs.”

“Any other help you need for the party just let me know.” Lexa offered as she drank the last of her coffee. “I should probably get back to work. Thanks for dropping off the keys and the remote.”

“You’re welcome.” Clarke stood when Lexa did. “So I will see you Wednesday.”

“About three, three thirty.” Lexa picked up their coffee cups. “Oh and Pierce furniture will be delivering my bedroom set at four thirty.”

“That’s great and I have everything moved out of the rooms downstairs and your part of the garage is all cleaned up.” Clarke had been busy cleaning everything up when she got home on Sunday.

“Thanks so much Clarke.” Lexa was grateful and smiled at Clarke in appreciation. “Have a good day.”

Clarke smiled. “You too Lexa.”

Clarke headed towards the exit and stopped to talk to Octavia. Lexa took the coffee cups in the back and washed them. Clarke was still talking to Octavia when she came back up to the counter. She saw Clarke hug Octavia before she left.

 _Wish I would have gotten a hug._ Lexa immediately rolled her eyes at her thought. _That just made you sound like a five year old._ Shaking her head Lexa went back to work.

 

On Wednesday Clarke met Lexa at the door. “Here let me help you with that.” Clarke took one of the two boxes that Lexa was trying to carry.

“Thanks Clarke. They’re not heavy just really awkward.” Now Lexa could see over the top of her box and didn’t have to worry about everything, including herself, go tumbling down the stairs.

Clarke helped Lexa take the boxes down the stairs and then followed her out to her car to get the other boxes. Five trips and ten boxes later everything in Lexa’s car was downstairs.

“I was thinking about using the bigger room as my bedroom.” Lexa said as she reached into her pocket and pulled out a check. “Here you go.”

“Thanks and whatever you want to do is fine.” Clarke put the check in her pocket without even looking at it. “Is this everything?” Twelve boxes didn’t seem like a lot to Clarke.

“Yeah.” Lexa looked at the boxes that they had put against the wall in the large open space of the basement. “When I moved out of Costia’s place I didn’t take much. I just wanted to get out of there, you know.”

“Yes.” Clarke nodded sympathetically.

“I still have some things in storage and at my parent’s house that I don’t really need right now.” Lexa sniffed the air. “What smells so awesome?” She knew it was something Italian.

“Since it is your first night here I made lasagna. Homemade and not from the freezer section.”

“Thank you Clarke. You didn’t have to go through all of that trouble. Some brands of freezer section lasagna are really good though, especially when you don’t have much time.”

“I know, but I wanted to do it.” Clarke hoped it turned out okay. She got up early to make it. Clarke normally wouldn’t bother making it homemade for herself, she usually got lasagna from the freezer section. “I wanted to make sure you had a nice dinner you’re first night here.”

Lexa took in a big breath and smiled. She was touched by Clarke’s thoughtfulness and sacrifice of sleep. “I can’t wait to try it then. Thank you.” Lexa hugged Clarke then and reluctantly let go before the hug became too long and awkward. “How about we get something to drink while we wait for the furniture company to get here?” Lexa suggested.

 _How about you just hug me again?_ “That is a good idea. Those boxes were not that heavy but going up and down those stairs has made me thirsty.”

They headed back upstairs and Clarke looked in the refrigerator. “We have beer, wine, Pepsi, tea and water.”

“Tea would be great.” Lexa looked out the sliding glass doors and out on the back deck. The back yard was so nice and a great place to have a party. With a smile she accepted the glass of tea from Clarke. “How has work been?” Lexa asked as she took a sip of tea and followed Clarke into the living room.

“Not a good night last night.” Clarke sighed. “The one resident yelled almost the whole night.” Clarke loved her job but by the time morning came she was exhausted, along with the aides from hearing the resident yell for help. She had been checked on frequently just in case she really did need help, but aside from one time when the resident wanted a drink of water she was just yelling each time she woke up. “I swear when I tried to sleep today I kept waking up because I thought I heard someone yell for help.” Clarke leaned her head back on the back of the couch. “I also had to send one of the other residents to the hospital early this morning. I’m pretty sure he has a bowel obstruction.”

“Sounds like a long night for you.” Lexa patted Clarke’s thigh in empathy _. Rough night for a few of the residents too._ “And you still got up early to make us lasagna. You’re so sweet.”

“Thanks for thinking so.” Clarke said. She thought the same about Lexa.

Lexa heard the rumbling of a large truck coming down the lane. Looking out the window she saw that it was the furniture truck. “My bed is here.” Lexa stood up and took her glass out to the kitchen. She returned to the living room.

Clarke went and opened up the front door for the two men who were in the moving truck. They hopped out of the truck and opened up the back. The first thing they carried out of the truck and into the house were the pieces to the bedframe. The younger guy’s eyes lit up when he saw Clarke and Lexa standing there. Clarke rolled her eyes as he stared openly at her chest as he went by. _God, you act like you’ve never seen boobs before._

Lexa lead them downstairs to her room. “Put it there please.” She noticed it wasn’t in the spot that she wanted it. “Could you move it over to the left a little?”

“Here?” The younger man asked. His eyes were not on Lexa’s face but rather on her breasts.

The older man noticed what his partner was doing and slapped him on the arm. “Keep your mind on the work Greg.”

“Yes, there.” Lexa stepped out of the room as they worked on attaching the frame together. She shook her head in disgust.

“What?” Clarke asked.

“I’ll tell you later.” Lexa began opening some boxes so when her room was all set up she could put some things away.

When the two men came out of the bedroom Clarke noticed that the one that was staring at her boobs earlier was checking out Lexa’s butt as he walked by. He tried to hide a grin as he walked up the steps but he hadn’t said anything.

Clarke followed them upstairs. She understood wanting to look at women’s boobs and butts. She did so on many occasions but wasn’t blatant about it. She didn’t like that he didn’t even try to hide what he was doing. She _really_ didn’t like the way that he was looking at Lexa.

Next to come downstairs was the dresser, then the mirror that attached to the dresser and nightstand. Lexa pointed out where she wanted both pieces of furniture placed. Last to come down was the box spring and mattress.

Clarke and Lexa were taking things out of the boxes to be put away. The two men were in the bedroom attaching the mirror when Lexa, who was closer to the door heard the younger one talking about them.

“Which one do you think is hotter Mark?” Greg asked.

“Hey man, I’m just here to do my job.” Mark hated working with Greg. He was lazy, always making comments about woman’s bodies and bragging about his conquests. Mark didn’t believe a word he said about the number of women he slept with or how good of a lover he claimed to be.

“Both of them are highly fuckable. The blonde has nicer tits though. I’d love to rub my dick in between them.” Greg tried to reach down and rub his crotch and hold onto the mirror at the same time. He lost his grip on the mirror.

“Would you knock that off and hold the damn mirror.” Mark glared at Greg. “Shut your mouth. Have some respect.” Some days he thought Greg must have been dropped on his head when he was a baby or he just didn’t care how offensive he was. _He’s a pervert. I’m going to the boss and request a different partner._

“Come on dude, you can’t tell me that neither one of them gives you a hard on?” Greg looked up at the doorway to see Lexa and Clarke standing in the doorway. Clarke had a baseball bat resting against her shoulder.

Both Clarke and Lexa had heard enough, especially Lexa who hated the way he was talking about Clarke. “It’s Greg isn’t it?” Lexa’s tone was low and icy. She didn’t wait for an answer. “You need to get your ass out of this house now.” Lexa’s fists were clenched. “What you have been saying about us, and we heard it all, was not only sexist but very unprofessional and I will be making a complaint about you to your boss.”

Greg started to say something but Mark put his hand over the younger man’s mouth. “We’re actually done here.” He removed his hand from Greg’s mouth. “Shut up and help me move this dresser back.”

The dresser was moved back against the wall where Lexa wanted it. Mark picked up his tools and grabbed Greg’s arm with the other.

Greg shook off his grip. “Let me go man.”

“Come on, let’s go you idiot.” Mark shoved Greg towards the stairs _. I should just let the blonde whack him a few times, then maybe he would learn to be more respectful._

Clarke and Lexa followed them up the stairs and to the front door. Mark took out his paperwork and handed Lexa her copy.

Mark smiled thinly and looked at them apologetically. “I’m sorry for what he was saying ladies.”

“It’s not you who should be sorry.” Clarke turned to Greg who at least looked embarrassed. “You’re the one who should apologize and just so you know, you would never have a chance to fuck or do anything with either of us. We don’t have anything to do with pieces of shit, which you most certainly are. Now get out of my house.” Clarke brought the baseball bat down and tapped the barrel of the bat onto her hand.

“You bitch.” Greg tried to come at Clarke but Mark grabbed him and drug him out to the truck. Opening up the passenger door Greg was shoved into the truck and the door was slammed shut.

“Asshole.” The older guy pointed his finger at Greg. “Stay in the truck.” He marched around to the other side of the truck and got in.

Clarke watched the truck drive away. “What an asshole.” Clarke leaned her bat against the wall in the corner. She turned to Lexa who was standing next to her and stroked her arm. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” Lexa reached over and took Clarke’s hand. “How about you?” Lexa knew that Clarke wasn’t happy, nor was she. _What kind of person comes into your house and talks about you like that?_

“Oh I’m really pissed off.” Clarke took a slow angry breath. “I was about ready to hit some balls and I’m not referring to softballs.”

“You sure?” Lexa slowly cracked a smile and started laughing. Clarke’s comment and the image that popped into her head about Clarke using the baseball bat helped defuse her anger.

Clarke smirked and brought her free hand up to her forehead. _Of course, testicles are soft so I would literally be hitting soft balls_. “You know what I mean.” Clarke lightly pushed Lexa’s shoulder as she laughed.

“Yes, I know what you mean.” Lexa squeezed Clarke’s hand before letting it go. “I’m going to make that phone call to Pierce’s now. That little weasel is not going to get away with that bullshit.”

“Okay hon. I’m going to check on dinner.” Clarke wrapped one arm around Lexa’s shoulders. “You can’t say your first day here was not memorable.”

“Oh, it most definitely was.” Lexa agreed.

By the time Lexa was done talking to him the store owner had apologized profusely for his worker’s behavior, and he promised to refund half of the cost of the bedroom set. He also said he was going to terminate Greg’s employment. Lexa thanked him for his time and hung up.

“Well that was a productive phone call.” Lexa told Clarke what the store owner had said.

“Good, he needs to be fired.” Clarke carried the lasagna pan out to the table and placed it on a hot pad. Then she cut the lasagna into pieces before she walked back into the kitchen and grabbed the garlic bread.

“This looks and smells amazing.” Lexa said as they sat down for dinner. She was really hungry and couldn’t wait to try Clarke’s lasagna.

Clarke used a spatula to get a piece of the lasagna for Lexa. “I hope you like it.” Clarke then got one for herself and passed the bread basked to Lexa.

Lexa took a bite of the lasagna and closed her eyes as she chewed. “Oh my god, this is delicious Clarke.”

Clark smiled, immensely happy that Lexa liked it. “Thank you. Like I said, I wanted your first dinner here to be really good.”

“And it is.” Lexa touched the back of Clarke’s hand for just a moment before putting her hand down on her lap. “Thank you for letting me move in.”

“You’re welcome. I’m so glad you’re here.”

“Me too.” Lexa looked away with a small smile on her face.

 

After dinner and cleanup they both went downstairs to put the bedding on Lexa’s new bed. Clarke then helped Lexa put some things away before she announced she needed to take a nap before work.

“Thanks for your help.” Lexa pulled Clarke into a hug. She held on a little bit longer than normal but she didn’t care and Clarke didn’t seem like she wanted to relinquish the hug either.

“You’re welcome. Anytime.” Clarke said once the hug was over.

“Sleep well Clarke and have a good night at work.” Lexa was going to call it quits soon on putting things away. She too needed to get to bed and get some sleep.

“Thanks. You sleep well too and I will see you tomorrow afternoon.” _Having someone here to come home to is going to be different but good._

Clarke headed up to her room and got ready to take her nap. As she fell asleep her thoughts were on the woman that was in the room directly below hers.

 


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took a little bit to write an update, but it is a much longer update. :)

“It turned out to be a really nice day to have a party and the yard looks amazing.” Raven stopped to get another beer out of the cooler and was taking a break from walking around and chatting up her friends.

Lexa had been checking to make sure they had everything that was needed on the food table. She paused at Raven’s comment to look around the yard. Three long folding tables were set up with folding chairs for the party guests, which numbered at least thirty women. All of her teammates were in attendances as well as some women from the other teams that they played. It was eighty-three degrees, sunny, and everyone seemed to be eating, drinking and having a good time.

“The back yard does look nice doesn’t it? Clarke and I spent the week cleaning up and putting out the decorations.” Lexa found herself looking back at Clarke who was pulling off the last of the hamburgers from the grill. _There she goes again_. Clarke had been having frequent visits while she was grilling by a woman named Samantha who played on the P &W team. “Seems like a good turnout too.” Lips tightly pressed together she looked back at Raven and took a drink of her beer.

Raven regarded the gathering of women of all ages, sizes and sexual orientations. Most were sitting at the tables still eating while others stood in small groups chatting with each other. Four women were playing the bean bag toss game. “Yes, it’s nice to see a lot of very hot women here.”

Lexa nodded and looked back over at Clarke. Samantha brushed Clarke’s hair back before she ran her fingertips down Clarke’s arm. Lexa was only interested in one hot woman here and right now she was being flirted with by some grabby short haired blonde woman. _Okay you can stop touching her now_. Lexa was trying to figure out an explanation for how the beer bottle she had in her hand could have suddenly been thrown at Samantha. _Oh sorry there, I tripped and lost my grip on my beer bottle. How did I manage to trip and the bottle travel fifteen feet at the speed of sixty miles an hour to land on you? Just talented I guess. Here’s a towel._ Lexa shook her head at her jealousy. Anybody that wanted to could flirt with Clarke. She had feelings for Clarke but they were not together and Clarke was free to be with anyone she wanted.

Lexa had dealt with some unwanted attention of her own. Toni. Toni had come with Joyce and helped her carry the tables and chairs to the back yard where they sat everything up. Once the tables were done Toni had followed Lexa back into the house and into the kitchen where Lexa was making the side dishes for the party.

Toni had watched Lexa get what she needed from the refrigerator, cabinets and drawers. “Wow, you sure know your way around Clarke’s kitchen.”

Lexa began dicing up the potatoes she was going to boil. “I live here so it’s my kitchen too.”

“You live here? With Clarke?” Toni frowned. She thought Clarke lived alone and Lexa was single.

Lexa nodded. “I rent the downstairs.”

“Oh okay, so you and Clarke don’t _live_ together.” Toni smiled happily.

“Not in the way you’re thinking, no.” _But someday I would like to._

“I thought you lived with your parents?” Toni asked.

Lexa had thought that it would have been a good time to talk to Toni about her obvious interest and her own lack of interest in dating her. However, Clarke had come into the kitchen and asked Toni for her help with the stereo set up. The opportunity to talk to Toni had passed and she had been too busy to bring up the subject again as they continued to get ready for the party.

Lexa was forced back to the present as Raven was talking about some of the food.

“I don’t normally like mushrooms but that dish that you made was awesome and I noticed it was the first dish to be emptied.” Raven said.

“Thank you. I’m glad you liked it and I’m glad it went over well with everyone.”

Clarke walked over to Lexa and Raven. She was holding a plate of freshly grilled hamburgers. “Here is the last of the burgers.” Clarke lifted up the lid to the buffet pan and dumped the contents of her plate inside. “That should be enough don’t you two think?”

Lexa had borrowed from the restaurant a large buffet server for the hamburgers, chicken and hotdogs that Clarke had grilled. Lexa checked the contents of the pans. “Yes, they look good. In fact we will probably have a bunch of leftovers.”

Raven shook her head and took a drink of her beer. “I don’t know Lexa. After everyone really starts drinking they are going to want to eat more after a while.” Raven said. “I wouldn’t count on too many leftovers.”

Lexa looked at the table and all the bowls and platters of food. Several of the bowls were already empty. “Good, less clean up then.”

Clarke put her hand on the small of Lexa’s back and leaned closer. The stereo wasn’t too loud but with it being on and the conversations going on around them it was a little hard to hear. Plus it was a good reason to stand closer to Lexa. “Did you get enough to eat?”

“More than enough.” Lexa smiled at Clarke. “I should have stopped at one plate.”

“Everything has been really good you guys. I’m stuffed.” Raven knew that she would be back at the buffet table later after she drank a few more beers.

Lexa picked up an empty bowl which had held the potato salad that she had made. “I’m going to go ahead and get the kitchen straightened up. Excuse me.”

Clarke watched Lexa as she went into the house. Her attention went back to Raven as her ex lightly slapped her arm. “Hey! What was that for?” Clarke’s eye’s narrowed.

“Why the hell are you letting Sam put her paws all over you?”

“She’s not doing that and I’m not letting her.” Clarke replied indignantly. She stopped speaking as Anya and Lisa came over to refill their plates and get some more drinks from the cooler.

“Anya can you hand me one of those?” Clarke asked.

Anya reached back into the cooler and handed Clarke a bottle of beer. “Here you go and by the way this is a great party. You have beautiful home.”

“Thank you.” Clarke opened her beer bottle and took a drink as Anya and Lisa went back to their table.

Raven leaned closer to Clarke and put her hand on her arm. “She is flirting with you.”

“Who?” Clarke blinked at Raven in confusion.

Raven narrowed her eyes. “Sam.”

“No, she is not.”

“I know it’s been awhile for you Clarke but that is not what it looks like from where I’m standing and if I’ve noticed I’m sure Lexa has as well.” Raven said.

“We have just been talking. Nothing is going on between Sam and I. You know how I feel about Lexa. I’m not going to flirt with someone right in front of her. Sam’s sister is wanting to become a nurse. She was asking questions about what is the best way to get into the field.”

“Trust me Clarke, she may be asking questions for her sister but she is flirting. If you recall I’ve dated Sam. I’m quite familiar with her moves.”

Clarke’s eyes widened as she remembered. “Oh my god, that is right you did.” Clarke laughed as she looked at her best friend. Sam and Raven had only dated for a few months before Raven called it off. “You mentioned she was a touchy feely kind of person.”

“Yeah, she is quite friendly. Too fucking friendly with a lot of different women. If you were ready to move on from Lexa I wouldn’t recommend Sam.”

“I wouldn’t be interested in her anyway even if I was ready to give up on the chance of Lexa and I. By the way I’m not. I’m still hopeful for that to happen.” Clarke took a drink of her beer. “It’s been great since she moved in.” Clarke smiled as she thought about Lexa. “She has been doing the majority of the cooking and that has been nice because she is obviously a great cook. When I’ve gotten up in the afternoon on the days that I work she will have something ready for dinner. Then on my days off I have been doing the cooking so when she gets home from work something is ready. We eat dinner, talk about our day, then watch a movie or read. She makes sure I always have something to take to work with me to eat on my break. She even hugs me goodnight before she goes to bed. I can’t tell you how much I’ve enjoyed that.”

“Sounds very domestic but without the kissing and fucking.” Raven couldn’t help but notice the way Clarke’s face lit up as she talked about Lexa.

Clarke shrugged. “Seems the not kissing and fucking worked well for us.”

Raven tilted her head to the side and nodded. “Yeah, that is true and we are a lot closer now. I’m glad with the way things worked out.”

Clarke couldn’t disagree with that. “Me too and our friendship has lasted longer than what I think our intimate relationship would have.” She patted Raven on the arm. “I’m going to go see if Lexa needs any help.”

Raven grabbed ahold of Clarke’s arm before she walked away. “You need to tell Lexa how you feel.”

Clarke nodded as she patted Raven’s hand. “I know.”

 

 _So Samantha is paying a lot of attention to Clarke, who can blame her? Clarke is beautiful and Samantha is pretty cute herself so if Clarke wants to hook up what business of it is mine?_ She could tell herself that she wouldn’t care. That the thought of seeing Samantha in the morning sitting having breakfast with Clarke after a night of sex, in the room directly above hers wouldn’t turn her stomach. _That is if even Samantha would even bother to stay._ Lexa started drying and putting the silverware in the drawer. _I kind of thought we had something going here, that we were getting closer, but maybe that was just wishful_ _thinking. They certainly looked like they had a thing going on with them._ She sighed and was getting mad at herself for the way she was thinking. _There is a party going on and you need to get out there and have fun. Maybe you just need to get laid. There has got to be more than a few willing women out there, but not Toni. That would certainly encourage her and I don’t want to do that. Maybe one of the other women from a different softball team._ Lexa threw the washcloth down in the sink and pressed her palms flat against the counter as she leaned on it. She dismissed her previous thought _. I couldn’t do that_. “I should just pull my big girl panties up and tell Clarke how I feel.” She picked up the washcloth again as the sliding glass door was opened and the subject of her thoughts came in. “Hi Clarke.”

“How are you doing in here?” Clarke saw that Lexa was wiping down the kitchen counter. “You’re missing the party.”

“I was heading back out in a few minutes. I wanted to get the kitchen cleaned up a little bit. It will be late by the time everyone leaves and I wanted a head start.”

“I could have helped you.” Clarke leaned against the counter.

“I know but these are more your friends than mine so I figured you could mingle and I would take care of this.”

“Yes, but I would like for you to come out and have some fun.” Clarke looked at the now clean kitchen. “You were having fun earlier right?”

“It’s been nice so far. I liked meeting and talking with some of the other players on the other teams.” Lexa placed the washcloth on the sink and washed her hands. “The food has been really good.” She turned to Clarke and grinned. “I’m still waiting for the naked volleyball players though.”

Clarke laughed. “Give them a little more time to really get liquored up. Then the stereo will get louder and then it will be like _Girls Gone Wild_ out there.” Clarke ran her fingers through her hair. “Anyway, everything has been going great so far don’t you think? We’ve thrown a good party together.”

The corner of Lexa’s mouth quirked up. “Everyone is having a good time so I would say the barbeque has been a success.”

“It has been fun doing this with you and I want to thank you again for your help.” Clarke moved closer so she could hug the woman she had been thinking about all day.

“I enjoyed doing this with you.” Lexa’s chin rested on Clarke’s shoulder as she returned the hug. _Why does she have to feel so good?_ “There has been something I’ve wanted to talk to you about for a while now. I…”

There was a knock on the sliding glass doors before Kim opened it and stuck her head in. “Hey, sorry for interrupting.” She had seen Clarke and Lexa move back from each other. “I was wondering, there is plenty of beer out here but do you happen to have any wine?”

“Yeah, come on in Kim.” Clarke opened up a cabinet and got down two bottles of white wine and handed them to Kim. “This is what I have. Will it do?”

“This is great thanks.” Kim turned and headed for the door. “By the way, great party.”

“Thanks.” Clarke replied as Kim slipped out the door. She turned back to face Lexa. “You were saying?”

Lexa smiled and shook her head. “It’s okay, we can talk about it later.”

Clarke regretted getting interrupted but whatever it was that Lexa was going to say the moment had passed. “Speaking of a great party are you ready to head back out there? We could team up for the bean bag toss. What do you say?”

“Yes, I’m ready and I would love to get out there and play some games. Let’s go kick some ass.”

 

Clarke took her aim and swung her arm back and then in a forward motion she released the bean bag and watched it arched up into the air then fell right through the hole in the board. “Yes, that’s the game.” She jumped up and down and pumped her fist as she ran to hug Lexa.

“Yeah, yeah. Guess I should have known better than to play this game with a pitcher.” Lynn grumbled as she picked up the bean bags and placed them on the board. “Good game.” She said as she and her teammate went back to the party.

“That was fun and she is right, she should have known better. You’re used to pitching the ball and making it land right on the plate. Of course you would be good at this game.” Lexa said as they walked over to one of the tables and sat down next to Raven.

“Once you get use to the weight of the bean bag and what it’s like to throw it, sure.” Clarke noticed the four women at the table were playing Uno. “Who is winning?”

“Not me that is for sure.” Raven replied.

“Do you two want to join the next game?” Michelle asked.

“I’m in.” Clarke turned her head towards Lexa. “You in?”

“Yes.” Lexa stood up. “I’m going to go get another beer anyone else need anything?”

Everyone already had almost full drinks so Lexa headed over to the coolers. She noticed they were starting to get low on beer so she added more bottles from the packs outside that were stacked under the table to the coolers and went inside the house. As she opened up the door to the garage she heard dual moaning coming from their bathroom. _What the hell?_ Her eyes widened as she realized what she was hearing. Continuing into the garage she grabbed another case of beer and a bag of ice from the freezer. By the time she walked back into the house from the garage it sounded like the two women were almost finished. _Oh my god_. She groaned inwardly and quickly went through the sliding glass doors and refilled the coolers. Once done she grabbing a cold beer for herself she walked back to the table and sat down.

“There you are. We were just about ready to start a new game.” Clarke noticed Lexa’s face was red. “Hey, are you okay?”

Lexa shook her head. “There are people having sex in our house.” Lexa replied.

“Oh my god, who?” Raven’s eyebrows shot up.

Lexa flashed an annoyed look at Raven. “I have no idea I didn’t go in and watch.”

Clarke looked around the crowd of women. There were too many there to be able to tell who was missing. “Where at in the house?”

Lexa took a deep breath. “Sounded like they were right in the bathroom off of the kitchen but as I said I didn’t go check.”

“I remember going to parties as a teenager.” Beth, and older outfielder from another team spoke up. “Every bedroom was taken, the couch, bathroom, even on the pool table. People were just getting it on.”

“Guess I missed those kinds of parties.” Lexa didn’t have a lot of time to go to parties when she was in high school and she didn’t think she missed much.

“It’s Jennifer and Mackenzie.” Clarke notice the two women coming out of the house. Everyone at the table turned and looked. “Jennifer is the one tucking in her shirt.” Clarke’s voice was hard as she pointed the woman out to Lexa.

“Isn’t Jennifer married to Olivia?” Michelle asked.

Beth shook her head angrily. “Yeah she is. They’re married and Olivia just had a fucking baby. That’s why she isn’t here. She is home him.” Beth took out her phone.

Clarke’s jaw was clenched and she shook her head. “Son of a bitch.” Clarke stood up slamming her bottle of beer down. “If they want to be a bunch of cheating assholes they can go somewhere else to do it.” She walked determinedly towards the two women who were standing by the food table.

“Clarke...Clarke!” Lexa called after her. _Oh shit_. She looked at Raven and they both stood up and followed after Clarke. As she got closer she could hear the anger in Clarke’s voice.

“What do the two of you think you were doing?” Clarke asked.

“Do what?” Mackenzie’s face paled.

“Did you not think that someone would walk into the house and hear you?” Clarke pointed a finger at Jennifer. “You both should be ashamed of yourselves. Jen, you have a wife and a little boy. What were you thinking?”

“Olivia knows I’m seeing Kenzie.” Jennifer said. “Anyway, mind your own business.”

“You’re full of shit Jen.” Raven said.

Clarke pointed towards her house. She didn’t believe that Oliva knew anything about what was going on. “It is my fucking business when you’re fucking around in my house. Now I want you both to leave.” She pointed towards the yard on the side of the house where the cars had been parked. “Go. Now!”

Jennifer looked like she was going to argue but then tossed the plate of food she was holding down on the table. “Come on Kenzie, let’s go. You know Clarke.” She looked at Raven. “You both can go fuck yourselves.” Jennifer stormed off towards the cars. Mackenzie at her heels.

“Stupid assholes.” Clarke turned around to see Raven and Lexa looking at her with concern. A few other party goers had heard the commotion but the vast majority didn’t. They were too busy talking, dancing, playing the bean bag board game or playing volleyball. “I hate it when people do stupid shit. You know? I don’t believe for a second that Olivia knows about them and she doesn’t deserve this.” Clarke gestured to Lexa. _God, and you just went through this shit_. “You didn’t deserve what Costia did to you.”

“No, we didn’t.” Lexa agreed, reaching out and taking Clarke’s hand. Hoping that the physical contact would help calm Clarke down.

“I don’t want anything to do with them if they are going to do that shit and I don’t want them screwing around in our home.” Clarke wasn’t best friends with Jennifer and Olivia but she had liked both women. She had sent Olivia a card after the birth of their baby. Mackenzie she didn’t know very well, or even knew if Mackenzie knew Jen was married. _She does now._

“I don’t want that happening here either.” Lexa put her arm around Clarke’s shoulder. “I’m glad you asked them to leave and I’m so grateful that you care the way that you do. I know my life is so much better for having you in it.”

“Jen will pay for being drunk and stupid. I saw Beth get on her phone. I’m assuming she is calling Olivia and letting her know what is going on.” A muscle in Raven’s jaw twitched. “Olivia has a lot of friends who will be there for her and make Jen’s life a living hell.”

Clarke turned her face upward to the sky and took a deep breath. _Why can’t we have a nice party without drama happening._ “Yeah, I guess.”

“We can check in with Olivia. Maybe be there for her if she needs to talk? Like you helped me.” Lexa didn’t know Olivia but she knew what it felt like to have your partner cheat on you. She also knew that the pain hurt less when you had a support system and that one day you woke up and you were not hurting anymore.

“Yes, we should check on her later.” Clarke was amazed at Lexa’s willingness to reach out to a stranger. “That is a great idea Lexa.”

“Well, now that you threw out the trash why don’t we get back to the party?” Raven tilted her head towards the volleyball net. “We can either try to go back to playing Uno or we can join the game.”

“I’m willing to play volleyball.” Lexa squeezed Clarke’s shoulder before letting go. _But I’m keeping my shirt on._ “Do you want to be on my team?” She asked Clarke.

“Yes, I would love to play on your team.” Clarke nodded and deciding to not let what just happened ruin the day.

 

Lexa stood off to the sidelines watched mesmerized at the volleyball game and the bouncing naked breasts of several women from both sides of the team. It was starting to get dark and the rainbow colored outdoor lights that she and Clarke strung up yesterday were on. The sticks that they had gathered when they cleaned up the yard were by the fire ring. A fire blazed inside the metal circle and several of the women sat or stood around the fire.

As Raven predicted many of the women came over and wanted to eat again. Clarke heated up the left over hamburgers in the microwave while the hotdogs were heated through over the open fire. Having too many leftovers was not going to be a problem.

Lexa stopped drinking a while ago and switched to water. Her reflexes had slowed down while they were playing volleyball and she missed a few plays. She noticed that Clarke had quit drinking as well. That wasn’t the case with the majority of the remaining women. A few started to stumble around and spoke louder with slurred words. The stereo had been turned up and Lexa was glad they didn’t have any neighbors.

Lexa cringed as one well-endowed volleyball player went tits first onto the ground as she went diving for the ball. “Oh that has got to hurt.”

Lexa’s eyes wandered over to where Clarke stood applying an ice pack to one of the players that got the ball spiked into her face. She smiled as Clarke looked up and over her way. Clarke returned the smile and rolled her eyes as if to say a nurse’s job is never done. Lexa chuckled but then started to frown as Samantha walked over to Clarke and started talking to her. _Yes, I’m jealous of the attention she is giving Clarke._

“You know you are quite possibly the most beautiful woman here.”

Lexa looked to her left and into the blue eyes of a woman who looked like a younger version of K.D. Lang. Lexa eyebrows went up and she turned away to glance at all of the women that were still at the party. There were plenty of gorgeous women in attendance. “Out of all of these women?”

“Yes, out of all of these women. I’m Jaci.” She held out her hand.

Lexa shook the woman’s hand. “Lexa.”

Jaci put her hands in her pockets and continued to watch the game. “So, do you regularly watch near naked sports?”

“First time seeing this actually.” Lexa glanced over at Clarke. Samantha was still standing there talking to her but Clarke had her eyes focused on her.

 

Clarke wasn’t familiar with the woman talking to Lexa _. Hmmm reminds me of K.D. Lang or Carrie Ann Moss. I don’t remember seeing her earlier._ “Sam, who is that woman talking to Lexa?”

Samantha looked over at the two women. “Oh, that is Jaci Cline. Subs on the Prairie Lights team.” Sam noticed how close Jaci was standing next to Lexa. “It looks like she likes your friend.”

 _I’m not liking that she likes my friend_. “What does she do? What kind of person is she?”

Sam shrugged. “Family owns a jewelry store in town. I don’t know too much about her except she’s a lesbian and likes to kayak.”

Clarke picked up the ice pack and looked at Casey’s nose. “Keep the ice pack on it for twenty minutes more to help with the pain and swelling. If it doesn’t go down after a while try and apply ice for twenty minutes three times a day. You might want to get it x-rayed just in case.”

“Yeah, I think I will go do that.” Casey’s voice was muffled from the injury to her nose. “Thanks Clarke. By the way Jaci is nice and all, but she is kind of a love them and leave them kind of person. You know, like Shane from _The L Word_. Anyway see you at the next game.”

“Take care Casey.” Clarke watched as the woman got up and went over to some of her before looking back to Lexa. Lexa was still talking to Jaci. _Damn, she’s not the girl for you Lexa._

“You probably don’t deal with a lot of broken noses at the nursing home do you?” Samantha asked.

“Not too many.” Clarke admitted. “We see more broken hips if anything.”

“Yeah though so.” Samantha watched several of the women dance by the stereo. “Would you care to dance?”

Clarke looked back at Samantha. “Sorry, no. Thanks for asking but I should probably get the leftovers put away and see if I need to stock more drinks.”

“Oh, okay. Well, thanks anyway for all your suggestions. I’m sure my sister will appreciate the information.”

“No problem. Tell her I said good luck.” Clarke smiled briefly and was going to walk away when Samantha put her hand on her arm stopping her.

“I was wondering if I could call you sometime. Not for my sister, but I was wondering if you would like to have dinner sometime? Like a date.”

“Oh, um.” Clarke’s forehead furrowed. “I’m sorry Sam. I’m interested in someone else.”

“Well if that doesn’t work out.” Samantha tilted her head in Lexa’s direction. “Give me a call.” She then walked away.

Clarke let out a long slow breath. _No I won’t_. She looked back over to Lexa and watched as Jaci was trying to tug Lexa towards the volleyball net. She could see Lexa refusing to budge. She shook her head and say no. Fortunately Jaci dropped Lexa’s hand and with a cocky grin while facing Lexa she took off her shirt. She tossed the shirt to Lexa before she joined the women playing volleyball. Clarke saw Lexa shake her head and laugh. _Looks like Lexa likes her too_. Biting her lip and trying to keep her emotions in check Clarke turned around and walked over to the food table. There were only a couple of the hotdogs and hamburgers left so she started cleaning up the table.

Clarke wished she would have been able to spend more time with Lexa at the party. _Actually I want everyone to leave so I can spend some quiet alone time with her. So much for being a gracious hostess._ She looked back over to Lexa. Jaci was back over with Lexa and leaning in close to her. It looked like she was whispering something in her ear. Whatever it was caused Lexa to laugh. Clarke was feeling nauseous and a little depressed. The people and the noise was getting to her and she just wanted a little quiet. _Remember this is why you moved out in the middle of nowhere._ She knew several of her friends could go all night and party till early morning. Clarke wasn’t feeling like doing that tonight. She just wanted to be alone.

Clarke put all of the bowls that her friends brought on one table so she could fold up the other two. Lifting one table so it was on its side she tried to fold the legs in. She was having a hard time pushing the lever in that would make it possible to fold the table legs up. She growled in frustration. “Come on goddammit.”

“Let me help you with these.”

Clarke’s head quickly turned to see Lexa bending over at the other end of the table and pushing the lever in. She easily folded the table legs in. “What are you doing?”

“I’m helping you. It looked like you could use some help.” Lexa smiled as she walked towards Clarke. Bending over she pushed in on the lever. It initially resisted going in but eventual did under the pressure of Lexa’s thumb. “There it goes.” She stood back as Clarke pushed the legs all the way in. “Do you want to tell me what is going on that has you swearing at the table?”

“Thanks.” Clarke looked past Lexa’s shoulder to where she had been standing earlier. She didn’t see Jaci. “Where did your friend go?” She tried to keep her tone nonchalant but she wasn’t quite sure if she was successful. She could see that Jaci had rejoined the volleyball game.

“You mean Jaci?” Lexa noticed that Clarke didn’t answer her previous question. _Is she mad that I was talking to Jaci?_

“Yeah, the one that is flashing her boobs at you.” Clarke was trying once again to push the lever in on the remaining table but was having difficulty.

Lexa looked over at the women playing volleyball. At least half of them were playing topless. “I see a lot of women flashing their boobs.” She moved to help Clarke with the table.

“I got it Lexa.” Clarke pushed the legs in on the table a little too hard and they banged against the underside of the table.

Lexa stepped back and folded her end of the table in and didn’t say anything. She knew Clarke was upset and she wished she would talk to her. They carried the table over and leaned it against the other table by the house.

“Thank you.” Clarke said quietly. She didn’t meet Lexa’s eyes as she turned and walked toward the sliding glass doors. Raven walked up to her and Clarke held her hand up to stop her. “Not right now Raven.” Clarke then went into the house.

Lexa nibbled on her lower lip as she thought about Clarke’s change in mood and dismissal of Raven. She met Raven’s dark brown eyes as she walked over to her.

“What was that all about?” Raven asked.

“I wish I knew for sure.” Lexa ran a hand through her hair. “I was watching the girls play volleyball and I could see that Clarke was having problems with the table so I came over to help. Something is bothering her but I don’t know what that is.”

“She saw you talking to Jaci.” Raven said.

“Yes, I was. We were talking about volleyball and she was trying to convince me to play again. I’m a little tired so I didn’t want to. She wanted me to play topless as well and I told her no way.”

“That’s Jaci. Always trying to get women out of their clothes.” Raven said. “Do you like Jaci?”

“Not _like_ her like her. She seems a little too smooth to me, if you know what I mean.”

“Yeah I know what you mean.” Raven’s eyes narrowed at Lexa. “So Lexa, do you like Clarke? And I mean _like_ her like her.” Raven wanted to know. She was tired of waiting for Clarke to say something.

Lexa stared straight into Raven’s eyes. “Yes, I like her quite a bit.”

“That’s good.” Raven smiled. “You need to tell her that.”

Lexa looked to the house and back to Raven. “What do you know that you’re not saying?”

“I know that you and Clarke need to tell each other how you feel.” _There, I said it. Clarke can be mad at me if she wants._

Lexa’s head lowered as she thought about Raven’s choice of words. Her eyes darted up and bore into Raven’s. “She likes me too?” A small smile appeared on Lexa’s face.

Raven nodded. “Yes, she does.”

 _Oh my god, I thought so. No, I hoped so_. “So she’s not interested in Samantha?”

“No, not at all. You’re the only woman she is interested in.” Raven laughed. “She’s got it bad for you.”

“Raven I’m going to go talk to Clarke. Do you think you could take care of things out here? Tell everyone to go home.” She laughed. “I don’t care…I think the party is over for us.”

“Yeah, I’ll take care of it. You go talk to Clarke.”

“Okay, thanks.” Lexa squeezed Raven’s shoulder as she went by.

As Lexa walked into the house she didn’t find Clarke in the kitchen, dining room or living room. Going down the hall she heard some retching. Stopping by the bathroom door she knocked. “Clarke.” The only response was more retching. Trying the door Lexa discovered it was unlocked so she opened the door and went inside the bathroom. Clarke was down on her knees in front of the toilet.

“Oh honey.” Lexa walked over to her and got down on her knees next to Clarke. She gathered Clarke’s long blonde hair together and held it back out of the way. She held onto the hair with one hand and rubbed Clarke’s back with the other. She kept her face turned away from the toilet. She was trying to be supportive but didn’t want to actually watch Clarke vomit, which she was currently doing. She was afraid she would be sick too. “Get it all out hon. You will feel better. It’s going to be okay.”

“I think I’m done.” Clarke said after several minutes. She flushed then moved to stand with Lexa’s help. Clarke walked to the sink and filled a cup up with water. She rinsed her mouth out and then got the toothpaste out of the cabinet to brush her teeth. Her stomach still felt queasy but she didn’t think she need to throw up anymore. She rinsed her mouth out again once she was done brushing her teeth. Wiping off her mouth she looked at Lexa in the mirror. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Are you feeling better?” Lexa reached over and started rubbing Clarke’s back again.

Clarke held onto the edge of the sink. Lexa rubbing her back felt really good and she needed that physical contact. “Yeah, sorry.” Clarke had a headache, one like she never had before. She had originally came into the bathroom to get some pain medication but found herself in front of the toilet throwing up. “My head is still pounding though.”

Lexa pulled the drawer open that they kept the pain medication in. Opening the bottle she took out two pills and handed them to Clarke with a glass of water. As Clarke took the medication Lexa felt her forehead to see if she was running a fever. She wasn’t. “You should lay down Clarke.”

“But the party?” Clarke didn’t want to leave her own party but the pain in her head was saying otherwise. She ran over in her head quickly a list of symptoms. _Migraine?_

“It’s winding down and Raven is working on getting everyone out of here.” Lexa took her hand and led Clarke through the doorway and into her room. Pulling the sheet and bed spread down Clarke was able to sit down on the bed. “Besides, I don’t care about the party. I _do_ care about you.”

“I care about you too.” It wasn’t everything that Clarke wanted to say but the pain in her head made it hard to focus. She took off her shoes and laid down as Lexa covered her up. She felt too much like shit to take off any more clothes right now.

“I know you do.” Lexa bent over the bed and stroked Clarke’s cheek. “There is some things that I have been wanting to tell you…tried to tell you tonight but…we will talk about it later okay?”

“There are things I need to say too…maybe I just need a little nap, then we can talk.” Clarke closed her eyes as Lexa bend down and brushed her lips with hers. _I’d be jumping for joy if I felt better._ It was barely a kiss but it made Clarke’s heart speed up.

“Sleep all night if you can sweetie. I’m not going anywhere.” Lexa kissed Clarke’s forehead. “Sweet dreams and I promise we will talk in the morning.”

“Okay and thank you.” Clarke was awake long enough to see Lexa close the bedroom door, then she closed her eyes and fell asleep.

 

Lexa went outside to see that Raven had indeed broken the party up. Several remaining members of their softball team and a few players from the others were helping clean up. Lexa walked up to Raven. “Thank you for taking care of this.”

“No problem.” Raven looked at Lexa curiously. “So did you two talk _?” If they had it wasn’t a very long one._

“She was in the bathroom throwing up. I sent her to bed so we really didn’t talk, but she does know.” Lexa began winding up some drop cords. “We will talk more in the morning.”

“That is a good thing. I know you both had gotten up early today. We’ll get this all cleaned up in no time and you can go to bed too.”

“Thanks Raven.” Lexa was tired too and she was grateful for the help.

Lexa let a few of the women take the beer that was in the cooler. They were not yet ready to call it a night. Lexa didn’t care if they stayed up real late to party as long as it was somewhere else. Within thirty minutes everything was picked up and taken down. Lexa wished the last few people to leave, Raven included a good night. Locking up she walked down to Clarke’s room and peeked in. The blonde woman was sound asleep. Smiling Lexa closed the door and headed towards the basement. She hoped Clarke was feeling better and she was looking forward to letting Clarke know how she felt about her.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	18. Chapter 18

Clarke rolled over onto her back and opened her eyes. Her room, as always, was still dark because of the room darkening blinds she had on the windows so she didn’t know exactly what time it was. Pushing herself up on her elbows she looked at the alarm clock on her dresser. _Nine in the morning already?_ _It feels like I just went to sleep._ Her head didn’t hurt nearly as bad as it did last night, but she still felt tired and her throat was dry.

Flipping the covers off of herself she sat up in bed and realized she didn’t change out of her clothes. _Guess I was a little out of it last night._ Clarke then remembered Lexa coming in and helping her to bed and that they were going to talk today. _I wonder if she is up yet? I finally get to tell her how I feel and then we can…figure out what we want to do about it and go from there._

Getting to her feet Clarke left her bedroom and walked down the hall. She could smell coffee but she didn’t find Lexa upstairs. Passing up the coffee for now she got a glass of water and headed back towards her room. Clarke got a change of clothes then headed towards the bathroom to take a shower. She felt like she had been run over by a truck and hoped she would feel better after some more pain medication, a shower and getting herself rehydrated. _I didn’t think I drank that much last night but if I did have a migraine that explains why I still feel like shit._

Lexa heard the shower going when she came back upstairs. She didn’t know how long Clarke was going to sleep but she was going to let the other woman sleep as long as she needed. The shower going though meant Clarke was up. _I don’t know if she feels like eating or not but I’ll make us some breakfast then maybe we can talk._

 

Clarke felt better after her shower. More refreshed. She refilled her glass of water from the faucet and drank that down with some pain medication. Her headache wasn’t that bad and her stomach actually growled. She was hungry and didn’t feel queasy at all. That was a good sign. She patted her stomach. _Okay, I will feed you as long as you promise to keep everything down_. Clarke finished getting dressed then ran a brush through her hair before she left the bathroom.

 

The toast popped up as Clarke walked into the kitchen. She jumped at the noise then chuckled. “Scary toast. That is one way to get your heart going in the morning.” Clarke smiled at Lexa who was grinning back. “Good morning.”

“Good morning Clarke. How are you feeling?” Clarke’s hair still damp from her shower and Lexa thought she looked adorable.

“I feel better.” Clarke replied honestly. “Thanks for helping me to bed last night. I really appreciate it.” Clarke leaned back against the refrigerator and watched as Lexa scrambled the eggs _. I love it when she cooks._ “Need any help?”

“If you want to butter the toast for us that would be great.” Lexa smirked. “You know, go after the scary toast with a knife. Show it whose boss.” Lexa’s lips stretched into a full smile as she teased Clarke. “Do you think you will be able to eat something? How is your stomach?”

Clarke moved past Lexa and got two plates from the cabinet. “I’m hungry so I’m going to try.” As she walked past Lexa to go over to the toaster Clarke brushed her fingers across Lexa’s back. It was a brief but affectionate touch. “How did you sleep?”

“Good, once I got to sleep.” Lexa spent a good hour tossing and turning as she worried about how Clarke was doing. She fought the urge to come back upstairs to check on her.

“I don’t think I moved all night but I still feel a little tired.” Clarke buttered the toast and then brought the plates over to Lexa to put the cooked eggs on. “Do you want some orange juice?”

“Yes, if you can get the juice I will take these to the table.” Lexa turned off the stove then added the eggs to the plates which she then picked up and carried over to the dining room table. She smiled gratefully at Clarke when she sat a glass of orange juice down in front of her.

“How long were you up after I went to bed?” Clarke took a bite of the scrambled eggs. She knew that she wasn’t exactly impartial since she had feelings for Lexa, but her scrambled eggs were the best she ever tasted.

“It took about half an hour to get everything cleaned up. Raven and a few of the other gals stayed and helped.”

“Oh, I need to call Raven. I was a little rude to her last night. I should apologize.” Clarke took a drink of her orange juice. “Sorry I dumped the clean up on all of you.”

“Don’t worry about it Clarke. I know you were not feeling well and Raven knows that as too. I think she would appreciate a call though just so she knows you’re okay.”

“I’ll do that later. I’m not feeling up to talking on the phone right this minute.”

“You know what I think?” Lexa patted the back of Clarke’s hand. “I think we should both do nothing today except be couch potatoes. We should dress in our most comfy pajamas, sit underneath the fuzziest blanket we have and watch movies all day.”

“That is an excellent idea.” Clarke was all for sitting next to Lexa on the couch all day and doing nothing too strenuous. It sounded like a perfect way to spend a Sunday.

“Yes, I thought it was a good idea myself.” _A nice relaxing day with Clarke, what could be better than that?_

Clarke finished her eggs and toast then set her fork on the plate. _So far so good_. The eggs and toast didn’t unsettle her stomach. She took a sip of orange juice as she tried to come up with a good way to address another thing that happened last night. Their admission that they cared about each other in a more than friendly way. Clarke cleared her throat. “So about last night…there was something that you were trying to tell me?”

“Yes.” Lexa’s lips upturned into a small smile and her heart beat sped up. _There is no need to be nervous, this is Clarke and you already know she likes you back._ Lexa swallowed looking at Clarke then back down to the table. She took a deep breath and looked back at Clarke. “I told you last night that I cared about you and I’m sure you know that I meant more than just as a friend.”

_Glad I’m not the only one that is nervous_. Clarke picked up Lexa’s hand from the table and held it. “Yes, and I’m sure you understood as well that when I said I cared about you too that my feelings about you were the same.”

“Yeah I got that.” Lexa nodded and squeezed Clarke’s hand. _Here I go putting it all out there_. “I had a crush on you in high school.” Lexa admitted with a smile. “I always got these butterflies in the stomach feelings when you were around. You were, and still are so beautiful, and you were popular in high school. Everyone loved you. We didn’t run around with the same group of people but I always looked forward to seeing you in school, a chance meeting in the hall, or the occasional class and when softball season came around. We made a good team on the ball field.”

“Yes, we did.” Clarke agreed as she brushed her thumb along the top of Lexa’s hand. She had looked forward to those times too.

“You were always so nice, especially when you came into the restaurant. Some of our classmates treated me like shit because they thought a waitress was below them somehow. They would be rude or deliberately make a huge mess and think it was funny, but not you. You always left a tip too.”

“I know some of my friends were rude to you, especially Bellamy. He was the biggest asshole and from what I hear he never grew out of it. The others at least stopped when I said something to them.”

“I knew you called your friends out on it and I did appreciate that. That was something that made you special because a lot of other people would just go along with their friends. That was something that made me like you more.”

“I liked you too back then Lexa. The food at your father’s restaurant is really good but I mostly wanted to go there to see you.”

Lexa tilted her head and smiled. “You did?”

“My senior year, yeah. That was when I knew I had feelings for you. More than just friendly type feelings. I was attracted to you, still am.” Clarke shrugged. “You are so nice, and I would pay attention to what you were doing while you were at work and my heart would beat a little faster when you would come over to our table. It is because of you that I realized I liked girls too. ”

Lexa wondered about the chances that they had both secretly liked the other. “We never told each other back then.”

“No, I was with Finn and you were with Costia at the time.” Even though she knew she was attracted to Lexa she was in love with Finn and she knew Lexa had been in love with Costia.

“I always thought you were straight. You were my straight girl crush. I didn’t realize you liked me back.”

“I was good at hiding it, after I finally admitted it to myself.” Clarke laughed. “I was so jealous of you being able to be so out in the open about your relationship and jealous of Costia, because she got to kiss you.” Clarke glanced at Lexa’s lips and remembered the small kiss last night.

Lexa nodded because she could relate. “I felt that way about Bellamy and Finn.” Lexa stood up. “How about we take these dishes to the kitchen and go get comfortable on the couch? We can continue our conversation there.”

“Okay, the couch would be more comfortable.” Clarke grabbed her plate, silverware and cup and carried to the sink then followed Lexa into the living room where they sat facing each other on the couch.

“How come you never mentioned any of this after we started hanging out together when Costia and I broke up?”

“I was there to support you as a friend, not to make a move on you. Talking with you, trying to be helpful and being there for you was my intention, always. Obviously those old feelings were still there and deepened but I wasn’t going to do anything that would jeopardize our friendship. We are friends first. If you were to develop those same feelings…if we ever became more, that would have been up to you.”

Lexa stared into sincere blue eyes. “So if I didn’t want anything more than just friendship from you that would be all we would be?”

Clarke swallowed, hoping that wasn’t the case, but she would just be friends if Lexa wished it. “Yes.” Clarke nodded. “I would rather have you as a friend then not at all.”

Lexa’s sitting position on the couch mirrored Clarke’s. Clarke’s leg was bent at the knee and lying down on the couch cushion within easy reach of Lexa. Their knees almost touching. She reached out and put her hand on Clarke’s lower leg. “And if I wanted to be more than friends that would be okay with you though?”

Clarke covered Lexa’s hand that was on her leg with her own and smiled. _Oh hell yes_. “Yes, it would.”

“Well then.” A big toothy smile spread across Lexa’s face. “I want to be more than just friends with you.”

“Thank god.” Clarke laughed, wiping away imaginary sweat from her forehead.

Lexa laughed and squeezed Clarke’s leg. “So what do we do now? We kind of jumped ahead on things here with living together already.”

Clarke rolled her eyes. “Yeah, no need to bring a U-Haul on the second date.” She laughed as she thought about that joke. “We _do_ live together but we pretty much have our own separate spaces. I do think we should still take things slow.” She gently squeezed Lexa’s hand. “We could start with actually going out on a date. We could go to dinner at a nice restaurant, have some wine. At the end of the night I can walk you to the basement door where we can kiss goodnight. What do you say, do you want to go out on a date with me?”

“Oh absolutely. I especially like the idea of kissing at the end.” Lexa smiled. She was happy that they finally talked and both wanted the same thing. “Of course actually doing a first date and taking things slow sounds good too.” Instead of going out though Lexa thought since they were staying home today that they could make today their first date. _Why wait to go out when we are both right here having a moment?_ “How is this for an idea, let today be our first date? We can stay in and watching movies all day, or we can marathon watch a TV show while we cuddle on the couch? Later we order a pizza to be delivered. Kissing doesn’t have to wait till the end of the night. We can kiss whenever we feel like it.”

“Like right now?” Clarke asked hopefully glancing down at Lexa’s lips. “We technically had our first kiss last night. We could have a good morning kiss or glad we finally talked kind of kiss right now if we wanted to.”

“We did.” Lexa nodded, remembering last night. The kiss had been brief. They barely touched each other, but it was still sweet. She looked down at Clarke’s lips and wanted to feel their softness longer this time. “I also said whenever we felt like it and that does mean right now, if you want to?” _Oh and I definitely want to._

They both moved closer at the same time. Heads tilting slightly to opposite sides as their lips came together in the gentlest of kisses. Lexa reached up and cupped the side of Clarke’s head with the palm of her hand and deepened the kiss.

Clarke savored the feeling of Lexa’s soft full lips against hers as they had their first full on pressing of the lips together kiss. She had kissed several women and men before this but nothing compared to the feelings she had from the simple touch of Lexa’s lips on hers. She put her free hand on Lexa’s knee and her fingers brushed against the soft skin she found there as Lexa’s lips continued to move against her own.

_Oh my god I’m really getting to kiss Clarke. I fucking dreamed about doing this_. When the kiss ended Lexa moved back and opened her eyes. Her thumb skimmed gently against Clarke’s cheek. “I’ve imagined kissing you since high school.”

“Was it worth the wait?” Clarke asked, slightly breathless and feeling lightheaded.

Lexa smiled tenderly at Clarke and met her gaze. “It was so much better than I had imagined.”

Clarke reached up and took Lexa’s hand that was still near her cheek and kissed her palm before bringing the joined hands down onto her lap. “I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time now. I’ve wanted to know what it was like to kiss you since my senior year.”

Lexa looked seriously at Clarke. “And?” _Was it what you imagined?_ _Did you enjoy it like I did?_

“I thought it would be absolutely incredible, and it _so_ was beyond incredible.” Clarke gently squeezed Lexa’s hands to emphasize what she was saying.

Lexa smiled and looked down at their joined hand. Clarke’s hands were so soft, she loved the feeling of them. Costia’s hands hadn’t been quite so soft and she had been the only other person that Lexa had kissed before. She was happy that Clarke had liked the kiss because she had really enjoyed kissing Clarke. It was a dream come true. Lexa’s hair was hanging loose and a section of it fell forward coving part of her face. Clarke reached up and moved it back behind her ear. “Thanks.” She looked back up at Clarke, happier in this moment than she had been in a long time.

“It was my pleasure. I want to be able to see your beautiful green eyes.” Clarke softly said.

Lexa gave Clarke a half smile as the butterfly feelings in her stomach increased at the adoring intense look that Clarke was giving her. Costia, in all the years they were together never looked at her like that. Lexa didn’t know what to say but she knew she wanted to kiss Clarke again. Putting a hand on Clarke’s arm she leaned forward till her lips were once again against Clarke’s. _I’ve missed kissing like this and Clarke is so good at it._

Clarke brought both hands up to hold Lexa’s face. Pulling away from Lexa’s lips she kissed her forehead, then her nose before pressing her lips back to Lexa’s _. I could kiss her all day…we actually could if we wanted to._ Clarke brushed the thumb of one hand against Lexa’s lower jaw. Breaking off the kiss Clarke pulled Lexa into a hug and sighed against her neck.

“Are you okay Clarke?” Lexa asked while rubbing Clarke’s back.

“Yes.” Clarke placed a kiss on Lexa’s neck. She smiled when she felt Lexa shiver. “You feel really good.”

“So do you.” Lexa reached up and ran her fingers through the lower strands of Clarke’s hair. “How about we get more comfy, cuddle and watch a movie?”

Clarke sat back up and kissed Lexa’s cheek. “Sounds good to me.” Clarke got up from the couch and went to grab the remote controls.

“I’ll get us something to drink while you pick something out for us to watch.” Lexa stood and walked into the kitchen. She returned a minute later with two bottles of water.

Clarke put a pillow up against the arm of the couch and had her right leg stretched out onto the cushions. The fleece blanket that sat on the back of a recliner was unfolded and spread out on the couch in front of her. When Lexa returned she lifted up the end of it and patted the space between her legs. “Sit in front of me?”

Lexa handed Clarke one of the bottles of water and sat on the couch between Clarke’s legs. She pressed her back against the other woman’s chest and stretched her legs out onto the couch. Clarke pulled the blanket back down and wrapped her arms around Lexa’s waist.

“This okay?” Clarke asked while gently squeezing Lexa’s waist.

“This is great.” Lexa reached back and moved her hair so it wasn’t in Clarke’s way then relaxed contently in the other woman’s arms.

Clarke picked up the remote to push play on the movie she selected. She placed a kiss on Lexa’s shoulder and put the remote down so she could go back to holding Lexa. The day was turning out better than she had ever hoped.


	19. Chapter 19

 

Clarke stood in front of Raven’s door and knocked while balancing a tray holding two large coffees. She knew Raven’s work schedule and that her ex would be up getting ready to go to work. She smiled as the door was opened and Raven peered out.

Raven’s eyebrows rose in surprise. Clarke hadn’t shown up unexpectedly at her door since they ended their dating relationship. “Hey Clarke, what’s up?” Raven opened the door wider to let Clarke inside.

“I brought you some coffee.” Clarke handed her one of the cups from the tray. “To say thank you.”

“Thank you for what?” Raven took the cup and inclined her head towards the dining room table to the left of the door. Raven pulled out a chair and sat down.

Clarke sat down and pushed a strand of hair back behind her ear. “I wanted to say thank you for saying something to Lexa.” Clarke smiled at her friend and took a sip from her coffee cup.

“So you brought me coffee to say thank you?” Raven looked at the mug. “So you are happy that I meddled?” She brought the coffee cup up to her lips and paused. “You didn’t put anything in here to give me explosive diarrhea did you?”

Clarke’s eyebrows rose at Raven being suspicious of her intentions and she laughed. “Now why would I do that?”

“For interfering.” Raven shrugged. “You wanted to wait. I got tired of those long loving looks you two were giving each other. You were being impossible so I gave Lexa a little nudge in the right direction.”

“The only thing that is in that cup is coffee, one cream and one sugar. Though for some people the coffee alone has them running to the bathroom. I however didn’t add anything to it so please drink it. I’m very grateful that you gave Lexa a nudge.”

Raven took a drink of the coffee and then leaned her bent elbow on the table and rested her chin on her fist. “So you two were able to talk, did you finally spill your guts?”

Clarke grinned. “Yes, we talked. I learned she has liked me since high school.”

“Really?” Raven looked at her watch to check the time. She still had a few minutes before she really had to get ready to go to work.

“Yeah, before she and Costia got together.”

“If I remember correctly you started liking her in twelfth grade?” Raven saw Clarke nod. “That is some interesting shit right there. What are the chances that you two would end up together? You are together right?”

“We have decided to date, yes.” Clarke couldn’t keep the smile off of her face.

“I am happy for you.” Raven said sincerely. “The only thing I’ve ever wanted for you was for you to be happy.”

“That is all I ever wanted for you too.” Clarke’s lips upturned into a small smile.

“So is she a good kisser?” Raven asked, wiggling her eyebrows.

Clarke’s face reddened slightly. “I’m not going to tell you that.”

“You don’t have to say anything. The expression on your face says it all.”

Clarke nodded, agreeing that she couldn’t hide how she was thinking and feeling. Raven knew her too well. “Yes, she is a good kisser.”

Raven’s dark eyes looked at her friend fondly. “I’m glad you finally were able to talk to her and I’m glad she makes you happy.”

“Lexa is a real sweetie, always has been and I am happy.” Clarke looked at her watch. She knew Raven needed to start getting ready for work. “I just wanted to stop and say thanks for saying something to her and for…you just being you.” Clarke smiled and stood up. She walked towards the front door.

“You’re welcome and thanks for the coffee. If I don’t see you before I will see you on Thursday at our game.” Raven opened the door for Clarke. “Is Lexa going to be able to make this game?”

“Yes, she is.” Clarke couldn’t wait to see Lexa in action on the field again.

“You’ll have to slap Toni around a little for pining after your girl.” Raven had noticed how Toni looked at Lexa too. She figured there was going to be some drama once Toni found out Lexa was with Clarke.

Clarke blew out a puff of air. “Yeah, I’m sure that Toni won’t be happy.” Clarke shrugged. “She will have to deal with it though. Lexa doesn’t like her that way.”

“True, well goodnight my friend and I will talk to you later.”

Clarke hugged Raven and placed a small kiss on her cheek. “Have a good day and I will see you on Thursday.”

 

Clarke walked into her house and saw the piece of paper that was lying on the dining room table. She knew the note was from Lexa. _Who else is here to leave a note?_ Clarke was amazed that with the availability of texting with their phones that Lexa would actually write a real note. _Guess I’m being spoiled by technology._ Clarke picked up the piece of paper. _Of course she would have really neat handwriting._ Clarke read the note on her way to her bedroom.

“Clarke, thank you for an amazing day yesterday. I’m glad we finally talked and I really enjoyed sitting on the couch and getting to cuddle with you as we watched TV. It was a really nice first date. It was also really sweet how you walked me to the basement door and kissed my hand before I headed downstairs. Very chivalrous. I hope your night at work went well and you get some good sleep today. I left you some cinnamon rolls on the kitchen counter. They’re not homemade but still pretty good.”

Clarke turned around and headed back towards the kitchen. On the counter next to the stove sat two cinnamon rolls covered in plastic wrap on a plate. _Those look really yummy_. Clarke took off the plastic wrap. Taking one she nibbled on it as she headed back to her room. It was just as good as she thought it would be.

Clarke was ready for bed but first she needed to take a shower. She loved her job but sometimes after work she reeked of the nursing home, and the warm water with the lavender scented shower gel helped sooth her tired body and helped her sleep.

 

Clarke sat on her bed dressed in her pajamas and clean from her shower. She had liked getting a hand written note from Lexa, which she had put in her top dresser drawer for safekeeping. It had been nice to come home to, along with the cinnamon rolls. Clarke took her phone off the nightstand and began typing out a text to Lexa.

“Thank you so much for your note and the cinnamon roll. It was really good and just what I needed this morning. Work was good and pretty quiet. I spent a good portion of my night thinking about a certain green eyed woman.” Clarke had typed out the words “that had captured my heart,” but she wasn’t ready to admit to that just yet so she deleted that part of the text. “I enjoyed out date too. I really liked getting to hold you and talking with you. I didn’t want the day to end and we need to do it again soon.” Clarke added a smiley face emoticon. “I hope work goes well for you and I will see you for dinner.” Clarke tapped the send button, then turned the volume off on her phone and snuggled down under the blankets. The last thing on her mind as she fell asleep was soon after waking she would get to see Lexa again.

 

The lunch rush was over and Lexa sat in a booth in the corner of the restaurant, near the kitchen. Most of the employees sat there during their break if they didn’t need to use it for customers. She had her back to the wall and her legs stretched out in front of her on the seat. She had her phone in her hand reading Clarke’s text. She couldn’t help the smile that crossed her face. She thought a lot about Clarke today too.

“There it is again.”

Lexa looked up to see Octavia standing next to the booth. She looked around to see if she could spot what Octavia was talking about. “What is there again?” She asked curiously as she looked back to Octavia.

Octavia put her hands on her hips. “That smile on your face. Every single time I walk by you your smiling.”

“Well…I sometimes do that.” Lexa’s forehead wrinkled as she tried to think of what Octavia’s point might be.

“It’s not that I haven’t seen you smile before. I have…but there is something different about it.” Octavia sat down in the booth across from Lexa and leaned over the table. She looked around to see if anyone was nearby. “Did you get laid this weekend?” She whispered.

Lexa liked Octavia a lot despite who her brother was. Since she had started working there they had talked quite a bit, but she still didn’t think she was close enough to share those kinds of intimate details. Since she didn’t actually have sex that weekend she didn’t see the harm in admitting it.

“No, I didn’t get laid.” Lexa had a sudden image in her mind of what Clarke would look like naked and she swallowed heavily at the sudden shot of arousal between her legs. _Oh my god…okay let’s not think of naked Clarke right now, okay?_

“Well that is too bad.” Octavia grinned and tried again. “Win the lottery?”

Lexa laughed and shook her head. “No.” She turned around in the booth so she was facing Octavia. “Clarke and I are dating.”

Octavia’s eyes widened. “Clarke, as in my brother’s ex-girlfriend Clarke?”

“Yes, that Clarke.” Lexa waited to see what Octavia’s reaction would be.

“Holy shit really?” Octavia slapped her hands down on the table and leaned even further across it. “That is so awesome.”

“Yes, it is awesome.” Lexa agreed with the younger woman.

“I’m happy for you and Clarke and I hope things go well for the both of you.” Octavia patted Lexa’s hand. “You know how I feel about my brother. He never deserved her but I think you will be good for each other.”

“Thanks Octavia.” Lexa looked at the time on her cell phone, her break was almost over. “Listen, let’s just keep this between you and me for now okay? I haven’t told my parents yet.” She would tell them soon but since they only started dating yesterday she thought she had some time.

“Oh yeah, no problem.” Octavia crossed her heart.

“Thanks.” Lexa smiled in appreciation as she scooted out of the booth and headed towards the kitchen.

 

Clarke groaned as her alarm went off. Monday was always hard. Invariably she stayed up too late on Sundays. By the time Monday morning rolled around she was exhausted. Then having to get up at her normal time was always difficult. Clarke wanted to go back to sleep, but there were things that she needed to do. Lexa would be home soon. That thought made her wake up a little more and have more energy. Clarke needed to figure something out for dinner.

Throwing her covers off Clarke got up. Going to her dresser she pulled out clothes to change into. Noticing that her laundry hamper was starting to overflow with clothes she decided she needed to do a load of laundry as well. _A chore with no end._

_I wonder if Lexa needs any of her clothes washed?_ Clarke stood in front of the washing machine after dropping her load in. Laundry was something that they had agreed to do separately when Lexa had moved in, but now they were dating. _Should any of that change? What about rent, should I still be charging her rent and if so how much longer?_

“Oh for fuck’s sakes Clarke don’t worry about it.” Clarke added laundry soap and turned the machine on. She had felt her phone vibrate when she had picked it up earlier as she carried the laundry. She knew she had a message or someone had called. She had left it on the kitchen table. She picked it up, seeing the blue alert light flash. She had one text message and one voice mail message. The text message was from Lexa. Smiling she read that first.

“I thought about you today too.”

The message was simple but it made Clarke’s heart flutter. She then went to her voicemail to listen to her message.

“Clarke, call me when you get this.”

Clarke’s mother’s voice sounded upset, which alone made Clarke start to worry. Clarke checked what time the call had come in. Her mom had called about an hour ago. Clarke took a deep breath as she called her mom back.

“Mom…what is going on?” Clarke asked, not even saying hello.

“Clarke, I’m at the hospital. Your father has been in an accident.”

“What…what happened?” Clarke felt herself start to lose her balance as she reached down to the table to steady herself.

“I don’t want to go into any details over the phone. He is in surgery right now. You should probably come to the hospital.”

_Oh my god._ “Surgery? So it’s serious.”

“Yes honey, it’s serious.”

Clarke didn’t like the tone of her mother’s voice and she had to hold back a sob. “Okay, I’m on my way.”

“Okay.” Abby hung up.

_Shit…shit._ Clarke frantically got into her bag that she usually took to work and got out her wallet and keys. She took several deep breaths to get her thoughts in order. _Okay, I need to call work and get the night off. I don’t know what I’m walking into but if my mom is upset then dad really isn’t doing well._ She could hear the sounds from the washing machine. _Shit, the laundry…I need to see if Lexa can put the clothes in the dryer for me when she gets home…if not…fuck it._ Clarke slipped on some shoes before walking out the door to head to the hospital.

 

Clarke found her mother in the waiting room. Abby was on the phone, no doubt making calls to other relatives to tell them what happened. Clarke took a seat next to her mother and reached for her free hand.

“No, Greg I have no idea. I can call you back when I know more. Okay…yes, thank you.” Abby hung up the phone then wrapped her arms around Clarke. “I’m glad you’re here.”

Clarke rubbed her mother’s back. “What happened mom?” Clarke bit down on her lower lip as she waited for her mother to tell her the bad news.

Abby sat back in her chair and ran her fingers through her hair. “Jake was on his way home on the bypass and another car ran the red light and smashed into the passenger side of his car. The impact pushed your father into a light pole. The other driver is dead.” Abby’s voice was lifeless. She had repeated this numerous times before Clarke got there. She was just numb, but her eye’s showed the anguish she felt. “They had to use the Jaws of Life to get him out. He wasn’t breathing. CPR was performed and an AED was used in the field as well as on the way to the hospital.” Abby finished telling Clarke the extent of her father’s injuries.

Clarke felt sick to her stomach. _This is not good_. Her father had extensive head and torso trauma. As soon as they had him stable they took him into surgery. She knew he would be in surgery for several hours, that is if he survived the procedures. Clarke held onto her mother’s hand as questions flooded her mind. “Is there anything you need me to do?”

“Help me make some phone calls please.” Abby gave Clarke a verbal list of who she wanted to call. Then Abby left to see if she could get an update. She would scare some poor intern into finding out some information for her if she needed to.

 

Clarke looked out the window into the parking lot. All that mattered at this point was that her father was still alive. He had ruptured his spleen, one of his lungs had been punctured by a rib, of which there were several broken ones. His left leg was broken in several places. He had many facial lacerations, a broken nose, internal bleeding and trauma and swelling to his head. The surgeon’s biggest concern at this point was the traumatic head injury. With Abby being a doctor and Clarke a nurse, they knew how serious Jake’s condition was and Jake’s doctor didn’t sugarcoat the situation.

Clarke leaned her head forward and pressed it to the cold hard glass of the window. Other family members had started to arrive and Abby was off in another section of the large waiting room talking to them. Earlier she had the need to take some action, to do something to distract her mind from thinking about the situation. But now, all the necessary people had been informed and Clarke’s headache was back with a vengeance. Her relatives, while well meaning, were getting on her nerves and she had to walk away for a bit. She wanted nothing more than a few moments of peace. She groaned internally at the interruption as she felt someone press a hand to her back.

“Clarke.”

Clarke looked up and could see Lexa’s reflection in the window. “Lexa.” Clarke turned around and was immediately embraced by the other woman. “I’m so glad you’re here.” Clarke’s voice was muffled by Lexa’s hair. Lexa was the only person Clarke wanted to see right now and she felt herself get teary eyed.

“I got here as soon as I could.” Lexa stroked the back of Clarke’s head. She hadn’t listened to Clarke’s message till she got off work. Lexa had been looking forward to dinner and spending the evening with Clarke. However, that changed when she heard Clarke’s message. She had swung by the house to change clothes and throw Clarke’s into the dryer before she headed towards the hospital to be with her.

Clarke eased back out of Lexa’s arms but still stood close. “Thank you for coming.” It hadn’t been expected but Clarke welcomed it.

Clarke hadn’t asked Lexa to come but there was no way that she was going to stay home while Clarke was at the hospital waiting on news about her dad. “I wanted to be here with you.” Lexa took both of Clarke’s hands in hers. “Have you heard anything?”

Clarke shook her head and took a deep breath. “He is still in surgery, we haven’t heard anything new.” She filled Lexa in on her father’s condition.

Lexa’s forehead was creased in concern. “I’m so sorry Clarke.” She looked across the waiting room. Clarke’s mom had been looking in their direction but had gone back to talking to whom Lexa assumed was Clarke’s relatives. “Do you want to go be with your family?”

Clarke’s shoulders were hunched and she looked down at the floor. Clarke tear filled eyes looked back up to Lexa and she shook her head.

Lexa gently squeezed Clarke’s hands. “Is there anything I can do?”

Clarke glanced at the love seat by the window. “Sit will me for a while. I…I don’t know how long it will be.”

Lexa reached up and brushed some hair out of Clarke’s face. “However long you need.” She kissed Clarke’s forehead then followed Clarke to the love seat and when they sat down she put her arm around Clarke’s shoulder and Clarke rested her head against hers. Clarke’s arm circled her waist. “Are you comfy like that?”

“Yeah, I’m good. Is this okay?” Clarke enjoyed being this close to Lexa and right now she needed the comfort that the other woman was providing and her quiet strength.

“It is most definitely okay.” Lexa reached up and grazed her thumb along a spot just above the elbow of Clarke’s arm that was around her waist.

Clarke hadn’t told her mom about her and Lexa yet but if her mom were to seek her out in the waiting room there would be no denying that the woman that held her was more than a friend. Clarke felt herself relax for the first time since she heard the news about her father. She prayed that he was going to be okay as they waited to hear any new information.


	20. Chapter 20

 

Abby had seen Clarke’s friend come into the waiting room and after spotting Clarke standing in the far corner the dark haired girl walked over to her daughter. She saw them hug and was grateful that Clarke had a friend there with her. Abby had left a message for Raven to let her know about Clarke’s dad, but hadn’t heard back from her. Abby did remember Lexa from when Clarke played softball in high school. She had been a little surprised when Clarke announced that she had asked Lexa to move in with her, but was glad that Clarke wasn’t out in the middle of nowhere living by herself anymore.

Abby hated being on this end of things. The waiting, the unknown, was the worst. She would much rather being doing anything but sitting here waiting to see if her husband lives or dies. She thought about sneaking into the viewing gallery and watching the surgery but she needed to be there with the family. This was also where she would need to be for when his doctors came to update to her.

All but one of Jake’s brothers and sisters had come to the hospital, as well as a few of their nieces and nephews. His older sister Anna said she would get there as soon as she could. Everyone seemed to be waiting quietly now while the surgeons tried to repair Jake’s broken body. Clarke and Lexa had sat down a while ago and were mostly out of Abby’s view. The rest of the family sat in chairs. A few flipped through magazines but most of them had their phones out. Scrolling through whatever page they were viewing or texting. She had talked to her brother and sister and let them know what had happened. They lived on opposite ends of the coast and wouldn’t be able to make it to the hospital but they wanted to be kept in the loop regarding Jake’s condition. They would make arrangements to come if he died.

Abby was twisting her engagement ring and wedding band around her finger while thinking about her twenty-six year marriage to Jake. _I’m hoping this isn’t it._ She looked up as Lexa was walking towards her.

“Hi Mrs. Griffin. I was going to go down to the cafeteria. Can I get you anything?” Lexa asked.

Abby smiled thinly and shook her head. “No, but thank you.” Her eyes were drawn to where her daughter was sitting. “How is Clarke doing?”

Lexa exhaled heavily. “She has a massive headache, she hasn’t ate anything since eight this morning, which is why I’m going to the cafeteria. I’ve encouraged her to eat something.” _More like convinced her it was a good idea._ “She is really worried about her father and anxious for some news as I’m sure you are as well.”

“Thank you for looking after her.”

Lexa nodded. “It’s not a problem.” She was happy to be able to help. She could imagine how difficult this situation was on both Clarke and Abby. She knew she would be devastated if it had been one of her parents. “Are you sure I can’t bring you a sandwich or something?”

Abby shook her head and picked up her purse and began looking through it. “Check with the gift shop. They may have some pain medication there. If not I think I have some in my purse.”

Lexa nodded slowly. The gift shop was going to be her first stop if it was still open. She also had some acetaminophen in her glove compartment in her car that she was willing to get to help Clarke’s headache. “I was going to check there.” With one final look in Clarke’s direction Lexa left the room.

 

Lexa was walking down the hallway by the main entrance of the hospital. She was about to go into the gift shop when Raven came through the double set of doors. “Raven.” Lexa called over to her.

Raven looked over as her name was called. Upon recognizing Lexa she started walking towards her. “Hi, I just found out about Clarke’s dad. How is he doing? How is Clarke doing?” Raven gave Lexa a one arm hug.

“Her dad is still in surgery. It’s pretty bad Raven.” Lexa ran her fingers through her hair as she told Raven about Jake’s injuries. “Clarke is hanging in there and putting on a brave face, but I know she is pretty scared right now.”

Raven nodded and shoved her hands in her front pockets. “Anyone would be.” Her mind went over the possible issues that Jake could have with the injury to his brain. It all of course would depend on the exact location and severity of the injury. Jake may never be like he was before. If he survived there would be a lot of therapy in his future. “What are you doing?”

“I’m getting a few things for Clarke. She has a headache and hasn’t ate anything in a long time.” Lexa brushed a few strands of hair back behind her ear. “Can I get you anything, a sandwich or something?

“No thanks, I had a late lunch.” Raven looked down the hall. “Is she in the waiting room down the hall and to the left?” Raven asked.

“Yes. Her mom and some of her relatives are there too. I’m sure she will be glad to see you.”

“It is good that we are _both_ here for Clarke.” Raven flashed a brief smile. “Alright, well I’m going to go check on Clarke. If the cafeteria has it get Clarke a couple cartons of chocolate milk.”

“Chocolate milk?”

“Yes, it might go back to a childhood thing but it always helps to make her feel better.”

That piece of information reminded Lexa that Raven knew Clarke better than she did. “Okay, thanks. I will get her some.”

“See you in a few minutes.” Raven patted Lexa on the shoulder as she walked passed her.

 

Abby stood up when Raven walked into the waiting room. “I didn’t know if you had gotten my message.”

“I did a few minutes ago. I was with some clients and couldn’t check my phone. How are you Abby?”

Abby hugged herself. “A little overwhelmed I’m afraid. I can’t believe this is happening.”

Raven place her hand on Abby’s forearm. “I know. It’s a tough thing to go through right now. Jake’s in good hands though.” Raven smiled, trying to reassure Abby. “We all just have to hang in there and hope for the best.”

Abby nodded. “Yes, that is all we can do right now.”

“Pretty much.” Raven looked over to where Clarke was sitting then back at Abby. She squeezed the other woman’s forearm. “If you need anything let me know.”

“Thanks Raven.” Abby watched as Raven walked over towards her daughter. She always liked the young woman. She knew her not only as Clarke’s former girlfriend but in a professional capacity. The physical therapy practice that Raven had was in the same building as her clinic, and they had crossed paths professionally before as well as participated in a few charity runs together.

“Isn’t that Clarke’s ex?” Steve asked. He sat two chairs down from Abby and was Jake’s younger brother.

“Yes.” Abby replied.

He laughed. “Wonder if we are going to get a little dyke drama.”

Abby’s eyes narrowed at her brother in law. “Clarke and Raven get along well. They are still friends.”

“No, not between Raven and Clarke. I mean between Raven and Clarke’s new girlfriend. You know, the chick with the pretty green eyes that was just here?”

Abby looked from Clarke then back to Steve. “I’m not sure Clarke and Lexa are together like that.”

“Huh.” Steve had gotten a cup of coffee earlier from the pot that was along the wall in the center of the room. He could see both Clarke and Lexa, arms wrapped around each other on the couch. They looked pretty cozy with each other. “I don’t know Abs, they looked like they were together to me.”

Abby shrugged and sat back down. “I have no idea. If they are together Clarke hasn’t shared that with me yet.” She exhaled softly. “Right now I have more things to worry about than my daughter’s love life.” _If she is with Lexa she will tell me when she is ready._

 

“Hey trouble.” Raven walked over to Clarke and sat down next to her. She felt saddened by the lost look that was on Clarke’s face.

Clarke turned in her seat and wrapped her arms around Raven’s shoulders in a brief hug. “I’m glad to see you.”

Raven picked up Clarke’s hand and gently shook it. “What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t stop by?”

Clarke squeezed Raven’s hand. “You have always been a good friend. I’m happy that you came.”

“I ran into Lexa in the hallway. She filled me in on your dad’s condition.”

Clarke nodded and sighed. “Right now it’s just a waiting game.” She rubbed the side of her forehead with her free hand. “I hate this shit.”

“I know hon.” Raven’s eye were gentle as she looked at Clarke. “Your father is strong and he is a fighter. The doctors are going to do everything they can for him. If they don’t your mother will make their lives a living hell.”

Clarke let out a bark of laughter. Not because what Raven said was funny but because it was true. If every doctor and nurse didn’t do their job correctly her mother would raise hell and Clarke would be right behind her.

Raven watched Clarke as Lexa came back into the room. Even though Clarke was stressed and anxious the sight of Lexa made her eyes light up. Raven was glad that there was at least something that was a bright spot in Clarke’s life right now.

Lexa carried in a tray and sat down on the other side of the couch next to Clarke. The tray held two sandwiches, two side salads, two cartons of chocolate milk, straws, plastic forks, an apple, banana and four bottles of water.

Clarke looked at Raven with a raised eyebrow, amused. “A little birdy must have told you that I like chocolate milk when I need some comforting.”

“That little fact was indeed passed on.” Lexa handled Raven a bottle of water. “I got one for you too.”

“Oh, thanks Lexa.” Raven took the bottle of water and smiled at Lexa in appreciation.

“You’re welcome.” Lexa handed Clarke one of the sandwiches, side salads, and the two cartons of milk. “I hope this is okay and I got some water for you too.” Lexa put the bottle of water down by the leg of Clarke’s chair. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a small bottle of pain medication. “Here is some Tylenol too.”

“Thank you Lexa. This is great and I really appreciate it.” Clarke smiled faintly. She wasn’t sure she could eat anything but she was going to try. She promised Lexa she would and the other woman was nice enough to go get it for her.

“You’re welcome Clarke.” Lexa set her food on the chair next to her and picked up a bottle of water and two pieces of fruit. “I got something for your mother too. Be right back.” Lexa stood and crossed the waiting room towards Abby.

“She is such a nice person.” Raven commented as she watch Lexa go.

Clarke opened the bottle of pain medication and took two out. “Lexa is a sweetie.” _I’m so glad she is here._ Clarke began unwrapping the sandwich. She would at least eat that and drink her milk. She hoped she could keep it down.

 

Lexa walked up to Abby again and noticed how one of the men that sat close to Clarke’s mom looked up and smiled at her as she approached. “I know that you said you didn’t need anything but I brought you some water and fruit anyway.” Lexa handed Abby the water, the apple and the banana.

“Thank you Lexa, that is very kind of you. Were you able to get something for Clarke’s headache?”

“Yes, the gift shop did have some Tylenol.” _Very expensive Tylenol but it should help Clarke._

“Good, and I’m sure between you and Raven you can get Clarke to eat something.” Abby didn’t know how persuasive Lexa was but she knew that Raven would make sure Clarke ate something, even if she had to sit there till she did.

“Between the two of us we will take care of Clarke.” Lexa felt her phone vibrate in her back pocket. She chose to ignore it for now. “You should eat something too.” Her head nodded towards the fruit.

Abby’s dark brown eyes were weary. “Maybe later, but thanks again.”

“You’re welcome.” Lexa nodded. She pulled her phone out of her back pocket and stepped off into a corner to see who had called and left a voicemail. She groaned when she saw the number. _Now what?_ She tapped her pin into her phone to listen to her voicemail. She looked around the waiting room at everyone who she assumed was Clarke’s relatives as she waited for the message to start. Her eyes stopped on Clarke who was watching her.

“Hey Lexa, its Costia. I was calling just to say hi, and to see when you were going to come back again for a visit. You did say you would come back sometime. I…miss you. Anyway, I hope things are going well with you. Please come see me soon. Bye.”

Lexa pursed her lips. _Shit_. _Yeah, I did say that and with spending time with Clarke, moving in and telling Clarke that I liked her I forgot all about going back for a visit._ With a sigh she erased the message and put her phone back into her pocket. _It hasn’t been that long since I was there and she will have to wait._

Lexa didn’t know when she would be able to go back for a visit. She wished she hadn’t agreed to go back to see her ex. Right now her thoughts were on Clarke and being there for her. She would honor what she said to Costia, she would go back for a visit one more time, but she was going to make sure everything was going okay with Clarke and her family first. She knew that might not be soon enough for Costia, but Costia wasn’t her main concern now _. I want her to get better for her sake but I’m not going to drop everything and go running just because she calls_. She walked back to Clarke and Raven and took a seat. She was happy to see that Clarke had already ate half of a sandwich and was working on the other half.

“Everything okay?” Clarke asked. Lexa didn’t look happy while she was on the phone.

Lexa picked up her sandwich and began unwrapping it. “Yeah, everything is okay.” She patted Clarke’s thigh. “Nothing to worry about.” She got her sandwich out of the plastic and took a bite.

Clarke finished her sandwich and one of the cartons of milk. “I’m going to go and talk to my mom about something. I’ll be right back.” She picked up her trash and her other carton of milk and with a small smile to both Raven and Lexa she headed towards her mother, throwing away her trash on the way.

“I’m glad to see that she ate something.” Lexa said.

“It she wasn’t I was going to force feed her.” Raven smiled at Lexa who had a mouthful of her sandwich but looked at Raven with wide eyes. “Not really, but I would have sat here and scowled and looked disappointed at her till she ate. I didn’t have to though.”

Lexa forced herself to swallow and then took a drink of her water. “And that would have worked?”

“She would have probably told me to fuck off first.” Raven rolled her eyes and shrugged.

“Well…we are all pretty stubborn.” Lexa was surprised that it didn’t take much convincing on her part to get Clarke to eat.

“That is the truth.” Raven leaned back in her chair and crossed her fingers over her stomach. “How long are you going to stay?”

Lexa tilted her head and pressed her lips together. “As long as Clarke needs me too.” She took the last bite of her sandwich and chewed thoughtfully. “I wouldn’t feel comfortable leaving without knowing if her father was going to be alright. If he dies, I want to be here for Clarke.”

“I’m glad that she has you.” Raven said sincerely.

“She has you too.” Lexa replied. They were both there to support Clarke and Lexa wasn’t going to get into a big discussion about who Clarke needed the most.

“It means more to her that you are here than me.” Raven knew that was true and it didn’t bother her at all.

The corners of Lexa’s lips went up in a small smile. “It means something to her that both of us are here.” Lexa tilted her head in the direction of Clarke’s family. “That they are here too. If her dad doesn’t…” Lexa closed her eyes and briefly bit her lip. “If he dies she is going to need us all.”

Raven’s eyebrows rose. “Amen sister.”

“Hey guys, mom and I are going to go take a walk. See if we can get some type of update.” Clarke placed her hand on Lexa’s shoulder and gently squeezed.

“We’ll be here.” Raven said.

Clarke nodded at Raven then bent down and briefly kissed Lexa. “Be back soon.” She whispered.

Lexa covered Clarke’s hand that was on her shoulder with her own. She gently squeezed Clarke’s fingers. “Like Raven said, we will be here.”

Clarke smiled briefly then left them alone once again.

 

“Hey mom, I need to take a couple of days off.” Lexa sat in the waiting area with Raven. She didn’t know what was going to happen with Clarke’s dad but she wanted to be available just in case his outcome was bad.

“That shouldn’t be a problem honey. Can I ask why?”

“Clarke’s dad was in an accident.” Lexa spoke quietly. “I’m at the hospital right now. He is in surgery and his injuries are pretty serious. I just want to be here for Clarke.”

“Oh my god Lexa. I’m so sorry to hear that, of course, take whatever time you need.” Erica remembered Clarke’s parents from the softball games. They often sat next to each other as their girls played. “Please tell Abby we are thinking about her and let us know what is happening.”

“I will mom, thanks. You know I love you both right?” Lexa looked up at the ceiling as she tried to blink back some tears. She was grateful that her parents were both healthy and doing okay as she realized that could change in a second.

“We love you too honey. Call us tomorrow and let us know how he is doing.”

“I will mom. Bye.” Lexa hung up her phone and took a drink of water. Clarke and her mother had been gone for almost an hour. It was another thirty minutes before she returned.

“Sorry it took so long. We met with the hospital chaplain.” Clarke slumped in the seat next to Lexa. Her eyes were puffy and bloodshot. “Then mom and I talked about what needed to be done in case he didn’t make it.” Both Jake and Abby had their affairs in order and their wishes known. It was a conversation that Clarke had hoped she didn’t have to be a part of for another forty years or so.

Lexa reached over and took Clarke’s hand in both of hers. “Did you find out how the surgery was going?”

Clarke nodded and took a deep breath. “Some, they are still working on him.” She explained the procedures that they were doing and what had been completed so far. “I was told he has a lot of pressure and swelling on his brain due to a depressed skull fracture.” Clarke hadn’t been giving any further details but explained that there may be skull fragments that could have damaged the brain as well as bleeding, edema and leakage of cerebral spinal fluid. “We will be informed of the extent of dad’s injury once he is done with surgery, which will take several more hours. Then he will be sent to the recovery room then up to the ICU.”

“They will fix whatever they find.” Raven said. “You just need to keep your spirits up.”

“I’m trying. We will know more in a few hours.” Clarke exhaled. “Then we will figure out what to do from there.”

“No matter what happens we are here for you.” Lexa said while gliding her thumb across the top of Clarke’s hand.

Clarke reached over and took Raven’s hand so she was holding hands with both women, trying to draw strength from their support. “I know, and I’m glad you’re both here.”

 

About three and a half hours later a doctor in light blue scrubs came into the waiting room. “I’m looking for the Griffin family.”

“That is us.” Abby rose and walked closer to the doctor. She looked at Clarke who was walking over to her and the rest of the family. Raven and Lexa trailed behind her.

“Your husband has made it through surgery and we are optimistic for his recovery. The next few hours are critical. His heart did stop once and we administered a shock and got it going again. He is currently in the surgical recovery room. It will take him about an hour or so to wake up from the anesthesia. He might not be awake enough yet to do any talking at that time. Mr. Griffin will then be transferred up to the fourth floor intensive care unit.” The doctor gave a detailed explanation of what surgeries were done and what repairs were made. “He will be in the ICU for three to four days and then moved to a regular room, I estimate he will be there from around ten to fourteen days.” He looked around the room at the gathered friends and family. “We will let you know what room he is going to.”

“Thank you.” Abby hugged Clarke then followed the doctor out in the hallway to ask him some more questions. She felt some relief but knew her husband wasn’t out of the woods yet.

Clarke exhaled and smiled as she turned around and hugged several of her relatives, then Raven and lastly Lexa who she hung onto longer than the rest. Some of the tenseness in her body relaxed for the first time since she got the phone call. _It’s not over yet but he at least survived the surgery._

Lexa could feel the slight trembling to Clarke’s body and she held on tighter with one arm and then rubbed Clarke’s back with her free hand. “You’re okay. I got you.” Lexa was making small circles with her hand along Clarke’s back.

Clarke didn’t want to let go but the hug had already gone on long enough. She wished that it was just her and Lexa right now, home, cuddling on the couch and that her father was healthy and whole. “Yes, you do have me.” Clarke leaned back and gave Lexa a small smile.

“Now that your dad is out of surgery I should probably get going.” Raven said reluctantly. It was getting late and she had to work in the morning. She knew Lexa would stay with Clarke.

“Thank you for being here. I really appreciated your support today.” Clarke hugged Raven once again and Raven patted her on the back.

“You’re welcome.” Raven went to hug Lexa. “Take care of her.” Raven whispered in Lexa’s ear.

“I will.” Lexa replied, before the hug ended.

“I’ll call tomorrow and find out how you all are doing.” Raven smiled at them both before turning to leave. She exchanged a few words with Abby on her way out.

Lexa saw one of Clarke’s male relatives out of the corner of her eye come up to them. He stuck out his hand. His hair and eyes were the same as Clarke’s.

“Hi, I’m Clarke’s Uncle Steve.”

“Lexa.” She shook his hand.

Clarke wrapped her arm around Lexa’s waist. “Sorry, I didn’t introduce you to everyone earlier.” Clarke had other things on her mind but she took the opportunity to fix that and began pointing her relatives out. “These are my dad’s brothers and sisters. You just meet Steve. That is Kevin, Stacy and Kim. Anna isn’t here yet. These are my cousins Tammy, Sue, Kerri, Michael and Scott. This is Lexa.”

Lexa nodded and smiled at Clarke’s relatives. They were getting ready to go now that Jake made it out of surgery and came over to Clarke to say their goodbyes before moving on to Abby.

“Are you going to head home too?” Clarke asked Lexa.

Lexa glanced at Clarke’s departing relatives. She didn’t want to leave Clarke and Abby by themselves. “What are you going to do? Stay here or go home?”

“I want to stay here, at least for tonight. I want to be here when dad wakes up.” Clarke hoped that it was soon.

“I want to stay here with you if that is okay. I called into work and took a few days off.”

Clarke smiled and hugged Lexa. “I would love it if you stayed here with me. I know mom won’t be leaving either.” She also knew once her father was in the ICU her mother would be checking on him frequently throughout the night.

Abby walked over to Clarke and Lexa after the last of their relatives left. “They will be back to see him tomorrow. How about we go down to the cafeteria and get something to eat while Jake is waiting to go up into the ICU.”

“Okay.” Clarke agreed.

 

After eating in the hospital cafeteria Abby, Clarke and Lexa went up to the fourth floor ICU. Jake had been brought up fifteen minutes ago and the nurses were getting him settle and taking a set of vitals.

Abby and Clarke stood on the right side of the bed and were talking to his nurse while Lexa stood just inside the doorway out of the nurse’s way. Jake’s eyes were closed and his leg was up in traction. There was a bandage that circled Clarke’s father’s head and the left side of his face was swollen and bruised. His heart, pulse, oxygen level and blood pressure were being monitored.

“He did wake up briefly while he was in recovery. He opened up his eyes when his name was called and he did respond to painful stimuli. That is a good sign.” The nurse said. “He hasn’t opened his eyes yet since he has been brought up here.”

“He is still working on waking up.” Abby theorized. “Sometimes it did take a little longer.” She knew the longer the surgery, the more anesthesia that was used the longer it took to wake up. She turned to Clarke. “Why don’t you two get comfortable in the waiting room? I’m going to stay here for a little bit.”

“Okay mom. Let me know if dad wakes up.”

“I will sweetheart.” Abby patted her daughter on the back.

Clarke had been holding her father’s hand and with a final look and a small squeeze of his hand she turned and walked towards Lexa. “The waiting room is this way.”

They walked down the hall and passed the nurse’s station. Turning to the left an open door led into a small waiting room. No one else was inside. There were several couches and chairs that lined the wall. A doorway led to a bathroom, a coffee vending machine and a vending machine that had some snack food and drinks inside it. The light in the room was provided by lamps.

“Are you tired?” Clarke had seen Lexa yawn earlier. She wasn’t so much tired as worn out. It had been a long stressful day, but she was normally awake at this time anyway and leaving to go to work. Still, she was exhausted in a way that didn’t have anything to do with lack of sleep.

“Yes.” Lexa responded truthfully. _I should get some coffee._

“You could sleep if you wanted to.” Clarke suggested. She walked to a door near the windows and opened it up. It was a closet and inside were two shelves that had blankets and pillows on them. She took out two pillows and two blankets. “It’s not the most comfy place to sleep but at least there are pillows and blankets.”

“I thought I’d stay up with you.” Lexa fought not to yawn but she couldn’t help herself. She yawned. “Oh wow, guess I am more tired than I thought.”

Clarke yawned after Lexa did and rolled her eyes. _Yeah sure, I’m not tired_. “If anything happens I will wake you up.”

Lexa looked at the couches and they were not really long enough for her to stretch out on. _The floor it is._ She took one of the blankets that Clarke had and laid it down on the floor of the waiting room floor. Clarke dropped the two pillows down on the floor while Lexa took off her shoes and socks. She wasn’t used to sleeping in her clothes or on the floor but that was what was in order for the night.

Lexa lowered herself to the floor while she studied Clarke and noticed the dark circles under her eyes. Clarke had to deal with some pretty tough emotional things today and she looked tired. She may not want to lay down but she looked like she could use it.

“Why don’t you lay down with me for a while? You have had a long day and should get some rest. I’m sure if your father’s condition changes your mom will come in and get you.”

Clarke was going to say no at first, that she was fine. Then she thought about the possibility that her dad wasn’t going to be okay, then who knows how long it would be till she got some sleep. She should get some rest while she could. Plus this meant she would be able to lay down next to Lexa. _Getting to cuddle sounds awfully nice to me right now._ “Okay.”

“Okay?” Lexa was prepared for Clarke to tell her no. She was happy that wasn’t the case. Clarke looked like she could us the rest. She patted the spot next to her. “Come share this cold, hard floor with me then.”

“I can help keep you warm.” Clarke spread out the other blanket. She then took off her shoes. “Let me turn off some of these lights.” Clarke turned off several of the lamps but left one on in case her mother or someone else came in and would have some light to see by. She lowered herself to the floor next to Lexa and covered up with the blanket. She turned so she was facing the other woman. “Thank you again for coming today…and for caring.”

Lexa reached up and cupped Clarke’s face with her palm. Green eyes searched blue. “If our positions were reversed you would do the same for me.”

“You’re right. I would.” Clarke moved closer so she could kiss Lexa. Clarke loved the way that Lexa kissed. It was always so soft and gentle, like Clarke was the most precious thing in the world. After the kiss ended she ended up lying next to Lexa with her head on her chest and Lexa’s arm around her shoulder. The floor underneath her was hard and uncomfortable but the woman whose arms she was in felt amazing. “Goodnight Lexa.”

Lexa smiled and kissed the top of Clarke’s head. “Goodnight Clarke.” Lexa closed her eyes and tried to relax _. It’s not an ideal situation but I get to fall asleep with Clarke in my arms._ She listened to Clarke breath then smiled briefly to herself. _My poor exhausted baby_. Clarke had fallen asleep before her. _I really hope your dad is going to be okay._ She listened to Clarke breath for a few minutes and then she joined her in sleep.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took a while to get anything written. Christmas break has been busy.

Abby walked into the darkened waiting room. From the single lamp that was left on she could see Clarke and Lexa asleep on the floor. She moved in closer and squatted down next to Clarke. She smiled with mild amusement to see her daughter asleep with her head on Lexa’s shoulder and her arm across her waist. _Guess Steve was right_. She reached over and gently shook Clarke’s shoulder.

Clarke’s eyes slowly opened and she lifted herself up onto her elbow and looked over her shoulder. Lexa stirred next to her and her arm moved down to the floor. Upon seeing her mother next to them Clarke was instantly awake. “Mom, is everything okay?”

Abby smiled and stood up. “Come see for yourself.”

Lexa’s eyes remained closed as she blindly reached out to rub Clarke’s stomach. “Everything okay?”

Clarke picked up Lexa’s hand and kissed it. “I’m going to go check on my dad. Go back to sleep honey.”

Lexa pulled up the covers up and buried her face into the pillow. “Okay.”

Even though Clarke knew her mother was standing right there she leaned down and kissed Lexa on the forehead before lifting the blanket off herself and standing up. She saw her mother raise an eyebrow and glance down to Lexa. “I talk to you about it later.”

“Please do.”

Clarke put on her socks and shoes then followed her mother out of the waiting room and back down the hall. It was sometime in the early morning hours and the hallways were quiet. When they got back to Jake’s room a nurse was changing an IV bag. Clarke moved up to the head of the bed. Tears shimmered in her eyes and her lips stretched into a smile as she looked down into her father’s open eyes. “Daddy.”

Jake cleared his throat and spoke slowly. “There’s my baby girl.”

Clarke took her father’s hand. “I’m so glad to see you’re awake.”

“Me too…guess I gave everyone a little scare, huh?”

“Yes, you did.” Abby agreed.

Jake closed his eyes and was quiet for a moment and both Clarke and Abby thought he went back to sleep. They watched his chest rise and fall and looked up at the monitor. His eyes fluttered opened again. “I’m still pretty tired.” He voice was groggy. “I love you both very much.”

“I love you too daddy.” Clarke gently squeezed her father’s hand. A single tear made its way down her face.

Abby stood next to Clarke and touched her husband’s arm. “We both love you too Jake. Go ahead and get some rest. We’ll be close by.”

Jake’s response was to blink his eyes then closed them. His breathing evened out as he went back to sleep.

Clarke glanced back at the monitors, noting his vitals looked good at the moment. She moved closer to the doorway so she could talk to her mother. “How long has he been awake?”

“Not very long. He had woken up and wondered what happened. I told him about the accident, not in too much detail. He had wanted to know if you were here and wanted to see you. That is when I came and got you.” Abby leaned against the door frame. “I’m really glad that he was still awake when we came back to the room.”

Clarke exhaled slowly. “He always said that if something ever happened to him he would want to make sure he was able to tell us that he loved us, just in case it was the last time. He would have stayed awake for that.” Clarke hoped that wasn’t the last time she would hear her father say that he loved her.

“Yes, he would.” Abby agreed that was the single most important thing that had been on her husband’s mind when he woke up.

Clarke noticed the dark circles under her mother’s eyes and the overall appearance of fatigue in the way her mother carried herself. She knew her mother hadn’t slept. That she had kept a vigil beside Jake’s bed watching the rise and fall of his chest, listening to him breath and scrutinizing the monitors for any change. If it wasn’t for the fact that Lexa was here, that she had felt safe and comforted in her arms, she would have probably been in her father’s room doing the same thing instead of getting a few hours of sleep.

Clarke reached out and put her hand on her mother’s shoulder. “You should probably try and get some sleep now. Why don’t you go into the waiting room and get a few hours of sleep. I can stay here with dad.”

Abby shook her head. “I’m fine. I want to be here when he wakes up again. I’ll lean back in the chair and get a little rest there. You should go back to Lexa.” The right corner of Abby’s mouth curled up into a half smile. “She is your girlfriend right?”

Clarke smile. “We haven’t exactly used that word yet but yes she is.”

“So this happened recently?”

“Yes.” Clarke nodded with a smile. “We have actually liked each other since high school but we both were with other people at the time and didn’t know that we liked each other then. When we started spending more time together we realized we still had feelings for each other.”

Abby nodded. “I want to hear more about the both of you.” She glanced at her husband and then back to Clarke. “Maybe the three of us can all have lunch in a couple of days once we know Jake is going to get better.”

“I think that is a great idea. I would like for you and dad to get to know her.”

“We will talk more about it later, right now you should go get some more sleep.”

Clarke’s eyebrows rose. “So should you.”

“I will rest a little soon.”

“Are you sure you don’t want me to stay with you. I will you know.”

Abby smiled and patted her daughter on the cheek. “No, you go on. I will be fine. Jake is probably going to sleep for the rest of the night and I will doze here and there.”

“Okay.” Clarke walked back over to her father’s bed and leaned down and kissed him on the cheek. “I love you.” She walked over to her mother and kissed her on the cheek. “I love you and if anything changes with dad come get me.”

Abby took Clarke’s hand and squeezed it reassuringly. “I love you too Clarke and I will get you if anything does change.”

Clarke stopped in the doorway and looked back at her father who was sleeping peacefully at the moment. Her mother had moved the chair over so it was next to the bed. Clarke noticed Abby had placed her hand into Jake’s as she leaned up next to the bed. She knew that her father waking up and asking for her had been a good thing. In the next few days they would be testing him to see what damage if anything his head injury caused. Though he was weak he had asked for her, recognized her and he could speak, which were good signs. Not remembering every detail of the accident was normal. The tests the hospital would do would determine if any part of his brain function had been compromised. That evaluation would determine what he would need to do to recover. If he was neurologically intact the injury that would take the longest to heal would be his broken leg.

Clarke headed back towards the waiting room. She quietly closed the door and walked over to where Lexa was lying on the floor. Since Clarke had been gone Lexa had pulled the pillow that she had been using up against her chest. _She is so adorable_.

Clarke’s cell phone was next to where she was laying on the floor. She saw the blue light flashing indicating a message. She had set it earlier so it didn’t ring or vibrate.

Clarke picked up her phone and sat down in a chair and took off her shoes. Clarke checked her messages. She had several texts and some voicemails from friends, family and members of her softball team. She listened to the voicemail and read the texts _. I’ll message them back later in the morning._ Bringing her feet up onto the chair Clarke wrapped her arms around her legs and contemplated the woman lying before her. Clarke listened to Lexa’s quiet breathing for several minutes. Lexa’s long dark brown hair was fanned out along the back of her pillow and onto the blanket. Her face was relaxed and serene. _Beautiful_. Clarke wanted to return to her prior position at Lexa’s side. She had enjoyed being curled up next to Lexa and being held close. It was just what she needed to help deal with the fear and stress she had because of her father’s accident. She was normally awake at this time, had slept before she got the phone call about her dad, but earlier when she had been in Lexa’s arms she had felt such a sense of contentment that she was able to rest. She wanted that sense of peace that she got from being in Lexa’s arms again but didn’t want to wake her up.

She thought about going back to her father’s room and waiting with her mother. It seemed though that her mom had wanted to be alone with her father. _Dad is still probably sleeping but I doubt if my mom is. Still if she wanted me there she would have told me to stay with her when I offered earlier_. _She is always looking out for me and wants me to get some more rest but I don’t think I can._ Clarke leaned her head back against the wall. She could hear the ticking of the clock in the room and the faint hum of hospital activity out in the hall. Clarke looked at her watch. _Four in the morning. Still really early_.

Letting out a slow and steady breath Clarke thought about her father again. Any number of things could still happen. _I don’t know what I would do if he doesn’t make it, or what mom would do._

Death was a common occurrence at her job. Working in the nursing home with the majority of the residents being elderly and in poor condition she didn’t know the number of times she had to call a family member and tell them that it was close to the end. There were subtle signs such as mottling of the extremities, ears lobes turned back close to the head, sunken cheeks and glazed over eyes. It could be a matter of hours or days and she would suggest that they come to the nursing home as soon as they could. There were also those times when she or an aide went into a room and found a resident who had died suddenly during the night. The body quickly cooling or already cold. Then she had to make the call to family while the aides got the body ready for the funeral home.

She cared about the residents and when they passed away it was a sad moment for her, but it wasn’t nearly as hard as it would be if it was one of her own parents. _I’m not ready to let you go yet dad so you better be okay._

Clarke heard Lexa’s breathing catch and then change. She looked back down to the floor as Lexa’s eyes opened up. Lexa slowly sat up on her elbow as she looked up at Clarke. “Good morning.” Clarke said quietly.

Lexa’s forehead wrinkled in confusion at the sight of Clarke sitting in the chair. “How are you? How is your dad doing?”

“I’m fine and he is doing okay so far. I got to talk to him briefly.” Clarke put her feet back down on the floor and leaned forward. “How are you?”

“Umm.” Lexa ran her fingers through her hair as she blinked. “Okay I guess…not quite awake yet.” She looked around the room. “I need to go to the restroom.”

Clarke smiled at the drowsy state that Lexa was in and watched as Lexa slowly moved to get up from the floor. Clarke stood up and offered her a hand and helped Lexa get to her feet.

“Why were you sitting in the chair?” Lexa asked.

Clarke squeezed Lexa’s hand gently. “I didn’t want to disturb you trying to get my pillow back.” Clarke smiled.

Lexa’s lips twitched. “I must have been missing you.” She pressed her forehead to Clarke’s and closed her eyes. “Will you lay back down with me when I get back?”

“Yes.” _Even if I don’t sleep it will be nice to be able to lie next to Lexa again_.

“Okay, be right back.”

“While you go do that I’m going to go check on my parents again before I try and get more sleep.”

“Okay hon.”

Lexa walked across the waiting room and into the restroom while Clarke head out the door and down to her dad’s room.

Standing in the doorway Clarke looked at the monitors. _Dad’s vitals look good._ Abby’s head were resting on her arm that was on the bed. Her other hand held Jake’s. She was asleep. _Mom is finally getting some rest too. I’m glad she is._ Satisfied that everything was going as well as it could Clarke headed back to the waiting room.

Lexa was sitting on the floor, the blanket covered her legs when Clarke came back into the room. “Here is your pillow back.” Lexa smiled as she fluffed the pillow before she laid it next to her own. “Is everything okay with your folks?”

“Yes, they are both asleep.” Clarke lowered herself to the floor and stuck her legs underneath the blanket.

“Good. What about you?” Lexa rubbed Clarke’s arm. “Do you think you can sleep some more?”

“I don’t know.” Clarke replied honestly. “If I can’t sleep I will just enjoy being next to you.”

A smile spread across Lexa’s face. “I enjoyed you being here next to me too.”

They both laid down facing each other, the blanket pulled up to their waist.

Clarke propped herself up on her elbow and smile. “Mom caught us cuddling when she came in here earlier.”

Lexa chuckled. “What did she say?”

“She wanted to know if you were my girlfriend.”

“And what did you say?” Lexa propped herself up on her elbow. She gave Clarke a small smile.

“That we hadn’t exactly talked about yet, but yes we were. Umm…” Clarke’s cheeks turned pink. “Is that is okay with you?”

Lexa’s smile widened. “Yes, I would love to be your girlfriend and you’re so cute when your face gets all red.”

Clarke laughed. “I’m sure it is right now.” She rolled her eyes then met Lexa’s. “Have I thanked you for being here with me yesterday and tonight?” Clarke asked.

“Yes, you have.” Lexa covered Clarke’s hand that was lying on the floor between them with her own.

“I really do appreciate it. Being here and being in this situation has been easier with you here with me.”

“I’m glad I could be here with you Clarke. If I was in the same situation I would want friends and family to be there supporting me.”

“You have gone above and beyond with staying here and sleeping on the floor with me. It is not exactly the most comfortable place to sleep.”

“No, but you’re here next to me and that is worth a sore back.” Lexa smiled and lightly pressed Clarke’s hand.

“I’m glad you think it’s worth it and if your back is sore I promise I will massage it later to help get the kinks out.”

“I might have to take you up on that offer.” Lexa leaned forward and pressed her lips to Clarke’s. Lexa loved the feeling of Clarke’s soft lips on her own _. I hope my breath isn’t too bad._ She pulled back and stroked Clarke’s face. “Massage or no massage I am glad I’m here with you.”

“Me too.” Clarke reached up and took Lexa’s hand and kissed the palm. “It’s still really early. We have a couple of hours yet to get some more sleep.”

“I think I will try.” Lexa laid down on her back. She held out her arm to Clarke who moved closer and laid her head on her shoulder. “Comfy?”

“Very.” Clarke relaxed. “Is this okay for you?”

Lexa gently and briefly tightened her arms around Clarke. “Oh absolutely.”

“Sleep well.” Clarke turned her head so she could kiss the underside of Lexa’s jaw.

“You too Clarke.”

Clarke laid there for several minutes listening to the beat of Lexa’s heart. As before she felt safe and relaxed in Lexa’s arms. There was going to be a lot that needed to be taken care of later, but hopefully by tonight she could sleep in her own bed. _Unfortunately Lexa would then be down in her own room._ Clarke sighed. _I’m going to enjoy this while I can._ She smiled as she continued to listen to Lexa’s heartbeat. After a while she fell asleep.

 


	22. Chapter 22

 

Clarke put the glass she had taken a drink out of back down on the table. “Dad will be in the ICU for a few more days and then he will go to a regular room. Things look good so far. I think I will go home tonight and sleep in my own bed then come back in the morning.”

“I’m glad it’s looking good for him Clarke. I’m sure you’re relieved.” Lexa took the last bite of the salad that she was eating.

They had woken up early that morning when visiting hours started. Family and friends visiting patients would be coming into the waiting room soon to sit and wait for their loved ones, use the vending machine or bathroom. Clarke and Lexa didn’t want to be caught there cuddling with each other on the floor, though both of them were enjoying the closeness.

After they ate breakfast in the cafeteria Clarke was in and out of her father’s room along with her mother visiting Jake and talking to his doctors. Jake was able to stay awake longer each time he opened his eyes. They talked a little with him about current events and things that had happened in the past. It didn’t appear that he had any memory loss, which relieved both Clarke and Abby.

“I do feel better now that he has woken up and is talking.” Clarke let out and extended breath. “I’m cautiously optimistic. So many things could still happen so we will have to take things day by day.”

“I understand and if there is anything…” Lexa’s phone had been sitting on the table and it had started to ring, cutting off what Lexa was going to say next. She glanced at the phone number and frowned.

Clarke noticed Lexa’s furrowed brow and clenched jaw as she waited for Lexa to answer it. Instead Lexa ignored the ringing phone. It went to voicemail. “Is everything okay?”

Lexa glanced back up at Clarke. “Yes, everything is okay.” She gestured to the phone. “It’s Costia.” Lexa leaned back in her seat and ran her hand through her hair.

_Oh._ “What’s up with her?” Clarke tried to keep her voice nonchalant. _I will not be jealous, I will not be jealous._

“She wanted me to come for a visit again. She called yesterday. I was here with you at the hospital at the time. I didn’t answer the phone and I haven’t called her back yet.” Lexa shrugged. _It’s only been a day and dammit I asked her not to call me_. “I was here for you and your family and that was more important to me. Still is truthfully.” Lexa shook her head as she thought about her ex. “She is probably upset that I didn’t call her back.”

“If she called you yesterday while you were here with us and she is calling you again now? She really didn’t give you much time to respond.” Clarke looked at Lexa curiously as she wondered what Lexa wanted to do about it. “Do you want to call her back or go visit her?”

Lexa looked up at the ceiling and then back down at Clarke. She shook her head. “Not really. I’ve said before that I hope she gets better, I really do, but I don’t want to be involved in it. She really fucked things up Clarke and I don’t even think I can be her friend.” Lexa looked down at the table and frown. “I did tell her though that I would visit.”

Clarke nodded thoughtfully as she considered the situation. “She may not have any honor, but you do.” _I don’t want Costia anywhere near you and I can’t believe I’m going to say this._ “I think you should follow through with your visit.”

“You do?” Lexa glanced up into Clarke’s face. Her head was tilted a little to the side and she had a slight, soft smile on her lips.

Clarke took a deep breath. “It’s your choice but I think you would regret not doing it”

Lexa bit her lip and nodded. Even if she didn’t want to go she knew doing so would be the right thing to do. She picked up her phone. She could at least check on what Costia wanted and dialed her voicemail. After putting in her password she waited for Costia’s message to start.

“Hey, it’s me again.” There was a heavy sigh. “Just calling to see if I could catch you and if you got my message from when I called yesterday. Checking again if you can come for a visit. I would really like to see you.” There was a pause. “I really miss you a lot.”

Lexa exited out of her voicemail and put her phone down. “She was calling again to see if I would come for a visit.” Lexa leaned her arms onto the table. “I’ll call her back later.”

“I know you don’t want to visit her, and if you decide not to go its okay.” Clarke covered Lexa’s hand with her own. “I mean you really don’t owe her anything.” Clarke gently squeezed Lexa’s hand. “You should do what feels right for you.”

“I just hope you don’t think that I’m being a bitch for being reluctant to go see her.”

Clarke shook her head and wondered where that concern had come from. She took both of Lexa’s hands in hers. “Lexa no, absolutely not. I would never think that about you.” Clarke looked into Lexa’s green eyes and held them. “I think you’re amazing. You’re sweet and kind and you put up with a lot of shit from her. You don’t have to see her, return her calls or be her friend. Not if you don’t want to.” Clarke continued to look at Lexa with gentle eyes. “The only thing I’m saying is you have more integrity than her.”

Lexa nodded and placed her free hand over Clarke’s. “I know.” Lexa lightly stroked the top of Clarke’s hand. “I know I do and thanks for also thinking that.” Lexa said softly.” I will keep my word on visiting.” She shook her head back and forth and looked down at the table. “I think right now I’m a little pissed off because she called me and I asked her not to.”

“I understand and that would piss me off too.”

“Anyway I don’t want to talk about her. You have more important things going on right now with your dad that you should be focusing on. Not me and my ex.”

“What is going on right now with my dad is serious, that is true, but I care about what is going on with you too. You’re important to me as well and if you need to talk I’m here for you.”

“I know and you have really been great about that. You’re important to me too.” Lexa smiled and squeezed Clarke’s hand.

Clarke returned the squeeze and let go. “I do appreciate you coming yesterday and staying here last night with me. It wasn’t the most comfortable place to sleep but I’m glad that you were there with me.” Clarke looked at her watch. “I plan on staying till around five and then I will be on my way home.”

“If you want me to stay longer today I will.” Lexa said sincerely. She had the day off and didn’t have any plans.

Clarke was torn with the decision to say yes she wanted Lexa to stay there with her versus telling Lexa that it was okay to go. She did want Lexa with her, had greatly enjoyed the other woman’s support and company, but Lexa didn’t have to spend all day in the hospital. Clarke would see her soon enough at home.

“You go ahead hon. Get out and enjoy the rest of the day. I’ll be home soon.”

Lexa touched Clarke’s hand briefly. “Okay, I’ll have dinner ready. Is there anything special you want for dinner tonight?”

“Oh, let me think.” It took Clarke about two seconds to think of an answer. “Stuffed shells like the ones at your parent’s restaurant.”

Lexa smiled at the request. “You like those huh?”

“Oh yeah.” Clarke nodded. “They’re amazing and it will be a good night to have some comfort food.”

“Alright, I will make that for you.” Lexa’s eyebrows rose. “Anything else?”

“Garlic bread.” Clarke asked hopefully.

“Of course we have to have garlic bread with it. I’ll stop at the store on my way home and pick up what I need.”

“Let me give you some money for that.” Clarke reached for her wallet.

Lexa shook her head. “Put that away. I got it.”

“Are you sure.” Clarke still had her wallet in her hand waiting to see what Lexa said.

“Yes, I’m sure.” Lexa looked at the wallet and then back at Clarke and nodded for her to put it away.

“Thank you, I appreciate it.”

“Not a problem.” Lexa looked at her phone to check the time. “I’ll get out of here then, but first I want to go back and say goodbye to your dad and Abby.” She stood and picked up her tray.

Clarke followed Lexa with her own tray. After disposing of their trash they headed back to Jake’s room. Abby was there sitting in a chair next to her husband. Jake was asleep.

“Lexa’s going to head home mom.” As always every time Clarke entered her father’s room she checked the monitors and looked at him to make sure he was okay. He was sleeping peacefully.

Abby rose from her chair and came over and gave Lexa a hug. “Thanks you for your kindness and being here with us.”

“You’re very welcome.” Lexa returned the hug. She smiled at Abby. “Tell Jake when he wakes up that I hope he heals quickly.”

“I will do that, thank you.” Abby squeezed Lexa’s forearm. “Please be safe driving home.”

“I will.”

Clarke took Lexa’s hand. “Come on. I’ll walk you out to your car.”

They walked hand in hand through the halls of the hospital. They were alone on the elevator ride down and briefly hugged till the elevator dinged that they were on the main floor. They walked arm and arm out to the parking lot. It was a beautiful day and Clarke enjoyed being out in it for this brief time.

Lexa unlocked her car door and turned to face Clarke. “If anything happens please call me.”

“I will.” Clarke took both of Lexa’s hands in hers. “Text me when you get home. That way I know you got there safe.”

Lexa pulled Clarke closer and pressed her fuller lips to Clarke’s. The goodbye kiss was soft and slow. Lexa cradled Clarke’s face with her hands as their lips moved together. Reluctantly she broke the kiss but her gaze was still on Clarke’s lips, lost in the feelings she got whenever she kissed Clarke. Slowly she glanced up to see clear blue eyes looking back at her.

“I changed my mind I don’t want you to go.” Clarke said.

A slow smile spread across Lexa’s face. “You’re so cute.” She stroked Clarke’s cheek. “Go on back in there and take care of your family. I will text you when I get home and I will see you later.”

“Okay.” Clarke wrapped her arms around Lexa and tugged her into a hug. With an exaggerate sigh she let Lexa good and smiled. “Be safe and I’ll see you soon.”

“Yes, you will. Goodbye Clarke.”

Clarke started backing away. “Bye.” With a small wave Clarke turned around and headed back towards the hospital.

Lexa got into her car and watched till Clarke disappeared between the double doors of the hospital entrance. Starting her car Lexa decided that her first stop would be to go to her parent’s restaurant and check in with them. Putting the car in drive she headed out of the parking lot.

 

Lexa walked into the back entrance of the restaurant. It was at the tail end of the noon rush hour and she knew her parents would be busy. She stopped in the office and looked in her mail slot to see if there were any messages for her. There was one slip of paper inside that was the schedule for the next two weeks. Folding it up she put it in the back pocket of her jeans then headed for the kitchen.

She stuck her head into the kitchen to see how busy her father was. He and two other employees working in the kitchen looked busy. She caught his eye and waved. He waved back and then spoke to the older of the two workers. He took over what Lexa’s dad was doing before he came over to her.

“Hi honey, how is Clarke’s dad doing?” Paul was wiping his hands on a towel before he hugged Lexa.

“He is awake and talking which is really good. He’s not exactly out of the woods yet but things look pretty good so far.”

Paul nodded. “How are you doing?”

“I’m fine. Sleeping on the floor wasn’t a lot of fun but I’m glad I was there for Clarke.” Lexa smiled at her mother who came walking into the kitchen. “Hi mom.”

Erica was surprised to see Lexa. “You’re here, does that mean…?”

“No, Jake is fine so far. Doing well enough in fact that Clarke is going to be home tonight. Abby will be staying at the hospital though at least for tonight. Tomorrow Clarke will go back.”

“That is good that he is doing well. When he gets home we need to send over some food.” Erica said.

“Yes, that is a nice idea. I’m afraid it will be awhile before he gets to go home but I’m sure Abby would appreciate not having to cook for a few meals.”

“So what are you going to do for the rest of the day?” Paul asked.

Lexa could see how busy the kitchen was. “Do you need help today? I could stay for a couple of hours.”

Paul shook his head. “We have it covered for today and tomorrow.”

Erica nodded in agreement. “Go ahead and go home honey. Get some rest.”

“Okay, then I will be back the day after tomorrow.” Lexa moved closer to her mother and gave her a hug. “I love you both. If anything happened to either one of you I don’t know what I would do.”

Erica laughed. “You don’t have to worry about that. You’ll be visiting us someday in the old folk’s home.”

“Where we will probably be difficult and give the staff a hard time.” Paul added.

Lexa smiled and shook her head. “I’m going to get a lot of phone calls about you two aren’t I?” She wouldn’t mind those phone calls if it meant her parents were around for a long time.

Paul laughed. “Not so much, but I’m sure I will try several times to go into their kitchen and show them how to cook.”

“I can actually see that happening.” Lexa looked from her father to her mother and shook her head. “I will let you two get back to it. I wanted to stop by and give you an update. I’m going to the store and then heading home.”

Erica heard her name being called and knew she had to return to the front of the restaurant. “Okay hon. We love you. If you need anything let us know.”

“I will mom.” Lexa watched her walk out of the kitchen. She turned to her father. “I’ll see you later dad.”

“Tell Clarke we said hello and we are glad her dad is doing better.”

“I will.” Lexa patted her father on his arm then headed towards the back entrance of the restaurant. Her thoughts went to the list of ingredients she would need to make dinner and who she was making the dinner for.

 

Raven stood in the doorway of Jake’s room and smiled at both Abby and Clarke. Clarke was sitting in the chair and Abby was standing next to Jake’s bed. “Hey, how is he doing?”

“Hello Raven.” Clarke stood up from the chair she was sitting in. She walked over and hugged her friend in greeting. “Dad is doing pretty well.” Clarke checked her watch. “Shouldn’t you still be at work?”

“I had a cancellation and a free hour so I took off early. I wanted to see how things were going.”

Clarke took Raven’s hand and walked her further into the room up to her father’s bed. “Dad, you remember Raven don’t you?”

“Hello Mr. Griffin.” Raven smiled at Clarke’s dad.

Jake looked at his daughter. “I do remember who Raven is Clarke.” His eyes focused on Raven. “How are you doing Raven?”

“I’m really good and I’m glad to see you are doing well. I actually wanted to talk to all three of you.”

Raven asked questions about Jake’s condition and offered to do his physical therapy when he was ready.

“Thank you Raven. I do appreciate that.” Abby said.

“Now just because I know you doesn’t mean I’m going to take it easy on you. When you come to the office I’m going to work your ass off.” Raven said it lightly and with a smile but she was serious.

Jake met her gaze with a serious one of his own. “Fine by me. I’m not afraid of a little hard work and I want to get back to the way that I was.”

“Good, and I will do my best to get you there.” Raven looked over to Clarke and Abby. “Just let me know when he is release to do therapy and I will work him in the schedule.”

“Thanks Raven.” Clarke said.

“No problem.”

Clarke checked her watch. It was almost time for her to leave. She was looking forward to dinner with Lexa and getting to sleep in her own bed, though it would be by herself and she would miss Lexa being by her. She reached down and patted her father’s good leg. “I’m going to go home for the night daddy, but I’ll be back tomorrow morning.”

“Okay sweetie. You get some good rest and I will see you in the morning.” Jake smiled as Clarke bent over and kissed him on the cheek.

Clarke then hugged her mother and kissed her on the cheek. “Call me if anything changes.”

“I will Clarke. See you tomorrow.”

“I’ll walk out with you Clarke.” Raven said her goodbyes to Clarke’s parent and then followed the blonde out of the room. “Where is Lexa? I thought she was still here.”

“She went home after lunch. I didn’t think she needed to hang out here all day. Especially when it’s so nice out.”

“It was nice that she stayed with you last night.” Raven’s eyebrows rose as they waited for the elevator. “Anything interesting happen there in the waiting room?”

Clarke rolled her eyes as the door to the elevator opened and they walked in. “We only kissed and cuddled. Not anything like you’re implying.”

Raven laughed as the doors to the elevator closed. On the way down Clarke debated telling her best friend about Costia contacting Lexa. They stepped out of the elevator as the doors opened on the main floor.

Clarke held the front door open for Raven. “I guess one interesting thing that happened was Costia called Lexa. Once last night and once today.”

Raven’s head turned to face Clarke as they walked towards the parking lot. “How is that interesting?” _What does that bitch want now?_

“She wanted Lexa to visit her in treatment.” Clarke stopped on the sidewalk and looked at Raven. “I told her maybe she should go for the visit.”

“What the hell possessed you to do that?” Raven didn’t ask it harshly. She was just curious.

“Because Lexa had told Costia she would visit. Costia may be liar and can’t keep her word but Lexa can. I know she really doesn’t want to see her, and I can’t blame her. I don’t want her to go either, but I think that it would bother her if she didn’t follow through on it. I didn’t want to see her feel badly about that, so I kind of encouraged it, but I let her know it was her choice to make.”

“Okay, so is she going to do it?”

“She texted me earlier after she got home and let me know she called and got her name on the visitor’s schedule.” Clarke thought it was the best thing to do for Lexa. “Maybe Lexa can talk to her and reiterate that she doesn’t want any further contact. Though I don’t know if Costia will pay any attention to that. Lexa asked her not to call her and she did so twice.”

Raven walked next to Clarke till they reached Clarke’s car. Raven was concerned that Costia’s continual contact with Lexa would mean trouble.

“What if Costia starts being a problem?” Raven asked.

“How do you mean?” Clarke leaned against her car door and faced her friend.

“She’s still calling Lexa. She is getting her to visit. You’ve mentioned how manipulative she could be. She may be in treatment now but what happens when she gets out?”

“Well, Lexa really doesn’t want anything to do with her. She doesn’t think that they can be friends.” Clarke rubbed the back of her neck. “Granted just because Lexa feels that way doesn’t mean Costia is going to respect that.”

“Exactly.” Raven crossed her arms across her chest. “We’ve had a few friends who had some issues with ex’s and it got pretty nasty. Our community is pretty small.”

“That is true.” Clarke agreed.

“I don’t want to see you go through that. You or Lexa.”

“I don’t think there is any reason to be concerned and if there is an issue I will see what Lexa wants to do about it.”

“You could tell her that you don’t want her to see Costia ever again.” Raven suggested.

“No, I can’t do that.” Clarke shook her head. “I can’t tell her who she can and cannot be friends with. Even if I don’t like them. I believe her when she says that she doesn’t want to be friends with her or want anything to do with her. I trust her.”

“I just feel that this Costia chick is bad news.” Clarke hadn’t told her everything about what happened between Lexa and Costia but it was enough to make her want to kick the other woman’s ass. “If there is any problems I will do what I can to help.”

“Thanks, I’m sure there isn’t going to be a problem, but I appreciate the offer of help.” Clarke gave a short laugh. “Speaking of an imminent problem we do have a game on Thursday and have yet to break the news to Toni. Might need your help with that.”

“Oh yeah, your still going to make it to the game?”

“As long as my dad keeps improving I will.” Clarke said. “I’m sure I could use the exercise by then.” Doing a little running and hitting the ball hard sounded like a good way to take care of some of her stress.

“So you’re going to let everyone know on the team you two are dating?” Raven asked.

“Well, I don’t think we are going to stand up on some bleachers and announce it but I want to tell a few of our friends.”

“So have you and Lexa talked about your relationship? Like are you girlfriends now. Are you exclusive with each other?”

“We haven’t really had a chance to talk about us too much with everything going on with my dad. I already know that I want to be able to tell others she is my girlfriend and I want to be exclusive. I know we are dating and I don’t know if she wants us to be exclusive or not. I need to find out what Lexa wants. We are pretty new though and I don’t want to rush her into anything.”

“Well, my friend I know for you that if she doesn’t want to be exclusive it’s a deal breaker.”

Clarke nodded. “If she wants to be my girlfriend, yes we would need to be exclusive. I don’t like to share.” _You’re already a little bit in love with her. If she doesn’t want to only be with you your heart is going to be broken into a million pieces._ “Speaking of which I should get going. Thanks for stopping by. I’m glad I got a chance to see you.”

“Me too hon. Call me if you need anything and let me know if you can’t make it on Thursday.”

“I will.” Clarke gave Raven a small wave and got into her car to head home.

Several things weighed heavily on her mind after talking with Raven. Her dad’s health, which was still tenuous. Costia calling Lexa and wondering if there would be any problems with her. _Would she still try and get Lexa back?_ Clarke felt that Toni would completely lose her shit on Thursday and what if Lexa didn’t want to be exclusive? She knew they liked each other and that they were important to each other but they hadn’t talked about what that really meant for them. They were dating and having fun which meant that it didn’t have to be serious right now. _Though I want serious right now_. She knew before they took their relationship to the next level she would have to find out what Lexa would want.


	23. Chapter 23

 

Clarke was having some second thoughts about leaving the hospital on her short drive home. She knew that if anything happened her mother would call her right away, but sometimes things happened suddenly, and if her dad did take a turn for the worst she wondered if she would be able to get back to the hospital in time.

Then there was the conversation she wanted to have with Lexa, which was making her nervous. She believed that she didn’t have any real reason to be nervous. She felt that Lexa felt the same way about relationships that she did, however Lexa had just got out of a long term relationship not so long ago. One where it ended badly, and Lexa, even though she admitted to liking and being interested in Clarke, might not want to jump into a serious relationship right away.

Once Clarke saw Lexa’s car in the garage her anxiousness lessened by the excitement she felt at getting to see her. All afternoon she had wished that she had taken the offer Lexa had made to stay at the hospital with her. However, the smells coming from inside the house when she walked in reminded her of the advantage of Lexa leaving early.

“Lexa, I’m home.” Clarke spotted Lexa right away sitting on the couch and smiled at the giddiness she felt in saying those words as she hung her keys on the hook just inside the door. “It smells wonderful in here.” Clarke noticed that the dining room table was already set for dinner.

Lexa held a book in her lap and returned Clarke’s smile. “Doesn’t it though?” She put the bookmark in the book to save her spot and set it aside. “How was your dad doing when you left?” She rose from the couch and followed Clarke who had tilted her head indicating she was going into the kitchen.

Clarke was at the sink getting a glass of water. “He is doing the same, so pretty good considering everything.” She inhaled deeply the aroma of the food that was cooking in the oven. _Ah garlic bread. I love garlic bread_. “Raven came by this afternoon to check in. She will be doing dad’s physical therapy when he is ready.”

“That was nice of her to offer.” Lexa smiled softly at Clarke and looked at her with concern. She noticed the darkened look to Clarke’s eyes and the nervous tapping of Clarke’s fingers against the glass.

“Yes, it was.” Clarke agreed. “Raven will make sure dad is doing what he needs to do. She won’t give him a pass on anything.” Clarke took the last drink of the water in her glass then set it down. She paused before she walked over to Lexa, who leaned against the counter watching her. She took both of Lexa’s hands in hers and looked into the other woman’s green eyes. “Hi.” Clarke leaned forward and pressing her lips gently against Lexa’s. _Oh this makes me feel so much better._ “I missed you this afternoon.” She said when the kissed ended.

“I missed you too.” Lexa let go of Clarke’s hands and cupped her face before returning her lips to Clarke’s. She wasn’t ready for the kiss to end. Lexa felt Clarke’s arms go around her waist as she was pulled closer to the other woman. Her hands moved up into Clarke’s silky hair as she deepened the kiss.

They kissed for several moments till the loud beeping of the oven timer startled Clarke as she jumped and tore her lips away from Lexa’s. She had been lost in the kiss and forgot everything else except for the softness of Lexa’s lips against her own and the way it felt to hold Lexa in her arms. Her chest moved up and down rapidly as she placed her hand over her heart and sheepishly smiled at Lexa. “I guess dinner is ready.”

_What dinner?_ Lexa had been focused on the soft strands of Clarke’s hair and the texture of her tongue as it gently brushed against her own. She could tell that Clarke recently had some coffee, tasting its remnants on her tongue.

Lexa gently brushed Clarke’s cheek as she moved around her and walked to the stove to turn the timer off. Putting on the oven mitt she opened the oven door and pulled out a small cookie sheet with a small loaf of garlic bread on it and a medium sized casserole dish filled with stuffed shells.

The aroma of the garlic bread and stuffed shells intensified once out of the oven and Clarke could see that the tomato sauce and cheese were all bubbly as she stood near Lexa’s shoulder. “That looks and smells really delicious Lexa. Thank you so much for indulging me and making it.”

Lexa glanced at Clarke and smiled. “I was happy to do it Clarke. I really like this dish too and it beats hospital food.” She picked up a knife and began cutting the garlic bread into sections.

“That it does.” Clarke looked across the stove and counter out to the dining room table to make sure everything they needed was out there. “It looks like you have everything covered with the table. Is there anything that I can do?” Clarke asked.

Lexa put the garlic bread in a basket she had sitting next to the stove on the counter as she replied to Clarke’s question. “You could get us both something to drink. I would like some water if you wouldn’t mind.”

“I can do that.” Clarke felt the overwhelming need to touch Lexa as she reached up with her left hand and gently brushed Lexa’s hair aside. Her fingers grazed the soft skin on the back of Lexa’s neck and her lips soon followed. She felt Lexa shudder from the kiss on the back of her neck and Clarke couldn’t help but smile a little.

Lexa closed her eyes and bit down on her lip from the soft kisses being placed on her neck and shoulder. _Okay, just dump a whole glass of water over my head_. She swallowed. “Clarke…”

“Hmmm?” With a final kiss Clarke rested her chin on Lexa’s shoulders and wrapped her arms around Lexa waist. Her heartbeat had slowed back down from being startled by the timer going off but it had picked back up a little from being this close to Lexa and getting to kiss the back of her neck _. I can’t get enough of touching her._

“As if you couldn’t tell I really like having my neck kissed.” Lexa couldn’t remember the last time she had been kissed there. _Over a year ago I guess it was. Costia wasn’t interested much in our physical relationship during our last year. I almost forgot how good it felt._ She placed her hand over the top of one of Clarke’s. “I really like that…but dinner…can we…”

“I know we don’t want dinner to get cold. I just...wanted to be close to you.” Clarke said quietly. She placed another kiss on Lexa’s shoulder and released her. “I’ll get our water.” Clarke moved quickly away, somewhat embarrassed for interrupting Lexa when she was speaking and for the need to be close so close to the other woman. She opened a cabinet door and reached up to get a class for Lexa.

Lexa turned and took the few steps she needed to in order to be standing next to Clarke. She reached out to rub Clarke’s shoulder. Her eye’s narrowed in concern as Clarke looked at her, her face looked troubled. “I was going to suggest we eat dinner and go cuddle on the couch. I want to be close to you too.” She moved her hand up and laid her palm against Clarke’s face. “We can then talk about whatever is bothering you.”

Some of the tension on Clarke’s face left and she gave Lexa a little smile. “Thank you…I’m sorry. I’m just a little tired, worried about my dad and other things.” Clarke said, shrugging one shoulder.

“I understand. I can tell you’re tired. You haven’t had much sleep and what sleep you had is not during your normal time. Plus we were on the floor. It’s not the most comfortable place to get some rest on.”

“But I was next to you and that made it worth it.” Clarke admitted with a smile. “I enjoyed that part very much.”

Lexa stroked Clarke’s face with her thumb. “Me too.” She glanced down at Clarke’s lips and leaned in for a small brief kiss. “Now why don’t you get that water and we will have a nice dinner, okay?”

Clarke nodded and went back to filling up their glasses with water. She carried them out to the table while Lexa carried the basket of bread and the casserole dish.

 

“This is better than your father’s stuffed shells.” Clarke said after she took her first bite, humming her approval. “Seriously, this is amazing. Thank you for making it.”

Lexa smiled, happily that Clarke was enjoying dinner. It was just one small way that she could help support the other woman who enthusiastically enjoying dinner. “It was my pleasure but don’t tell my father that they taste better than his. He will want to know my secret.”

Clarke’s eyebrows rose. “Which is?”

Lexa gave Clarke a lopsided grin. “More cheese and garlic.”

Clarke nodded and returned the smile. “I do like garlic and you can’t go wrong with more cheese.”

As they ate they talked about the recipe for the stuffed shells, how Lexa prepared the dish and what ingredients she used. Clarke asked many questions on different cooking techniques. Lexa shared that she had stopped and visited with her parents and their plans on making some food for Clarke’s parents. It would be dishes that Abby could stick in the oven to reheat and not have to worry about preparing and since they would come and be cooked in an aluminum pan she wouldn’t have much clean up as well. Clarke filled Lexa in on what Raven would be focusing on when it came to her father’s therapy and what was next for him.

After dinner Clarke insisted on doing dishes while Lexa returned to the living room. She dismissed Lexa’s offer of helping. “You cooked and set the table. I’ll clean up and you go sit and relax. Read more of your book.” Lexa had simply smiled and handed Clarke the towel as she spun on her heel and headed towards the living room.

The dishes only took ten minutes. It didn’t give Clarke much time to figure out how she was going to ask Lexa about their relationship. Once the dishes were done Clarke peeked around the corner into the living room. Lexa had returned to reading her book. Clarke watched as Lexa’s long, delicate fingers turned the page. She smiled when Lexa looked up and caught her watching. “I’m done. I wanted to see if you wanted anything to drink?”

Lexa shook her head. “No thanks.” Lexa put the bookmark back in her book that she wasn’t really reading. She sensed that there was something going on with Clarke but she wasn’t quite sure what it was. They had talked but Clarke seemed somewhat tense during dinner. At times Clarke was quiet and when she would look her way Clarke seemed lost in thought. If she caught Lexa looking she would smile and then ask another question about cooking. Lexa appreciated Clarke’s interest in what she did for a living but she felt that Clarke was troubled by something and hoped once Clarke came and sat down on the couch with her that she would tell her what was going on.

Lexa watched Clarke turned off the light to the kitchen and walk towards her. She held her gaze and turned so she was facing Clarke as she sat next to her on the couch.

“Good book?” Clarke asked, tilting her head towards the book that was still in Lexa’s lap.

“It’s okay.” Lexa played with the book cover. “I’m having a hard time getting into it though.” Lexa turned to her right and sat the book down on an end table. She turned back to face Clarke once again.

“Sometimes they start out slow and get to the good stuff in later chapters.” Clarke said quietly.

Lexa nodded in agreement. Many books she had read started that way. “I’ll give it a few more chapters to see if I want to continue to read it or not.”

Clarke looked away from Lexa as she reached over and took the other woman’s hand. Lines appeared between her eyebrows as she focused on their joint hands while she gently played with the fingers.

Lexa liked how Clarke was touching her hand but she was waiting for Clarke to say something. When it didn’t appear that Clarke was going to speak first she stilled Clarke’s had with her free one and waited till blue eyes looked up at her questioning. “What is it?”

Clarke looked into Lexa’s curious green eyes and asked one of the questions she had been contemplating. “I forgot to ask earlier, when do you go see Costia?”

Lexa was a little surprised at the question but recovered quickly. “I was able to get on the visitor’s list for tomorrow at three.”

Clarke rubbed her thumb across the top of Lexa’s hand. “That was quick.” She said softly.

“Costia would have probably called again tomorrow.” Lexa’s eyebrows rose and she shrugged. “I want to get this over with.” _I don’t know why she wants me to visit but she probably won’t like what I have to say to her._ “That’s not what’s bothering you is it?” Lexa asked gently.

“No.” Clarke’s lips twisted and she reached up and scratched the back of her neck. Tilting her head she blinked several times before looking directly into Lexa’s eyes. “I guess she is somewhat related to it.” Clarke admitted.

Lexa’s eyes narrowed slightly. “How so?” She was curious about what was making Clarke appear so nervous.

“You two were together for a long time.” Clarke began. She continued when she saw Lexa’s careful nod. “It really hasn’t been that long since you two broke up.”

Lexa’s eyebrows twitched and she inhaled slowly. _Oh my god what is she saying_. She tried to keep her face relaxed but her heart start beating faster. “That is true, it’s only been several months, but we hadn’t really had a relationship for about a year.”

“She was your first relationship.” It was more of a statement than a question. _I really don’t think I’m doing this right._

Lexa slowly nodded her head. “Yes, she was my first relationship. You know that it’s all over now.” _Why are we even talking about this?_

“I know.” Clarke’s eyes gentled and she squeezed Lexa’s hand. “I just…” Clarke sucked her lower lip into her mouth briefly as she tried to think of how to continue this conversation. “I really, really like you Lexa.” _Much more than that._

“I really like you too Clarke.” Lexa licked her lips and wondered where this conversation was heading. “Clarke can you just tell me what’s going on because you’re making me really nervous.”

“I’m sorry.” Clarke gave Lexa a regretful look. “My intention wasn’t to make you nervous.” Her laugh was high pitched and she squirmed under Lexa’s confused look. “I’m really nervous here.”

“What do you have to be nervous about?” Lexa’s head was shaking slowly back and forth. “Clarke…?”

“I’m really doing this badly.” Clarke’s eye’s pleaded for understanding. “I’m so sorry.” _You should have thought more about this. You should have given yourself more time to prepare. Slept on it for a couple of days. There was no real rush was there?_

“Do you not want to date me anymore?” Lexa asked. She didn’t know what Clarke was trying to get at but it wasn’t sounding good. She thought things were going well between them so the possibility of the question she asked confused her but she needed to know. _I hope that’s not it but what if it is?_

Clarke’s heart thudded in her chest and her eyes widened. “No that’s not it.” Clarke quickly said tugging Lexa closer and wrapped her arms around her tightly. “I so want to date you.” She sighed close to Lexa’s ear. “I’m really fucking this up if that is what you’re thinking.”

Lexa’s stroked the back of Clarke’s head and let her fingers run through her hair. “Then what it, just tell me please?” Lexa asked softly. She was relieved that Clarke still wanted to date her but that didn’t slow down rapid beat of her heart because she didn’t know what Clarke was going to say next.

Clarke pulled back enough to rest her forehead against Lexa’s. She placed her hands down the other woman’s thighs, kneading the muscle of Lexa’s upper legs. “I wanted to ask you…” Clarke’s voice was shaky. _Just fucking do it Griffin_. She moved back so she could see Lexa’s eyes. “I wanted to know if you would be my girlfriend? If…if I could call you my girlfriend?”

Lexa took a deep breath and studied Clarke’s eyes. “Is that what you were nervous about? You wanted to ask me to be your girlfriend?”

Clarke hung her head and nodded. She glanced back up and saw Lexa smiling at her. “Yes.”

Lexa laughed and tackled Clarke, pushing her back down on the couch. She straddled her waist and peered down at Clarke from her position of her. “You are too cute and you had me really scared there for a minute.”

Clarke rested her hands on Lexa’s hip. “I’m sorry…I know I didn’t do that very well. I was nervous and I don’t think clear. You just mean so much to me.” Clarke cleared her throat. Lexa hadn’t answered yet. “So what do you say beautiful, will you be my girlfriend?”

Lexa lowered her head down and pressed her lips against Clarke’s. They continued to kiss unhurriedly till Lexa moved from Clarke’s lips down her jaw and to Clarke’s ear. “Yes.” She whispered. Lexa licked the outer shell of Clarke’s ear and smiled as the other girl jerked and groaned.

“Oh god.” Clarke softly muttered as her fingers tightened on Lexa’s hips. She inhaled quickly as she opened up her eyes to see Lexa’s face directly above hers. “I was hoping the way that you kissed me meant that it was a yes.”

“You had doubts?” Lexa asked. She moved off to the side of Clarke but still on the couch. She waited till Clarke moved on her side as well so they both could fit comfortably on the couch. Then Lexa rested her head on her bend arm. Her other one went to Clarke’s hip.

“Well, that was why I was saying those things. I didn’t know how you would feel about it. You just got out of a serious long term relationship. Some people don’t want to get back into one. Lexa...” Clarke paused, swallowing down her nervousness. “That is what I would want with you. I wanted you to be my girlfriend. I want to be able to tell others that you’re my girlfriend. I wanted it to be serious and you’re the only one I want to be with.”

Lexa smiled as she rubbed Clarke’s hip. “That’s a lot of wanting.”

Clarke rolled her eyes and grinned. “I suppose it is.” She reached up brushed some of Lexa’s hair back. “We hadn’t really talked about what we both wanted. We know we like each other and that we were going to date, but we didn’t know how serious we were going to be. If we were just going to date each other or if we were going to date other people as well.”

“I don’t want to date anyone else. I always have been, and always will be a one woman girl.” Lexa’s hand moved further up on Clarke’s side, then around to her back. “I don’t get though why you were so nervous talk to me about it. It’s not like I’m big and scary.” Lexa laughed.

_No, not big and scary but you could have crushed my heart into a billion pieces though._ “We recently admitted feelings for each other and decided to date. We didn’t have a chance to really have any conversation about what each of us was looking for. One important piece for me was being exclusive. If this was just a casual dating thing between us that wouldn’t be as important as long as I knew I wasn’t the only one, but once any relationship I was in became more serious I would have insisted on it being only us.” Clarke cupped Lexa’s cheek. “Believe me Lexa, I’ve very serious about you.”

Lexa reached up and took Clarke’s hand. She brought it to her lips and kissed the knuckles before she pressed Clarke’s hand flat against her chest. “Yes, we didn’t get a chance to really have this conversation before but I’m glad we did now because I’m seriously crazy about you.”

Clarke was still smiling as she moved closer and kissed Lexa. She was glad that she was able to untangle her tongue and actually say what it was she wanted to say and that it turned out how she had hoped. It was one less thing off of her mind. When the kiss ended she pulled Lexa into a hug and rubbed her back.

“Do you still want to watch a movie?” Lexa asked. She remembered Clarke saying that she was tired earlier. “Or are you ready to get some sleep?”

“I’m not ready to say goodnight just yet so how about that movie.” Clarke held onto Lexa as she tried to get up off the couch without falling off of it. Once Lexa was upright and sitting on the edge of the couch Clarke was able to sit up. “Why don’t you go pick a movie and I’ll be right back.”

“Okay honey.”

Clarke got up and after going to the bathroom she went into her bedroom to change into her pajamas and get more comfortable. She sighed once her bra came off. _It always feels so good when I can take that thing off._ Slipping on some shorts and a t-shirt she returned to the living room. She smiled at Lexa who was sitting back in the couch with remotes in hand.

Lexa patted the spot between her legs. “Come sit in front of me.”

Clarke lowered herself onto the couch in between Lexa’s legs. She snuggled back into Lexa whose arms came around and circled her waist.

“Comfy?” Lexa asked, moving some of Clarke’s hair out of the way as she rested her head on the blonde’s shoulders.

“Very, and I love sitting like this with you.”

Lexa pressed play on the remote and lowered it to the floor as her arm returned to Clarke’s waist. “Me too.” She kissed Clarke’s shoulder and felt the other woman relax into her.

Fifteen minutes into the movie Lexa heard Clarke’s breathing change. Clarke had fallen asleep. Lexa smiled and kissed the top of Clarke’s head and held her, decided to let her sleep as she continued to watch the movie. It had been a couple of long emotional days and she knew her girlfriend needed the rest. _Clarke Griffin is my girlfriend_. Lexa couldn’t believe after all of these years that it had happened, that it was indeed the reality. _I can’t believe she was so nervous, but then again if I had to ask how nervous would I be?_ She tightened her grip protectively around Clarke.

Tomorrow Clarke was going back to the hospital to check on her dad and she needed to deal with Costia. She wasn’t looking forward to seeing her ex but it needed to be done. She would complete her promise and that was it. If Clarke was still at the hospital she would go and be there for her and her family. She knew it was going to be stressful seeing Costia. Unlike last time though, when she left Costia she would be returning to the woman that she was falling in love with.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for lack of updates on any story. I took a week off from writing but I'm back to it. :)

 

Lexa parked her car in front of the treatment center. She wasn’t as nervous as she was the first time she had gone there to visit Costia, but the feelings that she was having from the thought of going inside was the same. She didn’t want to be there. She didn’t want to see her ex-girlfriend. _This is the last time_. She took a deep breath and opened her car door.

 

Jake watched his daughter flip quickly through the magazine on her lap and then glance at her watch only to return to flipping the pages again. “Nothing interesting in that magazine I take it?”

Clarke’s head shot up as she looked at her father. “Dad, you’re awake.” She put the magazine aside and came over to stand next to her father’s hospital bed. “How are you feeling?”

“I’ve been better, but considering the alternative I’m not too bad.” Jake said as he tried to adjust the pillow behind his head. “Getting a little tire of lying here though and all I do is sleep.”

Clarke reached over and helped him get his pillow just the way he wanted. “Better?” She smiled when he nodded. “I know it is going to drive you nuts to stay in bed but unfortunately you’re going to be confined to the bed for some time. You need to give your body time to heal and you don’t want to screw up all the work the surgeon did to fix you. All the sleep you’re getting is healing.”

“I know and I appreciate everything they did.” Jake sighed. “I hate being helpless and not being able to get up and go to the bathroom on my own, now I have some poor nurse coming in here and having to wipe my butt. Also you would think that they could somehow warm up the bedpan before sliding it in place. That was an experience, let me tell you.”

Clarke smiled and shook her head. She could tell that her dad was feeling better because of his joking. “It’s not the most fun aspect of the job to be honest, but it’s really good that you were able to have a bowel movement.” She patted her father’s arm. “You will get better. It’s going to take some time though so you’re going to have to have some patience.”

“Says the girl who wouldn’t ask for help and instead put her hand through a window trying to get around on crutches.”

Clarke remembered the incident that her father mentioned. She had been twelve years old and had sprained her ankle. She had been in the living room watching TV with her mother. The remote control had been on the arm rest of the chair her mother had been sitting in. She had wanted to change the channel but her mother had left the room and would return shortly. Instead of waiting for her mother to come back and getting her the remote, Clarke had gotten up out of the chair and used her crutches to walk over towards the chair. Being inexperienced with using crutches she lost her balance. Falling forward she put her hand through the living room window. Fortunately she didn’t cut herself and was told the next time she needed to have some patience and wait for help.

“If you do too much too soon you could end up hurting yourself a lot more than I did with that window, and it will cost a whole lot more to fix.”

“That is true.” Jake chuckled. “I’ll be good. Just have your mom bring me some books in would you please. At least those moments I’m awake I can do some reading.”

“I will ask her.” Clarke said, glancing at her watch again.

Clarke wondered what was keeping her mother. Abby had gone in search of coffee for the both of them and she thought she would be back by now. She had been there since eight that morning. It was now almost three in the afternoon. Clarke was normally just getting up at this time. Her father’s accident had thrown her off her sleep schedule and she needed some caffeine because she was feeling sluggish.

_I hope Lexa is going to be okay after seeing Costia_. Clarke didn’t get to see her girlfriend before she left that morning and she was missing her. She had left Lexa a note on the dining room table wishing her good luck today. Lexa was going to come to the hospital once she was done seeing Costia. They were going to get her mother out of the hospital for a couple of hours. They were going to take her out to eat then home so she could shower and change her clothes.

“Sorry, sorry.” Abby said as she walked into the room holding two large coffees. “I ran into a woman I had gone to medical school with and we took a few minutes to catch up.” She handed Clarke one of the coffees. “Jake, you remember Lorelei Tsing?”

“It is hard to forget meeting her.” He met the woman once and the only reason she was memorable was because of a party that he and Abby had attended after Abby’s finals. Lorelei had a little too much to drink that night and Abby was going to help her back up to her hotel room so she could sleep it off. Abby had taken him along and while on the elevator Lorelei had become sick and threw up on the elevator repeatedly and had slumped down the wall into a drunken stupor. Jake had to pick her up once they arrived on the floor and carried her to her room. Once inside Abby called the front desk and told them about the mess on the elevator. While he waited outside the room Abby had helped Lorelei get cleaned up and into bed. “Does she work here?”

“Yes, she accepted a position as the head of the emergency department. This is her first week here.”

Jake yawned. “Good for her. Hope she has learned to hold her liquor. Well, I think its nap time again.”

“Okay sweetie. Remember I might not be here when you wake up later but I shouldn’t be gone long.” Abby took Jake’s hand.

“Take your time. I’m not going anywhere.” Jake looked past Abby to Clarke. “Keep her out of here as long as you can.”

Clarke nodded. “I’ll do my best.”

 

“Hello Lexa.” Costia rose from the chair she was sitting on.

Lexa moved further into the room. She and Costia were alone. “Hi.”

“Thanks for coming. You hadn’t returned my phone calls right away so I didn’t know if you were going to come or not. I’m glad you did though. I missed you.”

Lexa’s eyebrows rose as she appraised her ex. “I believe the last time I was here you had asked me if you could call me and I told you no.”

“Oh.” Costia shrugged and smiled. “Guess I forgot.” She tilted her head towards a chair. “Do you want to sit down?”

Lexa eyed her ex warily as she pulled out a chair and sat at one of the many tables in the room. _Forgot my ass._ “You wanted me here so I’m here. Why did you call?”

Costia’s eyes narrowed as she crossed her arms and frowned. “You said you would come back for a visit.”

Lexa slowly nodded. “I did say that I would come back and I meant it. I’ve been busy.”

“Oh you were busy.” Costia laughed. “What have you been up to?”

Lexa leaned back and mirrored Costia’s cross armed position. “We don’t need to talk about what I’ve been up to. You wanted me to visit so here I am.”

“Yes, here you are.” Costia smiled as she looked at Lexa. “You are so beautiful.”

Lexa watched as Costia’s eyes traveled down her body. Her ex’s appraisal of her was making her uncomfortable. She shifted in her chair, crossing her legs. “What did you want to see me about?”

Costia’s eyes moved back up to meet Lexa’s. “I wanted to see you. I’ve missed you.” Costia said softly. “I tried calling you at your parents but they said that you were not staying there anymore. I’ve tried to reach you at the restaurant too, but they wouldn’t let me talk to you. I talked to some woman named Octavia, she was really rude and wouldn’t tell me if you were there or not. You should talk to her about her about being more professional on the phone.”

Lexa wondered why her parents didn’t mention that Costia had called. “Why are you calling my parents and calling my work?” She didn’t want Costia to bring her parents or work into this. _Dammit I told her I would call her._

“I wanted to talk to you. It’s hard being here by myself.” Costia sighed and shrugged. “I’m really lonely and I need to hear a friendly voice…so where do you live now?”

Lexa ignored the question. There was no way she was going to tell Costia where she had moved to. “I asked you not to call me and I don’t want you to call my parents or my work again.”

“Whoa” Costia held up her hands in front of her in a stopping motion. “Just chill out.” Her hands dropped back down onto the arm rests of the chair. She was quiet for several moments. “Like I said I just wanted to talk. Remember we used to talk for hours. You always had a way of making me like I was the center of the universe. I miss that.” Costia tilted her head and smiled at Lexa. “There is so much about you that I miss. Our talks, going out on dates and cuddling on the couch.” Costia’s eyebrows lifted suggestively. “Touching you, the sounds you make when you…”

“Stop.” Lexa didn’t believe a word Costia was saying and the direction it was going was making her uncomfortable. “You’re so full of shit.”

“I’m being serious.” Costia wasn’t discouraged. “There is so much that I’ve missed about you. Things that I didn’t appreciate before. I’ve had so much time to think things through and I know I screwed up. I also know that I can make things right.”

“You can’t Costia. It’s too late.”

Costia shook her head. “No, it’s not babe. I can be the person you’ve wanted me to be. I love you and I miss you. Have you missed me?”

Lexa reached up and moved a strand of hair back behind her ear as she thought about how she would answer. The truth was that she hadn’t missed her. Maybe at first, right when they broke up. After all they had been together for years and she had still loved her then. The breakup had been painful and she had been left wondering what the hell happened. All that had changed. With time she moved on, and now she was moving on with Clarke.

“Costia…” Lexa shook her head and took a deep breath.

“Please Lexa, give us another chance. I want to marry you. Please don’t throw away everything we had.”

Lexa’s eyes widened in disbelief. _Costia wants to marry me? Since when?_ She didn’t know what to say but she kept shaking her head no.

“Guess not, huh?” Costia’s face hardened briefly. She gripped the arms of her chair tightly. “You act like we didn’t spend almost a decade together. Like it didn’t mean anything.”

Lexa glance briefly towards the ceiling before her eyes dropped back to Costia. “It meant something at one time. I did love you, before all the drinking, the lies and you cheating on me.” Lexa’s lips were tightly pressed together as she shook her head. “After that…” She shrugged as she met Costia’s somewhat hostile gaze.

“Look, I’m sorry for all of that. I don’t know how many times I have to apologize. Give me a break.”

Lexa smiled sadly as she shook her head yet again. Costia still didn’t get it. “You can apologize all you want. It’s not going to change anything Costia.”

“How can you be so cold?” Costia spat out.

Lexa’s eyebrows rose. “How can you expect me to trust you after everything you’ve done to me?”

Costia’s jaw hardened as she stared at the table. “So me being here. Trying to get better will never change how you feel about me now?”

“No it won’t.” Lexa replied honestly. “I’m glad you’re doing this. But as I said before I don’t want to get back together with you. I don’t want to marry you. What you do here, you need to do this for yourself. You need to move on. I have.”

Costia’s gaze jumped from the table to meet Lexa’s. “What do you mean by that exactly? That you’ve moved on?”

Lexa uncrossed her legs and observed Costia. Costia’s tone had been harsh, her dark eyes were glaring at her now and Costia had a white knuckled grip on the chair arms. She looked like she could spring up at any moment and do what, Lexa wasn’t sure, but she figured it was time to leave.

“I think it’s time for me to go now. Goodbye Costia.” Lexa pushed her chair back and was standing up but before she could start walking away Costia moved as well and grabbed her arm tightly. “Let go of my arm Costia.” Lexa tried to jerk her arm away but Costia only held on tighter.

“You’ve moved on.” Costia gritted her teeth. “It’s that blonde bitch we went to school with isn’t it?” Costia pulled Lexa closer to her. “Isn’t it?” Costia yelled, her face contorted in anger. “You moved in with her?”

Lexa tried to reach up and break Costia’s grip on her arm. “Costia, you’re hurting me. Let me go.” She said as calmly as she could. Lexa could hear her heart pounding in her ears as she struggled to break Costia’s hold.

Costia grabbed her other arm and started to shake Lexa. “Is she fucking you?” Costia seethed, shaking Lexa again. “Tell me, is she fucking you?”

Lexa tried to ignore the pain in her arms and she tried pushing Costia away. “Dammit, stop it.” Lexa yelled. “Let me the fuck go.” When that wasn’t working she tried kicking at Costia’s legs to get her to let go of her arms. Costia kept moving her legs out of the way. Hearing the door open behind her Lexa turned and saw two staff members come in. They ran over and grabbed Costia and tried to break the hold she had on Lexa. Costia was still trying to maintain her grip on her as she screamed and struggled with the staff members. A third staff member came into the room and gave Costia a shot and Lexa felt the iron like grip on her arms lessen but not before Costia spat in her face. She closed her eyes and turned her face away. Costia continued to scream obscenities at her.

Costia was being held up by two of the staff members as she finally let go. “Fuck off Lexa.” Costia laughed but she was growing weaker. “She will cheat on you too, bitch. Once she realizes how lousy you are in bed. She’ll find satisfaction somewhere else like I did.” Costia swayed as her legs went out from underneath her. “No one will ever love you.” She muttered as her head finally slumped in unconsciousness as the two staff members picked her up and carried her away.

“Are you okay? What happened in here?” The remaining staff person asked. She handed Lexa several tissues.

Lexa ignored the question at first as she angrily wiped her face off. Her tears were mixed with Costia’s spit. _I shouldn’t have come here._ “I’m fine.” Lexa backed away as the staff member, a kind looking woman, tried to look at her arms. “I’m fine really.” _I’m not fine, nothing about this is okay._

“The cameras alerted us to when she grabbed you. I’m sorry we didn’t get in earlier. Are you sure you don’t want any medical treatment?”

“No.” Lexa shook her head. She just wanted to go home and crawl into bed. She knew that seeing Costia again wouldn’t be good but she didn’t think it would end up like this. “What happens to Costia now?”

The female staff member bit her lip. The badge attached to shirt said her name was Sue. “That is for the police and our treatment coordinator to decide.”

“You called the police?” _Fucking great. I just want to get out of here and now I have to wait and talk to them._

“Standard procedure when there is an assault on our premises.” Sue held out her hand but didn’t touch Lexa. “Please come to the office with me. They will want a statement from you.”

Lexa sighed as she followed the woman towards the treatment center’s office. She wanted to leave, go to the hospital and be with Clarke, but the pain in her arms reminded her of why she had to stay. Costia’s fingers would no doubt leave bruises on her arms and she would have to show them to the police. _I can’t believe how things deteriorated so quickly. She better stay the hell away from me._

Once in the office Lexa sat down in the chair and leaned her head back against the wall. The final words from Costia played over and over in her head. Her eyes opened up as a paper cup filled with water was set on the desk next to her.

“I’m sorry to bother you but I need some information for my report.” Sue sat behind the desk and opened up a drawer on the side of the desk. Pulling out a file she looked at Lexa apologetically.

“Okay.” Lexa straightened up in the chair and reached for the water. She took a sip of the water as she tried to put Costia’s voice out of her mind and pay attention to the questions being asked. She rubbed her temple with her free hand knowing she would have to repeat the same answers over again when the police got there.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, I hated the last ten minutes of episode 7. I was so mad, I was yelling at the TV and of course crying. I've cried a lot since Thursday. That week was awful. My aunt had died, her funeral was on Wed. I have some health issues that I think now will be okay, but I was worried about till today. All of that was a bit overwhelming. I hate what Jason did and I'm still mad and sad. Same damn Lesbian Trope. As far as I'm concerned the episode ended after they made love.
> 
> That being said, I'm not sure I can watch the show anymore. I will at least wait and see what some other people say on social media about the episodes, but Clexa was the reason I watched and without Lexa it just wouldn't be the same.
> 
> I remember when Tara died on Buffy, and to be honest I'm more upset about Lexa than I was about Tara, and that had really upset me.
> 
> So that brings me to the fics that are not completed. They will be completed. I'm still going to update as I have been. Clarke and Lexa mean to much to me to abandon my stories, and as this story is titled, we need happy endings. Those that write need to continue. Ten plus years after their series ended, both with deaths, people are still writing Willow/Tara stories and Xena stories. We can keep Clexa alive and through our stories keep Lexa alive.
> 
> Speaking of which I have an idea for doing a Willow/Tara and Clexa AU story that brings both Lexa and Tara back.
> 
> I hope everyone is doing okay, or as best as we can right now. We are all grieving in our own way, and if you're hurting I hope you reach out to someone and talk about it. Let's continue to keep the Clexa community alive and strong.

 

Lexa closed her eyes as the elevator took her to Jake’s floor. One the way to the hospital she had stopped at a gas station and bought some pain medication and a bottle of water. The pain medication was more expensive than if she had stopped at a grocery store, but she wanted to get in and out so she could go be there for her girlfriend. She hoped the pain medication would kick in soon. She had a killer headache and her arms were sore.

Talking to the police had taken longer than what she had anticipated. She had cooperated with their questions and had given a statement. They had asked questions about her and Costia’s past relationship and if there was a history of abuse. Lexa told the two officers the truth about their history and they took pictures of her arms where Costia had grabbed her. There were no bruises yet, but where Costia’s fingers had been it had become swollen and red. In a couple of days, when the bruises had completely formed the police wanted to get another set of pictures. She had agreed to go in after she got off work so they could repeat the photographs.

Lexa made her way down the corridor toward Jake’s room. As she stopped in the doorway she saw both Clarke and Abby sitting in chairs, both reading as Jake slept. When Clarke looked up and met her gaze she couldn’t help but smile.

Clarke returned Lexa’s smile as she set her magazine aside and stood up. She walked over to her girlfriend. “I’ve missed you.” She wrapped her arms around Lexa’s shoulders but dropped her arms and stepped back quickly when she heard Lexa wince. “I’m sorry, did that hurt?” Clarke’s expression was one of confusion.

Lexa nodded and tried to smile reassuringly at Clarke. “There is no reason to be sorry Clarke, and I missed you too.” She peeked around Clarke. “Hello Abby.”

“Hi Lexa.” Abby smiled as she looked up from her magazine.

Lines appeared between Clarke’s eyebrows as she looked at Lexa with concern. “I’m sorry if I hurt you. I was just really happy to see you. I didn’t mean to hug you that hard.”

“No Clarke, you didn’t hurt me.” Lexa shook her head. She didn’t want Clarke to feel bad. “You didn’t hug me too hard.” She took Clarke’s hand. “Could we go somewhere and talk?”

Clarke’s heart started to pound faster and she felt sick to her stomach. “Sure, let’s go to the waiting room.” She tried to control her voice as she turned towards her mother. “Be back soon.”

“Okay honey, I will be here.” Abby said, returning to her magazine.

“How is your dad doing today?” Lexa asked. She still held Clarke’s hand, but it felt lifeless in her own as they made their way towards the waiting room.

“He is getting better every day.” Clarke replied. Her anxiety increased as they got closer towards the waiting room. _She just got done visiting with Costia and now she wants to talk. What if they are going to get back together? Is that what she is going to tell me even though she had said before that wasn’t going to happen? Alright Griffin, try not to panic. Just wait and see what she has to say._ Clarke took slow deep breaths as they entered the waiting room.

There was a family in the first section of the room so they went to the far corner and sat down. Lexa kept a hold of Clarke’s hand and placed their joined hands in her lap.

Clarke watched Lexa’s face struggled with emotions as her own fear increased. “What is it Lexa, what did you want to talk about?”

Lexa met Clarke’s blue eyes, which were looking at her with concern. _She is afraid_. Realizing that she had put that look in Clarke’s eyes she brought up her other hand, holding Clarke’s hand between both of hers.

“First of all, there is no need to be afraid.” Lexa could see Clarke swallow and give her a short nod before she continued. “There was an incident at the treatment center when I went to see Costia.”

“What kind of incident.” Clarke took a deep breath in and mentally prepared herself for what Lexa was about to say next as the ache she felt in her heart increased.

“She wanted to talk to me about getting back together. She apologized for everything that she had done and she asked me to marry her...” She felt Clarke try to pull her hand out from hers.

“Oh.” Clarke’s head bowed as she looked at the floor. _So that’s it…_

Lexa wouldn’t let go off Clarke’s hand. “Clarke…hey…baby look at me.” Tear filled blue eyes looked up at her. “I told her no.” Her arms protested as she pulled Clarke to her but she didn’t care. She could tell that Clarke thought that she had accepted Costia’s proposal and that was why she had wanted to talk to her. _As if I would marry that bitch_. She kissed Clarke’s lips, they felt cold and lifeless before resting her head against Clarke. Tears formed in the corner of her eyes. “I would never marry her or get back together with her. You remember me telling you that, right?”

Clarke’s throat hurt as she tried to keep her emotions in check and her tears at bay. “Yes.”

Lexa leaned back and cupped Clarke’s face between her hands. “Do you trust me?” She brushed a tear away that slowly made its way down Clarke’s cheek.

“I do trust you Lexa.” Clarke took a deep breath and glanced at the ceiling before returning her watery eyes back to Lexa. “I’m sorry I jumped to conclusions. With everything going on with my dad…and I think I’m PMSing."

“You said your dad was getting better?”

Clarke nodded. “He is.” She wiped a few tears from her eyes. “They are going to move him to a regular room tomorrow.”

“That’s great.” Lexa smiled as she retook Clarke’s hand.

“Yeah…so anyway, sorry I interrupted. Please continue.” Clarke felt the heat of embarrassment flood her face at her assumptions _. I need to shut up now and just let her talk._

“So Costia didn’t take my rejecting her very well and things…” Lexa’s head tilted back and forth slightly as she tried to think of the best way to tell Clarke what happened. “Well, I guess you could say that things turned physical.”

Clarke’s gaze quickly traveled down Lexa’s body looking for any sign of injury. “What did she do to you?”

“Grabbed me, on the arms.”

“Let me see.” Clarke asked softly. When Lexa lifted up the sleeves of her shirt Clarke extended her hand to touch the Lexa’s right arm, but stopped herself before she made contact with the reddened area. “So this is why when I hugged you…it hurt.”

“Yes, but believe me I really needed that hug.”

“Did she hurt you any way else?”

“She just said some nasty things, called me a few names.” Lexa tried to shrug it away as if it didn’t mean much, but it had hurt.

Clarke gritted her teeth briefly as she thought about Costia hurting Lexa. It made her really angry and she wanted to go and kick Costia’s ass for daring to touch Lexa, but she swallowed down her anger. It wasn’t what Lexa needed right now. _I’m not going to fly off the handle. Sounds like she had to deal with an angry woman already today._

“I’m so sorry that happened to you.” Clarke placed her hand on Lexa’s knee. “No one deserve to be treated that way, especially you.”

Lexa placed her hand on top of Clarke’s. “Thank you.”

“So what happened after…?” Clarke wanted to say, “After that fucking bitch assaulted you”, but she bit her tongue.

“The staff at the treatment center saw what was happening and got involved. They ended up giving her some shot to knock her out, then they called the police.”

“What did the police do?”

Lexa stroked the top of Clarke’s hand. “Well, because we had been in a relationship this past year, and I have marks on my arm, plus the statements from the staff and a recording of what happened, they will be charging Costia was domestic assault. Once she wakes up that is.”

“Oh honey, I’m so sorry.” Clarke’s heart ached for what Lexa had been through. She was glad that Costia was going to be charged.

Lexa shook her head no. “You have no reason to be sorry for anything. You didn’t do this. Costia did.”

“I know…I just hate to see you hurt. If anything ever happened to you…” Clarke couldn’t finish, the words got stuck in her throat. The thought of anything happening to Lexa was too awful for her to think about.

“Nothing is going to happen to me. I’m here, I’m a little bruised but that is it.” Lexa’s voice was soft and gentle. “I promise.” She leaned forward slightly. “I could really use another hug.” Lexa asked hopefully. Since she had walked into that treatment center the only thing she had wanted then was to be with Clarke, and now that she was with her she just wanted to be held in her arms.

“Anytime you need one.” Clarke leaned forward and was extra gentle as she hugged Lexa. The tension she felt since coming into the waiting room slowly drained from her body as she held onto the one person that she needed, the one that she had always wanted and didn’t want to let go of.

Lexa rested her head on Clarke’s shoulder and let out a slow shuddering breath. She thought about what Costia said how Clarke wouldn’t love her, how she would just end up cheating on her. When Lexa had first heard those words she felt like she was getting slapped in the face, and for a moment she wondered if that was true. However, she quickly dismissed what Costia had said as untrue. Her words were just the desperate last ditch effort to really hurt Lexa. To fill her with doubt. Being held so gently, and so lovingly by Clarke right now she knew beyond doubt that Costia had been full of shit. Clarke wasn’t a cheater, and while they hadn’t admitted their love for one another yet, Lexa knew that she did love Clarke. Lexa was pretty sure that Clarke would return those feelings once she gave voice to them. She didn’t want to say it in the hospital waiting room, especially when there were other people in the room with them. Upon opening her eyes she saw two little kids peering wide eyed over the top of the chairs looking at them. _No, this isn’t the time, but soon._

Clarke continued to rub Lexa’s back as she enjoyed just how good it felt to have the other woman in her arms. She had more questions but for now decided to drop it and just enjoy the connection between them. She gave a small grunt of protest as Lexa started to leave her embrace.

“Thank you for the hug.” Lexa smiled. “You feel really good.”

“So do you, and it was my pleasure.” Clarke brushed some of Lexa’s hair out of her face. “So…do you need anything? Pain meds? I could get you something to eat or drink?”

“I’m good, but thank you.” Lexa picked up Clarke’s hand and kissed her palm. “How about we go check on your mom and dad. Later we can take your mom out or go down to the cafeteria and get something to eat.”

“Okay.” Clarke took Lexa’s hand and helped her stand up. They walked hand in hand down the hall towards her father’s room. Looking into the room Clarke paused as she saw her mother leaning over the bedrail and kissing her father. She quickly and quietly guided Lexa a little ways down the hall. “I think we will just give them a little privacy.”

“Yeah, that is a good idea.” Lexa leaned against the wall. “I think it’s sweet though.”

Clarke could only agree with Lexa. “They really love each other, even after all these years.”

“My parents too. They have such a strong and loving marriage.”

“I can’t believe that Costia actually asked you to marry her.” Clarke’s voice was low, so as to keep their conversation somewhat private.

“Me either.” She sighed. _If she would have asked about a year and a half ago I probably would have said yes. Back then though I didn’t know what I know now. How naive I was._

“Do you ever see yourself getting married?” Clarke tried to ask as casually as she could. “I know just because we can now that doesn’t mean that everyone in a same sex relationship would want to.”

“Yes, I think that I would want that someday. A loving and supportive marriage, like what my parents have.”

“Me too.” Clarke swung their hands slightly between them as she looked towards the doorway of her father’s room. _It’s way too soon to be talking about that, but at least I know she would be open to it…maybe someday_. “Let me go peek around the doorway and make sure the coast is clear.”

“Yeah, go make sure your mom isn’t slipping your father any tongue.” Lexa smirked at Clarke.

Clarke shuddered as that image entered her mind. “Gross, I don’t need to be thinking about them kissing like that.”

Lexa laughed. “I’m sure they probably do kiss like that, but when it’s more private.”

Clarke just shook her head as she peeked around the door frame. Her mother was back in her chair, an open magazine on her lap.

Abby looked up as she noticed movement in the doorway. “Clarke?” Abby’s eyes narrowed at her daughter who was only half visible in the doorway. “Why are standing there like that?”

“Um…well I wanted to make sure that I didn’t interrupt you two.” Clarke moved fully into the doorway. She motioned towards Lexa. “It’s safe.”

“Why would it be unsafe?” Abby looked at Clarke in confusion.

Clarke decided to be honest. “We were here a little bit ago and you and dad were having a moment.”

Abby looked to Jake and they both smiled at each other. Abby then turned back to her daughter. Lexa was standing at her side. “Well that moment is over now so you two don’t have to be all embarrassed.” It had been a small kiss, one not filled with passion but of comfort and familiarity.

“I wasn’t embarrassed. I just wanted to give you some privacy.” Clarke led Lexa into the room and let her sit in the only remaining chair while she stood next to Lexa. Her fingers found themselves slowly gliding through Lexa’s long curly hair.

They sat and talked for about an hour, then decided to go get some dinner once Jake decided to take another nap.

“Where would you like to go?” Clarke asked. The three of them were walking down the hall towards the elevator.

“I’m not really picky right now.” Abby said.

“How about my parent’s restaurant? I really need to let them know what happened today.” Lexa suggested.

“What happened today?” Abby asked.

“I’m fine with that.” Clarke turned towards her mother. “It’s up to Lexa if she wants to let you know.” She looked at Lexa for confirmation and continued when she saw her girlfriend nod. “How about she tell you the same time she tells her parents.” Clarke saw Lexa nod again at the suggestion.

Abby looked at the two girls while raising her eyebrows. “Okay, but I’m assuming that this isn’t something that is going to be good.”

“No, not really.” Lexa agreed. “But let me just say that it is a situation no one got hurt badly and it has been taken care of.”

“Hurt badly, huh?” Abby looked from Clarke to Lexa. “I’m not going to like this am I?”

“No, mom. I don’t think you will.” Clarke wrapped her arm around Lexa’s waist as the elevator arrived. She knew her mother was passionate about and served on the local domestic violence shelter’s board of directors.

“I can’t wait to hear this story.” Abby said, following the two girls into the elevator.

“Eat first, story later.” Clarke said.

Once they arrived on the ground floor they headed out to the parking lot.

“I think I will drive my own car to the restaurant and then go home after dinner.” Lexa pulled her keys from her pocket.

“Can I ride to the restaurant with you?” Clarke asked.

“Of course.”

“Mom, I’m going to ride with Lexa to the restaurant and then get a ride back with you after dinner.”

“Okay Clarke, I’ll see you there.” Abby headed towards her car.

Clarke got into Lexa’s car once the doors were unlocked and she put on the seat belt. Once Lexa started driving to her parent’s restaurant she reached over and took Lexa’s hand.

“Are you nervous about telling your parents?” Clarke asked.

“Yes, and no.” Lexa glanced at Clarke. “Yes, because I know they will be upset and I don’t want them to worry, and no because I know they love and support me.” She squeezed Clarke’s hand. “It will be okay.”

Clarke smiled and ran her thumb along Lexa’s. “Of course it will be. How could anyone not support you and find you lovable?”

Lexa’s lips moved into a smile. “You’re so sweet.”

Clarke disagreed. “No, you are the sweet one.”

Lexa laughed as she pulled into the parking lot of her parent’s restaurant. “I can see where this is going.” She put the car in park and then turned off the ignition. Taking her seatbelt off she leaned over towards Clarke. “I absolutely adore you.” She hadn’t said the L word. Not yet.

Clarke took off her seatbelt and cupped Lexa’s cheek. “I adore you too.” She leaned in and pressed her lips to Lexa’s for a kiss.

The kiss was soft and gentle and both women were enjoying it till they both jumped at the sudden rapping on the window on the driver’s side of the car.

Abby bend down and looked through the window. “Okay you two, let’s go. Food first, then Lexa’s story and you can kiss later.”

Lexa quickly kissed Clarke’s lips before reaching for the door handle of the car and getting out. She waited till Clarke came around to the driver side before heading to the restaurant doors. Linking her arm with Clarke’s. “I’m glad that you are here with me. I’m not afraid to tell them. I know it will be okay…I’m just glad that you’re here.”

“There is nowhere else I would rather be than at your side supporting you in any way I could.”

“That’s one of the reasons why I…” Lexa stopped herself. She wasn’t going to tell Clarke she loved her in the entryway to her parent’s restaurant. “Think you are so special.”

“I think the exact same thing about you.” Clarke smiled at Lexa and for a moment they just looked at each other fondly till Clarke heard her mother clearing her throat. She reluctantly tore her eyes away from Lexa and looking into the smirking face of Octavia.

“Hi Octavia.”

“Hello.” Octavia’s smile widened. “Three for dinner?”

“Yes.” Lexa said as she stepped forward. “We’ll take one of the tables in the back.” It would be quieter for when she let her parent’s know how things with Costia went.

“Okay, follow me.” Octavia led them through the restaurant till they reached one of the tables in the back of the restaurant. It was more isolated and quiet.

Lexa spotted her mother and turned toward Clarke and Abby. “I’ll be right back. Go ahead and check out the menu. Anything you want, it’s on me.”

“That’s not necessary Lexa.” Clarke shook her head.

“Please, I want to.” Lexa gave Clarke a soft and loving look. “I’ll be right back.”

“Okay.” Clarke was going to agree but with a condition. “Next time dinner is on me, okay?”

“Okay.” Lexa smiled at Clarke before she left and went to go track down her mom. She would give her the heads up that she was there and wanted to talk to both her mother and father soon. Once that was done she was going to head home for a nice soak in the whirlpool tub. She hoped that she would get to see Clarke before she went to bed. A nice goodnight kiss and cuddle would be the best ending for the somewhat crappy day she was having. She hoped the talk with her parents didn’t take long.


	26. Chapter 26

“You didn’t eat much.” Clarke observed the leftover food still on Lexa plate. She had noticed her girlfriend had mostly pushed the food around and ate very little.

“I’m not that hungry.” Lexa pushed her plate away, deciding to give up on trying to eat. Her stomach was in knots as she thought about the conversation she needed to have with her parents.

When everyone was done eating Lexa’s eyes were closed as her head rested on Clarke’s shoulder. Dinner had been mostly a quiet affair between Clarke, Abby and herself. The conversation focused mainly on Jake and how he was doing and what would be happening in the next few weeks for him.

Clarke had been concerned that Lexa hadn’t ate much and she kept a reassuring hand on Lexa’s thigh all through their meal. She wanted her to know that while she spoke with her mother that a piece of Clarke’s mind was still on offering her comfort and support. When Clarke’s gaze would turn to Lexa’s, and her blue eyes looked upon Lexa’s green ones, she would gently squeeze the other woman’s thigh. A small smile would appear on her lips to let the other woman know that she was there, that she was thinking about her, and that she cared.

“How is your husband doing?” Paul asked Abby as he and Erica stopped next to the table where Abby, Clarke and Lexa sat. They were finally able to take a small break to come and talk to their daughter. They listened intently as Abby filled them in on Jake’s progress.

“So what is it that you wanted to speak to us about?” Erica asked as her eyes focused on her daughter.

Lexa met her parent’s curious looks and smiled slightly at the reassuring pressure of Clarke’s hand on her leg. She cleared her throat before speaking. “I just wanted to let you two know about this before you read anything in the newspaper or in case this got back to you somehow…umm…I went to see Costia today.” She paused as she noticed the frown that appeared on her mother’s face. “Please, just let me get through the whole thing before you say anything.” Lexa waited for the older adults promise to wait before she filled her parents in on the phone calls that Costia had been making to her, and what the their conversation had entailed.

Her eyes kept moving between Abby and her parents. All three of them were quiet, as they waited for her to finish her story. She could see the tenseness around her parent’s eyes and her father’s face begin to redden when she got to the part about Costia grabbing her. She moved her hand to cover Clarke’s where it rested on her thigh. Their fingers moved together as she drew additional strength from the presence of her girlfriend. Lexa omitted what Costia had said about how Clarke would cheat on her too, she didn’t want to have that conversation just yet, if ever. She finished telling them about the police being called and the charges that Costia would now face. “They also put a protective order in place. She can’t call me or have anyone else call on her behalf. She can’t come to my home and if I’m somewhere first she has to leave.”

“She is in jail, right now yes?” Erica asked, her hands tightly clasped in front of her.

Lexa could see a vein throb in her mother’s forehead as she nodded. “Yes, for now.” She looked between her father and mother. “I guess she will see a judge in the morning and if she doesn’t have any warrants they will let her out.”

“Are you in much physical pain right now?” Abby asked. She had quietly and calmly listened to the story. Her first concern was making sure that Lexa was physically okay.

Lexa turned her head towards Abby. “My arms hurt where she grabbed me, and they will probably bruise but I’m doing okay.” She gave Clarke’s mom a small smile. “I’m pissed off at the situation more than anything.”

“You’re not the only one.” Paul’s arms were crossed against his chest and he had a dark, angry look on his face. “If I ever see that piece of shit again…” Paul shook his head, not finishing what he was going to say _. Nobody hurts my little girl and gets away with it._

“If she is smart she will stay far away from me.” Lexa exhaled heavily. “I guess you could say if she was smart none of this would happen.” She looked up over the top of her parent’s heads and out towards the restaurant. She sighed. “I would have been smart not to go there.”

“No.” Clarke shook her head. “This isn’t on you Lexa.” Clarke angled her body so she was facing Lexa. Her gazed travelled past her mother’s and Lexa’s parents before settling on Lexa’s face, green eyes looked back at her with curiosity. “I know you know this. It’s not about being smart or not, because you really are smart. You make good decisions and you were trying to do the right thing. She didn’t deserve your kindness, but you were trying. Costia was the one who keeps fucking up.” Clarke’s eyes darted towards her mother and Lexa’s parents to see what their reaction would be. She wasn’t apologetic. “Well, she did.” She focused back on Lexa not caring if she was receiving any disapproving looks. “All of this has been about you trying to be the better person. You put up with enough crap from her and you tried to be supportive, even though she didn’t deserve it. You tried and that is all that you can do. She is responsible for all of this. Not you.”

Lexa nodded her head slightly and squeezed Clarke’s hand.

“So what happens now?” Erica asked.

Lexa turned back towards her mom. “She may get out of jail in the morning and she isn’t supposed to contact me. I can’t contact her, which I have no intention of doing. In about two weeks there will be a preliminary hearing. She is either going to plead guilty or not guilty, and then we will go from there.”

“So there could be a trial?” Paul uncrossed his arms and leaned forward, extending his hand on the table for Lexa to take.

Lexa placed her free hand in her father’s. Grateful that while he was clearly angry with the situation he was still trying to be supportive of her. “Yes, if she pleads not guilty.”

“Well clearly she would plead guilty.” Erica said sharply. “They have it all recorded. It would be foolish to drag this out.”

Abby took a deep breath. She knew how this situation sometimes went. “Unfortunately that may be what Costia wants. To drag it out, make things as miserable for Lexa as she can.”

Erica shook her head. “Why bother? It’s stupid.”

“Yes, it is,” Abby replied firmly, “but that is the way it happens. Lexa broke up with her.” She looked at Lexa. “Not that this is your fault for breaking up with her, but Costia might see it that way. She can’t manipulate Lexa into staying anymore. She lost you and lost that control. I’m sure she isn’t happy knowing that you’ve moved on, but she doesn’t see herself as accountable for any of this. She’s never really admitted that she was in the wrong has she?”

Lexa shook her head back and forth. “No, not really. Not in any way that I’ve believed her.” She shrugged one shoulder. “Especially lately, I think it was all a bunch of BS to get me back.”

“So this might not be over?” Erica asked Abby.

“I really can’t say for sure.” Abby glanced at Lexa as she gave the younger woman a small smile. “Costia may not find her night in jail to her liking and won’t bother you anymore.”

“But she still could.” Erica clenched her jaw in frustration.

“If she knows what’s good for her she will stay away.” Paul squeezed his daughters hand gently.

“Maybe you should move back in with us,” Erica said. “At least for a little while.”

Lexa felt Clarke tense at the suggestion and shook her head. She didn’t want to move back in with her parents. “No, mom. I don’t think that is necessary.”

“It would be safer-“

“No, I don’t want to do that. If she doesn’t leave me alone I will deal with it.” She felt a reassuring squeeze from Clarke and turned towards her girlfriend. “You want me to stay don’t you?”

“Of course I do.” Clarke’s voice was gentle, reassuring. “I do want you to stay, but I also want for you to do what you need to do feel safe and comfortable.”

The corners of Lexa’s lips lifted slightly. She didn’t want to move back in with her parents, even if it was for a short time and she was glad that Clarke wanted her to stay. Turning back towards her parents she met their concern gazes. “I know you’re concerned about me, that you love me,” she smiled, “and I really appreciate that. I love you both too, but I’m not going to let her change my life any more than what she already has. I’m done with the crap that she is pulling. She really crossed the line this time and I’m done being nice about it.”

Erica twisted the ring on her finger. “I’m glad you are done with her honey but I’m really worried about you…you two being out in the country all by yourselves.”

“It’s not that far in the country, and Costia doesn’t know where I live anyway.” Lexa shrugged. “She may be able to find out but I will call the police right way if she shows up or tries to contact me in anyway.”

Clarke’s blue eyes found Lexa’s green ones and she paused before she spoke. “Whatever happens with this we will handle it, okay?” She turned her head towards Lexa’s parents, regarding them with a serious expression. “I won’t let anything happen to her.”

“Well, you know if you need us we are here.” Paul patted his daughter’s hand before pulling his own back to the edge of the table. “If you change your mind…”

“I know dad, and I appreciate it. I really do.” Lexa didn’t plan on changing her mind but she was glad that her parents would continue to be there for her if she ever did.

Erica let out a deep sigh as she stood up. “We should get back to work. Will we see you here tomorrow then?”

“I will be here.” Lexa smiled at her mother as she rose from the table as well. She moved around the table and hugged both her parents.

“I would feel better if you were home with us honey, but you are an adult and you can make your own decisions. We love you and it really pisses me off that you have to go through this, but I’m glad you’re not alone.” Paul nodded towards Clarke. “Now you will keep us in the loop if anything changes or if anything happens?” Paul looked from his daughter to Clarke, including her in the request.

“Yes, I will let you know if anything happens.” Lexa reached for her mother’s hand. “I love you both and I will see you tomorrow.”

Everyone exchanged goodbyes then Lexa’s parents went back to work. Dinner was paid for before Clarke, Lexa and Abby walked out of the restaurant and into the parking lot. Clarke held Lexa’s hand as she walked her to her car.

“How are you doing?” Clarke asked as they stopped by Lexa’s car door.

“I’m glad that it’s over. Telling them about what happened was hard. I didn’t want to disappoint them.”

Clarke shook her head. She didn’t know why Lexa’s parents would be disappointed in her. “They would never be disappointed in you. They love you.”

“I know but I worry about that sometimes.” Lexa shook her head as she tried to get rid of some of the negative thoughts going through her mind. She gently squeezed Clarke’s hand. “Thanks for being there with me, both you and your mom.”

“You’re welcome.” Clarke let go of Lexa’s hand and moved closer to the other woman, placing her hands on Lexa’s hips. “So you’re going to be okay for a little while. I need to go check on dad and then I’ll be home.”

Lexa cupped Clarke’s cheek with her right hand. “Of course I will be.” She pressed a light kiss to Clarke’s lips. “Tell your dad hi for me and I will see you when you get home.”

“Is there anything that you want that I can pick up on my way home?”

Lexa gave Clarke a soft smile. “No, just you.”

Clarke’s own lips upturned into a small smile before she pressed her lips to Lexa’s in a goodbye kiss. “Drive safe.”

“You too,” Lexa replied.

Lexa watched as Clarke walked over to her mother’s car and got in. She got into her own vehicle as well and ended up following them out of the parking lot as she headed home.

 

“Promise me if Costia tries to call or tries to have any contact with Lexa you two don’t mess around. You call the police.” Abby glanced at Clarke as she headed back to the hospital.

“I promise we will.” Clarke said as she adjusted the seat belt so it wasn’t digging into her neck.

“If she approaches you out in public don’t respond, just walk away from her.”

“So if she gets in my face I can’t kick her ass.” Clarke’s jaw tightened. “Got it.”

“If she gets in your face and forces a confrontation I understand wanting to do that Clarke, but it won’t help the situation if you do. “

Clarke looked out the window at the passing scenery as they approached the hospital parking lot. “I’m not going to do anything stupid to get myself in trouble or make the situation worse.” Clarke turned her head and looked at her mother. “But if Costia does try to physically hurt me or Lexa I will do what I have to do in that moment to stop it.”

“Hopefully this woman isn’t stupid enough to try anything like that.” Abby said as she parked her car.

“Hopefully not,” Clarke agreed as she got out of the car and walked over towards her mother as they headed towards the hospital entrance.

Abby put her hand on Clarke’s arm as they paused on the sidewalk. “If you need anything you will let me know, right?”

“Of course.” Clarke placed her hand over her mother’s. “Believe me, Lexa and I will be okay.”

“Okay honey.” Abby smiled as they continued on through the hospital doors. She had already decided that she was going to call a few friends of hers on the sheriff’s department to drive out passed her daughter’s house more frequently just in case.

 

Lexa returned home and went down to her room where she changed into something more comfortable. Her bra and clothes were thrown into the laundry basket as she put on some baggie shorts and a tank top. She looked into the bathroom mirror and tenderly touched the area on her arms that Costia had grabbed. Her arms were sore to the touch but she didn’t see any bruising just yet. She quickly brushed her teeth before getting a book and walking back upstairs to wait for Clarke to get home. She was tired from her day, but didn’t want to lay down till Clarke was home. Picking up a fleece blanket that laid across the back of the couch she stretched her legs out in front of her as she sat down. Covering her legs with the blanket she tried to get more comfortable as she opened up her book.

She stared at the page for a few minutes, unable to concentrate on the words _. This day completely sucked and what a mess this has turned out to be._ Lexa closed her book and set it aside. _I bet Clarke didn’t know what she was getting herself into when she decided she wanted to be my girlfriend. What a messed up way to start a relationship. I hope she is going to regret it_. She laid her head against the back of the couch. _She doesn’t need to be dealing with my shit and also being worried about her father’s health. What if this is too much? What if Costia continues her shit and Clarke decides it’s too much, even after she said that whatever happened they would deal with it. I don’t want anyone else to get hurt._

Tears formed in her eyes and started sliding down her face as she thought about things being too much for Clarke, and what if this situation then put Clarke in danger. She wondered at what she could do that would keep Clarke safe. One alternative was to end things with Clarke, at least for the time being. Just the thought of doing that made her cry harder. _No, I can’t do that. I don’t want that, and I know Clarke doesn’t either, and if I did end things, well then, Costia wins._

Lexa sat up as she heard the garage door go up. Clarke was home and she felt relieved. She tried to wipe at her face, to get rid of the evidence of her tears. Hearing a car door close she knew Clarke would be walking through the door any second now.

When Clarke walked into the house she looked for Lexa right away. She spotted Lexa sitting on the couch and could tell Lexa had been crying. Her eyes were red and swollen. “Lexa?” Clarke whispered. She dropped her keys on the table and quickly walked across the living room and sat on the edge of the couch. She wrapped her arms around Lexa and held her close.

Lexa grabbed the front of Clarke’s shirt and held it tightly in her fist as she desperately hugged Clarke back. She felt the tears start sliding down her face once again.

Clarke kissed Lexa’s temple and held her gently, well aware that Lexa’s arms were sore and she didn’t want to hurt the woman further. “Shhh, you’re okay, everything is going to be okay.”

Clarke had tried to hurry home as quickly as possible. Her father was doing well and all she could think about when she left the hospital was getting home so she could spend some time with Lexa. She wasn’t too shocked at seeing the tears, it had been a hell of a day for her girlfriend, but seeing Lexa upset tore at Clarke’s heart.

“I’m sorry for getting upset.” Lexa said, after a few minutes. She reached up and started wiping at her eyes.

Clarke stretched her arm out and grabbed a Kleenex out of a box on the end table. “Don’t apologize. You have nothing to feel sorry for.”

Lexa used the Kleenex to dry her eyes. “I think everything is catching up to me right now. I just want this day to be over.”

“I know, it’s been a rough day.” Clarke rested her hand on Lexa’s thigh. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Lexa tightened her grip on the damp Kleenex as she shifted on the couch so Clarke had more room to sit by her. She held up one end of the blanket so Clarke could get underneath it with her. It felt good to have her girlfriend beside her. “I guess I’m wondering what you think about all of this?”

“What I think about all of this?” Clarke’s blue eyes searched Lexa’s face. “I’m sorry that this has happened to you and I’m wondering how all of this is affecting you. How you are dealing with this and what I can do to help you?”

“You being here helps,” Lexa admitted. She laid her head against Clarke’s shoulder.

Clarke’s arm went around Lexa’s waist as she felt some of the tension she was feeling slip away. “Good, I’m glad that it helps and so you know I’m not going anywhere.” Clarke rested her cheek along the top of Lexa’s head.

Lexa knew the answer to her next question was going to be no, she knew Clarke enough to know it would be, but she couldn’t let go of the doubts that ran threw her mind. Doubts created by Costia, that she didn’t quite believe but still troubled her. “You don’t regret asking me to be your girlfriend do you?”

Clarke lifted her head and with her fingers gently lifted up Lexa’s chin so she could meet her eyes. “No, never.” Her thumb stroked Lexa’s cheek. “Are you worried about that?”

Lexa took a deep breath. “Yes.” Lexa shook her head. “No.” She licked her lips before continuing. “We haven’t been together for very long and I’m just concerned that this situation is going to be too much, that you’ll regret getting involved with me.” Thinking about the things that Costia said she continued. “That you will be disappointed with our relationship.”

Clarke’s eyes narrowed as she looked at Lexa. Something just didn’t feel right to her about this conversation. _Disappointed by our relationship? Earlier she had said she didn’t want to disappoint her parents._ “Why would I be disappointed?”

Lexa shrugged one shoulder as she looked away before her eyes were drawn back to Clarke’s. “Maybe things won’t go as well as you imagined it, maybe I won’t meet your expectations.”

“Lexa, what’s going on? Where is this coming from?” _I have a pretty good idea and I hate that bitch even more._ Clarke picked up Lexa’s hand in hers. “Hey, I would never be disappointed and I have no expectations. I absolutely adore you and I hate that she is making you doubt yourself…doubt us.” Clarke’s eyebrows rose before she spoke again. “Costia, she said something to you didn’t she, to make you worried?” When Lexa’s only response was a small nod, Clarke pulled her closer. “Whatever she said, it wasn’t true. She lies and is manipulative. She doesn’t want you to move on. She doesn’t want you to be happy when she is so miserable and doesn’t get her way.” Clarke could feel Lexa nod against her shoulder.

“You’re right she is that way and I shouldn’t believe what she says…I know it’s a bunch of crap, that I shouldn’t believe it. I don’t…not really.” _You need to have more faith in yourself, faith in Clarke. She isn’t like Costia._ “This day has just been a shitty day. I feel overwhelmed, I’m frustrated and I’m really, really angry. I shouldn’t have to deal with this shit and I hate that I’m dragging you into this.”

“How you’re feeling is normal. Today was traumatic for you. Feeling overwhelmed, frustrated and angry are normal. It wasn’t right or fair what was done to you, but I’m here. As I said I’m not going anywhere. I don’t feel drug into anything and whatever happens we will deal with it.”

“I would hate to have anything happen to you,” Lexa said. “I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

“Nothing is going to happen to me. I’ve wanted this, I wanted to be with you for a very long time and I’m not going to let anything get in the way…unless you tell me you don’t want this…want us…that would hurt…but it that is what you wanted…”

_No, that is not what I want at all_. Lexa sat up and placed a finger on Clarke’s lips, gently silencing the other woman. “I definitely want us.” Lexa replaced her finger with her lips. The kiss was meant to be reassuring and to let Clarke know the depth of feelings Lexa had for her. “I’ve wanted this too.” Lexa sighed, her emotions and exhaustion were catching up to her. “I think maybe I just need to get some sleep.” She smiled before bringing her lips to Clarke’s once again for a brief kiss. “It’s been a long day for the both of us. We both could probably use some rest.”

“It has been a long day,” Clarke agreed. She brushed Lexa’s hair back from her face. “So we are okay?

“We are okay.” Lexa stood up and reached down for Clarke’s hand and pulled her to her feet. “Everything is going to be okay.” _I’ll see to it._

“It will.” Clarke placed the palms of her hands tenderly on both sides of Lexa’s face. “We have each other and whatever happens we will take care of it. Together.”

“We will.”

“So do you think you could get some sleep?” Clarke asked.

“Yes.” Lexa looked briefly away and her throat moved as she swallowed. “Clarke, do you think that maybe I could sleep in your bedroom tonight? I really don’t want to be downstairs alone right now. I would really like to be near you tonight.”

Clarke briefly rested her forehead against Lexa’s. “I would like that. I like having you close by too.” Clarke softly said before she moved her head back. She reached down and took Lexa’s hand, gently leading her as they walked towards her bedroom.

 

 

 

 


	27. Chapter 27

Clarke was awake the following morning before the alarm went off. She laid there watching Lexa sleep on her side, her dark brown hair was a curtain that covered her face. She longed to reach out and move the hair back from Lexa’s face but she didn’t want to wake the other girl. Lexa’s right arm was tucked underneath the pillow. Clarke could see the beginnings of a bruise on her left arm that extended down her side, resting on her hip. Clarke’s brows narrowed at the sight of the bruise, the dark purple splotches of color against pale skin inflamed Clarke’s anger at Costia. _You don’t treat those you claim to love like that._

Clarke listened to Lexa’s soft breathing for a little while before glancing up at the alarm clock. In a few more minutes it would go off and Lexa needed to be up to go back to work. Clarke herself would go back to her job tonight. _I hated that the reason Lexa and I got to spend so much time together was because of my father’s accident but I have enjoyed the time I’ve spent with her._

She smiled softly to herself. _I’m glad she stayed up here with me last night. With everything that has happened I know I felt better having her next to me. I think Lexa felt better too._

When they had both crawled into bed the prior night they automatically came together with Lexa’s head pressed against Clarke’s shoulder and her arm wrapped around Clarke’s waist. Clarke held Lexa close to her. They didn’t talk except to whisper a “good night” to each other before falling asleep.

_It feels right having Lexa here in my bed. We’ve slept next together before but this is the first time she has slept in my room. How long has it been since someone has shared it with me? It was Raven…that has been…a long time ago. I will miss having her next to me when I start back to work I hope she-_ further thoughts were interrupted as the alarm went off startling Clarke as she jumped up out of bed to go turn it off. After hitting the button she turned around and saw Lexa sitting up in bed, brushing her hair back from her face.

“Good morning,” Clarke said. She moved over to Lexa and sat on the edge of the bed. “How did you sleep?”

“Good,” Lexa yawned. “How about you?”

“I slept well. My bed is a lot nicer than the floor in the waiting room.”

“It certainly is.” Lexa smiled before yawning again. “Time for me to get moving otherwise I will want to roll over and go back to sleep.”

_That sounds like a lovely idea but I know she can’t._ Clarke stood up and stood by the side of the bed. “How about you go get ready and I will make us some breakfast? I know you usually eat with your parents but I would like to spend some time with you this morning.”

Before Lexa could respond they both heard the growl that came from her stomach. “My stomach says yes, please.” Lexa laughed as she pushed the covers off of her legs. She stood up next to Clarke and hugged her. “You feel really nice this morning.”

Lexa’s body was warm and soft so Clarke could only agree with her. “So do you.” She placed a kiss on the side of Lexa’s neck and stepped back. “I would kiss you properly but I probably have some nasty morning breath.”

“You think I don’t?” Lexa asked, with a small shake of her head. When Clarke didn’t say anything Lexa stepped forward. “I’m willing to risk it.”

A slow smile crossed Clarke’s face as she leaned in and pressed her lips to Lexa’s. _Nope, no morning breathe. Just nice soft lips._

“So what do you plan on doing today?” Lexa asked, once the kiss ended.

“Well, I think I need to do some cleaning this morning.” Clarke led the way out of the bedroom as they headed down the hallway towards the kitchen. “I need to go see dad for a little while and then get some more sleep sometime today.”

“I bet it’s going to be hard going back to work after having the time off.”

“Yes, but dad is doing well so unless something major happens I should go back to work. Getting back into my schedule will be hard tonight,” Clarke smiled, “but I’ll manage.”

“You will.” Lexa stopped at the basement door. “I’ll be back up in about twenty minutes.”

“Breakfast will be ready when you’re done.”

 

_I love the smell of bacon_. The scent of the bacon cooking enveloped the whole house. Once Lexa got out of the shower she quickly dried off. Standing naked in front of the mirror she looked at the bruises on her arms. She could clearly see where Costia’s fingertips had dug in. _Could be worse_. Fortunately her nails had been short and hadn’t cut into her skin. After she brushed her teeth and her hair she grabbing a hair tie then brushed her hair back into a ponytail. Once her hair was taken care of she swiftly dressed, wanting to get upstairs. _I don’t know if I will get to spend time with Clarke later since she will need to get some sleep before going to work._ She knew tomorrow they had a game so they would be together for part of the day then _. Then I get to deal with Tony. Yay. I hope telling her Clarke and I are together goes better than it did with Costia_. Pulling her shoes on Lexa took the steps two at a time. Clarke was just putting a plate of toast on the table when she came through the basement doorway.

“Breakfast smells amazing. I could tell you were cooking bacon all the way downstairs.”

Clarke pulled out a chair for Lexa to sit down on. “And I didn’t set off the smoke detector,” she said with a laugh. “Though you will find some of the bacon extra well done.”

“I do like it crispy.” Lexa could see that some of the pieces of bacon were a little burnt but the eggs looked nice and fluffy and the bread was toasted like she liked it. “Thank you for making breakfast.”

“You’re welcome.” Clarke said down at the table. “Thanks for letting me do it for you.” She looked at the bacon and shook her head a little. “Sorry, the bacon is overdone. I had the heat too high initially and then Raven called and I had a hard time juggling the food preparation and talking on the phone. I guess that is why you do the majority of the cooking.”

“It’s fine Clarke.” Lexa picked up the plate of bacon and took several pieces, followed by eggs and toast before passing them on to Clarke. “How is Raven doing?”

“Good, she just wanted to check up on dad and she is excited about the game tomorrow. We are going to meet for lunch today.”

“That will be nice. Tell her I said hi.” Lexa began eating.

“I will.” Clarke took a bite of bacon and chewed thoughtfully. “So how are your arms feeling? Are you still up for playing tomorrow?”

Lexa smiled and reached over to brush her finger tips over Clarke’s forearm. “I’m fine Clarke, don’t worry.”

“I’m not worried. I’m just making sure you still want to play in the game. You don’t have to if your arms are still sore.”

Lexa raised the eyebrow over her left eye as she met Clarke’s gaze. “You know I’ve played injured before and I’m not going to let a couple small bruises stop me from playing.”

The corners of Clarke’s lips lifted up at the fire in Lexa’s voice. “Good.”

“Besides I need the exercise and smacking a couple softballs sounds really good right now.” Lexa took a drink of milk and set the glass back down on the table. “I just want everything to get back to normal.”

“Things certainly have been stressful lately and getting back to normal, whatever that really is, will be nice.”

“I think that I want everyone to be healthy and happy. I know shit happens but I would like some time where we have some peace before we have to deal with the inevitable chaos that is life.” Lexa reached over and took Clarke’s hand. “I want some us time where we can just relax. Go to the beach, go for a walk or sit out and look at the stars.”

“We can do that anytime you want to. We will always have something going on but we can carve out little moments for ourselves whenever we want to.”

“Yes, we can.” Lexa smiled, squeezed Clarke’s hand.

They focused on eating breakfast and when done Lexa helped carry the plates to the kitchen. Realizing that she left her keys downstairs she ran back down to her bedroom to get them. Clarke was waiting at the top of the stairs for her.

“I hope you have a good day. If there is any problems, you know like Costia showing up,” Clarke shrugged, “or if you just want to talk, call me.”

“If I call it will be because I miss you terribly. Which I will.” Lexa smile and wrapped her arms around Clarke’s neck. “You have a good day too. Try and get more rest.”

“I will.” Clarke leaned in and slowly kissed Lexa. When the kiss ended she stepped back with a sigh. “Be safe.”

Lexa leaned in and kissed the tip of Clarke’s nose. “You too.” She hugged Clarke tight and with a final squeeze she let Clarke go and headed towards the garage door. “Have a good day,” she said again. She looked back at Clarke and smiled before closing the garage door.

Clarke walked into the living room and looked out the large front window. She stood there and watched Lexa back out of the garage. She could see Lexa look her way and she waved. She smiled as Lexa waved back. She stayed there till Lexa’s car disappeared down the lane and out of sight. Clarke stepped away from the window and looked around the house. It wasn’t that messy but their home hadn’t been dusted and vacuumed for several days and she had some dishes to do. _Might as well get it over with and try and keep my mind off of everything._ Walking over to the stereo she cranked up the volume of her favorite radio station and got to work.

 

The morning shift had gone well for Lexa. Orders had been steady and she was able to keep busy but not overwhelmed. At her break she had checked her phone. There was a call from the police following up on the bruises on her arm. The officer that was in charge of the case wanted her to come in so they could take some more pictures. He also let her know that Costia had seen a judge that morning and had been released. She had been informed of the no contact order and the penalty of trying to initiate contact. The county attorney would be calling her to let her know the date and time of the arraignment.

Knowing that Costia had been released she was happy to see that there wasn’t a call or text from her. _She has been out of jail for four hours now. So far so good._ Placing her phone back in a drawer in her parent’s office she was initially disappointed that Clarke hadn’t texted her, but they both were having a busy day. Sitting in the office chair she leaned back and closed her eyes to enjoy the peace and quiet.

 

“Is there some place that you have to be?” Raven asked, looked down at Clarke’s phone which was sitting on the table. Raven noticed how Clarke was constantly checking the time.

“No,” Clarke shook her head. “I’m sorry I’m not being good company right now.”

“You seem very distracted.”

“I know,” Clarke sighed. “I was hoping to hear something from Lexa this morning.”

Clarke had filled in Raven about Lexa meeting with Costia, what Costia had said and how she had assaulted Lexa which created a police investigation. She hoped no news was good news, mostly she just wanted to know how her day was going.

“Why don’t you call or text her?” Raven suggested.

“I’ve thought about it but I don’t know how busy she is. Also I don’t want to disturb her and seem like a clingy girlfriend.”

“It’s just a text.” Raven rolled her eyes. “If she is busy she can look at it later.” Raven placed her elbow on the top of the table and rested her head in the palm of her hand. “Would you have been happier if we went and ate at her parent’s restaurant?”

Clarke shook her head. “No, because then it would seem like I’m checking up on her and that I couldn’t spend a day without her.”

“Can’t you?” Raven smiled at the blush that appeared on Clarke’s face.

“Yes,” Clarke said quickly throwing her straw wrapper at Raven. “I’m nervous about today. Costia might be out of jail and I’m worried if she is going to try and contact Lexa.”

“What if she does?”

“Lexa would need to let the police know.” Clarke tucked a strand of blonde hair behind her ear. “I’m not worried about things like a phone call. I’m worried about her showing up and hurting her again.” Clarke shrugged. “I hate seeing her hurt.”

“Of course you hate it but you know all you can do is do what you’ve been doing all along. Be there for her and support her as she is going through this.”

“I am being supportive and I’m not going anywhere.” Clarke’s jaw tightened when she thought about Costia. “I do know that if Costia tries to hurt Lexa while I’m with her I will kick her ass.”

Raven laughed at the image that came to mind of her friend trying to kick Costia’s ass. “What are you going to do? Channel your inner Xena?”

“Xena, Dark Angel, Buffy, Trinity…whatever bad ass woman I have to draw on.”

“Guess I better set aside some bail money,” Raven joked. “Or find a shovel to help you bury the body.”

Clarke laughed and shook her head back and forth. “It won’t come to that but thanks for having my back.”

“No problem,” Raven smiled. “What are best friends for?”

 

Lexa’s eyes popped open as she heart the beep from her phone that alerted her to a text message. Pulling the drawer open she brought her phone out and looked to see who the message was from. Her face stretched into a smile as she read Clarke’s message.

“Wanted to let you know I was thinking off you and I miss you.”

Lexa couldn’t help the grin that was on her face as she texted a message back to Clarke.

“Miss you too. Hope you are out enjoying this fabulous day.”

Lexa hit send and waited to see if Clarke would text back. She had a few minutes before she had to return to work.

“Raven and I are sitting out on one of the picnic tables at Grandpa’s having lunch. The food is good but not as good as yours…still I ate way too much. It’s a nice day out. It would be absolutely gorgeous if you were here.”

The next message come before Lexa could respond. “I wish you were here. Did I say I missed you?”

_Aww._ Lexa typed out her response text. “I wish I was there with you too. I’m so jealous! I would much rather be with you out in this nice weather we are having than standing behind a grill all day. Unfortunately have to be a responsible adult. You know…bills to pay and everything. By the way I will be coming home later today so don’t worry if I’m not home at my usual time.”

Lexa hit send and then looked at the clock on the wall. It was time for her to head back to work. She quickly typed another message. “I have to go back to work. I was hoping to get to hear from you and now that I have I can return to work with a smile on my face. Enjoy the rest of your lunch and visit with Raven.”

Lexa put her phone back in the drawer after her message was sent. Standing up she put her arms over head and stretched. “Guess it’s time to get back to it.” She dropped her arms after feeling a good stretch through her back and arms. She was just about ready to leave the office when she heard her phone go off. Going back to the desk she pulled her phone out to read Clarke’s latest text.

“I’m glad I got to message with you for a few minutes. That has helped put a smile on my face too, but you always make me smile so that is an all the time thing with me.”

“Oh Clarke, you are too sweet.” Lexa smiled as she put her phone in the drawer.

It would have been so easy to sit back down and continue to text with her girlfriend but her break was over and she needed to get back to work so the next person could take their break. With a smile still on her face she left the office.

 

The house was quiet when Lexa got home. Clarke’s car was parked in the garage, but as she knew she would be, Clarke was napping before work. Seeing a sheet of paper on the dining room table Lexa took a closer look and saw that it was a note from Clarke.

“Lexa, I wish I could have been awake when you got home. I would have really enjoyed hugging and kissing you as well as finding out how your day went. I need the sleep otherwise I might nod off at work. (Not that I could sleep much with Grace yelling all night.) I made some spaghetti. The leftovers are in the refrigerator if you would like some. I know that you will probably be in bed by the time that I get up and moving around. I don’t know if you’re interested but you could always come in my bedroom and lay down with me if you wanted. You wouldn’t disturb me or if you rather sleep in your own bed that is fine too. Whatever you want. I thought I would just offer in case…anyway I hope you sleep well when you do lay down and that you have the sweetest of dreams. I will talk to you tomorrow. Goodnight.”

Lexa folded the note up and picked up her mail. Nothing needed her immediate attention at the moment. As quietly as she could she got out the leftover spaghetti and headed it in the microwave. As she sat and ate she thought about her visit to the police department earlier. Pictures were retaken of her arms and the officer she talked to review her statement and asked if there was anything more she remembered and if the statement was accurate. There was nothing new to add so she was able to leave with the warning that she was not to initiate contact with Costia. She assured the officer that there was no way in hell that she was going to contact Costia. Driving home she hoped that she never heard from the other woman again.

After finishing her dinner Lexa washed her dishes. Taking out the note that Clarke had left her she tore the blank bottom portion of the page off. Finding a pen she wrote Clarke a note.

“Thanks for the spaghetti. It was good! I’m going to sleep in my own bed tonight. I don’t want to risk the chance of waking you up but I do appreciate the offer. I hope you have a good night at work.”

Lexa left the note on the table and turned a lamp on for Clarke before heading down to her room. She was rather tired herself and decided to try and read a little and then go to bed early.

Her plan to read before bed didn’t last long. Before she could get through one page she was yawning and her eyes felt heavy. Closing the book she set it aside and began getting ready for bed.

The sheets were cold and the bed felt empty when she climbed in. It was a stark contrast from last night when she went to bed with Clarke. Then the bed seemed warm and soft. She was able to cuddle up next to Clarke and fall asleep quickly feeling safe and secure. While she had no doubt about being able to sleep tonight in her own bed she was missing having Clarke lying next to her _. I know I could always go upstairs and climb in bed with her. She offered, but I know I would feel bad if I did wake her up. She might be sleepy at work and give the wrong medication to someone. I wouldn’t want that to happen. I also don’t want to appear to be too needy. She has been so great with everything. I just want to let her sleep._

Turning over Lexa got into a more comfortable position and with a final yawn she went to sleep.


	28. Chapter 28

“Looks like it’s going to rain.” Lexa observed from the passenger seat of Clarke’s car.

Clarke looked at the darkening clouds that were off to the west of them. “Yeah, but as long as there isn’t any lightening we will still play.”

“That could be a lot of fun playing out in the outfield where it could get all muddy.”

“It will too. The infield won’t be so bad but if we get more than a little drizzle the outfield is going to be wet and slick.” Clarke squeezed the hand that she was holding. “Please be careful.”

Lexa returned the squeeze and smiled. “I will do my best.”

Pulling into the parking lot of the ballfield Clarke could see that a few of their team members were already there. The game was scheduled for seven, and while it looked like it could storm the rain hadn’t started yet and the games would go on unless there was more severe weather.

Clarke parked next to Raven’s car. Raven was responsible for bringing something to drink after the game this week. The team members who arrived so far stood on the other side of Raven’s car, talking and stretching.

“I’m sure Raven has passed it along to some friends that we have on the team that we are together, I hope that is okay? I also want to know if you would feel comfortable if I were to kiss you sometime during the game?” Clarke asked.

“Clarke,” Lexa said, moving a strand of hair behind her ear that came loose from her ponytail, “of course it would be okay. Even if they don’t know I wouldn’t care if you kissed me in front of them. I’m really happy that you’re my girlfriend and I want everyone to know.” Lexa tilted her head as she met Clarke’s gaze. “Don’t you?”

“Absolutely, I’m really proud to be your girlfriend. I just wanted to make sure before we go out there and everyone can see this stupid grin that I have on my face whenever you’re around.”

Lexa chuckled. “Do you mean the one like this?” She pointed at her own smiling face.

Clarke’s smile broadened. Lexa was so adorable. “Yep, that would be the one.”

Lexa reclaimed Clarke’s hand. “I’m ready when you are.”

“I’m ready.” Clarke brought Lexa’s hand up to her lips and kissed the back of it. “Let’s go play some softball.”

Getting out of the car Clarke and Lexa grabbed their athletic bags and bats before walking over to the growing gathering of the team mates.

“Hey you two,” Raven called out in greeting. “Do you think we’re all going to get wet?”

Clarke glanced back up to the sky. “I think we would be very lucky if we didn’t.”

“I’ll be surprised if we actually get to start the game at all.” Carly looked up at the sky as well. “We’ll play till they tell us to stop.” She looked around at the assembled team. “Looks like almost everyone is here. Let’s head over to the field and get warmed up.”

Lexa looked around as everyone picked up their equipment and made their way up the sidewalk towards the field. She didn’t see Toni among the women. Anya was there and had smiled at her but didn’t say anything. It looked like Toni and Kellie were missing. _Maybe she isn’t coming to the game today. She is the one I want most of all to know that I’m with Clarke now_. The attention that Toni had paid her was flattering, but Lexa was never interested. She knew Toni liked her and she wanted it to be clear that she and Toni were not going to happen.

“Want to warm up?” Clarke asked after putting her cleats on. She felt a rain drop land on her face. _Oh this is going to be fun. The ball always gets slippery and hard to handle when it rains._

“Yes.” Lexa got to her feet. Out of the corner of her eye she saw that Toni had made it for the game after all. _If she seems like she is still interested I will talk to her after the game._

By the time they were done warming up and taken the field it had begun to lightly sprinkle, which actually felt good on Lexa’s skin. The team they were about to play wasn’t a particularly good one. Several of the players never played softball before but they were really nice women and it would be a fun game. Lexa checked the batting order and stood next to Clarke watching through the dugout fence to wait her turn.

When it was her turn to bat Lexa hit the ball deep out into right field and with her speed she was able to make it to third base before the ball was thrown back into the infield. She wasn’t able to move any further as Carly’s powerful hit was caught giving them their third out.

“Nice hit Lex,” Toni said, patting Lexa on the hip, dangerously close to her butt, before she moved to cover home plate.

“Um…thanks.” Lexa was shocked momentarily before she hurried into the dugout and grabbed her glove. There wasn’t a lot of time to head back out to the field. She could tell by the expression on Clarke’s face that she had seen Toni touch her. Her eyes widened and she shook her head slightly at Clarke as she sprinted passed her and out into the outfield. She knew that when Toni probably was trying to aim for her butt and missed. She also knew slapping a teammate on the butt was a way to offer congratulations. _I don’t want her doing that because I think her motive is something more than offering congratulations_. _Plus the only person I want to be slapping my ass would be Clarke_. She rolled her eyes with that thought. While standing out in left field waiting for something to come her way a cool gust of wind blew against her overheated skin. Feeling goosebumps she shivered. _I don’t think Toni got the message though_.

Clarke took the time and looked around at her teammates to make sure everyone was ready before she threw the first pitch. Everyone was in place and the batter was ready. Her first pitch came back to her like a rocket. She hadn’t been quite ready for it but managed to get her glove in place to knock the ball down before it hit her. It bounced off her glove and rolled forward. She picked it up with her left hand and threw it, just beating the runner to first.

Clarke’s heart was beating fast and she let out a puff of air as Anya walked the ball over to her.

“You awake now Griffin?” Anya asked, smirking.

“I am now,” Clarke said, extending her glove out for Anya to place the ball in.

“Don’t scare your girl like that.” Anya continued to smirk as she dropped the ball into Clarke’s glove then returned to first base.

_Anya knows, that is good._ Clarke took a deep breath before she threw her next pitch.

The next batter was struck out and the one after that popped up and Toni was able to catch the ball and get the player out. Clarke waited for Lexa at the entrance to the dugout and they went in together.

“Did Toni grab your ass?” Clarke whispered as they sat down on the bench.

“She came pretty close,” Lexa replied. “Are you okay? That ball came out you really fast.”

Before Clarke could reply she was told she was next. She squeezed Lexa’s thigh and made her way out of the dugout. While she was up to bat the sky seemed to open up and the light sprinkles turned into torrents of rain. She headed back into the dugout while the umpire paused the game. All the players huddled under the covered dugouts.

“If the game gets called how about we all head on over to Boonies?” Michelle suggested. “I’ll buy the first round.”

“I don’t think it’s going to stop raining any time soon,” Raven said. “I’m in.” She dropped down on the bench next to Clarke. “How about you two?”

Clarke turned to Lexa. “What do you think? Want to go have some pizza and beer?”

“Sounds good to me. I don’t think we will be able to continue the game.”

At that moment lightening could be seen off in the distance and a long, low, rumble of thunder sounded overhead. A minute later the umpire, who had taken cover in the home team’s dugout came over and announced that the game was cancelled.

“Okay, anyone who wants to go to Boonies we are heading over there.” Carly called out over the noise of the team gathering their equipment.

“Want to make a run for it?” Lexa asked.

Clarke’s eyebrows rose. “We are still going to get drenched.

“Yeah, more likely but-“

“Hey Lexa, are you going to Boonies?” Toni asked, stepping in between Clarke and Lexa.

Lexa looked at Clarke and then looked at Toni. “Yes,” she said slowly.

“Oh cool. Do you need a ride?” Toni asked in a hopeful tone.

“She already has a ride.” Clarke moved closer to Lexa and made sure Toni saw her standing there. “She came here with me.”

Toni’s brow furrowed as she looked up at Clarke. “Just because she came here with you doesn’t mean she has to stay riding with you.”

Lexa reached out and took Clarke’s hand. “Toni, Clarke and I are together. She is my girlfriend and I will be going to Boonies with her.”

Toni looked at their joined hands, her lips pursed as she continued to stand in front of them. “Oh.”

Clarke squeezed Lexa’s hand to get her attention. “We really need to get going. The rain is coming down harder.” She looked at Toni who was still standing there and looking at their joined hands. “See you at Boonies Toni.” Clarke picked up their bags and led Lexa around Toni. As soon as they got out from underneath the dugout they took off into a run towards Clarke’s car.

Inside Clarke’s car Lexa pulled her wet t-shirt away from her chest. Looking over at Clarke she admired the way the wet t-shirt formed to her breasts. “Well that was refreshing.” She looked out the window and watched as some of the other players continued to run to their cars. Toni must have shook herself out of her stupor because she had made it to her car as well.

Clarke pulled out some napkins that were in the pocket of her car door and handed some to Lexa. She began wiping the rain off her face. “It kind of feels good with it being so hot out.”

“Yeah, though we both look like we jumped into a pool fully clothed,” Lexa said, using the napkins to wipe her face.

“I seem to recall a few games like this when we were in high school. Remember?”

Lexa nodded as she adjusted her pony tail. “I remember taking cover in the equipment shed and on the bus. We didn’t have roofs on the dugouts then.”

Clarke started her car and turned on her windshield wipers. “I was always so disappointed in those days when our games were cancelled.” She put her car into drive and began following the other players out of the parking lot.

Lexa looked over at Clarke as she drove. Her blonde hair was as wet as Lexa’s own. “Why were you disappointed?” Lexa asked, watching a rain drop make its way down from Clarke’s hairline. Using a napkin she wiped the raindrop from Clarke’s cheek.

“Thanks, anyway I was disappointed because I really wanted to play. I love softball. I still do, but not like I did in high school. I got to play a game I loved and hang out with my friends.” _I got to see you._ Clarke smiled as she compared then with now. “Softball was very important to me then, now it’s something I do for fun, and well, I do get to see my friends, but I’m just as happy to go out for drinks and pizza. Also big bonus is that you’re coming with. We didn’t hang out much after a game in high school. I think this is much better.” She reached out and took Lexa’s hand. “I love that you’re here with me now.”

“Me too, Clarke.” A soft smile made its way onto Lexa’s face as she looked back out into the stormy evening. _Funny how things work out_. “I thought Toni looked like she just sucked on a lemon when I told her we were together.”

“Yeah, that does accurately describe the look on her face.” Clarke turned into the parking lot of Boonies. The rain had let up some but it was still steadily coming down. “Maybe now she will stop pining after you.”

Lexa shook her head. She couldn’t believe that she had garnered so much interest. The attention was flattering but unwanted by all but one woman, Clarke. “I hope so. I really don’t want to be rude to her about it.” _I will if I need to._

The got out of the car and ran towards the bar and grill’s entrance. Most of their teammates were inside waiting for everyone to show up.

“They are putting some tables together for us.” Raven said, walking over towards them. She smiled at Clarke. “You look like a drowned rat.”

“You look surprisingly dry and comfy.” Clarke took in Raven’s dry clothing and loose brushed hair.

“I had my gym and toiletry bag in my car. I changed in the bathroom when I got here.” Raven nodded her head in the direction of the bathroom. “Some of the girls are in there using the dryers to dry their shirts.”

“I’m sure that helps.” Clarke turned as the bar’s door was opened. She wasn’t surprised to see the glare that Toni shot her way.

Raven noticed the look on Toni’s face and frowned in the other woman’s direction. “What is her problem?”

“We told her that Clarke and I are together.” Lexa said. “I think she is a little disappointed.”

“Too fucking bad.” Raven smiled as she crossed her arms. “You too finally got together and if anyone has a problem with it they can just suck it.”

Clarke was surprised at the forcefulness of Raven’s words, but she was glad they were delivered with a smile, which she returned while patted Raven’s arm. “Tell us how you really feel.”

“Come on. You two were making puppy dog eyes at each other for a long time.” Raven waved a hand at their teammates. “We all could see it and we are happy that you two are together.”

“Except for Toni,” Clarke looked across the room and saw Toni scowling at her _. Lovely_.

“What about Anya?” Lexa asked.

“Anya’s cool, she knows you two are together, which is one of the reasons she hasn’t tried to ask you out again.” Raven started following the team as the waitress came over and told them their table was ready. “Toni is just clueless and doesn’t listen to anyone.”

Raven, Clarke, and Lexa sat together with Carly, Lisa and Karla sharing one end of the table while the rest of the team sat at the other. The waitress took their drink order and left them to decide on what pizza to have.

Anya sat across from Toni and noticed the other woman had her arms crossed. Her jaw clenched and unclenched repeatedly. She took a sip of the beer that that the waitress placed in front of her. “So what is your problem?” Anya asked, putting her glass down.

“What?” Toni looked up, making sure Anya was talking to her. “Oh, nothing.” She glanced down at the other end of the table, then rested her head on the palm of her hand. “Not a damn thing.”

Anya’s eyebrows rose in disbelief. “That is bullshit and you know it.”

“Yeah, well…it’s none of your business.” Toni flipped her menu closed and sat back in her chair.

“No, I don’t suppose you acting like a spoiled child is any of my business.”

“Fuck you, Anya.”

Anya chuckled. “You wish.” She picked up her beer and took another sip. “Is this about your little crush on Lexa?”

“Mind your own business.” Toni said, her face tensing as she glared at Anya.

Kellie and Kim exchanged looks. They could feel how tense it was at their end of the table and decided that they were going to stay out of it.

Anya leaned forward across the table. “We are trying to have a good time here, if you got a stick up your ass about them being together kindly remove it or remove yourself from the table.”

“You know, it’s not like you didn’t like her either,” Toni whispered, leaning across the table towards Anya.

“I asked her out, she said no. I then heard from Carly that Clarke and Lexa started dating.” Anya shrugged. “Sometimes you get the girl, sometimes you don’t.”

“That bitch knew that I liked her though-“

“Listen, don’t call Clarke a bitch, okay. She’s not, and not that it is any of your business but they have a history.” One that Raven had filled her in on. “They liked each other since high school and whatever circumstances happened to bring them back into each other’s lives, they are together now, and you’re going to leave them alone.”

Toni’s eyes moved up and down Anya defiantly. “Who are you to tell me what to do?”

“Toni, you have zero chance with Lexa.” _I have zero chance with Lexa you little minion_. “She likes Clarke, she doesn’t like you. Stay out of their way otherwise you’re just going to get hurt.”

Toni’s eyes narrowed. “I can take care of myself.”

Anya threw her hands up and leaned back in her chair. “You can’t say I didn’t warn you.” _Dumb ass_. Toni grumbled something that Anya didn’t catch and looked away. She knew that Toni didn’t see who was making her way towards them. _Oh this is going to be good._

“Toni, can I talk to you for a minute?”

Toni looked up, startled to find the one person that she would have loved to spend some time talking to standing by her chair. The only thing was when she thought about talking to Lexa she imagined the other woman smiling at her, and right now Lexa wasn’t smiling. _Great, just fucking great_. “Yeah…sure.” Pushing her chair back she rose and followed Lexa over to the corner of the bar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know...cliffhanger.


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know how cliffhangers can not be so much fun, especially if you have to wait a long time for them. So here is an update and two days before I thought I would get it done.

Lexa had been sitting next to Clarke with the menu opened out in front of them trying to decide on what pizza to get when she became aware of the conversation at the other end of the table. Toni and Anya were trying to keep their conversation quiet, but Lexa heard her name being mentioned so she listened more closely. Her hopes that they would be able to tell Toni and have everyone moved on were dashed when Toni called Clarke a bitch. From the bits and pieces of the conversation that she heard Toni was blaming Clarke for Lexa’s disinterest in her. Lexa caught Clarke’s eye and knew that she could hear the conversation as well. Clarke went to move her chair back so she placed her hand on Clarke’s thigh to stop her. “No, hon, let me take care of it.”

Clarke shook her head, her eyes narrowed in anger. “She’s down there glaring at me and calling me a bitch. I need to go kick her ass.”

Lexa squeezed Clarke’s thigh and made sure that her attention was focused on her. “She is mad at you because of me. I’m the one that needs to go and talk to her.” Lexa watched Clarke’s eyes look down to the other end of the table and then back at her. The leg underneath her hand was still tense. “Clarke, you need to let me handle this.”

Raven wrapped her fingers around Clarke’s forearm, also trying to prevent her from standing. “Clarke, let Lexa handle it. Toni’s not going to listen to you anyways.”

“So you’re double teaming me, huh?” Clarke couldn’t help but smile because her former girlfriend and current girlfriend were ganged up on her. _Oh how much trouble am I in if they start to agree on everything._ She was still pissed at Toni, but she was amused that Raven and Lexa were trying to talk her out of confronting Toni. Lexa wanted to speak to her and Raven was probably right about Toni not listening to her, in fact she might make things worse, so she relented. “Okay Lexa, you go talk to her.”

“Thank you.” Lexa stood up and squeezed Clarke’s shoulder before she walked over to Toni.

Raven heard Clarke sigh. “You made the right call Clarke.” She tapped the other woman’s arm lightly. “Lexa is hot as fuck and I can understand why Toni would like her.” Raven held up her hands in front of her to ward off the hard blue eyes looking her way. “No, hey, I’m not saying I’m interest in her. You know me better than that. I’m just saying I get it.” She shook her head and smiled at Clarke’s grumpiness. “I’m your guy’s biggest fan, team Clexa all the way.”

Clarke closed her eyes briefly and exhaled. “I know you are. Raven. I’m not mad at you. I just hate that Lexa has to do this. First with Costia and now with Toni.” Clarke made sure that she could still see Lexa and Toni across the restaurant as she moved her chair closer to Raven so they could talk more quietly. “I’m worried about her. She has been through so much in a short amount of time. It’s been trial after trial.” She rolled her eyes while shaking her head. “She may have to deal with an actual fucking court trial because of Costia.”

“Yeah, Costia is certainly a bitch and she should have never touched Lexa. I can say that Toni is a brat for sure,” Raven glanced at the woman in question, “but she won’t do anything to physically hurt Lexa.”

Clarke nodded. “I agree, but this is still stressful. Lexa’s been through enough. I just want things to be better for her, not deal with this shit.”

Raven smiled and patted Clarke’s shoulder. “You two are perfect for each other because she wants to do the same for you. You both really support each other and it’s really nice to see.” Raven smirked. “You know when I’m not gagging at the cuteness.” She leaned forward and rested her head on the palm of her hand, a little smile on her lips. “Have you told her that you love her yet?”

Clarke’s gaze settled on Lexa, and whatever she was saying to Toni didn’t make her look happy. Clarke continued to watch, trying to read Lexa’s lips but she was unsuccessful. _It’s probably a good thing too. I would want to go over there and intervene and I told Lexa she could handle it, and I know she will. She a strong woman and I’m totally in love with her._ Blue eyes turned to brown as Raven waited on her response. “No, I haven’t told her yet,” she said quietly.

“But you do?” Raven gave Clarke a knowing smile.

Clarke slowly nodded. “I think I’ve always been a little in love with her since high school. It’s so much more now.”

“Tell her,” Raven said. “Or do I have to do that for you too?”

“No, you keep your mouth shut about that,” Clarke whispered. “I will be telling the woman that I love that I love her.” She pointed her index finger at Raven’s face. “You don’t have to do that for me.”

“Okay, my lips are sealed.” Raven brought her hand up to her lips and made a gesture like she was zipping her mouth closed. “Just don’t take too long to say it. She deserves to know.”

 

Lexa led Toni to the corner of the bar and when she thought they were far enough away to have some privacy she turned around and faced her. “Toni, what are you doing?”

Toni looked over her shoulder at the table to see who was watching. Turning back towards Lexa her brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”

“Toni, you are being very disrespectful to Clarke and me. I would appreciated it if you would stop that.”

Toni’s eyes were wide as she gazed up at Lexa, who was several inches taller than herself. “I would never be disrespectful to you, I really like you…I mean…a lot.”

“You do understand that I’m with Clarke, that she is my girlfriend?”

Toni looked away. “That is like a recent thing right? You weren’t together when you first started on the team, so it can’t be that serious.”

“I’ve known Clarke since high school.” Lexa tilted her head and clasped her hands in front of her. She didn’t want to have this conversation but Toni called Clarke a bitch and that pissed her off. Still, she was trying to be cool and calm about it. “I want you to understand that I’m not available and I don’t feel very comfortable with you calling Clarke names.”

“But Clarke knew that I-“

Lexa held up her hand to stop whatever Toni was going to say. “I heard your conversation, or most of it. Everyone at the table heard it.”

Toni shoved her hands in her pockets and shifted her weight. “Yeah, everyone on the team knew that I liked you. That’s why-“

“You are trying to say that just because you made it known to everyone that you liked me that everyone else was supposed to stay away?” Lexa’s eyes narrowed at the blush that appeared on Toni’s face. “That is what you are trying to say, right? You’re pissed at Clarke because she breached some kind of bullshit code?”

Toni shrugged. “Yeah, she knew I was into you and should have backed off.”

“Clarke and the rest of the team have nothing to do with this. It’s a load of shit that you are pissed at Clarke because you called dibs on me, like I’m some kind of prize to be won.” Lexa crossed her arms and sighed in frustration. “I know you like me Toni, but I’m not interested in you like that. Calling Clarke a bitch isn’t going to make me want to be around you, at all.”

“Yeah, I probably shouldn’t have said that, but I’m a nice person, really.” Toni offered Lexa a smile. “I can offer you so much more than what she can.”

_No, you can’t_. “I don’t want anything like that from you. I don’t like you that way Toni.”

“You would if you just gave me a chance.” Toni insisted. “If you were mine I would treat you like the queen you deserve to be treated as. I would worship the ground you walked on.”

Lexa shook her head and tried not to roll her eyes. “Clarke treats me very well and she is who I want to be with.”

“Yeah, Clarke.” Toni’s face scrunched up in disgust. “You know Raven and her had a thing. I wouldn’t be surprised if they were still fucking.”

Lexa’s jaw clenched and her eyes flashed with her anger. Being nice wasn’t really working. Toni wasn’t getting it and now she was trying to imply that Clarke and Raven were still involved. She recognized Toni’s desperation for what it was. She was growing tired of people telling her that she shouldn’t be with Clarke by suggestion that she wasn’t good for her or would reject her, first Costia, and now Toni. Neither one of them took her seriously, or considered her wishes at all. Clarke was the only one who never pushed her. She would tell her how she felt about a situation but if it was Lexa’s choice to make, Clarke let her make it. Now here she was again, trying to explain to someone that she wasn’t interested in being with why she didn’t want to be involved with them. She was trying to be nice about it, but once again, Toni, like Costia, wasn’t listening to her and that was making her angry.

 

The waitress had come back and took their pizza order. Clarke wasn’t sure what Raven and the other women had decided because she kept her attention on Lexa and Toni. At the moment everyone’s attention was on Lexa and Toni.

“Maybe I should go talk to them, see if I can resolve whatever is going on,” Carly said. As the team coach she would want to take care of any issues her team mates had.

“It has nothing to do with the team, Carly,” Raven said. “Their issues are personal. Let them talk it out. If it carries over into practices or games then you can step in, but for right now I think we all should stay out of it.”

Carly’s brows twitched slightly and she gave Raven a grim smile. “Okay, I’ll stay out of it.”

Anya leaned over the table so she could see Clarke and Raven. “You know what else we should do?” Anya said. “Stop staring at them and whispering about what was said. We should be minding our own business.”

“We have been trying.” Karla said. “Michelle and I have been talking about work...but it is hard to not know what is going on.”

Raven nodded. “Yeah, let’s try focus on something else.”

“I’m going to say I wish I would have gone with her,” Clarke said. Lexa looked so tense at moment and Clarke hated sitting there and doing nothing.

Raven rolled her eyes. “Didn’t we just say we were going to talk about something else?”

“I know, but I think it is my business. I can’t just act like she isn’t over there.”

“Clarke, Lexa wanted to handle it. They are talking. Granted it looks like Lexa is going to pound the shit out of Toni any second.” Raven put a reassuring hand on Clarke’s arm as Clarke’s head snapped up to check on Lexa. “Right now all they are doing is talking. If fists start to fly we will head over there and break it up, okay?”

Clarke exhaled and shifted in her seat. “Alright.” Clarke tapped her fingers on the table nervously. “You know it’s driving me nuts sitting here?”

“You trust Lexa right?”

Clarke’s gaze shifted from Lexa to Raven. “Absolutely.”

“Then relax, finish your beer and when they get done talking you can be the loving, supportive girlfriend that you are.”

Clarke didn’t respond but she did pick up her beer and began to drink it. While everyone else had agreed to try and focus on other things they were unsuccessful at drawing their attention completely away. Clarke’s attention never wavered from the scene at the bar.

 

Lexa took a deep breath before speaking. “Listen Toni, I’ve known Clarke a lot longer than you and yes, I know that Clarke and Raven were together. They haven’t been together for a long time now. That being said, I’m done with this conversation. I’m with Clarke. I’m not interested in you or anyone else. Clarke is my girlfriend and you need to accept that. You need to accept that you and I will never happen, and quite honestly, I’m not interested in being your friend if this is the kind of shit I’ve got to look forward to.” _God knows I made a mistake by keeping Costia in my life. I don’t need this kind of drama_. “I will quit the team that way-“

Toni rapidly shook her head and held up her hands in a stopping motion. “You don’t have to quit the team…really, you don’t need to do that. You’re too good and they need you.”

Lexa’s jaw tensed and she shook her head at Toni. “I’m not going to stay on the team if you keep trying to flirt with me, touch me or call my girlfriend names.” Lexa briefly glanced up. She saw Clarke watching her, a concerned look on her face. “I’d rather not be part of that drama, the team doesn’t deserve it and Clarke doesn’t deserve it.”

Toni turned around and looked back at the table. Everyone was still watching. She turned away and bowed her head, not looking at Lexa. She felt like crying and was embarrassed.

“If you want to be mad at someone,” Lexa continued, “be mad at me, not Clarke.”

“I’m not mad at you,” Toni said quietly. “Why would I be mad at you?”

Lexa’s eyes darted around the room as she took one step back, shifting her weight from one leg to the other. “You shouldn’t be mad at either one of us.”

“I’m mad at myself.” Toni still wouldn’t look at Lexa. “Please don’t quit the team over this…I won’t bother you and I will be nice to Clarke.”

Lexa’s lips pressed together. She wasn’t sure she could trust what Toni was saying but she would stay on the team. _For now._ If Toni persisted in her attention she would quit. It wasn’t worth it.

“I’m going to take off. I’m not really hungry anymore.” Toni took two steps towards the exit, she paused and finally looked at Lexa. “I’m sorry.” Turning away she walked towards cash register to pay for her beer.

Lexa watched her walk away. She knew that she probably should have suggested she stay, she was part of the team, but she imagined that Toni felt embarrassed about the scene that was created. She was embarrassed as well, but there was no way she was going to let Toni continue to bad mouth her girlfriend and not do something about it.

 

Clarke watched as Toni walked away from Lexa. It looked like the conversation was finally over and Toni was leaving. It had been hard for her to remain sitting there, watching and waiting. Not knowing what was being said, how Lexa was feeling about what was going on. She did it for Lexa though because she trusted her to handle it. Now that it looked like it was taken care of Clarke couldn’t stay away any longer.

“I’ll be right back.” Clarke stood and made her way over to Lexa, watching Toni as she stopped at the cash register near the door. “Hey.” She slipped her arm around Lexa’s waist. “Everything okay?”

Lexa turned and pulled Clarke immediately into a full hug. She held tightly onto the blonde for several moments, taking the comfort that was being offered before letting her go. “Yeah, but it could have be better.”

“What can I do to make it better?” Clarke asked, taking Lexa’s hand.

“You just being here makes it better.” Lexa gave Clarke a soft smile, pressing their foreheads together. “I could use a drink now.”

“Come back over to the table and I will get you a fresh beer.” Clarke leaned back and could see Toni leaving the restaurant. She nodded to Toni’s direction. “Talk to me about it later?”

Lexa nodded. “I promise and do you think I could get something stronger than a beer?”

“Yes, whatever you want.” Clarke said, leading Lexa back to the table before walking back to the bar.

Lexa could tell that all of the team’s eyes were on her. She looked back at them, not saying anything until everyone, except Raven, started to look like they were interested in other things. She reached up and began rubbing her temples.

“So did she piss her pants and have to run away?” Raven asked.

Lexa stopped rubbing her temples and looked at Raven with tired eyes. “I don’t know about that, but by the time it was over she couldn’t wait to get out of here. Especially after I told her if she didn’t knock it off I would quit the team.”

“Would you really quit the team?” Carly asked.

Lexa nodded. “Yes, I’m not going to stick around if she can’t handle Clarke and I being together and I’m not going to put up with her calling Clarke names.”

“You shouldn’t be the one to leave the team.” Lisa said. “If Toni is being inappropriate she should be the one to go.”

“Perhaps.” Lexa shrugged. “I enjoy playing softball. I like being a part of the team, but I don’t enjoy the hostility of today and it would be easier if I wasn’t around. Clarke’s been drug into too much of my drama as it is.”

“You mean the team right?” Raven asked. “That it would be easier if you were not on the team?”

“Yes, what did you think…oh, you thought I meant Clarke?” Lexa shook her head. “No, I didn’t mean I was leaving Clarke.”

Raven laughed nervously. “That’s good because in case you haven’t noticed she’s…” _Oops I better not tell her that Clarke loves her. She will kick my ass for that_. “Oh, she is back.”

Lexa looked up and smiled gratefully at Clarke, who sat a glass of dark brown liquid in front of her before sitting down in her seat.

Clarke sat her glass of water down on the table. “Pizza should be here soon.” Clarke said, reaching up to rub Lexa’s shoulder. “I have no idea what kind, but it’s all good.”

“Yes, it is.” Lexa said, bringing the glass up to her lips and took a sip. It burned on the way down but by the time she was done with the glass she would be feeling pretty good. “Thanks for getting me this.”

“You’re welcome.” Clarke stretched her arm across the back of Lexa’s chair and played with several strands of hair.

“Do you want some more beer Clarke? I’m going to go get the pitcher refilled.” Lisa was ready to pour the last of the beer into Clarke’s glass but stopped when Clarke put her hand over her glass and shook her head.

“No thanks. I’m drinking water now. I have to work tonight yet.”

Lexa rested her hand on Clarke’s leg. “We should go as soon as we get done eating so you can take a nap before going in.”

“I slept well today so I don’t need a nap.” Clarke leaned over closer to Lexa’s ear. “I want to be able to spend some time with you…alone, before I head into work.”

Lexa smiled softly and turned so her face was closer to Clarke’s. “I would like that, we could talk. I can tell you about the conversation with Toni and you can tuck me into bed before you leave.”

“Yes, I do want to hear all about that and I would love to make sure you’re all nice and comfy in bed before I have to leave.” Clarke dropped her head onto Lexa’s shoulder. “Sometimes working third shift really sucks.” _I think it’s time to go to another shift or find a new job._

“If you don’t like it Clarke do something about it. Go work for your mother,” Raven suggested. “The hours are a lot better and you can spend your nights with your honey here.”

“Hmm, maybe.” Clarke raised her head and scanned Lexa face, wondering if she would like it if she was home at night _. Now that Lexa and I are together I would like to be able to be home more to spend time with her. To share a bed someday with her_. “I’ll talk to her and see if she has any openings.”

Lexa smiled. “I would like it if you were there at night with me.” Lexa glanced down at Clarke’s lips before looking back up into her eyes. She wanted to kiss her and didn’t care that they were in a roomful of friends and strangers. She leaned forward and pressed her lips to Clarke’s, ignoring the hoots and whistles of her teammates.

Clarke became lost in the kiss and was slow to open her eyes when it ended. She cleared her throat. “I want to be there at night with you too. I’ll look into it tomorrow.” Clarke leaned back so she was properly in her chair as the wait staff brought several pizzas and plates to their table.

“Okay, enough with the warm and fuzzy stuff.” Raven started handing out plates. “Let’s eat.”

 


	30. Chapter 30

 

Clarke woke up with a groan, opening her eyes she glanced up at her alarm clock in the darkened room. Throwing her covers off she got up and went to her dresser to turn her alarm off and reset it so she would get a couple more hours of sleep. She hadn’t slept well and figured she was awake almost every hour. She was unsure why she couldn’t get any rest today. Normally she didn’t have that much of a hard time sleeping, but some days she had insomnia and either woke up a lot or couldn’t sleep more than a few hours.

Walking back to her bed she picked up her phone and saw that she had a missed call from her mother and a text message. Sitting on the edge of the bed, with her eyes barely opened she called her mother back. . It continued to ring and when it went to voicemail. “Hey mom it’s me, trying to get a hold of you again. I didn’t sleep worth anything so I’m going to go back to bed. I will try calling you again when I wake up.”

Clarke tried calling her mother that morning when she got off work and had to leave a message. She had assured her mother that it wasn’t an emergency. Clarke knew her mom was going to be back at work that day and would call when she could. Opening up her text message she saw that it was from Lexa.

“My parents asked me if I could work till closing tonight. Long day for me but of course I will do it for them. I will miss seeing you today and I hope you had very sweet dreams.”

_Darn it_. Clarke typed a message back to Lexa. “Not so sweet dreams. Not good enough sleep to even dream I think. Anyway, I will miss you too. Since I won’t get to see you later I think I will stay in bed and be a lazy bum today. I hope to get some decent sleep before work. I hope you’re having a good day and hope to see you soon.” Hitting send Clarke got up and went to her alarm clock and reset if for an hour before she had to be at work. _I have no reason to get up so I might as well go back to bed._

Walking to the kitchen Clarke drank some orange juice right out of the carton, then stopped at the bathroom on her way back to bed. Checking her phone she didn’t have a reply from Lexa so she got back into bed. Turning on her side she was asleep in minutes.

 

Lexa drove her car into the garage. She knew Clarke wasn’t going to be home. She had received a message from her girlfriend that she was at work. _Just missed seeing each other_. Pushing the button to the automatic door opener the garage door began to close as she got out of the car. Yawning she let herself into the house. Clarke had left the light on above the stove for her. She locked the garage door and made her way around the house and checked the rest of the doors to make sure they were locked. _I haven’t heard anything from my troubled ex so far. It would be nice if I don’t ever do._

Making her way down the stairs to her part of the house Lexa began pulling off her clothes. She was tired but not ready yet to go to bed. Picking up her cellphone she sent a quick text to Clarke letting her know she was home, then walking into the bathroom she turned the shower on. _Shower first then I think I will go curl up on the couch and do some reading._

It had been a long day and she was glad to be home. Her parents had received a call from her mother’s sister. Aunt Nicole had called to let them know their cousin George had fallen from his roof while cleaning the gutters out. Paul and Erica went to the hospital and reported back that he was being treated for a broken arm and a cervical neck fracture which would require surgery. Lexa had been willing to stay behind and take over the running of the restaurant while her parents went to the hospital. Cousin George was her mother’s age and while she saw him at family reunions she didn’t know him all that well.

Drying off after her shower Lexa put on some shorts and a t-shirt. Picking up her phone she felt it vibrate so she knew she had a message. Walking over to the couch she read her message from Clarke.

“Glad to hear that you are finally home. Sorry to hear about your cousin. Hope he will be okay. Let me know if there is anything I can do. Hugs. If the first hour of my shift is any indication it’s going to be a crazy night and I would much rather be home with you. I am however a responsible adult and I need to be here. Sweet dreams when you go to sleep. I miss you.”

Lexa sat down on the couch. A book that she had been reading sat next to her from where she left it last. Her bookmark was a folded up piece of notebook paper. Pulling the lever on the side of the couch the foot rest popped up and she began working on her response to Clarke.

“Thanks. The family will keep everyone in the loop about how he is doing. I wish you were here too. I know how it is being a responsible adult.” Lexa hit send then started on another message. “I’m going to read for a little while so if you can text with me please do. I hope it quiets down for you. I miss you too.”

Pushing send Lexa picked up her book and began to read.

 

Clarke finished her note in the chart and looked up to see the time. It was five in the morning. She had texted with Lexa on and off till one when Lexa went to bed. It had been one of those nights that you didn’t have much time to sit down. Her dinner had been a hastily eaten sandwich that sat in her stomach like a rock for the rest of the night. She needed to start passing morning medication soon but first she wanted to try and get a hold of her mother. Knowing her mom was an early riser and would probably be up Clarke picked up the phone in the office and dialed her mom’s cell phone number.

“Hello,” Abby said.

“Hey mom, how are you?” Clarke tried to stifle a yawn but was unsuccessful. She had another hour of work before she could go home.

“I’m good Clarke. Sounds like you’re ready to go home and go to bed.”

“Yeah, pretty soon. I was wondering what time you were going to head to the hospital. I wanted to swing by, see dad and talk to you about something.”

“Is everything okay?” Abby asked, concern laced her voice. “You and Lexa are okay right?”

“Yes mom, we are both okay.” _Aside from the fact that I miss her and won’t get to see her for at least another ten hours, maybe more._

They had exchanged one text when Lexa had gotten up to go to work thirty minutes ago. Clarke had just finished helping one of the CNAs clean up one of the residents that had a large bowel movement in bed. There had been loose stool everywhere and the easiest way to clean the resident was to put him in the shower. While the resident was getting cleaned up, much to his very vocal dissatisfaction for being wheeling into the shower room at about four in the morning, Clarke changed the resident’s bedding.

“Well honey, I’m going to be over at the office this morning to catch up on some paperwork. Why don’t you come on over after your shift and we can have breakfast together and you can tell me what is on your mind.”

“Okay, that sound good. I’ll see you in about an hour then.”

“See you then.” Abby said, before hanging up.

 

“You have got to be kidding me!” Lexa’s gazed moved from her father to her mother. “Why the hell would Senator Wallace want to have a town hall meeting at your restaurant? You’re not supporters of his.”

There had been a lull in orders so Paul and Erica thought it was a good time to tell Lexa about a phone call they received that morning.

“That is true, however we are in his district and from what I gather Octavia’s brother recommended us since his sister works here,” Paul said.

“His sister doesn’t even like her own brother and she is not a fan of Senator Wallace.” Lexa’s eyebrows rose. “You’re not seriously thinking about letting them hold it here are you?”

“We wanted to talk it over with you first,” Erica said.

“Me?” Lexa snorted. “He is a racist, homophobic, anti-woman asshole and I’m speaking about both Bellamy Blake and Senator Wallace. I don’t think you want your business to be associated with them and I’m pretty sure Octavia doesn’t want to be here if her brother is going to be here.” _Frankly neither do I_. “I’m sorry, I’m really suspicious about why they would want to hold it here.”

“I think he is trying to appeal to and get support from the small business owners in the area,” Paul said. “We happen to be on a short list of places that they want to do it at.”

_The words fuck off come to mind._ Lexa knew she was a little irritable from not getting a lot of sleep the night before while she texted with Clarke and read _. It would probably be a good idea for me to go to bed early tonight._ “So you asked me what I think about it and I think they should go somewhere else.” Lexa shook her head. “Don’t they usually go to business owners that have like minds on the issues? Aside from Octavia working here what other reason would they have to come?”

“The location, size of the restaurant and of course the good food.” Erica pointed out. “I personally can’t stand the man and don’t get me started on Bellamy Blake. Octavia is lovely but Bellamy no so much. We were pretty surprised when we got the call.”

“So you’re going to tell them thanks but no thanks?” Lexa asked, glancing from one parent to the next. Her lips were pressed in a thin tight line, exasperated that they were even having this conversation. “Neither one of them likes people like me. Senator Wallace is always trying to get legislation passed that is trying to take my rights away. He is always making demonizing comments about gay people.” Lexa held up her hands in front of her. “Look I understand from a business perspective how this would be a good thing with the advertising and people that it would bring in. Honesty I don’t want to sound like a brat but I’m letting you know I want nothing to do with it. If you decide to let them to hold it here I can’t support it and I won’t be here to help.”

“Oh honey, slow down there. We understand and I would never put you in a position that would make you uncomfortable.” Paul reached out and put his hand on his daughter’s shoulder. “Your mother and I have talked it over and we don’t feel comfortable allowing that type of meeting to be held here either. We were just letting you know that they have made contact with us. That way if you answer the phone and it’s them you know what is going on.”

Erica nodded and shrugged. “We don’t follow politics all that much but we do know who Senator Wallace is and what he stands for.”

“Just tell them that your daughter is a lesbian and one of the chefs here. They will avoid the place like the plague.” Lexa rolled her eyes. “I can imagine they probably would think I would do something like poison them or spit in their food.”

“I’m sure they could come up with all sorts of ridiculous things sweetie.” Erica smiled.

“Okay, well thanks for telling me.” Lexa grimaced, looking apologetic. She shouldn’t have assumed her parents would put money over who she was. “Sorry I got a little hot headed. What people like him stand for drives me nuts.”

“Well, I was a little surprised that you would think we would actually allow that.” Paul’s eyes were gentle as he looked at his daughter. “I had a pretty good idea of how you would feel about it.” His mouth stretched into a smile. “I was right about it.”

Lexa noticed an order being printed out. “Now that you have me all excited I think I’ll get back to work.” _I can’t wait for this day to be over._

 

Rain spattered on Lexa’s windshield as she waited for the garage door to open. A smile stretched across her face at the sight of Clarke’s car in the garage and her heart sped up. There was no doubt in her mind that she was extremely happy to get to spend some time with Clarke. Just thinking about her girlfriend made her smile.

The first thing she noticed going through the doorway was the dimness of the lights in the house. The second was the instrumental music playing on the stereo. And there were candles lit all over the living room, dining room and kitchen. Lexa placed her keys on the kitchen table and looked around. Several pillows had been placed on the floor and the scents from the candles made the whole place smell wonderful. _Where is Clarke?_ Her question was answered when the patio door opened and Clarke came inside carrying a plate filled with grilled chicken breasts.

Clarke’s eyes lit up when she saw Lexa. “You’re finally home.” Clarke sat the plate on the table and stepped towards Lexa, pulling her into a hug. “I’m so happy that your home.”

Lexa returned the hug. Her arms wrapped around Clarke, feeling the dampness of her girlfriend’s shirt and not minding. “I’m happy to be home too.” Lexa gave Clarke a final squeeze then leaned back. Her lips found Clarke’s and they stood there kissing for several moments. “So what is all of this?” Lexa asked, after the kiss had ended. She nodded her head towards the living room.

Clarke looked away, biting her lip briefly before her gaze settled back on Lexa. “It is my attempt on having a nice, quiet romantic evening.” Clarke shrugged. “I wanted to originally do it outside. You know, have a nice picnic, watch the sunset then do some star gazing. The weather didn’t cooperate with me though.”

“So you improvised with the pillows, candles and music.”

“Yes,” Clarke said. “Do you like it?”

Lexa could see the hopeful look come across Clarke’s face. “I love it.” Lexa stepped back into Clarke’s personal space and pulled her back into a hug. She sighed in contentment as Clarke’s arms tightened around her. “You are very sweet,” Lexa said, her lips near Clarke’s ear.

“Things have been kind of crazy lately and I wanted to do something nice for you.” Clarke kissed the side of Lexa neck and moved back. “Why don’t you go take a seat and I will bring everything over.”

“Anything I can help with?”

“If you would like to open up a bottle of wine while I take care of the food that would be great.” Clarke picked up the chicken and carried it to the kitchen.

Lexa followed Clarke and once in the kitchen she opened up the cupboard and got out two wine glasses. Grabbing the corkscrew and the bottle of wine she began to open it while watching Clarke put chicken, roasted potatoes and salad on the plates. Carrying the open bottle of wine and the glasses Lexa followed Clarke out into the living room.

Clarke slowly lowered herself down onto the floor and once Lexa settled herself next to her she put the plates down and reached for the glass of wine that Lexa had poured for her. Holding out her glass she gently touched Lexa’s. “To us.”

“To us.” Lexa smiled and took a drink of her wine. “Hmm, that is good.”

“Yes, it is good wine. About six, seven months ago Raven and I went to a couple of wineries that had some tastings. We got to pick six different wines to sample at each one. It was nice to try different ones to see what we liked. I ended up buying six bottles between the two wineries we went to.”

“How many of those bottles to you have left?” Lexa asked, while cutting her chicken into bite size pieces.

Clarke smiled as she cut into her chicken. “This is the last one.”

Lexa’s hand brushed across Clarke’s knee. “Thank you for sharing the last bottle with me.”

“You’re very welcome. I can’t think of anyone that I would rather share it with.”

They sat in silence as they worked on their dinner. The low lighting, soft music and the wine helped Lexa to relax. She smiled as she caught Clarke’s blue eyes gazing at her face.

“Hear any more about how your cousin is doing?” Clarke asked, taking a sip of her wine.

“He had surgery today and everything went well. Did you go and see your dad today?” Lexa set her empty plate aside. Refilling her wine glass she grabbed one of the pillows and leaned her arm on it.

“I’m glad that his surgery went well. Yes, I did go to the hospital today.” Clarke ate her last piece of chicken and moved her plate out of the way. “He is doing great and should get to go home soon. He will have to sleep in the downstairs spare bedroom till his leg heals. Mom has returned to work and she will be working half days for a while till her can start moving better on his own.”

“How is Abby doing?”

“She is good. I stopped at the clinic this morning to talk to her and see if they had any nursing openings.”

Lexa’s eyebrows rose. “Do they?”

“No, unfortunately.” Clarke played with the stem of her wine glass. “She did however tell me that there was a position opening up in the Durant clinic and a few positions at the hospital she was aware of. She wasn’t sure if anyone had been hired yet. She was going to contact a friend of hers there to find out.”

Lexa reached out and wrapped her fingers through Clarke’s. She gave them a light squeeze. “I’m sure you will find something soon. At least you still have a job.”

“True, but now I would really prefer something first shift. That way I can spend a little more time with you and maybe not be so tired.” Clarke held out her glass for Lexa to refill it, emptying the bottle. “How was work today for you?”

“Busy as usual.” Lexa’s eyes widened. “You will never believe this. Guess whose office called and wanted to have a town hall meeting at the restaurant?”

Clarke shook her head. “I have no idea.”

“Senator Wallace.” Lexa tilted her head and waited to see what Clarke’s reaction would be.

“Really?” Clarke’s eyes narrowed when she heard the name. “That is interesting…and well…interesting.” Clarke rapidly blinked like she had something in her eye. “Your parents don’t strike me as big Wallace supporters.”

Lexa gave a short laugh. “They’re not.”

“Okay, but why your parent’s restaurant? I mean yes, Octavia works there, but I would think they would have done some research on the restaurant and your parents.” Clarke squeeze Lexa’s hand. “And you.” Clarke’s head shook slightly. “No offense but the restaurant isn’t exactly the type of venue Senator Wallace usually goes to.”

“We are not the fanciest place in town. I figured someone like him would want to go to DeCarlo’s or to the country club. My parents said something about them wanting to appeal to small business owners.”

“You mean he is actually going to act like he cares about those that have small businesses and not his richie rich friends?” Clarke let go of Lexa’s hand. “Be right back.” She picked up both of their plates. Standing, she took the plates to the kitchen. “I’ll do those later,” Clarke said, as she returned to the floor next to Lexa.

“I don’t know what the deal is but I do know mom and dad are not going to let them do it there.”

Clarke moved a pillow so she could still face Lexa and lean her arm against it. “I’m sure Octavia is excited to have her big brother back in town.”

Lexa smirked while shaking her head. “She requested time off for those few days that Bellamy and the Senator would be in town. She is worried that if she sees him she would be arrested for beating the shit out of him.”

“She really does hate him, huh?” Clarke tipped her glass up and swallowed the last of the wine in her glass.

Lexa’s eyebrows lifted as she nodded. “Oh yeah.”

Lexa herself couldn’t stand Bellamy and was grateful she wasn’t related to him. Octavia was open with her contempt for her brother and had repeated said, “he’s dead to me.”

Clarke shrugged. “Can’t blame her.”

“Neither can I.” Lexa finished her wine and reached over to take Clarke’s glass. She put them both on the end table. She took Clarke’s hand. “Thank you for dinner. It was very good.”

“I’m glad you liked it.” Clarke smiled as she moved closer to Lexa. She looked around the room. “This wasn’t so bad an improvisation.”

Lexa moved her thumb across the back of Clarke’s hand. “It’s a shame we couldn’t be outside but this is amazing in here.”

“We could always pretend we are outside.” Clarke let go of Lexa’s hand and moved down further on the floor. “Lay down here with me.”

“Okay.” Lexa moved closer to Clarke and rested her head on Clarke’s shoulder.

“Okay, now ignore the fact that we can hear the rain come down right now. Close your eyes. Imagine we are laying out in the back yard. Stretched out on a blanket. There is a nice breeze and it’s not too hot out. We just saw the sun set. Imagine we saw all the pink, yellow and orange colors in the horizon as the sun went down and the first few hints of stars in the sky appear. Imagine it growing darker and darker as we cuddle like this on the blanket.” Clarke tightened her arm that was around Lexa, pulling her tighter against her side.

“As it grows darker billions of stars glitter in the sky.” Lexa said, eyes closed. “We start pointing out constellations to each other and trace the pattern of the stars in the sky.”

Clarke’s fingertips slowly moved along Lexa’s upper arm as her heart started to beat faster in her chest. “The night would be so still and quiet. Maybe we would hear the rustling of the leaves through the trees.”

Lexa rubbed her head against Clarke’s shoulder. “Or some animals scurrying about in the timber.”

“I would protect you from any curious animals that were out there.” Clarke turned her head and kissed Lexa’s forehead.

Lexa smiled at her girlfriend’s protectiveness. “I have no doubt about that, but I’m sure whatever would come strolling out to the timber would be more afraid of us than we are of them.”

“True,” Clarke said softly. “We would listen to the sounds of nature all around us. Hear cicadas, frogs, and owl or maybe actual catch that raccoon that likes to knock over the trash when I set it out during the night.” She could feel Lexa’s laugh against her chest. “It would be a perfect night, just like this here right now. With you here beside me. Your head on my chest. Instead of candle light we would have star light. We would kiss and marvel at the vastness of the heavens. Reflecting on what is important in our lives.” Clarke took a deep, shuddering breath. “Then I would tell you that I love you for the first time.” Clarke held her breath as she waited for Lexa’s reaction.

Lexa’s eyes quickly opened. Her heart pounded at Clarke’s last words. She lifted her head and looked into Clarke’s fearful blue eyes. She swallowed, her mouth suddenly dry. “Do you?” Lexa glanced down to Clarke’s lips which were trembling.

Clarke searched Lexa’s eyes, wondering what Lexa was thinking now. “Yes,” Clarke said softly.

Lexa smiled as she reached up and pressed the palm of her hand against Clarke’s cheek. Her fingertips gently stroking Clarke’s face. “I love you too.” She laughed as she felt herself being pulled closer and her face being covered in kisses.

“Oh thank god.” Clarke said, pressing her forehead against Lexa’s. _She loves me too. I’m the luckiest woman in the world._

Lexa’s fingers continued to gently stroke Clarke’s face. She was overwhelmed with feelings of happiness. Tilting her head she kissed Clarke, tasting the wine on Clarke’s tongue as they met briefly. Ending the kiss Lexa traced Clarke’s lips with her finger. She smiled when Clarke kissed them. Lexa’s gaze moved from Clarke’s lips to her eyes. “Were you worried I wouldn’t say it back?”

“I was…a little.” Clarke smiled sheepishly. “I was hoping you would tell me that you loved me too.”

“I’ve always been a little in love with you Clarke. Ever since high school. Now I’m just crazy head over heels in love with you.” Lexa rested her hand on Clarke’s stomach. “I’ve been trying to think of a way to tell you without just blurting it out at some random moment.” Lexa rubbed fingers across Clarke’s stomach. “You beat me too it.”

“I wanted to be nice and romantic when I told you,” Clarke said. She had been giving it some thought over the past few days on what she wanted to do and hoped that Lexa would like it.

“It was very romantic.” Lexa moved forward and kissed Clarke. Her lips lingering a moment when the kiss ended. “So, with this imagined evening of stargazing. How did you _imagine_ it ending?”

“Um…well…after we confessed our undying love for each other I was hoping that there would be more kissing and cuddling.” Clarke grinned. “Then we could fall asleep in each other’s arms.”

“That sounds like a great idea to me.” Lexa’s fingers circled Clarke’s navel. “I’m glad we are inside though. Falling asleep in the middle of the back yard just on a blanket I’d be afraid I’d wake up face to face with a squirrel or something.”

“Oh we would have definitely come inside by then. If we are going to sleep outside I’d at least like to have a tent.”

“So how about we take a couple of these candles to your room. It would be a lot more comfortable to kiss, cuddle and fall asleep on your bed then here on the floor. Not that we haven’t slept on the floor together before, but since more than one bed is available I think we should make use of one.”

“Yes it would be.” Clarke sat up and then carefully got to her feet, pulled Lexa up with her. She placed a kiss on Lexa’s nose. “How about we blow these other candles out and take the ones on the entertainment center to the bedroom?”

“Alright.”

Clarke and Lexa went around the rooms blowing out candles as the house slowly began to darken. Clarke turned off the stereo and picked up one of the candles while Lexa picked up another. The flames flickered and created shadows on the wall as they walked down the hall to Clarke’s bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that I haven't updated on any of my stories in a while. I joined our local volunteer fire department and I'm taking classes to become and EMT. As you can imagine there is a lot of class time and reading that goes along with this. I am still writing but not as fast as I have been in the past. Stories will continue to get up dated. Thanks for continuing to read. :)


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry that it has taken me this long to get an update for this story. I've been taken classes to become an EMT and it takes a lot of time. It is going well for me. Not so much for my other classmates. We had our first exam a couple of weeks ago and I was the only one that passed.
> 
> I've been doing a little writing here and there on all the stories. I finally had enough to get this update posted. I hope you like it and that you will stick with the story. Thanks for reading.

 

Clarke’s face was bathed in soft light as Lexa looked up at her. Candle light created shadows all around Clarke’s bedroom from where the candles were place on the dresser and nightstand. Her girlfriend’s blue eyes were darkened and intense, a ghost of a smile on her lips. Lexa watched the movement of Clarke’s eyes as they followed the path of her fingers. The tips lightly touching her right eyebrow to trace a path down her cheek. Lexa felt the gentlest of touches as Clarke’s thumb moved across her full bottom lip. Clarke’s eyes settle on and stare at her lips as she slowly traced them with the softest touch before moving her hand away. Lexa had only a moment to quickly lick her lips before Clarke leaned forward and captured them with her own.

The kiss started out slow and gentle before it quickly grew in strength. Clarke could feel Lexa’s grip tighten where her hands rested at her waist. Clarke’s breathing was heavy as she slowly ended the kiss and leaned her forehead against Lexa’s. She could hear the pounding of her heart as she tried to catch her breath. She leaned back up and looked down and the woman beneath her, the woman that she loved. The one that she had loved and wanted for years was finally _hers. I can’t believe how lucky I am._

“What are you thinking about?” Lexa asked, reaching up to brush back Clarke’s hair off her face.

“You.” Clarke reached for Lexa’s hand and brought it to her lips. She kissed a fingertip. “How much I love you.” She kissed the next fingertip. “How grateful I am for you. How lucky I feel to have you in my life. How privileged I feel to get to love you.” Each declaration was proceeded by a kiss to a finger till she finally kissed the last one and then pressed Lexa’s hand against her heart. “I’m amazed that you love me too.”

“I do,” Lexa said quietly. Her heart felt full from Clarke’s words.

“Tell me again? Tell me that you love me.” Clarke swallowed as she searched Lexa’s eyes.

“I love you.” Lexa smiled and nodded her head slightly. “You take my breath away.”

“You do mine too. Every single second of the day.” Clarke raised Lexa’s hand to her lips. “You are so beautiful.”

Lexa took a deep breath and let it out in rush. “Oh god, so are you honey.”

Lexa reached up and put her hand on the back of Clarke’s neck and pulled her down on top of herself as they resumed kissing. With a quick movement she flipped Clarke onto her back. She smiled at the startled squeak that came from Clarke as she positioned herself between Clarke’s legs. Her right hand moved across Clarke’s hip and down her leg as she tried to pull herself tighter against Clarke. Their hips brushed together. A moan moved past her lips only to be absorbed by their continued kissing.

Lexa’s arousal grew and her intentions of only cuddling was quickly laid to rest as their lips continued to meet and their bodies slowly brushed against one another. She ignored the voice, Costia’s voice that echoed in the back of her mind that had warned that she wouldn’t be able to satisfy Clarke. Clarke was responding with urgent kisses, moans and hands that clutched at the back of her shirt and the back of her head. All were clues that Clarke was enthusiastically responding to what they were doing and that encouraged her. She knew she was ready and she also knew that Clarke wouldn’t make the first move.

Breaking the kiss Lexa pushed herself up onto her knees. Reaching down she grasped the hem of her shirt and pulled it over her head. She grinned when Clarke’s eyes widened when her bra soon followed.

“Um…Lexa?” Clarke heard the shakiness in her own voice as she tried not to stare at Lexa’s naked breasts _. Holy shit I can’t believe this is happening._

“Yes Clarke?” Lexa watched as it looked like Clarke wanted to say something. Clarke’s mouth moved but no sound came out. “Clarke.” Lexa called her girlfriends name softly. Clarke’s eyes lifted to stare in wonder at her own. “I want you to touch me. Make love to me”

Clarke wished she had a drink of water to help her suddenly dry throat as she swallowed. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.” Lexa nodded. “I’m ready. Are you?”

Tightening her abdominal muscles Clarke sat up and tilted her head back she whispered, “Yes,” right before her lips met Lexa’s. Her hands moved across the soft skin of Lexa’s back. Free from any kind of barrier. She could feel Lexa’s hands move down to her waist and in one swift movement her shirt was gone, then her bra was quickly unhooked and thrown aside.

Slowly between kisses and gentle touches they were free from all their clothing. Stretched out lying side by side they each took turns tenderly exploring each other’s bodies. Finding out what the other liked, which touch would cause a rapid inhalation of breath or a low moan.

Lexa looked on in amazement at Clarke. _My god she has a nice body and I get to touch her_. “You are so beautiful Clarke.” Lexa watch Clarke take a deep breath and close her eyes as she fondled a breast. Leaning forward Lexa began kissing her way down Clarke’s body.

Clarke moved onto her back, allowing Lexa have more access to her body. “I love it when you touch me.” She giggled as Lexa’s tongue dipped into her navel and held onto the mattress in a white knuckled grip when Lexa’s tongue touched her lower. She couldn’t believe just how responsive she was to Lexa’s touch. With her other lovers it had always been nice but with Lexa it was like someone had found a way to make her body even more sensitive to touch. Her nerves were on fire. She felt like she couldn’t get enough air. Her body was slick with sweat and wound tight. Not wanting it to stop.

Soon Clarke was trembling and crying out her release. Lexa moved back up to the head of the bed and enveloped Clarke in her arms. Holding her love close to her she moved strands of Clarke’s hair away from her face. Clarke’s body was relaxed and her eyes seemed out of focus. “Are you okay?” _Did I please you?_

Clarke slowly nodded. “Uh huh.” She moved to bury her head underneath Lexa’s chin and wrapped an arm around Lexa’s waist.

Lexa closed her eyes and took a deep breath in contentment. She, like Clarke was a hot and sweaty mess but she didn’t care. The woman she loved was in her arms and that was all that mattered.

“I love you,” Clarke said, pressing a kiss to Lexa’s chest.

“I love you too.”

“Give me a few minutes to recover and I hopefully will make you feel as wonderful as you’ve made me.”

Lexa smiled and tightened her arms around Clarke. She had already made her feel wonderful by the response she got from Clarke to her touch. “Take your time.”

Clarke kept her face against Lexa’s chest for a few more minutes and then began placing kisses all along Lexa’s chest and neck. She still felt a little shaky but she wanted to be able to give Lexa back as much love and attention that she had been given.

Clarke had been hopeful that sometime soon they would take their relationship to the next level. She didn’t expect it to be tonight. Their having a more intimate relationship, like everything else was going to be at Lexa’s pace. With what Lexa could do to her body she was immensely grateful that Lexa had been ready. She was so overwhelmed with feelings of love and devotion. Her hope was that she could made Lexa feel just as good as Lexa had made her feel.

Lexa’s heart was beating at a rapid pace. It felt like Clarke’s hands and lips were everywhere skimming along her body. Sometimes with light touches, other times with firmer caresses. Never in her wildest dreams did she think that someday she would end up in bed with and be loved by Clarke Griffin.

Clarke positioned herself so she could put one arm underneath Lexa’s neck, cradling her shoulders. Her other had tentatively moved down between Lexa’s legs. “I love you.” Kissing Lexa’s jaw and the corner of Lexa’s mouth she slowly moved her fingers through Lexa’s wetness to stroke along her clit. She heard a catch in Lexa’s breathing and they made eye contact. Expressive green eyes struggled to stay open and several times she saw Lexa bite her lip.

Clarke kissed the side of Lexa’s neck and whispered in her ear. “Please don’t hold back. I want to hear you.” Clarke carefully entered her. Her fingers were surrounded by tight, wet muscle.

“Oh god.” Lexa’s eyes widened as Clarke moved slowly inside her. Clarke’s thumb rubbed along her clit bringing her quickly toward orgasm. “Don’t stop. I’m so close, so close,” Lexa said between gasping breaths.

“I won’t stop.” Clarke whispered, watching in awe as Lexa’s head tilted back and the veins in her neck stood out as she got closer and closer to coming. Her eyes began to tear up as Lexa reached her orgasm. When Lexa stopped jerking she pulled her close to her and held onto her girlfriend like her life depended on it.

Lexa had some awareness that she was wrapped up in Clarke’s arms as her body continued to experience small twitches. Complete awareness came slowly as she enjoyed the after effects of her orgasm. Weakly she rubbed Clarke’s back and with half lidded eyes she looked down at the blonde head resting on her chest. “Clarke?”

“Yeah?”

Lexa felt Clarke’s head move on her chest in a nod. “Are you okay?”

“Yes.” Clarke lifted her head so she could see Lexa. Her eyes glossy with unshed tears. “Are you okay?”

Lexa’s eyes narrowed as she saw Clarke’s eyes. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

“Yes.”

“Why the tears then?” Lexa reached up and wiped a single tear that escaped from the corner of Clarke’s eye.

Clarke shook her head slightly. “I’m just so happy and I feel like you shared this amazing gift with me. You are amazing.” Clarke smiled as she leaned up to kiss Lexa.

“I feel the same way about you. I love you so much.” Lexa tightened her arms around Clarke to bring her closer for a hug.

“I love you.” Clarke settled down on the bed next to Lexa and put her head on her shoulder. She tried to reign in her emotions. “What would you like to do now?” Clarke asked after several minutes had gone by.

“Well we could get up and get something to eat.”

Clarke moved her hand along Lexa’s stomach. “Yes, we could.”

“We could get some sleep.”

“That is true, I’m sure we are both pretty tired.” Clarke stroked the area around Lexa’s navel. Smiling to herself as she heard Lexa’s quick intake of breath.

“We could make love again.” Lexa suggested with a smile.

“All three sound really good.” Clarke said, moving till she was hovering over Lexa. Her legs straddled Lexa’s hips. “We should do option number three first, followed by option one and then finally number two.

Lexa reached down and slipped her hand between their bodies finding Clarke’s clit. “That sounds like an excellent plan.”

“Oh god…yes.” Clarke locked her arms so she wouldn’t fall down on top of Lexa. “That is a very good plan.”


	32. Chapter 32

Lexa was lying on her side with her head propped up by her right arm as she stared at Clarke’s naked back. Clarke was lying on her stomach, the covers pooled around her barely covered buttocks. Reaching out Lexa brushed blonde hair off the other woman’s shoulder, exposing more of her back. _She is so sexy._

Lexa began lightly tracing along the soft skin of Clarke’s back. Down the spinal column to the dip at her lower back. A smile quickly spread across her lips as she heard Clarke sigh, then moan softly at her touch. The moan had been much quieter than the ones that slipped past Clarke’s lips hours before.

Lexa reversed the path her fingers had taken and began tracing back up Clarke’s back as she thought about the prior night _. It was such a wonderful night._ After they had made love a second time Lexa had gotten out of bed and returned shortly with a paper plate filled with crackers, assorted cheese and grapes. Sitting on the bed facing each other they ate their snack and talked. Soon they made love again.

Lexa’s heart swelled as she membered how Clarke so easily could work her body and made her come. Clarke was attentive and tender. Upon hearing her crying after the last time, Clarke moved quickly up her body to wipe away her tears. _She was so scared that she hurt me. I still don’t know why I cried. It was just so damn good and I’ve never felt like that before_. It was like some emotional release had happened and Lexa couldn’t control her sobbing. Clarke had continued to hold her and wipe her tears away until she stopped shaking.

“I love you so much,” Clarke had said, stroking Lexa’s hair. “It’s okay baby. I got you.”

Lexa held Clarke close as she took several deep breaths. “I’m never reacted like that before. I’m so sorry.”

“Listen to me.” Clarke pulled far enough back out of Lexa’s arms so she was able to see her face. “You have nothing to be sorry for. My only concern is that you are okay and that I didn’t do anything to hurt you.”

“You didn’t hurt me.” Lexa said, shaking her head. “I just…” Lexa sighed as she tried to put her feelings into words. “I love you and I feel so loved and happy…I never thought I could be this happy.”

Lexa smiled at the memory and the way that Clarke tried to bury her face farther into the pillow to keep morning at bay. She leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Clarke’s lower back. Her smile grew wider at Clarke’s sharp intake of air. Clarke mumbled something and then her breathing evened out again. Shaking her head Lexa slowly eased out of bed. It wasn’t going to be easy to wake Clarke up this morning _. I’ll just let her sleep then. Unfortunately I have to go to work._

Gathering her clothes where she threw them Lexa quietly left the bedroom and made her way downstairs to her part of the house. Before turning the shower on she briefly wondered how often she would actually sleep down in her bedroom now that she and Clarke had taken the next step and slept together _. I’ll think more about that later_ Lexa thought as she moved underneath the shower spray.

Once her shower was done she dried off, fixed her hair so it was up and out of the way and then got dressed. She was putting her shoes on when she thought she smelled coffee. “Clarke must be up.” She hurried with her shoes, grabbed her backpack and headed upstairs.

Clarke was just finished pouring coffee in a take along coffee mug when Lexa opened the basement door and stepped into the room. She smiled at her girlfriend as she tightened the lid on the mug. “Good Morning.”

Lexa grinned at her disheveled girlfriend. Clarke had thrown on shorts and a tank top. Her sunny blonde hair was everywhere. Her eyes were open but barely. It was obvious Clarke wasn’t ready to be up moving around. _She is so adorable_. “Good morning Clarke.” Lexa placed her back pack on the table and walked over to Clarke and wrapped her arms around the blonde’s waist. “You didn’t have to get up.”

“Yes I did. I wanted to see you before you left for work.” Clarke nuzzled her face against Lexa’s and she sighed as she inhaled the smell from Lexa’s newly showered body. “You smell really good.”

“You look so adorable this morning.” Lexa leaned back and brushed some Clarke’s hair in order to straighten some of it. “You’re also very sweet to get up and make me coffee this morning.”

“I had every intention of getting up and making you breakfast and bringing it to you in bed but someone really wore me out last night,” Clarke said, wiggling her eyebrows.

Lexa chuckled and her face turned a slight shade of pink. She sucked her lower lip into her mouth briefly before looking back into clear blue eyes. “I can say the same about you. I however unfortunately can stay in bed with you all day.” She leaned forward and placed a small kiss on Clarke’s lips. “Thank you for the coffee.”

“You’re very welcome.” Clarke took Lexa’s right hand into her own and ran her thumb over the soft skin she found there. Taking a deep breath she asked the question that she had been curious about since she woke up alone in bed. “So last night…no regrets?” _Please say no…I’d hate it if we moved too quickly_.

Lexa shook her head. “Absolutely not…do you?”

Clarke moved her free hand to Lexa’s shoulder leaning her forehead against Lexa’s. “No, never. It was amazing.” Clarke pulled back to look into misty green eyes. “You are amazing, and beautiful and I’m so very happy to have you in my life.”

Lexa closed her eyes briefly as she felt a wash of emotion come over her. She gave Clarke a soft smile and opened her eyes. “I feel the same way about you. I’ve very happy to be your girlfriend and I love you.”

“I love you too,” Clarke said, glancing at the clock on the microwave. She was sad that their time together this morning was coming to an end. She wished that they had more time and could spend the day together but they each had their own responsibilities and cuddling and kissing on the couch or in bed talking about everything or nothing wasn’t in the plans for the day. “I guess this is where we have to say goodbye for now.”

Lexa nodded, she too was aware of the time. “I really want to stay home with you, but I can’t.” She tugged at the hem of Clarke’s shirt, reluctant to move away but knowing she needed to. “I’ll see you tonight though.”

“Yes, you will.” Clarke pulled Lexa into a hug, one that she didn’t want to release her from. Lexa was soft and felt so good in her arms. As she slowly released her she kissed Lexa on the forehead and then on the lips. The kiss was slow and lingering as she tried to extend the last few moments that they had together. She groaned low in her throat as the kiss ended and she stepped back. Smiling sadly she reached for the coffee mug and handed it to Lexa. “I will miss you but I hope you have a good day.”

Lexa took the coffee mug in one hand and gently squeezed Clarke’s forearm with the other. “Thank you for making me coffee.”

“You’re most welcome. Now go on. Get out of here before I ask you to call in sick.” Clarke’s grinned and made a shooed gesture at Lexa.

“Don’t tempt me,” Lexa said, returning the grin as she walked out of the kitchen. “I’ll miss you too today.” She picked up her backpack and slung it over her shoulder then grabbed her keys. “Text me if you want. I will respond when I get a break.”

“I will babe.” Clarke followed her to the door that led to the garage. Her yawn wasn’t unnoticed by Lexa.

Lexa opened the door and turned to face Clarke. “How about you get a little more sleep before running your errands today?”

“I think that is a great idea and that is what I’m going to do.” Clarke leaned in and kissed Lexa on the cheek. “I love you. Drive safe.”

“I love you too. Enjoy your nap.”

Clarke shrugged and her lips formed a pout. “I would like it better if you were there next to me.”

“Me too.” Lexa gave Clarke a small smile. “Well…I should get going. Bye Clarke.”

“Bye.” Clarke stood there and continued to watch as Lexa closed the door. She walked over to the picture window in the living room. She heard Lexa’s car start and the garage door opening. As Lexa backed out of the driveway and started heading up the lane Clarke hoped Lexa was watching as she waved. She smiled as Lexa waved back. She watched Lexa’s car disappear up the lane.

Clarke took a deep breath and moved her neck back and forth till she heard a little crack. She headed towards her room to get a little more sleep. It had only been a minute since she left and she was already missing Lexa.

 

“So you hear that my scum sucking brother and the Senator whose daily ass he kisses wants to use your parents restaurant to bilk a bunch of people out of their money and make promises they don’t intend to keep?”

Lexa swallowed the drink of water that she had in her mouth as she looked at Octavia who was obviously pissed standing before her with her hands on her hips. “Yes, they told me,” Lexa said, screwing the cap back on her. “They also said no.”

Octavia laughed and shook her head. “You know Senator Wallace doesn’t like taking no for an answer.”

“Perhaps not, but I’m sure that they had other options to look at. Ones that are more appropriate for the kind of voters he has.” Lexa picked up a knife and began cutting up a head of lettuce. “If they really looked at who my parents support politically and with donations they would realize this wasn’t the best place to have their event. How is it going to look to their supporters to have an event where the daughter of the owners is an open lesbian?”

“You would think they would try to have it at a friendlier establishment wouldn’t you?” Octavia rolled her eyes. “I think my brother thought that because I worked here that they would have some sort of in. This restaurant is well liked by the community and would probably attract a lot of people with big wallets.”

Lexa put her knife down and reached for her water bottle. She wasn’t very busy at the moment. It was between the breakfast and lunch rush and all she was doing was some left over food preparation. She was curious as to why Octavia hated her brother so much and the only way to find out was to ask. “Octavia, what happened between you and Bellamy? I know he is an ass but was there anything specific that makes you not like him so much?”

Octavia moved further into the kitchen so she didn’t have to speak as loud. She mirrored Lexa as she leaned against the table. “He was always so controlling.” Octavia shook her head. “He was older and always thought he knew best. He didn’t like the way I dressed or wore my hair. He didn’t like who I dated. They had to have come from the right type of family, you know, have lots of money and connections. They also had to have the right religion and they had to be white.” Octavia’s jaw clenched as she remembered all the fights that they used to have. “Oh and of course they had to be male.” She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “When we were still sort of speaking to each other I found out that he threatened or paid off a few guys that I had dated when I was a teenager…you know because they were not the right kind of guy.”

“How did you find out he did that?” Lexa asked. _What an asshole_.

“One guy I dated, Jeff, told me about the offer my brother gave him. He broke up with me over season tickets to his favorite sports team.”

Lexa’s eyes widened. “Really? What did you do?”

“I kneed Jeff in the balls and confronted my brother who tried to convince me it was the right thing to do. He had a list of guys he thought was appropriate for me to date.” Octavia stuck out her tongue in disgust. “They all sucked. We got into a huge disagreement. I didn’t want to hear any more of his shit and when he tried to keep me from leaving I ended up breaking his nose.”

Lexa reached out and squeezed Octavia’s forearm. “I’m sorry to hear he was like that. Saying that fucking sucks is an understatement.”

“So now I avoid him. He still tries to contact me. Mom wants us to make up but that isn’t going to happen. As far as I’m concerned I don’t have a brother anymore. The shitty thing that comes from it is people hear that I’m his sister and of course they think I’m as slimy as him, or sometimes guys want to date me because they worship the ground Senator Wallace walks on.” Octavia crossed her arms in front of her chest. “They are so disappointed that I won’t make the introductions.”

“If I had a brother I would have disowned him too if he pulled that kind of thing on me.” Lexa frowned and tapped her fingers onto the table. “I knew he was a jerk but he is a far bigger jerk than I thought.”

“Yeah, like I said before I’m glad Clarke got away from him. She was too good for him. I’m glad that you two are together. You both deserve someone nice.”

The corners of Lexa’s mouth moved up into a small smile. “Thanks Octavia, I appreciate that.”

Octavia looked over her shoulder and saw that she had a newly seated couple in her section. “Time to get back to work.” She turned around and faced Lexa. “I’m glad your parents are not considering having Senator Wallace’s event here. I don’t think it would be a good thing,” Octavia said sincerely.

“I agree. The Senator and Bellamy Blake are the last people I would want to cook for or see walk through those doors.” _I’ve had enough of Bellamy Blake treating me like shit to last a life time. It would be too tempted to slip something into his food to give them diarrhea as a payback_. Lexa shook her head at the though. _Oh Lexa he is so not worth your time_.

Octavia called over her shoulder as she walked away. “Talk to you later Lexa. Tell Clarke I said hi.”

“I will,” Lexa said, looking up at the clock on the wall. _I wonder if Clarke is awake yet_. Knowing she had a few minutes before the next order came she went to go see if she had a message from Clarke. There wasn’t a text message for her, but she did have a voicemail. That wasn’t from Clarke either. She didn’t recognize the number. She looked up as Octavia entered an order in. _Clarke is probably still sleeping._ Lexa laughed to herself. _We expended a lot of energy last night but it was so wonderful_. Deciding to listen to the voicemail quickly she put her pin in and waited for the message to play.


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> starts out fluffy...

“You had sex last night.”

The rim of the glass that Clarke was holding barely reached her lips as she paused and set the glass down. “Excuse me?”

“You…Lexa. Screamed out each other’s name last night.” Raven grinned.

Clarke’s face reddened. “How do you know that?”

Dark eyebrows rose over equally dark eyes. “Come on, you have to ask? It’s been awhile but I do know what happy Clarke looks like” Raven pointed her fork at Clarke. “It’s written all over your face.”

Clarke’s nose wrinkled as she looked at her friend. “You are so weird.”

Raven hopped in excitement in her seat. “Maybe I am, but I also happen to be right. So how was it?”

Clarke glanced over at the nearest table in the restaurant where they were having lunch. The couple there were engrossed in their cell phones and not paying attention to them or each other apparently. “You don’t really expect me to tell you that do you?”

With a laugh Raven leaned back in her chair and brought her own glass of water up to her lips and took a drink. She glanced up at Clarke and shrugged one shoulder as she put the glass back down on the table. “A girl can hope.” She picked up her knife and fork and began cut up her chicken. “I do know one thing,” Raven said before putting a piece of chicken in her mouth and chewed while waiting for Clarke’s response.

Clarke swallowed her sip of water. “Oh and what do you think you know?”

Raven set the knife and fork down on the table. “I know you didn’t make the first move.”

“What makes you so sure?” Clarke raised a single eyebrow in challenge and even though she knew the answer she wanted to see what Raven would say.

“Because I know you and for every step of your relationship with Lexa you let her make the first move.”

“Well that is not exactly true. I did tell Lexa I loved her first.”

Raven slapped her hand down on the table. “You didn’t? Wow, I’m so proud of you. And Lexa, she loves you too?”

Clarke gave her friend a big toothy smile. “Yes, she does.”

“Well you certainly had an eventful night.” Raven looked Clarke up and down. She could tell her friend was extremely happy. “I’m so jealous I think I kind of hate you right now.” She reached out and grasped Clarke’s hand. “Seriously though I am very happy for you.”

“Thanks Raven I do appreciate that and I’m also grateful for the little nudges you gave us to get together when it was so obvious we had feelings for each other.”

“Uh-huh. Just not grateful enough to tell me how hot it was.”

“You see this face?” Clarke’s fork pointed back towards herself. “This smile that won’t leave. That is how hot it was and that is all I’m going to say about it.”

Raven contemplated the big ass grin that Clarke was showing her. “Yeah, I’m really jealous.”

 

Clarke sat in the Durant Clinic’s waiting room waiting for her interview. After her nap that morning she spent some time filling out applications online for nursing positions from the list her mom gave her. While at lunch with Raven she got a phone call to come in and interview that afternoon. She had rushed home to put on clothing more appropriate for an interview. Faded jean shorts and flip-flops would not do.

The clinic was owned by a friend and former mentor of her mothers and was the reason that she was getting interviewed so quickly. Sometimes it was about who you know. She also knew that while her mom had a hand in the interview the rest was up to her.

Clarke had sent Lexa a text before walking into the clinic. It was getting to the end of the lunch rush so she didn’t expect Lexa to be able to text her back right away. In a few more hours she would get to see her girlfriend. She missed Lexa and she was looking forward to spending a few hours together and have a quick dinner before Clarke needed to lay down for a nap before going into work _. Hopefully soon I can spend all my evening and nights with Lexa._

“Clarke.”

Clarke stood up as he name was called and walked towards the nurse that stood in the doorway between the waiting rooms and the exam rooms in the back.

“I’ll take you back on back to Dr. Hill’s office.”

“Thank you,” Clarke said, following the nurse down the hallway passed the exam rooms to the offices in the back.

The nurse knocked on an open door and stepped in. “Here is the next applicant for the RN position.”

“Thanks Dana.”

As Dana left the office Dr. Hill rose out of her chair and reached out to shake Clarke’s hand. “Hello, it’s nice to finally meet you. Over the years Abby has told me much about you. ”

“It’s nice to finally meet you too and thank you for making the time to meet me.” Clarke smiled at the older doctor, who was maybe twenty years older than her mother. Dr. Hill was a tall woman, about six foot five with short grey hair and sparkling blue eyes.

“Please have a seat.” Dr. Hill said, lowering herself back down to her chair. She picked up a few sheets of paper that were sitting on her desk. “It was good to hear from your mother. It’s been a little while since we have talked. I was sorry to hear about your father’s accident but I’m glad that he is doing much better.”

Clarke smiled at Dr. Hill and nodded her agreement. “Yes. He is healing very well. He should be able to come home in another week.”

“Your mom mentioned that.” Dr. Hill smiled and then looked down at the papers she had in her hand. “How about we get started and if there is time I’ll tell you a few stories about your mother from medical school.”

“That sounds great.”

 

After Clarke pushed the button on the remote for the garage door she was relieved to see Lexa’s car parked in the garage and the smile on her face became bigger. She hadn’t heard from Lexa all afternoon. She knew her girlfriend had been at work and was often too busy to text but she would often send a message that she arrived at home if Clarke wasn’t there. Today Clarke was running late and wasn’t home the normal time that Lexa usually arrived. Clarke had expected to get a text message but when she didn’t get one she had assumed that Lexa had her own errands to run after work or forgot.

After putting her car in park Clarke picked up the assorted flower bouquet she picked up at the florist on her way home. The purple vase sat perfectly in her cup holder making it much easier to transport home. She felt one of the silky delicate pedals of one the three roses in the bouquet. _I hope she likes these._ Clarke pressed the button on the garage door opener and as she exited her car the garage door started closing. Walking into her house she expect to see or hear some signs of Lexa. Everything was quiet. “Lexa?” There was no answer.

Clarke felt her heart beat pick up as she set the vase down on the table along with her keys. Several thoughts that caused her worry raced through her mind _. I didn’t get a text from Lexa, her car is in the garage so she must be here._ Clarke walked into the kitchen _. It is her turn to cook but nothing has been made._ She walked slowly though the main level of the house and checked the bathroom and the bedrooms. She was hoping she would find Lexa asleep in bed but it was empty. Walking back towards the kitchen she opened the door down to the basement and listened. Clarke could see that a light was on down in the basement but there wasn’t any noise coming up from below. She made her way down the steps expecting to find Lexa asleep in her bed. Instead she found her sitting on the couch covered by a fluffy blue blanket.

Lexa had watched Clarke come down the stairs and she tried to put a smile on her face to greet her girlfriend. Failing miserably at that she tightened her grip on the tear stained tissue in her hand. “Hello Clarke.”

Clarke could see the watery eyes and reddened cheeks. She knew something wasn’t right. Quickly she stepped across the room and sat down next to Lexa. Reaching out she took a hold of Lexa’s hand. “Lexa baby, what happened?”

Lexa’s lips parted as she tried to breath. Her nose was stuffy from the crying that she had done. She met Clarke’s concerned blue eyes and then looked down onto the floor. “I got a phone call today,” her voice trembled, “followed by a visit from the police.”

Clarke tightened her grip on Lexa’s hand and moved closer. “What did the police want?” When Lexa didn’t respond Clarke gently reached up and turned Lexa’s face towards her so she could look at her face. “What happened honey?”

Lexa thought that she was done crying but with Clarke here with her and the prospect of explaining what happened today before her two single tears streaked down from Lexa’s right eye and her lips quivered. “It was about Costia.” Lexa closed her eyes as a few more tears fell down her face. It was all so hard to believe what the officer had told her. She still felt numb with shock. “She was in a car accident.”

“Is she hurt?” Clarke asked as she stroked Lexa’s face.

Lexa sucked in her lower lip into her mouth and nodded.

“Oh honey.” Clarke hand dropped form Lexa’s face onto Lexa’s leg. She took a deep breath and squeezed Lexa’s thigh. “How bad?”

Lexa shrugged. “The police were not sure about the extent of her injuries.”

“How did it happen and was anyone else hurt?”

Lexa took a deep breath and looked up at the ceiling. The whole situation made her feel like throwing up. Again she only nodded before turning to look back at Clarke. “She ran a red light and ended up t-boning another car. She killed a woman and her two year old son.”

Clarke felt her insides twist into a knot. “Oh Jesus,” she whispered. “I’m so sorry.” She wrapped an arm around Lexa’s shoulders. “Why didn’t you call me?”

“Because I knew you were busy this afternoon.” Lexa sniffed as she tried to breathe through her nose.

“I could have rescheduled everything.” Clarke kissed the side of Lexa’s head. “I would have wanted to be with you. This is a lot to deal with on your own.”

“Yes.” Lexa took a deep breath, hesitant to tell Clarke the rest because it didn’t seem quite real or possible to her but she wanted to be open and honest with her girlfriend and she needed Clarke now more than ever. “There is more.”

Clarke moved her thumb across the top of Lexa’s hand. “Was she drunk?” Clarke asked, thinking that was what Lexa was going to say.

“No.”

“Okay.” Clarke’s eyes narrowed. Lexa wasn’t looking at her and it worried her. “What else.”

Lexa looked everywhere but at Clarke. “They found a note…and a gun in her car.” Lexa risked a glance at Clarke whose thumb had stilled its movement across the top of her hand.

Clarke felt herself grow really warm and her heart felt like it was going to beat out of her chest. “A gun?”

Lexa pulled her hand away from Clarke’s and turned so she was almost facing her though she still didn’t look at her. “The police wouldn’t show me the note,” she said, her voice low and flat, “but they did tell me that it was addressed to me.” She ran her hand quickly through her hair and with a shake of her head she finally looked at Clarke. “They looked at her phone and found my number which is how they got in contact with me.”

Clarke reached out slowly and placed a hand on one of Lexa’s. Lexa had been picking at the nail of her pinky finger in nervousness or anxiety. She wanted to offer some comfort and felt a little better when Lexa returned the squeeze of her fingers on her hand. She waited for Lexa to continue.

“An officer came to the restaurant and asked me some questions. How long did I know Costia, the nature of our relationship, if she had a history of mental illness…those kinds of things. I let them know that there was a protective order in place and why.” Lexa looked down and notice her hands shaking slightly and she tried to keep them doing so but she still felt shocked at the events of the last few hours. Since sitting there waiting for Clarke her mind was racing. She went from shock, to denial, to anger and then to sadness. Only to repeat the emotions again and again. Now she felt mostly numb and worried about how Clarke would react. “Based on the location of her vehicle and the contents of the note they think that she was on her way to the restaurant.” She glanced up at Clarke who sat there listening, her forehead creased with concern. “They can’t know for sure but they don’t think she planned on k…killing me.” Lexa took a deep breath. She closed her eyes and felt tears leak from her eyes and move down her face, only to be brushed away by Clarke’s soft fingertips. She leaned into her girlfriend’s touch.

“You don’t have to tell me anymore,” Clarke said, wanting to spare Lexa any more pain.

“I’m…okay isn’t the right word but…I want to continue.”

Clarke nodded as she reached out and moved a strand of hair out of Lexa’s face that had come free from her pony tail.

“So that is not what they think based on the note, but like I said they couldn’t say for sure. Sometimes things can go from bad to worse.”

“Yes, sometimes that is true,” Clarke agreed, feeling the beginnings of a headache starting.

“They do feel that her intentions were to come to the restaurant and confront me based on what was in the note. To let me know in what ways I have ruined her life,” Lexa held up her hand because she knew Clarke was going to say something. “I know I didn’t but apparently she does blame me for that. Apparently she planned on ruining mine by killing herself in front of me as some grand fuck you.”

Clarke let out a long slow breath and leaned back into the couch. She gently guided Lexa with her and held her close, trying to keep her touch light though she wanted to hold her tight, protecting her, never letting her go because the thought of anything happening to Lexa… if Costia had decided to do something like take Lexa with her, Clarke shuddered at the thought at what Lexa’s death would bring. Total and compete devastation.

Lexa leaned her head against Clarke’s shoulder, her body went limp in Clarke’s arms. “I don’t know if she is alive or dead. I can’t believe this has happened. I’m trying to make sense of this.”

“I know that you are but sometimes these things don’t make sense.”

“I want to though. I want to know if she was drunk. I want to go to the hospital and demand an explanation for what the fuck she thought she was doing.” Lexa sat up, her hands balled up into fists as she brought them down, hitting the couch in frustration. “Two people died today.” _Because of me_. She leaned forward with her elbows on her knees, hands rubbing her temples. _No, not because of me. Because of her and not being able to let go._ She let out a sigh as she felt Clarke rubbing her back.

“I know you want to try and make sense of this. What happened to that woman and that kid is awful. I’m so sorry that happened. There is nothing I can say about that to make it better. Trying to figure this out and make sense of it,” Clarke shook her head as she sat up on the edge of the couch, taking one of Lexa’s hands and looking into sad green eyes, “isn’t going to make this any better. I hope you don’t think that any of this is your fault. It’s not. Any kind of explanation that you are trying to come up with begins and ends with Costia.” Clarke’s voice was soft and calm, a feat that surprised her since she was anything but calm. “I don’t mean to overwhelm you,” Clarke squeezed Lexa’s hand hoping that Lexa didn’t feel overwhelmed. “Costia is responsible for all of this. She drank, she cheated and she wouldn’t leave you alone. You had to get a protective order against her, which she was going to violate. She bought a fucking gun Lexa. She was coming to see you.” Clarke let out something that sounded similar to a low growl as she thought about what could have happened. _Okay, maybe I’m not so calm_. “I’m glad that she didn’t make it to the restaurant. I’m glad that she wasn’t able to get to you. I’m so sad, tore up like you that she killed those people when she ran the red light and I hope that she survives. Not because I’m happy she would be alive or because I think she deserves to be alive but rather I want her to live with what she has done. Preferably in a small prison cell far away.”

Lexa remained sitting, slumped over her legs as she listened to Clarke’s words. “Yes. If she survives she will have to live with what she has done.” Lexa sat there with her eyes closed. “So will the family of those people that she killed and so will I. I know it wasn’t my fault but-”

“No. Don’t even finish that.” Clarke put an arm around Lexa’s shoulders. “You’re not alone in this Lexa. I will always be here for you and I wish there was something I could do to take your pain away.”

A ghost of a smile passed over Lexa’s face. “I know Clarke. I wasn’t going to blame myself…not really anyway. I _know_ this is all on Costia. I know _I’m_ not responsible. Costia made certain choices. I still feel like shit about it.”

Clarke rested her head against Lexa’s as she squeezed her shoulder. “Me too. This whole thing sucks but I’m glad she didn’t get anywhere near you. If anything happened to you…god…I don’t even want to think about that.”

“I don’t want to think about that either. I just feel-“ Lexa jumped as her phone rang. She leaned over the arm of the couch to grab her cell phone. “It’s my mom. I kind of left in a rush so they really don’t know what is going on.”

“I’ll stay right here with you if you want while you fill her in.”

Lexa nodded and moved back within the reach of Clarke’s arms as she swiped her phone to answer the call. “Mom.”


	34. Chapter 34

 

Clarke tried as quietly and as gracefully as she could to slide off of the couch. What she managed to do was to fall, not so gently, face down onto the carpeted floor. She cursed quietly and looked up to make sure that Lexa was still asleep. She let out a soft sigh as she looked at her still sleeping girlfriend. The event of the day and the conversation that Lexa had with her mom had caught up with her and she had finally fallen asleep with her head pressed against Clarke’s shoulder.

Clarke had remained awake, her arms wrapped around the woman that she loved. A woman who typically was strong but right now, with everything that had happened to her was in a fragile state. Clarke had held Lexa to her thinking about what she could do to help her, knowing nothing that she could say would fix this.

Clarke slowly got to her feet and reached for the fleece blanket that was folded on the back of the couch. She gently covered Lexa with it and with soft steps she made her way upstairs. Opening the sliding glass doors she went out onto the patio and sat down on one of the cushioned chairs. Taking a deep breath she closed her eyes and leaned back. _Well fuck. This evening certainly didn’t go as I had hoped._ Clarke’s head shook at the thought. _I’m sure this day didn’t go as planned for Lexa either. My poor baby. This is definitely some fucked up shit_.

Pulling out her cell phone Clarke scrolled through the names of her contacts till she got to who she wanted to call. The call was picked up on the third ring. “Hey Raven, do you have a few minutes to talk?”

“For you I have more than a few minutes. What’s up?”

“I don’t know where to begin.” Clarke’s head shook as she thought of how to start.

Raven heard what sounded like a sob over the phone and immediately she was paying more attention. “Clarke, what is it? “ _Did they break up? She just told me everything was wonderful what the hell?_

“Lexa is a mess…I’m…I am too. I don’t know how to fix this Raven.”

“Well first tell me what is going on and maybe I can help.”

 _Get a grip Griffin_. Clarke took a deep breath as she tried to clear her mind. “Lexa’s ex, Costia has been giving her a bunch of shit since they broke up, and was on her way over to the restaurant today to see Lexa. She ran a red light and cause and accident that killed two people.”

“Oh god Clarke, that is awful.”

Clarke bit her lip as she bowed her head. “She had a fucking gun Raven…and I…I guess she planned on using it on herself in front of Lexa or who knows…”Clarke’s free hand tightened into a fist. “Or do some murder suicide type thing. She had a note. It blames Lexa for ruining her life.”

 _Damn that is rough_. “That is such bullshit and you know that Clarke.” Raven felt herself flush with anger over the senseless violence. “That is so messed up. So what happened to Costia? Did she get arrested?”

“She was hurt pretty bad in the accident and they took her to the hospital. We haven’t heard anything more about her condition.” Clarke relaxed her hand and could see where her nails had bit into the palm of her hand. “She blames herself for this,” she said softly, feeling the hopelessness of knowing that she couldn’t do anything right at the moment to take away the pain she knew her girlfriend was feeling.

“Who, Lexa?”

“Yes,” Clarke said with a sigh. “And no…god…she knows in her head that she isn’t to blame but her heart is saying something else. She is hurting a lot because two people died, one was only two fucking years old.”

 _That poor family. What they all must be going through_. “Do you want me to come over? I can be there in fifteen.” Raven started towards her front door, ready to leave right away if Clarke needed her to.

“No, I appreciate the offer but Lexa’s really not up for some company right now. She had talked to her mom earlier and she wanted to come over as well and Lexa told her no.”

“Well, okay…but what about you? What do you need?”

Clarke barked out a laugh “For Costia not to have done this and for Lexa to not feel like shit. She has had to deal with so much and in a short period of time.”

“So have you.” Raven said, reminding Clarke that things haven’t been a bed of roses for her either. “You have been there for her through all of this with Costia, as well as dealing with your father’s accident. You both have been through a lot.”

“Yes, yes we have and she was there for me when that happened.” Clarke brought her legs up onto the chair and with one arm pulled them closer to her chest. “I just hope we can get through this.”

“I’m sure you can.” Raven frowned, not liking Clarke’s tone of voice. Clarke had always been up to any challenge and was a fighter but right now her friend sounded so defeated. “Are you seriously worried that you won’t?”

 _Am I?_ “Things were going so well but what if this happening was too much?”

“For her or you?”

“For Lexa.” Clarke wiped a stray tear off her face. _Great, just great_. “Raven, I’m in this relationship no matter what. Up till she says she doesn’t want me anymore I’m here for her.” _That would kill me if she ever wanted that._

“Clarke, I don’t think you have anything to worry about. I honestly believe that. You love her and she loves you and I knew that you two loved each other even before you even said anything to each other. You are both strong women and you can get through anything. You’re both going through the shock of the situation right now and it’s a lot to take, but you will get through this. Maybe not right away but you will. In the meantime don’t let that Costia’s shit get you down. You are a fucking bad ass and you can do this”

Clarke chuckled despite the ache she still felt in her heart. “Okay, I will.”

 _She laughed a little. That is good_. “Well, that sounds a little better?”

“Yeah, a little. Thanks.” _Okay so what to do next?_

“You’re welcome, now I want you to keep me in the loop and if you two need anything I’m here for you, alright? By the way, not to change the subject, but how did your interview go?”

Clarke had almost forgot that she had good news to share. “I got the job.” She barely heard Raven offer her congratulations because Lexa, at that moment, opened the screen door and came out onto the patio. “Hey Raven, Lexa’s up so I’m going to let you go. Thanks for chatting with me.”

“Hi Raven,” Lexa called out, loud enough for Raven to hear on the other end of the line. Her hand brushing Clarke’s knee and with gentle pressure urging Clarke’s legs down so she could sit down on Clarke’s lap.

“Tell her I said hello, and I’m here for the both of you. Take care of your girl, Clarke. Goodnight.”

“I will. Bye Raven.” Clarke hung up the phone, letting it drop onto and table before wrapping both arms around Lexa who was now sitting sideways on her lap. “I’m surprised you’re up.” The fingers of one hand moved gently along Lexa’s side. “But I’m happy you are.”

“I woke up and you were gone.” Lexa yawned, snuggling closer into Clarke’s body. “Did I hear that correctly, you got the job?”

Clarke’s smile lit up her face. “I did.”

“That is awesome baby. I’m so proud of you.” Leaning forward she placed a small kiss on Clarke’s temple. “I knew you would wow them.” She leaned her forehead against Clarke’s. “I’m sorry that your good day was ruined by my shitty one.”

“It has not been ruined, not at all. You are here and I am here. The only way that this day would be ruined…” _Tough it out Clarke. Don’t become a blubbering mess_. “The only way my day would be ruined… my life would be ruined…is if she had made it to the restaurant and took you from me.”

“I would have done everything in my power to make sure that didn’t happen.” Lexa leaned back so she could see Clarke’s face and her heart broke at the look of sadness on Clarke’s. “I mean it.”

Clarke nodded, trusting in the words and the conviction she felt from Lexa as she tried to keep her mind on the fact that Lexa was indeed here, with her and at least physically okay. “How are you doing, really?”

Lexa took a deep breath and let it out in a rush. “It’s been a really bad day, but not as bad as it is for the family that Costia killed. I’m still in shock I guess. I just feel awful.” Briefly in the back of her mind she wondered how Costia was doing, and if she even knew what she had done to not only destroy her own life, but the lives of the loved ones that she killed. “After everything that happened it would be so easy to say fuck it and not look back, but we were close once and I loved her once.” She looked passed Clarke and was quiet for several seconds as her eyes remained unfocused on the trees past the yard.

Clarke wanted to turn her head and see what had caught Lexa’s attention. She wanted to tell her that of course this was difficult and scary but that they would get through this together. That no matter what happened she would always be by Lexa’s side. She kept quiet though because it looked like Lexa was trying to figure something out in her mind and she didn’t want to interrupt her thoughts. She was content to hold this beautiful soul who had her heart.

After several more seconds green eyes slowly moved back to look at Clarke. “Once. Now I think I’m past the disbelief stage. The whole how can this be happening part and now I’m just really pissed off. Pissed off that she just couldn’t drop it. Pissed that she treated me like crap and then when I left she pulls this kind of thing. Then I kept giving her the benefit of the doubt.” Lexa angrily shook her head. “I’m done with it. With her and this whole thing. I don’t know what else I need to do to take care of this situation but I will call the detective in the morning to find out if there is anything more he needs from me and then I’m out.”

Clarke continued the motions of her hand on Lexa’s lower back. “Whatever you want to do you know that I’m here for you right? I’m always here for you no matter what.”

“I know that.” Lexa brought their foreheads together once again. She knew that no matter how angry she was at the moment, even with her announcement that she was done, it wasn’t going to be that easy to not feel this. The sadness, anger and emptiness that still lingered, but she was grateful to have Clarke there with her. “You are the reason I’m handling this so well.”

“No, Lexa,” Clarke disagreed. “You are one of the strongest persons I know and you would have gotten through this.” She tightened her arms around Lexa’s waist to emphasize her point. “But the thing is you don’t have to this alone. You have me, your parents and our friends. We all love you and have your back.”

“So my crazy life hasn’t scared you away?” Lexa asked, trying to feign lightness in her voice to hide how worried she actually felt. She didn’t want yet another Costia thing to come between them.

“No.” Clarke tilted her head back so she could see Lexa’s face. “Are you concerned that I would be?” _Are we both worried that this has all been too much?_

Lexa gave Clarke a small nod. Not trusting her voice to not break if she spoke.

“I was just talking to Raven about the exact same thing,” Clarke admitted. “I was afraid that with everything we had to go through that you would be scared away. That it would be too much stress.”

“Really?” Lexa shook her head. “It’s not.”

Clarke breathed and internal sigh of relief. “It’s not for me either.” Clarke picked up Lexa’s hand and placed it flat on her chest. Right over her heart. “This is yours. It beats for you, and as long as the blood flows through my veins it always will be yours. I love you Lexa, and I’m not going anywhere.”

“And I love you.” Lexa placed several kisses along Clarke’s face, ending on her lips. She pulled her into a tight hug then laughing she leaned back. “Are your legs asleep yet?”

“No,” Clarke said. She wasn’t able to keep the happy smile off her face. “I rather like where you are.”

“Me too,” Lexa said, smiling back. “But right now I think I should move. My stomach isn’t happy that we missed dinner.”

“Well then, we should take care of that.” Clarke waited for Lexa to slide off her lap and then accepted Lexa’s outstretched hand as they walked back into the house. Another crisis met, together.


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long to update. Working on updating all my stories. Thanks for reading, doing kudos and commenting. I appreciate it.

Clarke stood in front of the open refrigerator. Reaching inside she pulled out a plastic container and opened the lid. “We have some leftover chicken and rice. Do you want to have that for dinner?”

“Yes, that would be great.” Lexa was walking towards Clarke but stopped as she heard her phone ring. “Okay, where did I put it?” She turned around and walked back into the living room. Finding her phone on the couch she picked it up to see who was calling. She didn’t recognize the number as she swiped the screen to answer. “Hello.”

“Hello, is this Lexa Green?” A female voice asked.

“Yes.” Lexa looked at Clarke who stood just outside of the kitchen. Frowning she started walking closer to her.

“I’m Nurse Warner at the hospital. I have you listed as an emergency contact for a Costia-”

“Oh, I’m sorry to interrupt you, but I need to be taken off as her emergency contact.”

“I have you listed as her girlfriend-“

“We are not together anymore and I also have a no contact order against her. You will need to call her cousin Nadine. She is listed as another contact.” There was a pause on the other end of the phone as her fingers became intertwined with Clarke’s. Lexa gave her girlfriend a brief smile.

“Oh…okay then. We have that number and we will try that. Sorry for bothering you.”

“Sorry I can’t help you. Bye.” Lexa said quietly, ending the call and put her phone down on an end table. She had a short-lived thought about asking how Costia was doing but minutes ago she had said she didn’t want anything more to do with her.

Clarke moved her thumb back and forth on the back of Lexa’s hand. “I take it that was the hospital?”

“Yeah. I was still listed as Costia’s emergency contact. Which reminds me. I will have to take her name off of mine as well.”

“Did she say how Costia was doing?” Clarke saw Lexa shake her head. “You’re not a little curious how she is doing?” Clarke asked gently.

Lexa sighed, shaking her head and shrugging one shoulder. “A little bit,” she admitted. “I can’t completely turn off my feelings. I’m so angry with her and her choices, but that doesn’t mean that I want her to die. All I ever wanted for her was to get help. But this is all too much. The accident, that mother and son dying and Costia having a gun. I just can’t anymore. I want all of this drama to be over with.”

“I understand Lexa.” Clarke pulled her girlfriend closer into a hug. “I’m here for you. As much as you want me to be. I think it would be better for you to try and distance yourself from all of this. As much as you can that is. If Costia survives I’m sure you will eventually have to go to court and testify.”

Lexa sighed and stepped back from Clarke. She captured Clarke’s hands in her own. “If it comes to that will you go to court with me?”

Clarke gave Lexa’s hands a squeeze. “Absolutely. If you want me there I will be there.”

“I want you there,” Lexa said with a grateful smile.

“Then that is where I will be, okay?”

“Okay,” Lexa said, kissing Clarke on the cheek. “How about we go make that dinner.” Lexa followed Clarke into the kitchen but her mind wasn’t on dinner. What she said was true, she didn’t want Costia to die but she hoped that if her ex did survive that she would plead guilty to whatever charges were brought against her. She didn’t want to have to see Costia again.

 

Dinner didn’t take long to prepare. Clarke heated the chicken and rice in the microwave while Lexa put together a salad. Within minutes they were sitting at the dining room table. Each one lost in their own thoughts over the latest challenges that they both faced.

“Are you going to work tomorrow?” Clarke asked. Lexa had taken a bite of her salad otherwise Clarke noticed that she mainly picked at her dinner

Lexa waited till she finished swallowing before responding. “Yes. My parents need me and I want things to feel normal.” She sighed as her phone rang. “I’m going to let it go to voicemail. I will call whoever it is back later.”

“Don’t feel like dealing with whoever is calling you right now?”

“Yes,” Lexa said, smiling self-consciously. “I don’t know what tomorrow will bring but for right now I just want to spend time with you and say fuck it to everything else. Tomorrow will come soon enough and I will deal with whatever comes.”

“I think that is a good idea.” Clarke grinned. “Not just because you want to spend time with me,” she laughed, “but you have been through something really stressful and I would hate to see you get overwhelmed by it.”

“I’m trying not to. There is so much about this situation that I can’t control. The only thing I can do is try and control my response to it. That is why I am going to work and I’m trying not to let what is going on with Costia bother me too much.”

Clarke reached out and took Lexa’s hand. “I don’t know what is going to happen to Costia. I can’t really see anything good for her right now. I just know that you’re not responsible for any of this. She made her own decisions. Her actions are hers and hers alone. Whatever happens we will deal with this together.”

Lexa smiled and squeezed the hand that held her own. “Together.”

Clarke breathing in a slow shaky breath as she returned Lexa’s smile. Lexa had an amazing smile that always seemed to make Clarke’s heart flutter. “So what would you like to do after dinner?”

“Can we sit on the couch and watch some TV? Nothing too serious, maybe watch a movie and cuddle?”

“Sounds like an excellent idea to me.”

 

Clarke’s back was pressed against the arm rest of the couch as she held Lexa close to her. Lexa laid in between her legs, her back resting against Clarke’s chest. It didn’t take long into the second movie when Lexa had turned onto her side where she fell asleep. Her head on Clarke’s chest. Clarke’s arms were wrapped securely around the woman that she adored and was worried about. Lexa had been through a lot with Costia, even before she and Lexa had reunited.

Clarke laid her cheek against the top of Lexa’s head. She wasn’t interested in the rest of the movie as she thought about how relationships began and ended. The relationships that she had before were good. She cared about everyone that she had been with to different degrees, even loved. She knew that she had never loved another person the way that she loved Lexa. Those feelings had been there since high school when she didn’t know exactly what she was feeling for the brunette. _Lexa is the first woman that I’ve loved and I hope she is the last._ Clarke kissed the top of Lexa’s head. _I can’t believe she is with me now. Funny how things turn out._

The second movie ended and while she enjoyed having Lexa in her arms she really needed to change positions. The arm rest was starting to feel uncomfortable against her back. Clarke began stroking Lexa’s hair. “Lexa, honey. I need to get up,” Clarke said softly. She laughed as Lexa mumbled something she couldn’t quite make out and turned her face more fully into her breasts. “I know I’m comfy to lay on but I really need to get up.”

Lexa yawned as she slowly sat up. “Sorry I used you as a pillow.”

“That’s okay. I rather enjoyed it,” Clarke said as she moved her leg around Lexa so she could sit up on the edge of the couch. “Feel free to use me as a pillow anytime.”

“You may regret saying that.” Lexa picked up her phone. She had turned the ringer off earlier. She had four missed calls and three voicemails. Scrolling through the calls she didn’t recognize three of the numbers. The one she recognized was her parents. She punched in her code to listen to her voicemail. “Mom and Dad called,” Lexa looked at the clock, “it’s too late to call them back.”

Clarke stood and stretched before deciding to go get a drink of water. On her way to the kitchen she brushed her hand along Lexa’s arm as she passed but stopped. Lexa was frowning. “What is it?”

Lexa held up her index finger as she waited for the message to end then tossed her phone onto the couch. “I had three messages. One is from the detective in charge of Costia’s case. He would like to ask me some more questions. The next one was from The Journal wanting to interview me and the third was my parents saying that The Journal and Advocate News called them wanting to talk to me and get a quote from them about Costia and my involvement.”

“Did your parents give them one?”

“No,” Lexa replied, running her fingers through her hair. “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that reporters are calling.”

Clarke reached for Lexa’s hand. “Costia killing two people in an accident and in possession of a gun to go confront her ex. Unfortunately it’s a big story for the town. “

Lexa nodded and lightly squeezed Clarke’s hand. “I just hope that the publicity doesn’t hurt my parent’s restaurant and I don’t want them to be harassed over this.” She closed her eyes and before opening them again she exhaled in frustration. “This situation has nothing to do with them. None of it is their fault.”

“It’s not yours either.” Clarke said gently. She would remind Lexa as many times as necessary that the blame rested on only one person’s shoulders. “Costia did this. She made these choices all on her own.”

“Yes Clarke, she did, but you know how people can be sometimes. Always looking for others to blame.”

“Like Costia who blames you for ruining her life. Nobody made her cheat, nobody forced her to drink let alone have a gun and drive recklessly. If her life is ruined she is the only one who did that.”

“I know.” Lexa shrugged. “I also know that I can’t control what people think and believe. I just don’t want this to hurt my parents or anyone else that I care about.”

“You are one of the sweetest, caring and amazing women that I know. You are also one of the strongest. Whatever happens with this we have your back. I have it, our family and friends have it. We are here for you.”

Lexa lips formed a little smirk. “You have told me that before.”

“It’s worth repeating because you are.” Clarke gave Lexa’s hand a little shake. “I also love you very much. Whatever happens we have this.”

“I love you too Clarke. Thank you.” Lexa reached up with her free hand and cupped Clarke’s face. “Thank you for being here for me and everything you have done.”

“Always.” Clarke smiled, reaching she took the hand that rested against the side of her face, she then placed a kiss on Lexa’s knuckles. “You were there for me after my father’s accident. We are supportive of each other and that is how it should be.”

Lexa returned Clarke’s smile and then yawned. “I think I should try and get some more sleep. I don’t know if I can but I think I should try. I can deal with all of this tomorrow. ”

Clarke sighed nervously as she brushed her thumbs against Lexa’s hand. “Do you want to stay with me or go sleep in your own bed? It’s totally up to you.”

“I would really like to stay up here with you, if you don’t mind. I like having you close by.”

“I like having you close by too,” Clarke said, letting go of one of Lexa’s hands she led them towards her bedroom. Turning the light on she let go off Lexa’s other hand and walked over to her dresser. “I have some pajamas that you can wear. Unless you prefer to sleep naked?” Clarke looked over her shoulder at Lexa and smiled as she waited for Lexa’s answer.

Lexa smile and slightly shook her head. “Pajamas are fine.” Lexa walked over to Clarke and took the green and black plaid pajamas that Clarke held out for her. She went back over to the bed and began undressing. She could hear Clarke doing the same behind her. When she was finished putting the pajamas on she turned around and looked at Clarke who looked amazing in a pair of silky pajamas. The same color as the blonde’s eyes.

“You look good in my pajamas.” Clarke’s gaze traveled up and down Lexa’s body.

Lexa ran her hands down the front of the pajama top. “They are nice and soft.”

“Yes they are.” Clarke picked up her discarded clothes and put them in the laundry basket. “I’m going to go and make sure the doors are locked and all the lights are off. Is there anything you need while I’m out there?”

Lexa shook her head. “I’m going to use the restroom and I will be good ready for bed after that.”

“Okay.”

They walked out of the bedroom together. Clarke continued walking down the hall. She checked and made sure all the doors were securely locked then readied the coffee pot for in the morning. Grabbing both her and Lexa’s cell phones she stopped at the bathroom. When she was finished she walked into the bedroom to see Lexa already under the covers, looking up at her. “Ready for the light to be out?”

“Yes.”

Clarke turned the light out and then went around the bed to get in the other side. She slide closer to Lexa and rested her hand on the other woman’s belly. She felt Lexa touch her arm and then her hand sliding all the way up her arm to the back of her neck. Clarke was pulled carefully down till her lips met Lexa’s searching ones. The kiss was soft and gentle. In no way passionate but still loving.

“Good night Clarke,” Lexa said softly, her fingers gently stroking through Clarke’s hair. She could taste and smell the mint of Clarke’s toothpaste.

“I hope you sleep well baby. I love you.”

“I love you too.” Lexa put her hand over Clarke’s where it rested on her belly. “Will you cuddle with me? At least until I fall asleep.”

“Yes.” Clarke moved closer to Lexa as the other woman moved to lay on her side, facing away from Clarke. Clarke pressed her chest against Lexa’s back and wrapped her arm around Lexa’s middle, holding her close. “I will all night if you need me to.”

Clarke could feel Lexa’s body relax and after a few minutes she could hear the change in Lexa’s breathing. _Everything is going to be fine Lexa. I will do my best to make sure of it._ Clarke place a kiss on the back of Lexa’s neck. Relishing in the closeness and with the exhaustion of the day finally catching up to her Clarke joined Lexa in sleep.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> What do you think?


End file.
